A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi, I'm 16 almost 17 and ive been with my boyfriend for 8 months but recently discovered one of the boys I know in my street as we are all very close because we live in like a culdesac sort of thing closed off. I noticed he looks at me when everybody isn't looking. He's 23 which I personally don't think 7 years between us is that bad but I talk to him on MSN and in person all the time and I finally piked up the courage to tell him I like him, he said good, I like you too, what do you want to do about it but I'm not sure. I love my boyfriend but find myself falling for this other boy I know more and more every day, he has a girlfriend too but he says to me none of them has to know! What am I to do, I really really love my boyfriend but I'm falling for our friend who is 23 not forgetting im nearly 17!HELP!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Namatjira +, writes (9 February 2008):
It sounds like you know it is wrong but you are still attracted. This is not a good combination and I would suggest you need to really consider what is more important. This new attraction, or your boyfriend. Because I can assure you that it is nearly always impossible to have both without hurting those you don't want to hurt.
If you want him more than your boyfriend you own your boyfriend the respect to break up first. On the other hand if you want to keep your boyfriend you must put some distance between you and this 23 yo and basically tell him it won't work and can he leave you alone. If he continues to chase you then you may need to get tougher with him but always keep in mind who you want most because it is very very very unlikely that you could have both without a lot of pain resulting.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionbecause he is older and more mature than i am i think!
im to afraid to talk to him about breaking up with his gf and what would he do if they ever found out.
i do NOT want to break with my bf he is the best thing tht is ever happened to me im only 16 nerly 17 but i cnt help my self this 23 yo i no if getting to me real bad i like him alot but i dont want to hurt of split with my bf what can i do?xx
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A
female
reader, jkobeska  +, writes (5 February 2008):
Haha, seriously if a 23 year old wants anything from you it isn't a relationship. You are prbably just a piece of meat for this sad guy. I bet he wouldn't want anyone to know, hah. Trust me girl stick to your age group, As sad as that crop seems it is better than 23 year old willing to date someone your age.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (5 February 2008):
 It is not wrong to like another person and it is best only you and him know about it. It takes two to Tango.
Having a b/f or g/f does not mean that you cannot get to know others. You want the best and you are looking for the best before you want to settle down with that person.
If you found a b/f or g/f and thinks he/she is the one, that is fine but if others think that their b/f or g/f is not the one , they have the right to look around.
After all , you never sign any contract and you are not bound by any rules.You make your own rules.
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A
female
reader, Lily Moll +, writes (5 February 2008):
I think what he means when he says "none of them has to know" is that he doesn't want anyone to know. If someone really likes you, they're proud of you, and they want to show you off and tell everyone! He probably finds you attractive and fun to be around, but he's not willing to give up his real relationship to give things an honest try with you. He just wants the benefits. And maybe you just want the benefits, too, and in that case, you two might both get something out of this arrangement. But unless you want to hurt your boyfriend who you love, you should break up with him first, even if the 23 yo doesn't care enough about his gf to break up with her.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (5 February 2008):
 It's called a clandestine relationship. It means all of his other relationships come first and you don't. What do YOU think of that?
Most of the women I know would say "Thanks, but no Thanks, Loser - Hasta la Vista".
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A
male
reader, Namatjira +, writes (5 February 2008):
His saying that none of them has to know means that he is only interested in one thing. He is clearly dishonest in his nature because he is quite willing to plan something that is dishonest and wants you to collude.
You need to put him straight. Tell him that if you do go together you will tell both your partners. If he agrees, then tell him that maybe you should both tell your partners first and only then consider it further.
I suspect he will back off, though he will no doubt continue to try and seduce you. Only you can control this by making it clear that you won't go behind anyone's back. If he still persists ask him how would he like it if you told his girlfriend what he is trying to do.
My own opinion for what it is worth is that he is a louse who is likes the idea of scoring with a young attractive girl and to hell with the consequences.
Protect yourself first and good luck
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