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... Send *amatjira a private message | | | *amatjira's profile:While I have attended counselling courses in the past I forgot most of it when I went through my own challenges. Somehow the theory seemed inadequate.
I have been married and divorced several times, have travelled a lot, while usually a positive upbeat personality I have also experienced depression first hand and I know what rejection and having your heart broken feels like.
Life goes on. I am now single, writing another book, learning another language, and keeping my eyes open for that magical princess who will capture my heart. And yes I do believe in love at first sight and fairy stories.
I am old enough to have learned a few lessons and young enough to make some more mistakes.
C'est la vie |
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My love has faded and I find myself annoyed with my bf. Why do I feel this way? How can I make it go away?
Q. I have a boyfriend of three years. A little bit more than that. I used to be basically obsessed with him because it took me a while to get serious with him because of other girls. He hasnt touched another girl for three years so that's all fine... ...
A. 26 February 2008: Hi,
Perhaps it is not that your love has faded but that it has just changed. Most people do not think of love as living thing. But if you stop to think about it we talk about love being kept alive, of needing feeding, and various other metaphor... (read in full...)
Does age really matter?
Q. I am 16 and for the last few months have been spending a lot of time with a neighbour and family friend. He's an amazing mentor and we read philosophy and poetry together. I've never been as close to anyone and he's my best friend. I know he feels ...
A. 22 February 2008: Hi,
I do understand what you are saying here, trust me I really do. But (why does there always have to be a but???) you are still very young. It is not so much the age difference as I do not thing that has to count for much, but the fact that you... (read in full...)
Is there any man out there that's decent and right for me?
Q. I have dated men for years to realize that they aren't right for me. I see their flaws and see past them and I "deal with it".. in hopes that it may be forever. I am a caucasion Italian female. I'm trying to figure out a pattern but then even wh...
A. 22 February 2008: Hello,
It seems to me that maybe when you are looking for a guy you are looking for someone to complete you in some way. Do not worry, that is the way it is for most people. What I would say though is that because you have had a few challeng... (read in full...)
So many troubles and pressures and I'm only 14!
Q. hi every one! I really need some help. I'm 14 and everything in my life seems to be going wrong and I'm scared if I get anything else to worry about or any more pressure I might do something stupid. Well let's start, my parents are splitting up...
A. 22 February 2008: Hi there,
You really do have a lot to deal with at once. I will try to give you some help but one of the most important things to remember is that if you can talk about your feelings and problems with someone then it somehow can become easier t... (read in full...)
I really need so big time help on this one guys.
Q. Ok well it all started when in met a girl on the net, and we have got to make it as fars as bf and gf as we as now seeing each other. Ok we are quite a distance from each other. She lives in West Yorkshire amd I live in the West Midlands. ...
A. 22 February 2008: This has clearly reached the stage where she needs legal advice and until she knows what her legal options are (with all the facts considered) then she will not be in a position to make a decision as to what she wants to do.
Seriously, this is ... (read in full...)
Do you think he sees us as serious too??
Q. I was with a man I like so much and he invited me over and hopefully we are going to be going out as boyfriend/girlfriend soon! We had a lot of fun and I am so into him as he is into me I know well.We talked alot and he mentioned how "nuts" it would ...
A. 22 February 2008: I think it is quite possible that he sees your relationship as continuing and developing further. What I would say though is that you are still in that early stage of euphoria and so I would encourage you to not make any major decisions yet. Just ... (read in full...)
My friend was sexually assaulted when drunk at a party, her boyfriend did not witness the incident and is incredulous. What should I do to help?
Q. I was speaking to my best friend the other day (we are VERY close, she is like my sister) and she told me that at a party she was at on saturday (which I was unble to attend due to a holiday) she was very drunk and some guy (who was also very drunk) ...
A. 21 February 2008: You should really encourage her to go to the police and even go with her to support her. This youth who committed this assault may graduate to more serious attacks later as he grows older so by your friend going to the police she is helping to ... (read in full...)
How to get birth controls?
Q. So, Sex? Its soo confusing, right? Well, sometimes I think Im ready but Im soo scared of the risks that come with it, especially pregnency, how would i get B-control? Any one have good suggestions...
A. 21 February 2008: You need to be aware that depending on the age of your boyfriend, he may be committing a crime by having sex with you and the law will not care if you agreed or not.
It is a big step, especially at your age. So please reconsider till the legal ag... (read in full...)
Am I boring? What things could I do when we stay in at night so he doesn't get bored?
Q. Hi, Just a quick history. I have been with my partner for nearly 3 years, and we are great together. We are open and honest with eachother and always talk to eachother if one of us is upset or angry with the other. Just recently he broug...
A. 21 February 2008: Hi,
First of all it is not your job to keep him amused. Who does he think he is? "Little Lord Fauntleroy"!
You clearly do have some things that are affecting your relationship and it sounds to me that you could each do with making some chan... (read in full...)
How can I stop them sending me abroad for school?
Q. Hi, i'm moving to high school next year, problem is my parent's want me to study in Europe but i don't want to! What should i do???...
A. 21 February 2008: At the end of the day you have very little choice in the matter but you can choose how to deal with it and how to discuss it with your parents.
In my work I am often asked to identify problems and as part of that I try to also identify a solution... (read in full...)
Does he campare me to his ex?
Q. Please help me! I was just wondering, does anyone know if guys compare their current girlfriends to their exes? My boyfriend swears that he only has eyes for me and that before he met me he couldn't imagine spending the rest of his life with anyone b...
A. 21 February 2008: Hi,
Your anguish comes through in your question and I would like to help if I can.
First of all dealing with the phone number. It is quite common to transfer numbers from one cell to another when changing numbers. Often the mobile provider ... (read in full...)
Part 2 - Why did they put their pictures on facebook?
Q. My ex and I split up a little while back. All throughout our year ling relationship, she desperately tried to get him back. Now, through photos on Facebook, it seems she has got her wish. Hundreds of photos of them doing stuff together, amoungst ...
A. 21 February 2008: The best way to p**s her off is to ignore it. If she has done all this just to annoy you and get you all wound up, then imagine how frustrated she will be if she gets no response at all. It will completely take the wind out of her sails and as he is ... (read in full...)
I miss him but don't know if I should call...
Q. Having a massive problem.. Im 18, but have always gone for older men. Been sleeping with a 29 year for a couple of weeks after chasing after him for 2 months, he'd take me out with his friends and we'd have a laugh together. I'm not naive enough to ...
A. 21 February 2008: Hi,
Do you have any pen friends? Are there other friends (male or female) that you would feel happy discussing your feelings and generally unloading on with no emotional baggage?
I ask this because that is what I think you need. This guy m... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's ex has created an online profile with photos of her and my bf. Am I wrong to be mad about this?
Q. ok i'll try to keep this short..i have been with my BF for 4 years..a freind of mine told me that there was something i might want to see on Facebook,, she lead me to my BF's...EX girlfiend's profile..Apparently little miss,, has created a photo ...
A. 21 February 2008: There are two ways you can really address this. One is to accept that they do have a shared history and that you cannot deny her her memories simply because your buy is no longer in her life but in yours. The other is to write to facebook as Fade871 ... (read in full...)
I'm attracted to the maturity of older women, is this normal?
Q. I wonderd about this and i think finally that i was right all along. I like older wemon, it's because i don't like the imature actions of a lot of the girls at my school and thus making me not like them. But older women i have been around even if ...
A. 21 February 2008: As you reach adulthood you will learn that in many cases age is just a number. When you are a teenager 3 or 4 years age difference can be enormous yet by the time you are in your 30's or later, even a 15 year age gap seems of little importance.
... (read in full...)
I am bi and my dad said he would disown his children in such case, so how can I tell them?
Q. My dad has always said he would disown his kids if he found out any of us were gay/les/bi. I don't have the best relationship with my dad but I do my mom but I am afrade to tell them that I am bi. I am 17. I have three brothers also that would judge ...
A. 21 February 2008: I cannot really give you advice on this other than to say, be true to yourself.
To misquote something "Let all that you say be true but you do not have to tell all the truth."
I do know someone on this forum who may be able to help from person... (read in full...)
It's stressing to lead my life keeping in mind what society is thinking and perceiving about me, but I can't help it!
Q. hey everyone here....i m a girl suffering from depression and anxiety disorders with a low self esteem....my problem is tht i'm too people conscious...all the time i'm analyzing every small action and every small word uttered by me n what people ...
A. 21 February 2008: Are you getting medical help for the depression and anxiety problems? If not then it is important that you do. Often our view of life and happiness can be negatively affected by untreated medical problems.
While I agree that you should live by ... (read in full...)
My love has faded and I find myself annoyed with my bf. Why do I feel this way? How can I make it go away?
Q. I have a boyfriend of three years. A little bit more than that. I used to be basically obsessed with him because it took me a while to get serious with him because of other girls. He hasnt touched another girl for three years so that's all fine... ...
A. 21 February 2008: Hi,
I guess you are finding out what many others have learned, that when you are young not all relationships are forever even though you want them to be.
Of course in some cases they are and in others not. You really need to assess the reaso... (read in full...)
How do I convince him that I really want a baby although I'm 16?
Q. ok so im 16. and i really love my boyfriend. we have been together about a year and a half now and im just ready to start my life with him already. everybody always tells me that i should wait to move in with him b/c i dont know what im getting ...
A. 21 February 2008: Hi,
You know in yourself (your question says it) that now is not the right time, you are too young for this to be a good idea right now. So I cannot support your wish to have a baby, but I can offer some suggestions that may help you manage t... (read in full...)
What makes you mistresses of this world think you're so special?
Q. I have been criticized on my backlashing women who sleep with married men,,,and that I dont attack the men....WRONG...the men are the scumbags in this whole ordeal... Now my question, if these men are scumbags, and these women say that the wife wil...
A. 21 February 2008: Hi,
I read your post with interest and agree with your perspective in many details. As I am a guy and have never had an affair with a married woman I don't really qualify to answer your question. But I have asked the question of female friends ... (read in full...)
My foreskin is tight and it is making me nervous...any advice??
Q. I read apparently only 20% of male men in Britain can retract their foreskins. I'm 14 and cannot. Now I'm not looking for sex at my age, but I'm nervous for sex in the future. I can take it back SLIGHTLY but anymore and it hurts. Any advice? *N.B -...
A. 20 February 2008: There are a number of possible causes and none of them serious. I do suggest that you see your doctor for advice. It may be that the answer is easy and painless or that your doctor suggests circumcision or a number of other less awkward solutions. ... (read in full...)
Is it possible to settle down with one person or should you get more experience??
Q. Is it possible to have been in one relationship with one person and just stay with that person? Or is it better to get'experienced' and then settle down? I am a lil confused, I have been with my gf for 1year and 2months, shes my first gf and im 2...
A. 18 February 2008: There is no particular reason why you need to make a decision on this yet. Just take your developing relationship slowly. Do not worry about the experience bit as many people who have had good marriages for 50 or more years started out the same way ... (read in full...)
I feel like my teacher is seducing me...what should I do??
Q. Hello! I went up a year at school and acquired a new teacher, not being arrogant I'm traditional with true morals old fashioned yes, however this seamed/seems to attract such teacher unintentionally. She is single and a genuine nice (young) lad...
A. 18 February 2008: First of all it is quite possible that you are reading more into this than their is. However if you continue to be concerned speak with your headmaster, school nurse, or school councillor depending on who is available. Be prepared to accept that you ... (read in full...)
Should I let him 'teach me' or not?
Q. I've hooked up with this guy quite a few times and am comfortable around him, since we were friends before we started hooking up. We've had sex and he's gone down on me before [both more than once]. And he's hinted that he'd like if I went down on ...
A. 18 February 2008: This is really a question of how much you trust him. While guys often know what they like it is also the case that they have no idea what the experience of giving a BJ is for a woman. If you have some girlfriends who you trust enough to talk about ... (read in full...)
I've got back with my husband and it meant moving to his country, But I'm not happy here. What do I do?
Q. Hi, please advise me, i have recently gone back to my marriage, which ment me moving to the country where my husband is from, i am here because of my husband and to save our marriage, as i believed that if i had not come over to him our marriage ...
A. 18 February 2008: You need to be secure in the relationship and happy with the country you are living in before you consider having children.
As far as the issues are concerned, have you tried seeing a relationship counsellor together? If not that is worth doing an... (read in full...)
He seen us kissing whilst dancing and it's now torturing me as this guy knows my boyfriend...
Q. I am in a loving relationship with a guy who I adore and have lived with for 2 years. On a night out about 4 weeks ago, I was dancing with a mutual friend of mine and my boyfriends. Another friend of ours has said he seen us kissing whilst dancing ...
A. 18 February 2008: The absolute worst thing that could happen is if your boyfriend finds out from anyone else. You need to tell him but choose your time and make it soon. He may well be upset and it might be difficult for a bit depending on how mature he is and how ... (read in full...)
How can I be sure he likes me too?
Q. Hi THere, I wonder if you can help. I quite like a man at work but I am not sure how to tell if he likes me back. I've just come out of a long marriage a few months ago and I am ready to start dating again but I am very rusty because I married at 1...
A. 18 February 2008: The others have given you good advice, but also double check about his marital status because unfortunately some men give all others a bad reputation. If you get to the point of wanting to spend a little time together away from work, start by m... (read in full...)
I can't stand him looking at other girls! What do I do?
Q. I am married to a gorgeous guy much younger than me and we are basically very happy. I just need helpwith one thing...... he really stares at other women. I've talked to him about it and he reassures me how muchhe loves me and says he finds it ...
A. 18 February 2008: I do not know how you discuss this with him, but it is important to tell him how it makes you feel when you realise he is doing this. It is natural to expect some admiration of a good looking person of the opposite sex (or same sex in a gay ... (read in full...)
I'm a virgin and he's quite big, will it hurt?
Q. Hi. I am a virgin. My boyfriend is a big guy. Will his penis be big too? What will sex for the first time feel like? I am scared I will do something wrong. Any advice? ...
A. 18 February 2008: There is a good chance that his penis will just be normal size as there is very little relationship between the size of penis and the size of man. However as it will be your first time it is important to take it slowly and to be gentle with each ... (read in full...)
My wife has left and I'm so confused and scared, please help!
Q. My wife has suddenly decided we are over. She ahs been contacted by an old boyfriend from Jr. High. We have had intimacy problems ever since becoming serious in our relationship. She has had an abusive past and was really dumped on by her first ...
A. 18 February 2008: Hi, There are clearly some very specific and possibly very personal issues here that are affecting both you and her. All I can suggest is that you both really need to continue with the counselling, both separately and together as I think that is ... (read in full...)
It's like its okay for her to see someone but I can't.'
Q. I've been seeing a guy for about a month now. He has 2 kids, one is 2 and one is nearly 5. His ex, the mother of both children, recently found out he was dating me, after hacking into his e-mail account and reading a message from me. She then rep...
A. 18 February 2008: Legally she cannot stop him from seeing his children unless he is not a fit parent. Of course this is much harder to enforce than that.
Suggest to him that he get some advice from a solicitor about his parental rights and what he can do to prote... (read in full...)
I feel as if I'm addicted to stealing money from my parents...
Q. Dear Agony Aunts, I find myself stealing money from my parents now and again, like £20 at a time. I really want to stop, but I can't. I feel as if I'm addicted. HELP!...
A. 18 February 2008: Hi,
There may be all sorts of complicated reasons about this or it could be very simple and from what you have said we would not know which it was. However you know it is wrong and that you must stop. You need to start by talking to your mum abou... (read in full...)
How can I have an orgasm without masturbating during sex?
Q. Hi, Every time I have sex with my boyfriend the only way I can have and orgasm is when he is in me and I am masturbating and then I feel a good sensation. How can I have an orgasm without masturbating during sex??!! Please answer asap!! thnxx...
A. 18 February 2008: Hi,
There is nothing wrong with masturbating during sex and in fact many guys get really turned on by their ladies playing with themselves like that when having sex.
It is important that you find out what makes you feel good and what does no... (read in full...)
Turns out the girl I slept with is much older than me and married with kids!!! I had absolutely no idea!
Q. Dear Cupid, Not sure what to do about my problem, so here we go... I was out on Saturday night, at a bar near where I live. I met a girl I liked, we had a few drinks, and we continued on to a club. More drinks, and we ended back at my frie...
A. 18 February 2008: I think Tuatara has got it spot on. You should have the integrity and manners to tell her why you are no longer interested because you have found out she is married. And if she comes back with "its over" just tell her that as far as you are ... (read in full...)
I like my friends best friend. Am I gay??
Q. Hey I have a problem, im 15 and I like this gurl that is my friends bestfriend. Shes a girl and I have feelings for her, the thing is I am not attracted to girl I just feel as if I realate to her and I think shes really sweet. But I want to know ...
A. 18 February 2008: Hi,
You are 15 and your body is still maturing and sorting itself out. During this time it is normal for you to feel strong friendship to people of both sexes. In some case you may be infatuated but until everything settles down you will not real... (read in full...)
I love my husband but I always have to fake orgasms...
Q. Hi i'm 30 and been married for almost 6 yrs now. Since the first time i had sex i only had 2x orgasm with a partner. I can only get orgasm when i masturbate but not with my husband or with my past relationships. I always have to fake it everytime we ...
A. 18 February 2008: First of all do you know from masturbating of several different ways you can make yourself feel good, not orgasm but really good and building towards one? If not, then you need to experiment more with your hand and with sex toys like dildos and ... (read in full...)
If it's impossible to get my hair straight, is there any "scene" hairstyles for curly hair?
Q. Hi, I have thick, wavy/curly hair (like a sheep) but I want my hair to be like a "scene" kid, but I don't think it's possible. :( I know people say to use flat irons to straighten curly hair, but I'm looking for a way to get my hair REALLY strai...
A. 18 February 2008: With the other advice in these replies, be careful about what products you use together as it is easy to end up with a total disaster if you mix different treatments. If in doubt about specific product combinations or choices ask for advice from a ... (read in full...)
Should I tell him or forget about it and can I confide in my best friend??
Q. I've got a problem. I'm in love with a very good friend of mine. I hang out a lot with 3 friends of mine but I'm only going to mention 2 of them: Vicky and Colin The more time I spend with them, well Colin, the deeper I fall in love with him. He ...
A. 18 February 2008: This is such a difficult question to answer. I guess you need to look internally and examine just what you think being a good (even best) friend is and what it really means to you. Ask yourself how would you prefer this situation to be dealt with by ... (read in full...)
Is sex wrong at young age?
Q. is sex a wrong thing at young age i need help because a girl wants to do it with me but i don't know help me please!!!!!...
A. 17 February 2008: It is possible to grow up too fast so just enjoy being a child and do not rush into things.
Tell her you will not be ready for years yet as you have plenty of time later. If she gets pushy and insistent about it then tell an adult that you trus... (read in full...)
My children's grandmother wants to take custody of them from me!
Q. Hello, My name is Faith and im 21 years old. I have triplet 5 year old girls Their father died 11 months after their birth. 3 days ago his mother demanded that the children went to live with her as im struggling. Im not. I work a part ti...
A. 17 February 2008: Hi,
You have two problems, one is the fact that you live in the UK and she lives in the USA. If she gained custody you would not automatically have right of residence in the USA so access would be difficult and she could no doubt make it impossib... (read in full...)
How can I give my boyfriend a blowjob without hurting him?
Q. My boyfriend has phimosis which means he can't pull his foreskin back without it hurting him. I want to give him a blow job but am unsure how to do this because of the phimosis and I really don't want to hurt him. Any ideas on the best way to do ...
A. 17 February 2008: There is a difference between pulling the foreskin back to clean when he is not erect and pulling it back during sex. However is he gets in the habit of cleaning at least once every day then the skin will stretch and it will become less painful. You ... (read in full...)
My BF wakes up with an erection. What's up with that?
Q. My b/f sometimes wakes up with a huge erection but insists that he's "not in the mood" for sex and though it puts me in the mood, I really can't get him interested so we just end up cuddling and talking and eventually his erection goes away. But I ...
A. 17 February 2008: Not sure I agree with the comments about older men and only in the morning however a morning hard on is perfectly normal. Your boyfriends reaction is because the reason he was hard was purely a physiological thing and nothing to do with sexual ... (read in full...)
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