A
male
age
18-21,
*][KE
writes:Hey,I have been in a relationship for about two and a half months with a really great girl. However just recently she is now asking me to take down a poster of a girl I have. Now I know my relationship is more than a poster, I just don't want it to start into a slippery slope of her telling me what I can and can't do! Because she can be very bossy. It really doesn't seem to be a problem for my mate's girlfriends. Should I be more assertive in my relationship or am I just being stupid?Any response is very welcome, Mike. Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2008): Apparently it has a negative affect on her. Enquiring as to why would be appropriate, and an opportunity to learn more about her and to provide her the recognition that her feelings matter, thereby strengthening you frienship and trust that you can both talk about something personal. In doing so, it might help her get past it once she understands your eelings about it and what it means to you.
Something failing marriages don't have, honest, caring and compassionate communication.
A
male
reader, Namatjira +, writes (1 April 2008):
This is not all that easy. Have you asked her why she wants you to take it down? I take it she knows that this poster is not of an ex or anyone you know. Is there anything about the poster that a woman could find offensive? For example I could understand if a woman asked her guy to take down a picture of a centrefold.
As has been said, you do need to both maintain your own identity as well as not fight over little things. That is why it can be such a difficult balance.
If the picture is important to you then you need to tell her why. Also listen carefully to why she wants you to take it down, you might finish up agreeing with her or it could simply be her insecurity. Either way you will know more that can help you decide.
In a relationship it is important for there to be some give and take on both parts. Only you can decide the line which you will not cross. You also have to respect her right to have her lines as well.
If she is important to you and the poster does not really matter, take it down. If it is the principle of the thing, then talk it through with her and make it clear that if you take it down it is your choice and that you respect her reasons. Treat her like an equal and with a bit of luck she will do the same to you.
All the best.
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A
female
reader, Annalisa +, writes (1 April 2008):
 It's silly to argue about every silly little thing just because you're afraid of encouraging her bossyness.
But do talk about things that might bother you.
Ask her what her problem with your poster is. If it makes sense, take it down. If not, lough it off and tell her not to be silly.
If you don't appreciate her bossy tone, when she tells you to do something, tell her so. Don't fight about it, but be assertive when you feel it matters.
As for comparing her to your mate's girlfriend, don't. They are different people, you are not your mate either! What suits one person won't suit another. Live your life to your own standards, not other people's.
God bless you and good luck!
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A
female
reader, Devilish Angel  +, writes (1 April 2008):
 They're not your girlfriends. It's just a poster. Aren't you supposed to try and make your girlfriend happy? Don't fight over the small things. Save it for the big things.
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