A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hi,My dad has problems with my husband - MAJOR problems.Ever since I introduced him to Dad three years ago when we told him we were engaged he's awful around my Jamie. Mum gets on fine with Jamie but Dad is really horrible to him. He insults him behind his back and sometimes to his face but Jamie shoots back at him and gets really fired up when we are around them. My dad really hates him. Whenever me and him are alone, he always is saying that I should get a divorce and that makes me as mad as hell. At first I didn't know if he was serious but I'm certain that he's not.
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male
reader, Uncle Trev +, writes (17 March 2008):
There really is not a lot more I can add that Irish hasn't said already and said very well.
What I will do is re-iterate that in nearly 100% of cases if someone in your position is pushed continuously to make a choice Husband or Parents it is the parents that loose out.
Maybe explaining to Jamie that by not retalliating he has actually won the arguement - by choosing not to lower himself to your fathers level could help. I know that if in Jamies situation I would just smile at him to hit home the fact that all his insults and ravings isn't bothering me in the slightest.
If you asked both Jamie and your father the question, "Have you done all you can to try and get along together?" it would be interesting to hear their respective answers.
It sounds like a warzone at the moment - maybe like Irish has said mention that staying away is the last resort but if there is nothing else that is going to work then you have no choice.
Hope this has helped.
Cheers
Trev
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2008): Have a chat with your dad and explain that you love him and that your bloke is here to stay but you would prefer it if he just backed off. Why has he been like this? Did something happen in the early days to put your dad off him? You are well over 18 and dont need your parents approval for things now, but i know it would be nice for you all to get along. But hey this is families for you and we cannot pick who are parents are.
take care
xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2008): You married a man, your father dislikes...a lot. That is the reality of this situation and as the adult child here, you were free to marry anyone you liked. Whether or not anyone, in your family approved of him. In effect, you father's behavior to your husband is wrong. He has forgotten something very important...he is putting his pride above his love for you. I am not stating he doesn't love you..he does. But his pride is getting in the way and he's punishing you, in effect. also. And your husband must refrain from shooting back comments' at your father. That is compounding the battle here.
What is so sad about all this, is your father's disrespect will create an eventual 'crack' in this family so wide that he will risk losing you all for the sake of his own vanity and pride. I think it's time for you and Dad to sit down and openly, and honestly talk about this. Tell Dad, how this distresses you and causes you deep pain. He needs to know how this affects you. I hope for the sake of family unity, you Dad can agree to be at the very least, amicable and emotionally detached. If that doesn't work then I am sorry, you may have to resort to staying away from your Dad, until he figures out how to regain a hold on his pride.
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A
male
reader, Namatjira +, writes (17 March 2008):
Your dad sounds like mine. Always trying to show off and convinced that his humour makes him the life of the party.
Try challenging your dad with acting childish. Ask him who is being the child now? If you can get to a serious conversation with your dad, ask him how would he feel if someone was talking about and to your mum in the way he talks to your husband?
At the same time you need to persuade your husband that if he does not rise to the bait, your dad will get bored. If he (your fella) can restrain his urge to respond the whole baiting thing will soon get boring and it will be apparent that your dad is just making a fool of himself.
I know this is hard, but now is the time to show everybody that you are a mature adult and that you and your husband will not let others decide how you will act and respond.
Good luck.
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