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... Send *yle007 a private message | | | *yle007's profile:I am of Swedish, German and Hungarian descent. My soul is Japanese but my mind is American. My advice comes from many philosophical backgrounds, is 100% common sense and completely psychology-free (so you won't end up addicted to anti-depressants from anything I say). |
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| Latest articles: Married is better
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 August 2011: Years ago before my wife and I were married, I sat at a restaurant with her and gazed into her eyes as she gazed into mine and we knew we loved each other. Not much later we got married. I have had many crushes, some flings and other adventures...
Sexual Freedom
No replies yet... 24 August 2011: Your sexuality is not an expression of freedom. I mean, after all, do you think that several billion people on this planet have sex drives of their own free will, as if all these people thought of these things independently, on their own? No...
Your one, undeniable right
No replies yet... 22 August 2011: You have the right to your own thoughts. You can think of whatever you want, good, bad, smart,stupid or silly. If someone tells you how you should feel about something, or think about something, you can accept or reject that, whether openly o...
Maintaining Sanity in a Dating World Gone Mad
No replies yet... 21 August 2011: I will say this very bluntly, honestly and confidently, that the main thing (and perhaps the only thing) that will keep you sane in the realm of dating, sex, marriage and romance is to maintain your integrity and moral standards. Some people do...
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Started on a one night stand then affair then now confused.
Q. were both married still @ this moment. we are working in the same company. we both admitted we are attracted to each other before he got married and i was battling my husband infidelity and lack of sense of responsibilty. we shared txt messages, ...
A. 20 August 2011: If you are trying to work out your marriage then this has to stop immediately.... (read in full...)
I want my wife to have sex with other men
Q. I want my wife to have sex with other men.This wife is #2, we have been married for 14 years, and in year 2 or 3 she said she has never had a orgasm in her life.She was in her late 30's when we got married, she has been with i guess 15 or so men ...
A. 20 August 2011: Don't assume this will make her happy just because you think it will make YOU happy.
Um, that marriage where you let your wife have sex with other men didn't work out, right?
Regardless of how this makes YOU feel, the woman may feel guilty over... (read in full...)
I'm disabled, how can I get more money when I can't work?
Q. Okay I know this is mostly a love related site but i know there are great people on here who can answer my question... Okay im 19 and I was born disabled and since I was born disabled I've never been able to work. SSI gives me $620 a month bec...
A. 20 August 2011: If you can type on a computer then you can work. My wife and I run a business together and she is disabled too. That is your only solution. And I say that out of the deepest sympathy and respect for your situation.
Get an able-bodied person t... (read in full...)
I wish my husband would wake up!
Q. my husband and are separted he lives in another town about 15 mins from me . he loves music and so do i .all of this was going good until the singer drinks lot and doesnt help out on moving band stuff .any way my husband and i lived with this man ...
A. 20 August 2011: Look at the possibility that because he lost his job he is going to you just to regain some stability in his life.
But that would not really be love, now, would it?... (read in full...)
I gave him my number 2 days ago but he's never called. Does that mean he just wasn't interested?
Q. I just need some advice. So about a month ago I got a job as a cashier. I was introduced to the other cashiers and our supervisors. There is this one supervisor who I immediately had a crush on. Then 2 weeks ago I found out he gave in his 2 weeks ...
A. 20 August 2011: Just the fact he is in a relationship is enough for you to want to leave him alone and forget anything ever sparked between you and him. Do YOU want to be his girlfriend when he is flirting with a co-worker?
If you really just want to know if ... (read in full...)
I'm 22, she's 15 is it best to stop before things get started?
Q. I started talking to this girl recently, she seemed really nice, really pretty. Then one day we find out how old each other is, she thought I was 17, I'm 22, and I thought she was 18, the girl is 15. Nothing has happened for it to be a legal matte...
A. 20 August 2011: When I was 19 I had a girlfriend who was 16 and we got hot enough to push the legal limit, and I knew she would let me have sex with her if I wanted to.
I broke it off, cried my eyes out for a few weeks and was relieved that I wasn't going to... (read in full...)
Girlfriend says I'm rude on the phone
Q. Sooo my girlfriend gets pissed at me when i yawn or stretch when im on the phone with her. She says im getting annoyed and bored with her when i am not at all!!! And another thing is she will say baby? And ill say what? And shes like u dont need to ...
A. 20 August 2011: Well, you need to either
1) Stop yawning and stretching.
2) Stop seeing her.
Just decide which one is more important to you.... (read in full...)
My ex lied and told me she had a miscarriage and now she wants child support!
Q. My ex girlfriend lied to me and said that she had a miscarriage but really didn't. She told me the baby had trisomy 18 and my sperm were defective and I'd never be able to have children. Can I sue her for emotional distress i experienced because of ...
A. 20 August 2011: See a lawyer for this one.... (read in full...)
I'm worrying too much over this drunken situation, please help?
Q. We had just come back from a bar. Quite drunk. Before we got to the bar, we saw these boys. And they were just looking at us. Walking back home, we saw them again. Walked through the alley way and saw them again. Got talking. Told them fake nam...
A. 20 August 2011: People who cheat are of low character, so you need to find a better friend to hang out with.
And you may want to find a better way to meet guys than drinking. You are probably ready to leave this lifestyle. I would quit before things get wors... (read in full...)
Crossed the limit with female work colleague
Q. I had friendly relationship with a female work colleague. I was used to flirt her a little bit which was in a acceptable manner. Recently she shifted near my area and she invited me to her house to show it. I crossed the limit a bit and touched her ...
A. 20 August 2011: I don't think it would qualify as sexual harassment since it happened outside the workplace. So I don't think you should get in any trouble at work.
As far as people talking, that is almost impossible to stop once set in motion.
I really don'... (read in full...)
Is he shy? Not interested? Or too busy?
Q. i met a guy through a mutual friend and we seemed to hit it off. the day after we met, and the 2 following, i got text messages from him around noon and we always ended up hanging out. on the last night we were together he was aware I was goin...
A. 20 August 2011: The only thing we know here for sure is that your level of interest in him is higher than his interest in you.
You are really going to torture yourself trying to continue on with this one.
Some of this stuff he is doing is just outright rude. ... (read in full...)
I forgot to put my birth control patch on for a week...is there a real chance I could get pregnant?
Q. I'm totally kicking myself for this, but I really need the help and expertise from you guys. I've been on the Evra 'Birth control' Patch for over a year. I've always used it correctly. For those who are not familar with it. You put a new patch ...
A. 20 August 2011: You need to ask your doctor.... (read in full...)
Should I take a chance and quit my job?
Q. Basically i have been really considering leaving my job in the fall. I feel like i am stuck and after almost 5 years if i stay another year, my job as an assistant will basically be my career. I am also very tired of the labor aspect..being on my ...
A. 19 August 2011: People can always replace themselves, you can get yourself replaced, and you can also move on to another career. Have you ever considered working part time for yourself at home?
Anyway, I am not saying this to be mean, but you might get bett... (read in full...)
His comments really hurt me...and now I really don't know what to do!
Q. Me and my bf have been going through a lil tough patch recently, hes doesnt have time for me and hardly responds via text or rings me. This is possibly due to his long hours and football training. However I dont think it takes much time to send a q...
A. 19 August 2011: People SAY things impulsively, but when they write things down, type them or text them, they have time to think about what they are saying. So it may have been out of anger, but it sounds like how he really feels.
If you are comfortable with jus... (read in full...)
Help!!! How can I control my jealousy?
Q. Hi peeps, I have a huge problem with jealously. My ex gf broke up with me cos I was jealous all the time of her spending anytime near a guy or even looking at me and now I'm starting to like someone again I don't want the same thing to happen. I ...
A. 19 August 2011: You know, being a lesbian, the potential for jealousy lies in both sexes. You can be jealous of the men AND the women in her life.
I mean its really interesting that you get jealous of the men and not the women.
Perhaps you are having your ... (read in full...)
The man I love doesn't seem to even want to be friends any more. What should I do next?
Q. the matter is... i am in love with a guy who was in my school.. now we are in different college.. year back i approached him then we became friends and later on i proposed him. he said no but rather he preferred to be good friends. but that ...
A. 19 August 2011: "Just being friends" is not a good idea for someone you are in love with. At this point you need to either get this guy the way you want him and if not, leave him alone for good. You will never find happiness with someone else if this sort of ... (read in full...)
Could the age difference get in the way of this being a successful relationship?
Q. Hey everyone, Just a quick question about age differences. I'm 19 (lesbian, if that changes stuff) and I've just met someone who is 28. I've never had to think about this before and was just wondering what people's perspectives are on the situa...
A. 19 August 2011: Well, if you are gay then we have already established you don't care what others think of what you do with your sexuality, so it should follow you should not care what other people think about the age difference either.
If the person being ol... (read in full...)
How to Meet The Man Or Woman Of Your Dreams
Q. If you want to find the man or woman of your dreams, you have to put yourself in the environment where they work or hang out. For example, if you want to meet a lawyer, go down to your local courthouse during lunch hours- and hang out at the ...
A. 18 August 2011: I wish I had this advice 20 years ago. Its brilliant.... (read in full...)
Has a crush ever worked out for you?
Q. This is not my problem, more of a survey if anything. In my past, whenever I liked someone and flirted, made other advances, asked them out on dates, and basically been upfront about my being attracted to them, it has a chance of me becoming roma...
A. 18 August 2011: Thanks for the response. I am more trying to get a feel as I may want to write an article about this some time. I see mostly postings of people asking what they should do about their crushes, no one saying they have been successful.... (read in full...)
How to handle crossing the line?
Q. I've been seeing a girl for several months now who I absolutely love and even live together with. She has many guy friends and has always been very open about things with them and has never hidden that some of them have romantic interests with ...
A. 17 August 2011: @ the anonymous male reader age 37: Your situation is entirely different. You weren't going to your girlfriend saying that your best friend (a woman) has feelings for you.
You know, if someone is in a relationship and you are trying to break th... (read in full...)
How to handle crossing the line?
Q. I've been seeing a girl for several months now who I absolutely love and even live together with. She has many guy friends and has always been very open about things with them and has never hidden that some of them have romantic interests with ...
A. 17 August 2011: You both need to have the same values. Maybe she can find a man with a lot of lady friends who have expressed romantic interests in him.
I would not keep a woman in my social circle who wanted me romantically and sent me long emails and/or g... (read in full...)
I finally worked up the courage to tell him I loved him, but he didnt say it back. Is this something that will come in time?
Q. I have started seein this guy for the past five months, before he has told me he loved me when there has been drink involved, although I had never said it back. When I finally plucked up the courage to tell him, he didn say it back. He told me he ...
A. 16 August 2011: It takes courage to love.
Fear usually brings about the thing that is feared.
That being said, does he treat you right, do you get along and all that?
I hate to tell you its "just a word" but do you really want the word of it or the experi... (read in full...)
What kind of immature cop-out is the "the chase"?
Q. Why can't guys have honest, loving relationships? Are they not man enough to have them? If I care for a guy, why do I have to play coy and hard to get for his attention? Mind-games are disrespectful and hurtful. If he doesn't want the comfort, ...
A. 16 August 2011: You are right.
But most women want to be pursued and most men want to be the pursuer.
But guys do like a hint now and again.
I think the best thing for you to do in order to let him feel like he is doing the pursuing is to be warm, ... (read in full...)
I'm beginning to believe that you can't trust anyone! How can I have a relationship?
Q. Hey, I need some help to get my head straight after losing all faith in men, or maybe not men, but straight-forward, monogamous relationships...do they ever exist?? I've been with my bf for nearly a year. We love each other, and he's mentioned w...
A. 16 August 2011: One reason this keeps happening is that you keep tolerating it. You should have dumped him because of the texts alone, but really, when he got drunk and 2 female friends woke up next to him?
You are making it known that others can get away wit... (read in full...)
Is there a time limit for how long I can keep a sugar Daddy interested?
Q. I turned 29 a fortnight ago. I will be 30 next year at this time. Throughout my 20s I have had several sugar daddies, older men who supported me financially whilst I was pursuing my musical aspirations. They've been good chaps over all, tho of cour...
A. 15 August 2011: You are not asking if something is right or wrong, just whether or not its pathetic?
Its pathetic.
(aren't you glad I spared you the moral lecture? I told you that you were pathetic and did not even explain why. "pathetic" is YOUR WORDS. Y... (read in full...)
He tells me some men take advantage, and I am paranoid he is one who will
Q. my boyfriend is younger than me. He is from a different country and is muslim. He wants to get married in the next few weeks at the local register office. and would like a baby. He lives with his cousins but has been staying with me every night ...
A. 15 August 2011: Only give him an amount of money that you would be willing to give him as a gift and part with forever whether you saw him again or not. That is my rule of thumb for lending money.
Even if his intentions are 100%, there is no guarantee he will ... (read in full...)
Is it normal for guys to tell white lies?
Q. Hi! Any help would be greatly appreciated! Is it normal for guys to tell white lies? I keep catching my bf telling me little white lies. It actually bothers me, but I can learn to accept it if all/most guys tend to be like this. Examp...
A. 15 August 2011: You know, he may have been drinking BOTH NIGHTS.
Anyway, If the details change or seem to be unnecessary, or he seems to be answering questions you did not answer, then you need to nail him down on the facts and ask questions. Do it politely... (read in full...)
Is it normal to fantasize about people other than your partner during sex/masturbation?
Q. How often do you masturbate to thoughts of people that are not your girlfriend/boyfriend and when does this become abnormal? Is it normal to fantasize about other people when you are having sex with your bf?...
A. 14 August 2011: (I posted again because my thumb slipped and accidentally clicked my laptop mouse before I could finish typing) I firmly believe that the one undeniable right we have is the right to our own thoughts. When someone tries to take that from you (n... (read in full...)
Is it normal to fantasize about people other than your partner during sex/masturbation?
Q. How often do you masturbate to thoughts of people that are not your girlfriend/boyfriend and when does this become abnormal? Is it normal to fantasize about other people when you are having sex with your bf?...
A. 14 August 2011: I firmly believe that the one undeniable right we have is the right to our own thoughts. Its unfortunate that mother nature didn't program us so that when we got together with someone and bonded that we would cease to have any sexual thoughts ... (read in full...)
I broke up with him, but does he still have feelings for me?
Q. Hi there... so... i broke up with my bf almost 3 months ago. He was pretty hurt, and so was i, cause we really loved each other. we were together for 3 and a half year. he was pretty imature (still is), and we argued a lot...i felt i was missing on...
A. 14 August 2011: I have a very firm policy of never remaining friends after a breakup. Why torture yourself?
They say don't burn bridges behind you, but sometimes you have to in order to keep the enemy troops from pursuing you.
Get back together with hi... (read in full...)
Joking or serious?
Q. What does it mean when a guy says this to a girl "I get worried when we both start flirting coz I don't know if were both still joking or being serious?" Any ideas?? Please help!! Thanks....
A. 13 August 2011: I think this guy is the most honest man alive and means exactly what he says. God bless him.
Now you want to know WHY he is so worried, and I can't answer that, only he can.
He either wants you and thinks you are teasing or he does not want yo... (read in full...)
Engaged but still thinking of my ex
Q. I broke up with my ex 4 years ago. I loved him very much but he broke my heart. 5 months after our break up i met a guy that loved me so much. We'r engaged now but i can't stop thinking about my ex. I think i still love my ex and i feel lyk i'm ...
A. 13 August 2011: Oh honey I feel for you! I really do and I don't think you are doing anything wrong for THINKING something. In this society, people are made wrong for what they are thinking, and really, your conduct as far as morality is judged by your actions. ... (read in full...)
Do guys really like girls dying their hair?
Q. Okay so do guys really like it when girls dye their hair? I am 19 and have never dyed my hair. I have a natural dark brown shade really dark and sometimes I wonder what it would be like to dye my hair a different colour or even a little lighter. ...
A. 13 August 2011: Hey, this is way to subjective for a straight, pat answer. Unless you get a massive response and are then able to count up what the majority answer is, you may just have to settle for my generalized answer.
Personally, I have never been attracte... (read in full...)
Fell for him at a spiritual retreat, he's married, how can we pursue this?
Q. Hi all, I met this guy last year during a spiritual trip, and I fell for him completly. I thought he was my soulmate but then found out he was married. He seems to be in a loveless relationship. I am so willing to pursue him, and also I think th...
A. 13 August 2011: Posters: You know, I noticed that her question was not whether or not they should pursue this, but HOW they could pursue this. The asking person is not inquiring about the right or wrong of the matter.
To answer your actual question, I am SURE ... (read in full...)
Iv been cheated on repeatedly and now I don't know how to get over all this and move on...
Q. My ex and I had a child last October, we were soon engaged after that. However, a few months ago we broke up for I was very surprised to find out he was cheating on me and once it was confronted he left me for this woman he was cheating with me on ...
A. 13 August 2011: Oh my God! You need to learn how to read people better. And I don't mean that as a putdown at all.
Cheating is an indicator of an overall immoral character. I was wondering, did you notice that your previous lovers had any immoral indicati... (read in full...)
I really like this girl and I thought the feeling was mutual...but she's cold and distant now
Q. Hey guys, I've posted about this before, and it's been a long and really confusing past few months. There's this girl, who I met at a party, then we ended up becoming friends. She's kind of different to other girls, and she's kind of unpred...
A. 13 August 2011: As far as your concern about not knowing what you did, you did nothing wrong. You offered yourself to her, you communicated and now its over. She is not into you anymore, right or wrong.
We can't always predict what another is going to do. ... (read in full...)
Why do people cheat? why be unfaithful? what's the payoff to be the "other woman"?
Q. I have a question for all the unfaithful and the homewreckers. Why did you cheat!?!? Or help someone cheat!?!? I see so many questions about cheating..and they're the cheaters!! Doesn't anyone know cheating is wrong? And the only acceptab...
A. 13 August 2011: Hi, sorry, I am not a cheater, but I want to answer your question anyway. And besides, I would be surprised if anyone answered your question after the way you asked it. You basically told the potential answerer that they were wrong and bad and ... (read in full...)
Help! Is he still into me???
Q. hi dear friends, i'm new on this site and i need your help. After 6 months of dating my boyfriend and i broke up after a bad fight , i had trust issues following his cold behavior. The day we broke up he swore he wasn't cheating and things but i ca...
A. 13 August 2011: You are just going to have to meet him and find out.
Before then, its probably best to withdraw a bit and see if he initiates. If he is so crazy about you, he will.
You might just not be giving him a chance to initiate. Think of it that... (read in full...)
How do I keep it strictly friend and not fall for him?
Q. since i was 16 (im now 23) i've know this guy from college called simon. we are really good friends, if not best friends. we've managed to stay in touch even though we went to different universities. he's always been there for me and i trust him ...
A. 12 August 2011: Nothing wrong with falling for him. Just make sure there is no chance of his getting back with the ex.
When you think about it, if you really like this guy, you are better off being in a relationship. This "friends with benefits" thing im... (read in full...)
My boyfriend had sex with a girl when we broke up for only 2 days!
Q. I just found out that my boyfriend went and had sex with a girl once when we broke up for only 2 days. Technically he didn't cheat but it feels like it. He never told me, I had to find out from another person months later. He told me he regretted it ...
A. 12 August 2011: You wrote
"I guess my question is, how do I get over someone that I love so much and loves me too? I feel like I don't know how much longer I can live like this :( "
And you know what? I/we forgot to address that specific issue.
So I w... (read in full...)
Why is he giving me an ultimatum?
Q. I'm 3 months pregnant, in the beginning my boyfriend acted like this was what he wanted we were even trying to get pregnant for a while... now he's making excuses as to why he can't be with me and doesn't want anything to do with the baby. The ...
A. 12 August 2011: Go to the AA program and tell whoever is in charge of it that you are there because the boyfriend is threatening to leave you if you don't. ... (read in full...)
Why is he giving me an ultimatum?
Q. I'm 3 months pregnant, in the beginning my boyfriend acted like this was what he wanted we were even trying to get pregnant for a while... now he's making excuses as to why he can't be with me and doesn't want anything to do with the baby. The ...
A. 12 August 2011: Go to the AA program and tell whoever is in charge of it that you are there because the boyfriend is threatening to leave you if you don't. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend had sex with a girl when we broke up for only 2 days!
Q. I just found out that my boyfriend went and had sex with a girl once when we broke up for only 2 days. Technically he didn't cheat but it feels like it. He never told me, I had to find out from another person months later. He told me he regretted it ...
A. 12 August 2011: What's really going on here is the "How could you have ever possibly loved me if you slept with someone so quickly after we broke up" sort of thinking.
You wanted to feel that you were so valuable to him that he would be so devastated about br... (read in full...)
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