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... Send *yle007 a private message | | | *yle007's profile:I am of Swedish, German and Hungarian descent. My soul is Japanese but my mind is American. My advice comes from many philosophical backgrounds, is 100% common sense and completely psychology-free (so you won't end up addicted to anti-depressants from anything I say). |
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| Latest articles: Married is better
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 August 2011: Years ago before my wife and I were married, I sat at a restaurant with her and gazed into her eyes as she gazed into mine and we knew we loved each other. Not much later we got married. I have had many crushes, some flings and other adventures...
Sexual Freedom
No replies yet... 24 August 2011: Your sexuality is not an expression of freedom. I mean, after all, do you think that several billion people on this planet have sex drives of their own free will, as if all these people thought of these things independently, on their own? No...
Your one, undeniable right
No replies yet... 22 August 2011: You have the right to your own thoughts. You can think of whatever you want, good, bad, smart,stupid or silly. If someone tells you how you should feel about something, or think about something, you can accept or reject that, whether openly o...
Maintaining Sanity in a Dating World Gone Mad
No replies yet... 21 August 2011: I will say this very bluntly, honestly and confidently, that the main thing (and perhaps the only thing) that will keep you sane in the realm of dating, sex, marriage and romance is to maintain your integrity and moral standards. Some people do...
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Is there any hope for a second chance with her?
Q. Long story short, I told one of my best friends that I really like her. What I didn't tell her was that I was practically in love with her ever since we met, I was just afraid to tell her because she was, and still is, the only girl I have ever ...
A. 22 January 2012: Getting over your emotions and still being a good friend to her is a tall order. Personally, I have found this sort of arrangement to be a recipe for certain insanity.
Make one last play, you got nothing to lose. But if she just wants to be fr... (read in full...)
She's being a recluse. But says we're not 'over' yet. What does she want? I want to see her.
Q. Hello, I started seeing a girl a couple of months ago we spent some time together and slept together a few times, we got very close it was very passionate. The Christmas holidays came up so she was out of town for a while likewise with me too, so ...
A. 22 January 2012: She needs to tell you why she is being so reclusive. There cannot be secrets between the two of you.... (read in full...)
Should I go to Paris alone?
Q. My parents have offered me an amazing deal, but i'm not sure if I should do it.. They asked if I wanted to go to paris for the weekend by myself, as an independent experience and to see Paris as i've always talked about. Sure it'd be incredible an...
A. 22 January 2012: Fine, outside the reference to the movie, I do believe you should follow the advice to go with someone the first time.... (read in full...)
He's a decent guy. Do his actions suggest he is interested? Should I just be more patient for him to make a move?
Q. Ive been on a date with this guy and we have kissed and stuff. He's been in touch and we text sometimes and he's a bit touchy feely when we meet in uni. Recently we have been messaging on Facebook and talked about the weekend. I said it would be ...
A. 22 January 2012: Don't read to much into it. You may at this point expect more attention from him than he wants to give, and since you have only gone on one date, you really have not established what level of commmucation should exist in the relationship.
Since... (read in full...)
I can't orgasm during sex. Will this problem go away?
Q. Hi! This is sorta a personal issue, but please help me ): sorry if its tmi! I'm an 18 year old female who had sex for the first time last month. I've read and understand that some women don't orgasm the first five or six times they have in...
A. 22 January 2012: I will tell you this, it would help to have sex regularly. If you are getting it sporadically in an LDR, well...........
Maybe you want to have your bfs hand there instead of yours the next time, doing your unusual technique.
You may want ... (read in full...)
I can't imagine having sex with someone. Am I asexual?
Q. I am a sixteen year old female and wondering if you think I am asexual. My personal opinion is that I don't think so but there are some things that are making me wonder, but I can't tell. Ok. So I consider myself bisexual; I have no sexual prefer...
A. 22 January 2012: Don't worry about who you are, just what you will do about it.
Your sexuality is your own business, and does not have to be compared with some standard of normalcy.
Its not hurting anyone, and look at the bright side. You won't end up a t... (read in full...)
Is there any hope when your new bf loves his ex and is still "grieving" her?
Q. For the last month and a half I've spent almost every night with my new boyfriend. He seemed to like this level of closeness and it's easy for us to kick it. We both have terribly difficult pasts, but are successful people and have a lot of fun t...
A. 22 January 2012: His biggest mistake was reading the emails at all.
And if he were brave enough, he would show you what was written on both sides.
Ask him if he loves his misery more or loves you more.
He absolutely has to end all forms of communication w... (read in full...)
I want to help my friend but I'm not sure what to do
Q. Hi,um well i am about to be 17 this girl that i don't really know what to do anymore because its like im trying to help her get away from her past to get into the good with society like she wants to not get into how before when she was dateing way ...
A. 22 January 2012: You have established a relationship of her always going to you for help.
Free yourself of this, you are obviously not comfortable with it.
You said she got saved in Church. Let God take care of her, and let her be helped my more objective p... (read in full...)
Should I go to Paris alone?
Q. My parents have offered me an amazing deal, but i'm not sure if I should do it.. They asked if I wanted to go to paris for the weekend by myself, as an independent experience and to see Paris as i've always talked about. Sure it'd be incredible an...
A. 22 January 2012: Have you seen the movie "Taken"? See it or google the synopsis.
For your own safety it would be best to go with someone if just for the first time.
... (read in full...)
He is wary about moving beyond a FWB with me. How do I help him see he doesn't have to be scared ?
Q. Hi everyone my fwb and me were talking last night he said he would like a relationship with me but he is scared of starting over again as he came out of a long term relationship nearly two year ago we both agreed we would be good together as we are ...
A. 22 January 2012: My opinion of FWB relationships is that you are doing step 3 without doing steps 1 and 2 first. Because steps 1 and 2 are missing, the relationship is weak.
You want steps 1 and 2, the dating, the romance.
He needs to get over his fears. No o... (read in full...)
I need ways to get over my best friend
Q. Ok so here's my problem; Basically I think I may be in love with one of my best friends. He's a really lovely guy, hence we are great friends, but there's always been just a little something inside of me that wants more. I told him that I thought I ...
A. 22 January 2012: You have been around him so long and your feelings have only grown.
You need to broach the subject again with him, verbally or by making your move.
If its by making your move, you can always do it subtly through touch.
Bottom line: you alre... (read in full...)
To me he's perfect. But: Dealing with the pain of rejection, and jealousy from being insecure as a result. Any advice?
Q. This guy I met liked me. I wanted to get to know him better before jumping into things, so I tried to give him the hint. He misunderstood and thought I was rejecting him. He proceeded to flirt with other girls. I was really hurt and I conf...
A. 22 January 2012: He does not seem interested in you. He is not the perfect guy for you. The perfect guy is interested in you.
Make up your mind fully that the perfect man for you is interested in you, can pick up on your "hints" and will return your facebook... (read in full...)
Extended one-night stands?
Q. If you decided to have sex a few times with a guy and then each move on with your lives (basically an extended one night stand), did you have sexual satisfaction from the first time or you had to give it some (more) time(s)? What to do in order not ...
A. 22 January 2012: You want sexual satisfaction but not to get emotionally attached? Honey, its not going to work. Sexual satisfaction comes FROM being emotionally attached. Its even true for men (trust me, I am a man) but even moreso for a woman, as men orgasm ... (read in full...)
Three years together. We are happy to remain celibate. But How do I deal with my apprehension about sex in the future?
Q. My guy and I have been together for 3 years now and we've been pretty close to having sex a couple of times now and I know I want him to be my first and he's sure he wants me to be his first but I am just so scared for the first time so I always ...
A. 22 January 2012: Most people just get drunk.
But seriously, you just have to get over your "stage fright".
If you have known him for three years, I think that the two of you should be able to handle it by now.
And despite what you see in the movies, the f... (read in full...)
My self esteem is low. I have a huge crush on this guy. So how do I get over all my worries that he's seeing other girls?
Q. Hey, I've had a thing with a guy for about two years, he's asked me to be his girlfriend, but I said no because he was leaving for college in another place soon. Also, I'm not good enough for him and I just don't want him to be stuck with me. ...
A. 22 January 2012: It is possible for a college guy to still be a virgin.
If he likes you and wants you, then you are good enough for him. Who is or is not good enough for him is up to him, not you.
And the idea that he is better than you, where does that come f... (read in full...)
Has he hidden his profile or is something going on?
Q. Okay this is complicated. I've been dating a guy I met on RSVP. We actually met for the first time yesterday and it was great! the day ended with a hug and a kiss!! and he made so many hints about seeing each other again. about me going to visit hi...
A. 22 January 2012: OK, I hate to be so technical, but one one hand you say you have been dating a guy, but you say you only met him once. "Dating" would mean a continual action.
So, if you only saw him once, and all you did was a hug and a kiss, I am sorry to say, ... (read in full...)
Hide and seek games? Was he being polite or is he playing hard to get now?
Q. He told me we might meet at the weekend ( this was via FB chat) and then nearing the time he didn't call or text AT ALL? On chat, he told me it was fun we got together the other day :) Was he being polite or is he playing hard to get now? I still...
A. 22 January 2012: Ask yourself if you really want the rest of your relationship to be like this. Tell him you want someone who will communicate with you regularly.
For me personally, someone has to make it clear to me that she is interested for me to hang on ... (read in full...)
He broke my heart and then turns up at work when he is not working? What's that? Is he trying to mess with my head?
Q. me and my ex were together for two years, he broke up with me. i blocked him on facebook broke off all contact for my benefit. 3 months later now. we work together so i occasionaly have had to bump into him not biggy i have kept my cool and beha...
A. 22 January 2012: Work is not a good place for you to be talking. You need to set up some boundaries. He could just be wanting to make peace with you seeing as you are at work and are forced to be in contact.
Talk to him outside of work and let him know tha... (read in full...)
A new guy is pursuing me. A Player? Why am I so reluctant? Is it because I still feel vulnerable from the break up with my ex?
Q. So i have been out of this dating game for a while my bf and i were together for 3 years and we broke up about 3 months ago. He completely shattered my heart when he cheated and left me for her. its been tough to overcome this but im getting thro...
A. 22 January 2012: The only evidence you have given that he is a player is that women throw themselves at him. That could just mean that he is a really good looking guy, very charming, or has a lot of money. Could be any combination thereof.
A player delibera... (read in full...)
Am I jealous of my best friend?
Q. i'll try to keep this as brief as possible. so im 19 years old and my best friend is the same age, we have been best friends since we were 13 or 14 and sometimes we just kind of drift apart a little but always come back and its not akward its like ...
A. 22 January 2012: Maybe make an understanding in your friendship not to approach guys one or the other is talking to.... (read in full...)
Is this love or lust? and how can I get over this? My parents don't approve!
Q. Sorry for the long story, but I think it is important to say it all. About an year ago, my friend introduced me to a Filipino girl for dating. However, I was reluctant to date since I knew my parents won't approve a non-Indian for marriage (I am f...
A. 22 January 2012: Don't try to justify anything. Understand that this woman runs around a lot and thank goodness that you did not get involved with her. Being close to her may have poisoned your mind a bit, as you were attracted to her, and being attracted to her ... (read in full...)
How do I get over to painful experiences? - I'm just crushed and messed up.
Q. I feel messed up. I had a boyfriend of 4yrs who went off with my best mate and that really messed my head up. Especially since he was my first love. Although it has been years now I still cant get him out of my head. And another relation...
A. 22 January 2012: This may be a good time to make improvements in your own life and take care of yourself the best you can.
You will feel happier about yourself, and this will attract someone better than you would in your current condition.
These look li... (read in full...)
Are these signs that she likes me? And is she too old for me?
Q. Hi im in a dilemma and i have 2 simple questions i need answered,so here it goes. So i started talking to this girl at school and shes the sister of one of my friends. She's cool and i am attracted to her. Today she told me she was freezing and...
A. 21 January 2012: Alone in the car with her is some progress, for sure. At least this says she trusts you. This will give you the opportunity to get to know each other. And car rides are also that good segue to "would you like to come in?". Or "I have a ... (read in full...)
I want to encourage him, but I don't want to be called a tease if this doesn't work out. Advice?
Q. I went on a date with a guy recently. We have another date next week. I just want some advice on how to handle this as I try to feel him out. I'm new to the city I live in and met him through a new acquaintance. I enjoyed chatting with him the ...
A. 21 January 2012: Teasing would be if you got him all turned on and then did not put out for him. Just make a sincere effort to get to know him, and relax please, for his sake and yours.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend seems more interested in himself and his games than he is in me
Q. So, I'm 19 and I have my first boyfriend of all time. I'm excited, I adore him, I find him to be the sweetest boy I've ever met... unfortunately, this is a long distance relationship. We have to communicate over skype more often than anything. W...
A. 21 January 2012: I am a gamer myself. And I have had some brave girlfriends and wives address this with me myself.
You want to be the most important thing in his life, and I understand that. Games are addictive and easy to get obessed about. I know.
Good lu... (read in full...)
I don't believe in pre-marital sex and this guy seems to have a problem.
Q. Am 20 and in a relationship with a 29 year old guy that has 80% of the qualities i w ant in a man. We've been together for a year in which he struggled not to have sex with me because am virgin, and a christain with deep knowledge on pre-marital ...
A. 21 January 2012: You can repay him for his help some other way than being his girlfriend. Companionship is not an exchange for something else, neither is sex.
You can't worry about what another thinks of you if the situation is wrong.
... (read in full...)
I gave the new guy false hope but I've just realised I'm not quite over my ex
Q. Basically, I’ve been with a guy for two and a half years but a few weeks back we broke up. Reason he gave was he couldn’t deal with having a relationship because he was too stressed…Actual reason, he had been cheating on me with another girl. I...
A. 21 January 2012: Its just a kiss, don't feel guilty.
Objectively ask yourself, ex or not, if you really would want to pursue this guy and base your decision on that.
Just telling him you are still in love with your ex may be enough to make him want to pull out... (read in full...)
Why do teenagers get more criticism, when they become pregnant?
Q. ok im 18 now and before i tell u my story i have a question.. why is it that when somebody young ends up pregnant they are judged and discouraged. sometimes even pretty much told to have an abortion..when we can be just as good as parents as some 30 ...
A. 21 January 2012: Parenting is more than just caring about your kid. Its about providing for the child. Grandparents (your parents) normally help in any case but unless you are an independently wealthy teenager, you are going to be dumping the lot of financial ... (read in full...)
He calls me a lot but never wants to do anything, together! Should I drop him or hang in there?
Q. So here's the problem, I really, really like this guy. He says he likes me too, he calls me beautiful and says he cares about me. We text each other 24\7 and talk on the phone 3 or 4 times every day. We hang out sometimes but nothing has actually ...
A. 21 January 2012: He is afraid.
Ask him if he knows of any guys who would want to go out on a real date with you, because you want one.... (read in full...)
She never accepts that she is wrong and she doesn't apologize
Q. I have a girlfriend who is older than me by 3 years, we have been together for 3 years, but she is too full of ego and pride, when she offends me she hardly accepts she is wrong and find it hard to be sorry. Please what do i do?...
A. 21 January 2012: People who can't apologize for anything are hard to deal with.
If she sees no wrong, she will never stop. Can you accept that?... (read in full...)
Am I wierd? I hate to see my boyfriend performing oral on me?
Q. i feel i am degrading/diminishing him, i can`t see him doing that ,i always stop him and just want to hug him and make love . the feeling isn't bad ,but that`s not how i wanna feel with him , i would rather have sex i had my ex performing or...
A. 21 January 2012: Nothing weird, its just your preference.
Mother nature impels us to have sexual intercourse,not lick each other. That is incidental, and nothing wrong with doing or not doing it.
Just tell him what you like. If he is doing oral on you his ... (read in full...)
I want to be with this girl, but at the same time, I don't.
Q. I'm 16 years old, and I have just recently started experimenting with my sexuality. I've dated plenty of boys but ever since I was young I've wondered how it would be to be with a woman. I started getting closer to one of my good friends and we ...
A. 21 January 2012: If its you that does not want to be with her and its not about the fear from your Mom, then its probably a good idea to stop.
Simple math. A positive plus a negative is a negative.
Is saying "I'm not a lesbian" really being honest with your... (read in full...)
My boyfriend seems more interested in himself and his games than he is in me
Q. So, I'm 19 and I have my first boyfriend of all time. I'm excited, I adore him, I find him to be the sweetest boy I've ever met... unfortunately, this is a long distance relationship. We have to communicate over skype more often than anything. W...
A. 21 January 2012: He may not be interested in photography, but he is probably at least interested in you. Does he express an interest in you, like tell you how he feels about you, etc? Is he hurtful or insulting? If its not outright viciousness, you can addre... (read in full...)
Feeling uninspired despite having an ambitious boyfriend
Q. Hi. I just needed a reality check I guess. I have the most wonderful boyfriend imaginable. I simply dont feel good enough for him most of the time. He has a lot more ambition and drive, discipline, talent and brains than I ever could. I have no clue ...
A. 21 January 2012: Is he SAYING anything to you that makes you feel less than you are? Like, is he saying "I wish you would be smarter, prettier, etc" or "I am better at this than you". If so, this is bad. But if its just his actions of wanting to take care of eve... (read in full...)
My FWB is still in love with his ex
Q. Hi I have got a problem I have tried to deal with for nearly a year now I am in a fwb not a planned one just happened anyway I got the feeling he didn't want anything to do with me anymore so I text him and I asked him he replied back with I do and ...
A. 21 January 2012: If you are concerned with how a man feels about another woman, then an FWB relationship is just not for you. What you are describing here are relationship issues. Its my understanding that FWB does not involve having a relationship. ... (read in full...)
My husband treats me bad and I have nowhere to go
Q. I dont know how to stard,anyway i got married to a guy who i loved for 5 years.now i have a 1year old son.but i feel my husband treat me like a shit.he do hurt me a lot but now i stop crying.onerstly if i dont have my son ill kill my self.he dont ...
A. 21 January 2012: Is he physically abusing you? I don't know what is in Qatar, but in the USA there are battered women's shelters that help women get back on their feet. What about friends and family?... (read in full...)
How can I get him to notice me?
Q. This is a bit of a strange question, basically I have a light coloured ginger hair that people say looks really gold and my eyes are an unusual silver blue, everyone says they are my prettiest feature but I don't know what sort of eyeshadow to put ...
A. 21 January 2012: If no matter what you wear or do he is not interested, then accept that.
Don't you want a man that is interested in you?
And on what level do you want a man to be interested in you? Sexually? Emotionally? Intellectually?
Sorry to say, m... (read in full...)
I don't believe in pre-marital sex and this guy seems to have a problem.
Q. Am 20 and in a relationship with a 29 year old guy that has 80% of the qualities i w ant in a man. We've been together for a year in which he struggled not to have sex with me because am virgin, and a christain with deep knowledge on pre-marital ...
A. 21 January 2012: You may have a long long search to find a man that does not want to have sex before marriage in this day and age.
What he is doing by saying "sleep with me and I will buy you a phone" however is enough to end it and not look back. I am dead ser... (read in full...)
Before we dated she revealed that she used to meet up with strangers for sex. I'm disgusted. Am I being too judgemental?
Q. I have been dating a girl for the last 6 months. Last week she told me that she has used internet sites to meet guys for sex. This was before we dated and has not done it since. I am having a problem accepting it. It was not my business, I ...
A. 21 January 2012: Did she tell you this before or after you had sex with her? I can't imagine someone like that hasn't "done the deed" with you yet.
If you have been sleeping together and only NOW is she telling you this, then it was not right to withhold... (read in full...)
Could a sexual friendship with soon to be X sister in law be wrong?
Q. I'm currently separated from my wife, her brother is also separated from his wife. His wife and I have been secretly communicating by text, email and have met at a resturant to talk. I am attracted to her sexually. I think she could be sexually ...
A. 21 January 2012: Do either of you have children? If there are any children then you are still tied to your spouses' families and you will not be able to escape the situation that erupts because of this.
Exactly what is this "sexual friendship". Is this code for... (read in full...)
I used to date my sister in law...and I think we still want each other
Q. hi i'm a married man with kids and don't see all my family until we all have a family get together at he weekends at my parents house, which is where i bump into my sister inlaw who was my ex girlfriend briefly at college but now shes married to my ...
A. 21 January 2012: Oops, let me revise my posting. Only the two of you know that you were an item? How come you never discussed this with your brother?
Anyway, what I say about the sister in law still stands. She slept with you and then married your brother.... (read in full...)
I used to date my sister in law...and I think we still want each other
Q. hi i'm a married man with kids and don't see all my family until we all have a family get together at he weekends at my parents house, which is where i bump into my sister inlaw who was my ex girlfriend briefly at college but now shes married to my ...
A. 21 January 2012: You know, I am surprised that your brother would marry a woman that you slept with. Its something all the other posters have overlooked here.
I wouldn't even speak to the guy for doing that, much less go to these family events.
Your brother ... (read in full...)
Are these signs that she likes me? And is she too old for me?
Q. Hi im in a dilemma and i have 2 simple questions i need answered,so here it goes. So i started talking to this girl at school and shes the sister of one of my friends. She's cool and i am attracted to her. Today she told me she was freezing and...
A. 19 January 2012: She likes you, or could. Her shock at your age is a good indicator that she may be feeling you out for being a potential partner. Ask her how she feels about dating a younger guy.
Check the laws in your state. You may both have to keep your clo... (read in full...)
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