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... Send *yle007 a private message | | | *yle007's profile:I am of Swedish, German and Hungarian descent. My soul is Japanese but my mind is American. My advice comes from many philosophical backgrounds, is 100% common sense and completely psychology-free (so you won't end up addicted to anti-depressants from anything I say). |
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| Latest articles: Married is better
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 August 2011: Years ago before my wife and I were married, I sat at a restaurant with her and gazed into her eyes as she gazed into mine and we knew we loved each other. Not much later we got married. I have had many crushes, some flings and other adventures...
Sexual Freedom
No replies yet... 24 August 2011: Your sexuality is not an expression of freedom. I mean, after all, do you think that several billion people on this planet have sex drives of their own free will, as if all these people thought of these things independently, on their own? No...
Your one, undeniable right
No replies yet... 22 August 2011: You have the right to your own thoughts. You can think of whatever you want, good, bad, smart,stupid or silly. If someone tells you how you should feel about something, or think about something, you can accept or reject that, whether openly o...
Maintaining Sanity in a Dating World Gone Mad
No replies yet... 21 August 2011: I will say this very bluntly, honestly and confidently, that the main thing (and perhaps the only thing) that will keep you sane in the realm of dating, sex, marriage and romance is to maintain your integrity and moral standards. Some people do...
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Why does it feel like I'm the one having to make all the moves?
Q. Tell it to me straight people I especially need some advice from The men I'm seeing a man it's been about a month maybe once a week, but we go way back there's history. We've had three sleepover dates and lots of making out but I won't let him sl...
A. 8 April 2012: Just wish you good luck. Tell him what you want as far as attention from him, make agreements as to how to proceed, and he will either be on board or he won't. I hope it turns out well for you.... (read in full...)
Is it normal for an attached man to pay for lapdances?
Q. Hi- I'm interested in guys' opinion on this one. Do ou think it's normal for a guy who has a gf to still go to strip clubs on the weekend with his guy friends and to pay for lap dances? I could understand the bachelor party thing and for single guys ...
A. 27 March 2012: You know something, whether its normal or not, right or wrong, going to strip clubs is still a reflection on someone's character.
And all things being equal, I am sure the vast majority of women in their heart of hearts prefer men who don't go... (read in full...)
Why does it feel like I'm the one having to make all the moves?
Q. Tell it to me straight people I especially need some advice from The men I'm seeing a man it's been about a month maybe once a week, but we go way back there's history. We've had three sleepover dates and lots of making out but I won't let him sl...
A. 23 March 2012: NOW we are getting somewhere.
I can understand that fear. You are afraid that all he wants is sex. And there are enough "love them and leave them" kind of guys out that to warrant that fear in many women.
I think its safe to say that a simil... (read in full...)
Why does it feel like I'm the one having to make all the moves?
Q. Tell it to me straight people I especially need some advice from The men I'm seeing a man it's been about a month maybe once a week, but we go way back there's history. We've had three sleepover dates and lots of making out but I won't let him sl...
A. 23 March 2012: OK look, whether you are the OP or not, even a great BJ is foreplay. In his mind he is most likely dying to sleep with you. This is torturous for him and is going to lead to all sorts of weird behavior on his part. And whether or not you can ... (read in full...)
Is it normal for an attached man to pay for lapdances?
Q. Hi- I'm interested in guys' opinion on this one. Do ou think it's normal for a guy who has a gf to still go to strip clubs on the weekend with his guy friends and to pay for lap dances? I could understand the bachelor party thing and for single guys ...
A. 23 March 2012: I actually have been to a strip club, thank you very much anonymous male reader. And I said "engaging in a sexual activity " not having sex. Its not an educational activity or a sports activity is it?
And when I "window shop" for say, shoes or... (read in full...)
Why does it feel like I'm the one having to make all the moves?
Q. Tell it to me straight people I especially need some advice from The men I'm seeing a man it's been about a month maybe once a week, but we go way back there's history. We've had three sleepover dates and lots of making out but I won't let him sl...
A. 23 March 2012: Again, when you log in with the same user ID you used to post the question, and then do the followup, a message highlighted in yellow comes up saying "this has been verified as the original poster of this question". Anyone could claim they are the ... (read in full...)
My wife agreed to introduce this third woman into our sex life to spice things up, but now I have feelings for her. My insecure wife is fine with other women but not this one, why doesn't she want me to be happy?
Q. My wife and I have been married 14 years. Pregnant at 17 but in love at the time. Because of the diffucultys of being young parents we went through a lot of struggles. I feel this had a registering effect on some of our marriage because of the ...
A. 23 March 2012: Tell you what, since you won't take anyone's advice here, why don't you just go do what you want and see how it works out for you. Wait a few months and report back on your progress. If your wife hasn't killed you yet, that is.... (read in full...)
Should I just move on from lying boyfriend and not become cold hearted?
Q. I just found out through fb tht my bf is a lieing dog. And what ive come to find out is tht while I was sticking around wanting his attention and holdin on to his broken promises tht I shouldve been left all the times I was ready to walk away but he ...
A. 22 March 2012: Best way to break up with someone is to invite him to a restaurant and have your closest friends sitting in nearby tables. Tell him its over.
You do need to put some meanness in your heart to break up with someone, but you don't have to hang ont... (read in full...)
Is a massage with an 'unintentional' happy ending cheating?
Q. Is a massage with an 'unintentional' happy ending cheating? I'm a married woman. Before I met my husband I did take some classes at a massage school. I never persued that as a career (my husband would never approve). However, I am very good at giv...
A. 22 March 2012: Its not sex. I am sure this happens to professionals all the time. Maybe you should talk to a professional and ask them if this ever happens. No, no need to tell your husband, and if he finds out otherwise, just tell him that its privileged ... (read in full...)
How do I make new guy friends?
Q. How to make new GUY friends? I know you guys must be like we need our girls but I have an amazing group of girl friends and I love them but I think it's high time to get some guys into my life again.( again in the sense I only used to have guy ...
A. 22 March 2012: Have your girlfriends introduce you to their guy friends.... (read in full...)
I think my son has been brainwashed against me!
Q. I have teenager, his dad and I split up when he was 18 months old, he left me for a younger model (he had a baby with and left her, but saw her child), I was his second wife as he was divorced when I met him, he has 2 children from his first wife, ...
A. 22 March 2012: Should you be hurt? Yes. Surprised? No.
If you play the tape for him, do it in person alone with him, and offer no opinions or any other explanations about it to him. Quietly listen to whatever he has to say about it, and answer any question... (read in full...)
Too call or not to call a man after 3 dates?
Q. I met a guy out, and he got my card. He emailed a few days later and asked me out. Our first date went well (touching of the knee, arm, etc). He asked for my phone number but he didn't call until 5 days later. When he did call, he asked me out ...
A. 22 March 2012: Oh, I almost forgot.
You CAN call him up, and you can ask him if there is something (or someone) else he would rather be doing than spending time with you. Don't accept "I'm too busy now". That literally means "You aren't as high a priority... (read in full...)
Too call or not to call a man after 3 dates?
Q. I met a guy out, and he got my card. He emailed a few days later and asked me out. Our first date went well (touching of the knee, arm, etc). He asked for my phone number but he didn't call until 5 days later. When he did call, he asked me out ...
A. 22 March 2012: Objectively speaking, a two day wait on a text and no real phone call six days after a date is just plain rude in my book.
From my personal experience, when I am going good with someone I talk to them nearly every day, and she makes a point to... (read in full...)
I get this feeling that I'm missing something big in my life!
Q. I have this overwhelming feeling, sometimes it fades and sometimes it comes back strong, but I can't ever put my finger on what it is. It's a feeling of something big is missing in my life. I'm always feeling restless, I always want more, I go ...
A. 22 March 2012: Life is a game that just continues on with bigger and bigger challenges. Treat it as a game, and try not to take things too seriously.
And fulfillment, happiness and joy do not come from external things, they come from you, and only you.
... (read in full...)
Sudden change in behavior of my girlfriend since her friend came on the scene.
Q. hi, i have a girlfriend for 3 months, she's chinese and im not but im an asian too. so for the first two months everything was cool but suddenly she just changed telling me that because of her mood swings. after that she told me that she's helping ...
A. 22 March 2012: Get WHO is stressing her out. Find out WHO may be saying that she should not be with you.
But ultimately, her life is her responsibility, and no matter what may be causing her to distance herself, the fact remains that it is happening. You don'... (read in full...)
Boyfriend calling me for a party but I'm not sure. What should I do?
Q. My boyfriend has been bugging me to go out partying with him and his mates after school tomorrow. Here is the thing I don't want to go, not because I don't mind partying but because I don't want to feel like a babysitter watching him and his mates ...
A. 22 March 2012: Well, the fact that he is inviting you along shows he is not planning to do anything you don't approve of like another woman.
But it is true, enough alcohol and the absence of one's significant other can change plans.
If I were you, I would go ... (read in full...)
I'm attracted to my uncle who was adopted by my grandparents
Q. I'm 18 years old. My mother was American (well of irish heritage) and she married my father in 1990. He was born in Mexico. He is full blood Mexican. My grandparents, my uncles, aunts, and all that also live in Mexico. I've lived in the U.S. my ...
A. 22 March 2012: I would advise against doing anything at all as far as making a move on him or accepting a move from him.
If you end up marrying him, this is a confusing family tree.
If it does not work out (as the vast majority of relationships DO... (read in full...)
How do I ask him if he'd like to live with me?
Q. How do ask my boyfriend if he wants to live with me? We have been going out for 9 months now. I have been for the past month spending 75% of my time at his place, and he is making a lot more effort for me like meeting my friends,cooking for me, ...
A. 22 March 2012: "Would you like to live together?". Or any similar question will do.... (read in full...)
Playing games with my crush led to me touching him, did he do this on purpose?
Q. Okay so this will be a kind of long question, I apologize for that. Okay well there is the guy at school that I have a crush on, lets call him Torro for now, we have only one class together because he is a junior and I'm a sophomore, but in this ...
A. 22 March 2012: At this point you just have to decide what kind of relationship you want with him.
a) friendship
b) romance
c) endless wondering
Let him know which and see if he is on the same page.
If its friendship, tell him you just want to be friends.... (read in full...)
How many dates before I can ask her to be my girlfriend?
Q. hi everyone. i recently met a very lovely girl on an internet dating site, and at the weekend we are going on our 3rd date. i really like this girl and things seem to be going really well, which is odd as i normally dont ever get a 3rd date as im qu...
A. 22 March 2012: I've got it on the first one before, to be honest. As soon as you want an exclusive relationship, its best not to waste time saying it.... (read in full...)
Does she like me? Or my friend? Or is she just flirty will all guys?
Q. Hi, you can call me M I'm an 18 year old guy who has never had a girlfriend. I don't count myself as very good looking, I'm short and overweight, and this makes me very shy and nervous when talking to girls. One night I was in a club with my fri...
A. 22 March 2012: This type of woman makes for a very bad girlfriend. Best scenario: You go out on some dates, you get close, have lots of great sex and then watch her flirt with every guy in the place every time you go out, and the jealousy you have and her ... (read in full...)
Why does it feel like I'm the one having to make all the moves?
Q. Tell it to me straight people I especially need some advice from The men I'm seeing a man it's been about a month maybe once a week, but we go way back there's history. We've had three sleepover dates and lots of making out but I won't let him sl...
A. 22 March 2012: I need to amend the answer:
I noticed that the "anonymous female" is not verified as being the original poster. Could the original poster please log in (and still post anonymously) and let us know if that is really you who wrote that followup... (read in full...)
Why does it feel like I'm the one having to make all the moves?
Q. Tell it to me straight people I especially need some advice from The men I'm seeing a man it's been about a month maybe once a week, but we go way back there's history. We've had three sleepover dates and lots of making out but I won't let him sl...
A. 22 March 2012: You wrote:
We have done other things in bed just not intercourse.
OK, so this just means its even more severe. Lets see, how can I put this?
You've invited him over to look at the cookie jar. You have shown him how lovely the cookie jar lo... (read in full...)
My wife agreed to introduce this third woman into our sex life to spice things up, but now I have feelings for her. My insecure wife is fine with other women but not this one, why doesn't she want me to be happy?
Q. My wife and I have been married 14 years. Pregnant at 17 but in love at the time. Because of the diffucultys of being young parents we went through a lot of struggles. I feel this had a registering effect on some of our marriage because of the ...
A. 22 March 2012: You've been told by posters over and over again that the three of you does not work. You can't stop the ugly head of jealousy in any other way than to return to a one on one monogamous relationship.
You know, people actually kill each other ov... (read in full...)
My best guy friend was having constant fights with his girlfriend because of me, so I told him we cant be friends anymore. Did I do the right thing?
Q. I just broke all ties with my guy best friend because I was getting hurt with whatever that was happening and I couldn't take the pain. We've been best friends for two and a half years and he was literally my everything since i was going through ...
A. 22 March 2012: OK, the reality of the situation is that at one time or another you had romantic feelings for him and he had romantic feelings for you. If his girlfriend has a shred of intelligence she has either perceived this or he has told her this.
Think... (read in full...)
My wife agreed to introduce this third woman into our sex life to spice things up, but now I have feelings for her. My insecure wife is fine with other women but not this one, why doesn't she want me to be happy?
Q. My wife and I have been married 14 years. Pregnant at 17 but in love at the time. Because of the diffucultys of being young parents we went through a lot of struggles. I feel this had a registering effect on some of our marriage because of the ...
A. 22 March 2012: My only advice is to stop doing threesomes altogether. Jealousy does not arise in relationships where there are TWO people. That is why the vast majority of us are one-on-one, and those relationships are hard enough as it is.... (read in full...)
How do I offer this FWB situation to him without sounding like a whore?
Q. I have known this guy for a couple of years now and we have gone on a couple of dates. Well.... last week we had sex, but he let me know that he he is not interested in a girlfriend and Im not interested in a boyfriend. I want to be FWB but also ...
A. 22 March 2012: Honey, you have a best friend already that you mess around with and then you go and have sex with someone else, but you want to have that one too, regularly but without commitments? Just what IS your definition of whore here?
And is it that you... (read in full...)
Why does it feel like I'm the one having to make all the moves?
Q. Tell it to me straight people I especially need some advice from The men I'm seeing a man it's been about a month maybe once a week, but we go way back there's history. We've had three sleepover dates and lots of making out but I won't let him sl...
A. 22 March 2012: Sorry, but if you don't want to go all the way with someone, you shouldn't have a "sleepover date" and you have had three of them? He is letting you do all the initiating because you are probably confusing the hell out of this man and he is now ... (read in full...)
We are separted, he thinks I cheated. I want to send him a birthday card. Should I?
Q. My husband and I are separated for the last 2months. We had a lot of issues going into this, but the main issue now is he thinks I cheated on him. I want to try and work things out with him, and in the beginning he said he did too, but I am not so ...
A. 22 March 2012: Just send him the card. If you can't even send the guy a birthday card, then forget about having reconciliation talks.
BTW, find out what HE did.... (read in full...)
Me and my boyfriend don't know which day our anniversary would be!
Q. Please help us settle this debate. My boyfriend and I in a disagreement about when our official anniversary should be celebrated. Option 1: September 8th. This is the day we first slept together. We had been dating for two months before this dat...
A. 21 March 2012: Celebrate both anniversaries. Two parties are better than one, aren't they? Just celebrate each thing for what it is. Umm, is this your only "real problem"? If so, you guys are actually pretty well off.... (read in full...)
Boyfriend doesn't initiate sex?
Q. My boyfriend and I started having sex around a month ago, and whenever we do its amazing - however, he always seems to have a problem initiating it. Before we just did other stuff like oral sex, and he loves that, and has no problem initiating it. ...
A. 20 March 2012: He could just be feeling he needs your permission, and just trying to be a gentleman about it. Does it really matter who initiates? Has he ever refused you?... (read in full...)
She said her feelings had changed. should I cut contact?
Q. So, I was in a relationship with a girl for five months. Last thursday, she broke up with me, telling me she didn't know why but that her feelings had changed. I am slowly coming to terms with this, but I am still very much in love with her. I have ...
A. 20 March 2012: If you value your happiness (and hers as well) then cut contact.... (read in full...)
He only seems to ask me out when he knows I can't go!
Q. Hi everyone, thank you in advance for any help, anyone can give. I really like this guy who I see through work about once a week, outside of that we phone each other and text all the time, I have told him how I feel about him and he says that he ...
A. 20 March 2012: OK, its really a matter of this:
You ask "Would you like to go to the movies Saturday?"
He responds: "No"
You ask "What night would be good for you?"
He says "Sunday".
There is your date.
Or he asks you "Want to go out Friday?"
And yo... (read in full...)
Should I tell her my feelings before I leave for uni?
Q. I am 18 and work part time at a restaurant, but will be leaving in a few months to start uni. I'm dead into a girl my age at work, and always have been. We have gotten friendly while drunk a few times but I never asked her out, and would find it ...
A. 20 March 2012: So, you won't forgive yourself if you never tell this woman how you feel for her right before you go away and she can't see you?
I am sorry but it would be selfish of you to get someone all worked up over you right before you leave.
Not to ... (read in full...)
How can I get him back? I love him so much...
Q. I love my ex boyfriend so much. We were so in love but then he broke up with me saying he didn't want a relationship anymore:( A year later I'm still cryin and missing him. I can't get him out my heart and my head. Yesterday I rang him, he m...
A. 20 March 2012: The sooner you tell him you want to get back together with him the better.
This "just being friends" with anyone after breaking up with them, or anyone you have a crush on, or anyone that you are attracted to that is off-limits is just a recipe f... (read in full...)
One minute he is into me, the next minute I don't exist!
Q. I'm in a massive dilemma here on what to do. An close of mine has a new gf and they are always at each others throats. So he came to my door yesterday nearly in tears so I let him in and talked it through with him. Basically his gf spends all her ...
A. 20 March 2012: Don't try to make sense of it. He's just a bad dude. He broke the rules kissing you when he was involved with someone else. How does that fly in your "book of rules"?... (read in full...)
Is it normal for an attached man to pay for lapdances?
Q. Hi- I'm interested in guys' opinion on this one. Do ou think it's normal for a guy who has a gf to still go to strip clubs on the weekend with his guy friends and to pay for lap dances? I could understand the bachelor party thing and for single guys ...
A. 20 March 2012: Common? Maybe. Normal? Maybe. Aceeptable? Absolutely not!
He is engaging in a sexual activity with another woman. Hellooo.... (read in full...)
How can I make things better, so he'll want to come back to me?
Q. my boyfriend and i broke up thursday we have an 8 month old daughter together. basically i feel as if i was a terrible girlfriend. why? i was always mad at him. bringing unecery drama in the relationship. lets just say he works monday, wensday,...
A. 20 March 2012: Your reasons for getting mad at him may be legitimate. You have a baby together. That's party over- for both of you. If he is not making time for you and your child, then you are just going to get mad at him over and over again. This is not ... (read in full...)
I've pushed the boat out before and dropped some hints, but he always treads around it. Am I getting this wrong?
Q. I've been friends with this guy for about 2 years. When we first met we did kinda date but not really even though I still have feelings for him despite me saying with should just be friends. Anyway recently he's been seeing this girl whose been ...
A. 20 March 2012: The "vibes" are no good until he ditches his girlfiend. He may be looking to you to fill some sort of void in his life while he is miserable with his current girlfriend.
This is NOT a good beginning to a relationship for either of you.... (read in full...)
Think I'm falling for her but don't want to hurt the friendship
Q. I dont know whats happening to me, i have just got out of a relationship. I dont know how but i think i am now developing feelings for my childhood friend who is my best friends sister. I've known her since i was a child and she is one of my best ...
A. 19 March 2012: Once you have developed romantic feelings for a woman it is an inescapable choice you have with the situation:
1) You act on those feelings
2) You cut that person out of your life
3) Lose your mind from not being able to express yourself... (read in full...)
How could he move on so quick?
Q. Me and my boyfriend of five and a half years called it quit a month and two weeks ago. One month after we separated he post pics on Facebook of him and his new girlfriend. My heart hurt in a place I never felt before. I don't know whether to move ...
A. 18 March 2012: You wrote:
I don't know whether to move on with my life or wait for him to realize what he had.
Move on with your life.
I mean, a breakup results in two people not seeing each other anymore. You've achieved that.
You don't break up w... (read in full...)
I feel like I'm cheating on my b/f because I'm attracted to another guy
Q. Hi, I've been with my boyfriend that I lost my virginity to for nearly 2 years. We've been rowing a lot lately but we always have rows. Lately I've been put into a paired group project with university and have been really getting along with this ...
A. 15 March 2012: The problem with this sort of emotional affair isn't even any sort of moral one really, its the psychological damage you are doing to yourself on a daily basis that is built up by your continual resistance to getting physical with him. You want to, ... (read in full...)
I'm a guy and I hate sex with my fiance
Q. I'm not sure what to do anymore. I hate having sex with her, and the thought of it now sadly, turns me off anymore. Whenever I try to get her in the mood, I am always shot down. And I mean always. So I stop wanting it, and then my fiance c...
A. 9 February 2012: Well, you won't want to hear this, but you will perpetuate the problem by masturbating to pornography. I would advise removing that from the scenario completely. You don't like having real sex with her, so you try porn. You like the porn, so you ... (read in full...)
I think I may have a porn problem!
Q. I think I may have a porn problem. Basically I have always watched porn for the last 6/7 years while being a teenager but I have recently noticed that I have been watching a lot of hardcore porn. I've had performance problems in the past...
A. 1 February 2012: Have you considered trying lucid dreaming?
It can be a very healthy release from internal sexual tension, but it does take some practice and work.
... (read in full...)
I have a Major Crush on this 18 year old girl. Should I try to move on and forget these feelings or keep persisting?
Q. I'm almost 17. I fell in love with a girl who played in the opening band for my band a while back. I thought I was in love the first time I saw her. It felt like a movie scene for the night that I was with her. I found out a few days after talk...
A. 23 January 2012: Doesn't look like there is a future.
Best find someone else to socialize with.... (read in full...)
I thought he was the "one". Apparently not. So why does he still want to meet? Will I ever get over him?
Q. Why am I still hurting after so many months? is this normal? ? My ex boyfriend and I broke up 10months ago. He said he didn't want a relationship anymore. But then I found out he was cheating on me when we were together. I loved him so much,...
A. 23 January 2012: You said:
Why can't I get over him and what he did? After 10months and am still lost, empty, depressed and still hurting.
Because he is still in touch with you. Tell him that you do not want to be friends and don't want to talk any more.
... (read in full...)
Is there any hope for a second chance with her?
Q. Long story short, I told one of my best friends that I really like her. What I didn't tell her was that I was practically in love with her ever since we met, I was just afraid to tell her because she was, and still is, the only girl I have ever ...
A. 22 January 2012: Getting over your emotions and still being a good friend to her is a tall order. Personally, I have found this sort of arrangement to be a recipe for certain insanity.
Make one last play, you got nothing to lose. But if she just wants to be fr... (read in full...)
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