A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi there...so... i broke up with my bf almost 3 months ago. He was pretty hurt, and so was i, cause we really loved each other. we were together for 3 and a half year.he was pretty imature (still is), and we argued a lot...i felt i was missing on the chance of meeting a nice guy, who wasn't so imature and wouldn't fight me all the time for no reason.even after the break, we remained close... we talk almost every day... friendly stuff...at first, he'd say he missed me, and that we'd get back together, and i kinda ignored it, because i wanted to get over him. but i can't get over him! i know it's recent, and that maybe i should give it more time to heal, but, i can't stop thinking about him! and even if we wanted, get back together would be so hard, because he's living in a different city and our schedules doesn't match.he stopped saying cute things to me, and we talk as friends... but recently he admited he misses me but doesn't want to get back together because he's scared i'll break up with him again. he fears it'll be like before... he also said that maybe, sometime in the future, we'd be together again...what does this mean?does he still have feelings for me?and even if it gets really hard, should i try to get back together with him?please help...
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female
reader, sugarandspikes  +, writes (14 August 2011):
When I was 13 years old, I started dating this guy and we were together all of the time- until I was 16 years old. During that time, he actually proposed to me, but I said no- of course. We broke up because, well, to put it bluntly- I was raped and he couldn't handle it. I cried for months about it, wishing I'd never even told anyone. And I did the whole back-and-forth with that relationship for much longer than I should have. But, what more can you expect from someone who is inexperienced? That's the problem with dating when you're pretty young, you get these feelings that feel like true love. But, it very rarely is. Sometimes, when two teenagers who both feel lonely manage to get together, it's much harder to break that relationship up permanently. It's not really him that you are missing, most likely- it's company. Being able to be part of a couple. You don't really know yourself right now, which I know is hard to accept, but you have years of growth ahead of you. It seems silly to waste more time devoting yourself to that same person that you've already learned is not who you're looking for. I am older- not a whole lot- and wiser now, and I wish I would have broken up with him much sooner than I did (that was about 6 months in.) I wish I wouldn't have wasted more time with him. Because now, now that I am in the market for a person I could maybe get old with, it's harder for me to build relationships. In my opinion, long term relationships in your teens are much more destructive than helpful. My advice is: Take this time to be alone. To date a little bit. To get to know yourself before you decide to be part of a couple.
A
male
reader, Kyle007 +, writes (14 August 2011):
I have a very firm policy of never remaining friends after a breakup. Why torture yourself?
They say don't burn bridges behind you, but sometimes you have to in order to keep the enemy troops from pursuing you.
Get back together with him? Do you really want that difficulty? You already said it would be hard.
Please, don't lead this guy on. If you care enough about him, end all contact so he can get over this.
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