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... Send *yle007 a private message | | | *yle007's profile:I am of Swedish, German and Hungarian descent. My soul is Japanese but my mind is American. My advice comes from many philosophical backgrounds, is 100% common sense and completely psychology-free (so you won't end up addicted to anti-depressants from anything I say). |
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| Latest articles: Married is better
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 August 2011: Years ago before my wife and I were married, I sat at a restaurant with her and gazed into her eyes as she gazed into mine and we knew we loved each other. Not much later we got married. I have had many crushes, some flings and other adventures...
Sexual Freedom
No replies yet... 24 August 2011: Your sexuality is not an expression of freedom. I mean, after all, do you think that several billion people on this planet have sex drives of their own free will, as if all these people thought of these things independently, on their own? No...
Your one, undeniable right
No replies yet... 22 August 2011: You have the right to your own thoughts. You can think of whatever you want, good, bad, smart,stupid or silly. If someone tells you how you should feel about something, or think about something, you can accept or reject that, whether openly o...
Maintaining Sanity in a Dating World Gone Mad
No replies yet... 21 August 2011: I will say this very bluntly, honestly and confidently, that the main thing (and perhaps the only thing) that will keep you sane in the realm of dating, sex, marriage and romance is to maintain your integrity and moral standards. Some people do...
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How do I find out if this man is interested or just playing games?
Q. Four months ago I met a man at work and there was an instant mutual attraction.As he is from Spain I was wary of possibly macho or player behaviour and closely observed his behaviour with other women, but saw no player behavour. Other girls have ...
A. 22 August 2011: His intentions may not "just be sex" but how does his taking a genuine interest in you for who you are, caring about your feelings, etc make any of this OK? Its extra-marital. And you, if you were just wanting to be friends with him this would not ... (read in full...)
His family drives a wedge between constantly - can our relationship survive???
Q. I need some advise as to what I need to do regarding my relationship. I have been dating this guy for almost 2 years. This last we officially made it boyfriend and girlfriend. I was introduce to his family, including grandma. He knows my family ...
A. 21 August 2011: You wrote: I'm afraid if I do leave him, that I will regret it because what if he changes for someone else and actually makes a real commitment.
This is not likely. But you aren't going to find out because you aren't going to be part of his life... (read in full...)
Why couldn't I cum? Have I jerked off too much?
Q. i lost my virginity on my futon, and i maturbated a few times last night and the night before that. and today i lost my virginity and i didnt cum! but i made the girl cum 3 times once where she squirted all over my futon but why didnt i cum! ...
A. 21 August 2011: I did not cum the first few times I had sex. Its OK. Its a matter of finding just the right angle, rhythm and spot.
Also, and this is REALLY important, drink plenty of liquids before having sex. Sperm is a fluid and you may have just been deh... (read in full...)
After almost 4 years I still miss my ex
Q. I have a common problem with a specific scenario: I miss my ex, still, after three, nearly four years. It makes me feel like a weak and undeserving person. We met in high school my senior year while he was a sophomore and had a completely wonde...
A. 21 August 2011: I think you need to focus more on the fact that you are unhappy with your current relationship and less on the fact that you think the "ex" is the solution to that.
You can only assume that things would have worked out despite the distance... (read in full...)
I didn't ask for her number and now I miss her!
Q. Met up with my buddy to discuss a trip. Brought some booze, he brought some too = Too much booze. Typical situation. Well here's the kicker; he brought his colleague along this time. I don't know if it was intentional but he isolated himself...
A. 21 August 2011: You cannot convince me that you don't want to bring her into a relationship. No one I know acts like this with someone they want to be friends with.
And why don't you deserve her? Exactly what are the prerequisites for happiness anyway? If she ... (read in full...)
Is it weird that I'm sad that I no longer miss my ex?
Q. Last night, I had a dream about my ex-girlfriend. But when I woke , I didn’t start missing her as it used to be the case just few months back. She dumped me almost one year ago and she thought I was not financial stable and there was class ...
A. 21 August 2011: I don't know if its necessarily NORMAL that you don't miss the woman who dumped you, but I would definitely say it is
OPTIMAL.
You can't worship this relationship any more. Its over and it was a bad one if it ended. Be happy you are over thi... (read in full...)
He likes to french kiss! I don't!
Q. What do I do when my boyfriend likes to tongue but I actually hate it with a passion, what should I do?...
A. 21 August 2011: Maybe you should get into it gradually by just touching tongues to each other for a bit.
I hate to tell you this, but most boys/men will want to French kiss.
Your probably not wanting to have sex either, so you are not really leaving this guy... (read in full...)
Am I just another boy toy to her?
Q. So there is this girl who i've been friends with for about a year or so. We've been good friends but i never considered anything more happening. She is really attractive but i never thought she would want to be with me and i also thought she was ...
A. 21 August 2011: Here is the line that concerns me:
"She gives me more of this attention than the others and I think I'm starting to like her. "
OK, so even though you are her "favorite" there still are "others".
You need to call her on her flirtations and i... (read in full...)
I didn't ask for her number and now I miss her!
Q. Met up with my buddy to discuss a trip. Brought some booze, he brought some too = Too much booze. Typical situation. Well here's the kicker; he brought his colleague along this time. I don't know if it was intentional but he isolated himself...
A. 21 August 2011: Get the number from your friend. Do NOT let this get away or you will be torturing yourself about it.
Tell her when you call that you wanted to ask her number but were too drunk to write it down, so you asked your friend for it. Be polite, ... (read in full...)
Still in love with ex, but badly in need of guidance
Q. I am still madly in love with my ex boyfriend. We still talk everyday but its always a fight. We tell each other every day that we wanna be together, but we can never get over things. He tells me how he's so in love with me and I'm the only girl he ...
A. 21 August 2011: What is going on is that you feel sort of "safe" with him because you have a history. To you, this sometimes overrides the fact that you are at odds with him.
You know, staying friends after a breakup is a bad enough of an idea. But you guys are... (read in full...)
What can I do - his behaviour towards me is a turn-off
Q. What am I to do, when the love is not all there? I do love my husband, but he has done some things that I totaly dissagree with, like hanging out until the next morning with the guys, not answering my calls, not coming home, lieing etc, the list ...
A. 21 August 2011: You need the full details of what happens when he hangs out with the guys until the next morning.
To answer your question of "how he can treat you any kind of way and think I am going to lay down with him?"
Its simple: He is selfish.... (read in full...)
His family drives a wedge between constantly - can our relationship survive???
Q. I need some advise as to what I need to do regarding my relationship. I have been dating this guy for almost 2 years. This last we officially made it boyfriend and girlfriend. I was introduce to his family, including grandma. He knows my family ...
A. 21 August 2011: Any pattern of breaking up and getting back together is not good at all. You will never have security in your relationship and never have any closure on ending it either unless you just completely disconnect. I am 100% serious.... (read in full...)
Why do I lose all confidence when I try talk to guys?
Q. Well here's my situation. Over the years at school, there have been two or 3 boys that I'd get a crush on, never talk to, and then the feeling would fade. Well, I have a new crush, the only difference, is that we have a lot in common with music and ...
A. 21 August 2011: Here is a good guideline: You see, you are nervous because you want the guy to be interested in YOU. And that is where you are fowling up all the time. Don't try to impress him. Don't steer his interest toward you. And don't necessarily put your ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend's ex is around all the time with their son. Its too much!
Q. I met this girl "megan" 2 yrs ago through work, she was dating a jerk to say the least. she was madly in love with him and couldnt see how big of an ass he was. A few months after meeting her she got pregnant, he cheated on her several times through ...
A. 21 August 2011: This is the lifestyle you chose and obviously your girlfriend is comfortable with it too.
You really need to speak to her to see if 1) she still has feelings for the ex and 2) if they can work out a visitation schedule that allows you and her to h... (read in full...)
No pleasure from wanking conventionally - what's wrong with me?
Q. I've spent hours of my life researching this on the internet, and maybe I'm unique- or not searching for the right thing. I don't masturbate the "convential way" - I jam my penis between my thighs and then rock my legs forward and back (while lyin...
A. 21 August 2011: I don't think there is anything wrong with you at all. And since conventional wanking does not work for you (I can't believe it, I am an American and I am saying "wanking") then I think you are BRILLIANT for figuring out a way to relieve ... (read in full...)
A woman with a high status position,is it a turn off for blokes?
Q. because I run my own business i cannot seem to find a man that wants me,or is it because i have a child?...
A. 21 August 2011: When I was younger and poorer I met a great woman online that turned out to be an executive of a high-profile business. She had a grown daughter.
It did not stop me, and it did not stop her. It wasn't the love of a lifetime, but it was a great ... (read in full...)
Make a move? Or let things go?
Q. A guy whom I used to have a small crush nothing really big has just returned home from america. I spoke to him a little bit in School but not much. But when i was out tonight I seen him and he kept looking at me. I didnt get to talk to him coz I was ...
A. 21 August 2011: Its completely your decision whether or not to make a move on him. But I have a feeling you are not going to just leave this one alone.
So, try to engage him in conversation and see where it leads. Touch him a lot, that is a good signal that you... (read in full...)
I don't know if I have enough courage to talk to him
Q. So, I like this guy and I am positive he likes me too. But we're both really shy and I don't know if I have enough courage to talk to him. By talk to him I mean confront him about my feelings for him. School is just about to start and I don't ...
A. 21 August 2011: If you are not ready for a relationship then this is a moot point. Why tell him your feelings if you don't want a relationship? Do you just want him to have the information and that's it?
When you want a relationship, tell him how you feel.... (read in full...)
How do I find out if this man is interested or just playing games?
Q. Four months ago I met a man at work and there was an instant mutual attraction.As he is from Spain I was wary of possibly macho or player behaviour and closely observed his behaviour with other women, but saw no player behavour. Other girls have ...
A. 21 August 2011: He is not only playing a game with you but also with his marriage. His intentions? He wants to avoid his marital problems and use you for sex!!!! If he withdraws, its because he may be feeling a momentary bit of guilt over this. Yes, even people ... (read in full...)
I turned him down and he feels rejected.How do I get him back?
Q. I really like this guy that lives near me.He has a partner and kids,but he wants to meet me.We are old school friends on facebook.I have shown interest in him but decided that I should't see him because it is too close to home.But we get on so well ...
A. 21 August 2011: He has a partner? Pardon my American ears, but does that mean he has a wife or live-in girlfriend who he raises kids with?
If that is the case, it does not matter how he feels. You don't get him back, period.
Let me tell you, your integr... (read in full...)
Was I wrong to break up with him over this?
Q. Hi, wondering if you could give me honest answers please. I cant seem to move on from my first love. There Ive said it. He was 12years my senior, split from his wife for 5years before i met him. He has a great family and i not only fell for him ...
A. 21 August 2011: It sounds like enough time has passed that it does not matter any more.
Don't go crawling back to him because you are lonely, though.
I can't really tell the right or wrong of this matter. All I can say is that you need to move on.
It j... (read in full...)
How long does it take the know someone and take things slow?
Q. ok i barly met this guy on Thurday (8-18-11) after school. i thought he was really cute and so i asked him for his Facebook and number. he gave it to me and i started to talk to him every since thursday. and the more we got to know each other the ...
A. 21 August 2011: You have to feel it out. There is no pat answer for this one.... (read in full...)
After a month he just stopped responding. What do I do?
Q. For about a month i,ve been texting and meeting up with a friend of a friends brother. Everything was going great until he stood me up and never replied to my texts. He wouldn't even text or call me to let me know he wasn't coming. I haven't texted ...
A. 20 August 2011: You need to find out if something bad happened to him like he got into an auto accident and is now in a coma, for example. At least get some closure on it if possible.
But if he is alive and well and ignoring you, for your own sake, move on. ... (read in full...)
Just makes some sense out of this.
Q. Have you ever wanted to just shake someone and scream in their ear, "I f***ing love you. Get over yourself already?!" After heartbreak, I met a guy in November of 2009 online. I wasn't even particularly looking to start something new, but there w...
A. 20 August 2011: Don't be so patient. Let him know what you want. Ask questions. Communicate. Tell him what a shame it would be to miss out on all the love that you could have with each other.... (read in full...)
She cheated on me, how can I stop being paranoid?
Q. Okay well me and my fiance have been together for a little over two years now. When we first started dating she cheated on me with one of my bestfriends and that went on for about a week and her excuse was she didnt think we had a serious ...
A. 20 August 2011: You have to ask yourself what is more important to you, this woman, or your peace of mind. Because you don't have both and I doubt you ever will.
... (read in full...)
A question for the guys! How important is it to last in bed?
Q. This is a question for the guys! Ok, how important is it for guys to last during sex? I ask because my new boyfriend only lasts about 2 minutes before he comes and now hes shying away from sex. To me its not a big deal, because although it woul...
A. 20 August 2011: You really need to check to see if there are any other issues going on here besides this obvious one, as you did say that at first it was not a problem.
I don't have as much endurance as I used to, and I like to take my partner to orgasm BEFORE "... (read in full...)
Falling in love was great but now it hurts like hell. I am 50 she is 18. Will she come back to me?
Q. i am a 50 and male,and i have been working with this young woman who is 18. She is the owners daughter so I first was aware of her when she was 11. About 8 months ago,we fell in love,believe it or not, both our first love... i have never dated be...
A. 20 August 2011: I am an American, so I don't know the laws in Canada, but over here you are a legal adult at the age of 18. Theoretically, she could move in with you and there would not be a thing her parents could do about it. Save that, she can move out and... (read in full...)
Did I say the wrong thing and break this up? Or is his reaction the problem?
Q. i met this guy on plenty of fish coming up to a year in september we havent met yet but we do talk all the time via txt or phone, We have been meaning to meet but for various reasons, different jobs and place we live, it never seem to happen, ...
A. 20 August 2011: You never said you thought that he was sleeping with someone else. You just asked when the last time he did it was. You may have hit too close to home on something. When people begin relationships, asking about sexual history is an intelligent... (read in full...)
My girl friend is on a path that will destroy our relationship. Should I continue to see her?
Q. I have been in love with a girl over the past 2 years. she wants to make acting her career, but despite being in love with me she has made up her mind to sleep with other influential men to groom her career. Please suggest what i should do, shou...
A. 20 August 2011: I would not even want to be friends with someone who was of such low character.
... (read in full...)
My ex(?) shagged my best mate
Q. I honestly feel like i,m losing everything. My man stop talking to me so I,ve assumed we're finished and if that is not bad enough a close family friend and my man's best friend told me that he shagged my best mate a month ago. I feel so betrayed by ...
A. 20 August 2011: If you hurt them you will only regret what you have done. You need to take your leave of both of them.... (read in full...)
My girlfriends ex came back to 'see his son'. Turns out he doesn't want to see his son at all, just my girlfriend!
Q. I'm 27, dating a single mum, who's 28, with a young son. She's not seen the father since she was 19 and he was 21; he left right after the baby was born (when she was 20, he 22) and disappeared out of her life, was never heard from again. Unti...
A. 20 August 2011: If it gets violent, get a restraining order. That is what we call it in the USA.
You may want to have some of these visits recorded or at the very least he is not to come over unless chaperoned.
See an attorney. If he is claiming "I want... (read in full...)
I left my lover to return to my wife. my lover just wants to be friends now. nothing more
Q. I am a married man with 2 wonderfull children but I just don't love my wife anymore. For this reason I have has a lover for the past year. That is until recently... I left my wife for my lover briefly, but I missed my kids and couldn't handle b...
A. 20 August 2011: You would have to leave your wife to have any possibility of getting her back. It would be the right thing to do. And I should say legally divorce, not just leave. Maybe this woman has realized how WRONG it is to sleep with a married man and ... (read in full...)
I'm in love with my second cousin but she doesn't love me back
Q. my mother's sister's husband's brother's daughter. i am in love with her she calls me her second cousin . i really need an answer and she doesn't love me, i am like addicted to her. i know that i cant do that but i cant control my feelings ...
A. 20 August 2011: Anyone that I have a crush on that does not love me back and has explicitly said so is off my list. What I mean is I don't socialize with them. Its that simple. Why should I torture myself? If you can't control your feelings you can at least... (read in full...)
How do I interest a girl? Build a relationship with a girl? Maintain a commitment with a girl?
Q. I want to have a girlfriend I have tried by all means with every girl who has been close to me but I can't find the one who will like me enough to be willing to be with me. It's all just once off communication then after nothing. No feelings to have...
A. 20 August 2011: Online dating is great. You get girls who are looking for someone and want someone.
Go out with one of these girls. And when you are ready to kiss her, stroke her hair first and if she smiles at you, its OK to kiss her.... (read in full...)
Should I be concerned that my 26 year old BF now says he is "too young" for marriage?
Q. What can a man do when he is in a committed relationship that he cannot do once he gets engaged? I ask because my boyfriend of several years (who I live with) told me last week that he was too young for a marriage committment at 26 when we were tal...
A. 20 August 2011: Well, if you want to really rip this one open dramatically, you could always say "Well, I am ready to get married and move on with my life, so I will need to find someone that is old enough".
Very often when one person wants to get married ... (read in full...)
I feel excluded from things. Is there any way I can change to encourage others to include me?
Q. I know that I am a friendly, caring, conifedent person. That's something that I've started to see for myself recently and a lot of other people have told me that, it's been a continuing trend. But what I don't understand is that people always seem ...
A. 20 August 2011: Find new friends.
Also, is anyone making any comments to you that "everyone" feels this way about you? Watch out for that one person.... (read in full...)
I don't want him to think I'm too easy
Q. I'm 17 and I've been dating this guy for 3 months and we have recently gotten to second base. He told me he would stop if I didn't feel comfortable, but I like it. The only problem is that I don't want him to think I'm too easy. Are we being to ...
A. 20 August 2011: If this is a morality question then I believe that you will find many who answer that you should not be having sex at such a young age, if that is what this is leading to.
That being said, at 3 months I would not say you were "easy" at all. E... (read in full...)
I cant stop thinking about this guy I saw while on holiday in Greece!!
Q. This is a bit of a weird question but anyway i'v just come back from a weeks holiday in greece.I went with my brother and my dad,we decided to go to the waterpark one day. While i was on one of the rides i noticed this guy who was my age or older ...
A. 20 August 2011: Well, you can only love someone or something so much that does not love you back.
And if you really liked him so much, you would have found out who he is and how to get in touch with him, etc.
Love includes a LOT of communication. ... (read in full...)
I'm Madly in love with this girl and want her! Plz help?
Q. Hi dear frnds. now my story is bit complicated. its been 6 months we are together, the girl is engaged but not officially, like there were only talks between the 2 families, no ring ceremony happened. so technically gal is single. we have been ...
A. 20 August 2011: Your relationship is founded on a betrayal of her significant other. And she does not love you enough to break off the engagement. You need to get out of the picture. Period. She is getting enough attention as it is. What are you goin... (read in full...)
He watched porn that involved a female friend of his, and now I feel cheated on, what do I do?
Q. I am distraught, I've never been comfortable with porn watching in a relationship, but I've come to accept that the women that my boyfriend has looked at in the past are women he doesn't know, and would never meet in his lifetime. So I managed to ...
A. 20 August 2011: His head is not with you. I am sorry to say, porn alone can ruin your relationship. Without moralizing about it, you can just call it bad because it is something he does that bothers you. This has been taken to a whole new level. This is n... (read in full...)
Should we become FWBs?
Q. Ive been texting this guy for a few weeks and he is really sexy. We've both just come out of relationships and dont want anything serious yet but we had the most mindblowing sex last night i was considering asking if he wants to become FWBs. Should ...
A. 20 August 2011: Whatever you do, make it monogamous, otherwise you will become another kind of FWB: Friends with bloodshed.
Other than that,why not? Get over some of that pain and have fun!!
... (read in full...)
Started on a one night stand then affair then now confused.
Q. were both married still @ this moment. we are working in the same company. we both admitted we are attracted to each other before he got married and i was battling my husband infidelity and lack of sense of responsibilty. we shared txt messages, ...
A. 20 August 2011: If you are trying to work out your marriage then this has to stop immediately.... (read in full...)
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