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... Send *yle007 a private message | | | *yle007's profile:I am of Swedish, German and Hungarian descent. My soul is Japanese but my mind is American. My advice comes from many philosophical backgrounds, is 100% common sense and completely psychology-free (so you won't end up addicted to anti-depressants from anything I say). |
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| Latest articles: Married is better
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 August 2011: Years ago before my wife and I were married, I sat at a restaurant with her and gazed into her eyes as she gazed into mine and we knew we loved each other. Not much later we got married. I have had many crushes, some flings and other adventures...
Sexual Freedom
No replies yet... 24 August 2011: Your sexuality is not an expression of freedom. I mean, after all, do you think that several billion people on this planet have sex drives of their own free will, as if all these people thought of these things independently, on their own? No...
Your one, undeniable right
No replies yet... 22 August 2011: You have the right to your own thoughts. You can think of whatever you want, good, bad, smart,stupid or silly. If someone tells you how you should feel about something, or think about something, you can accept or reject that, whether openly o...
Maintaining Sanity in a Dating World Gone Mad
No replies yet... 21 August 2011: I will say this very bluntly, honestly and confidently, that the main thing (and perhaps the only thing) that will keep you sane in the realm of dating, sex, marriage and romance is to maintain your integrity and moral standards. Some people do...
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Are these signs that she likes me? And is she too old for me?
Q. Hi im in a dilemma and i have 2 simple questions i need answered,so here it goes. So i started talking to this girl at school and shes the sister of one of my friends. She's cool and i am attracted to her. Today she told me she was freezing and...
A. 21 January 2012: Alone in the car with her is some progress, for sure. At least this says she trusts you. This will give you the opportunity to get to know each other. And car rides are also that good segue to "would you like to come in?". Or "I have a ... (read in full...)
I used to date my sister in law...and I think we still want each other
Q. hi i'm a married man with kids and don't see all my family until we all have a family get together at he weekends at my parents house, which is where i bump into my sister inlaw who was my ex girlfriend briefly at college but now shes married to my ...
A. 21 January 2012: Oops, let me revise my posting. Only the two of you know that you were an item? How come you never discussed this with your brother?
Anyway, what I say about the sister in law still stands. She slept with you and then married your brother.... (read in full...)
I used to date my sister in law...and I think we still want each other
Q. hi i'm a married man with kids and don't see all my family until we all have a family get together at he weekends at my parents house, which is where i bump into my sister inlaw who was my ex girlfriend briefly at college but now shes married to my ...
A. 21 January 2012: You know, I am surprised that your brother would marry a woman that you slept with. Its something all the other posters have overlooked here.
I wouldn't even speak to the guy for doing that, much less go to these family events.
Your brother ... (read in full...)
How do you live up to the reputation of a man's 1st love?
Q. i have been with my boyfriend almost half a year. its my 2nd relationship. hes had lots if im honest but only ever been in love once, with his fisrt girlfriend. and i feel like i'll never be able to match her or be as good as her. he told me himself ...
A. 20 January 2012: Love is not a competition.... (read in full...)
How do you live up to the reputation of a man's 1st love?
Q. i have been with my boyfriend almost half a year. its my 2nd relationship. hes had lots if im honest but only ever been in love once, with his fisrt girlfriend. and i feel like i'll never be able to match her or be as good as her. he told me himself ...
A. 20 January 2012: Love is not a competition.... (read in full...)
Why would someone cheat and then come up with excuses?
Q. Just out of curiosity I would like to hear other opinions on why someone would cheat on either a wife/husband or a live in BF/GF? and then come up with all kinds of excuses as to why they can't give the other person what it is they want IE; "i have ...
A. 20 January 2012: Cheating is dishonest so it naturally follows one would lie about it.... (read in full...)
Why all of a sudden did she stop texting?
Q. I have been texting this girl for the past four days, we've been texting back and forth always having something to say, just seem to get along really great and have banter! Then yesterday I texted her and she hasn't replied, in fact it's nearly been ...
A. 20 January 2012: When communication stops, who knows why?
Best way to see if someone is interested in furthering communications is to ask a question. One simple question. Then you just gotta be patient.
Two days really is not all that long. It only seems it... (read in full...)
Six months after the breakup I still numb and empty. Will I ever be me again?
Q. Why do I feel this way? is this normal?:(? My ex boyfriend broke up with me saying he didn't want a relationship anymore. He ripped my heart out. I've never been hurt. I loved him so much. Thought I've finally found the one. He wants us to...
A. 20 January 2012: Sounds like he is the one who has a split personality, ripping your heart out and then saying he wants to be friends.
You know, he should respect your space. If he dumped you, he should have the decency to let you move on.
You will not be able... (read in full...)
I'm a wall flower and everyone makes me feel weird about it!
Q. I'm not very sociable, and I find it very hard to connect with new people, I often feel very uncomfortable around strangers (and even acquaintances) because I just don't know how to make or follow conversation. I usually feel very comfortable about ...
A. 20 January 2012: Nothing wrong with choosing how social or unsocial you want to be.
If you hate yourself for it, either the hating part or the nonsocial part is not who you are. Probably the hate part. Negative feelings about one's self generally are a result o... (read in full...)
Ex broke it off because I wouldn't commit, when I finally say I will, she breaks it off and says her feelings changed!
Q. I had a long on/off relationship for several years,She broke it off because I wouldnt commit. When I was ready to commit she was with someone else. After 3 months we began talking and seeing each other again. we professed our love and I told he...
A. 20 January 2012: You are stuck in indecision because she is stuck in indecision.
Contact her if only to get closure on the matter. If she is seeing someone, forget it. You are on a road to trouble.
If she is free, and you are both willing to pursue a relatio... (read in full...)
I just cant seem to like girls my age!
Q. So in a weird flip of the coin i have recently started seeing older women. I am 24 and im seeing a lady who is 34 and another who is 42. i have fooled around with a lady who was 63 last week. i really dont know what it is. i find them attractive and ...
A. 20 January 2012: Nothing wrong with older women. At least you enjoy the intellectual appeal and you are not shallow.
I think it may be easier to straighten out your head about the whole thing if you could decide on ONE older woman. You want a real relation... (read in full...)
Help! I'm obsessed with my boyfriend's ex girlfriend!
Q. I have been with my boyfriend 6 months and he is the most amazing man Ive ever met. However I am completely obsessed with his ex girlfriend who he was with for 3 years. They broke up 2 years ago because he freaked out about committed pressure...
A. 20 January 2012: Make it clear to your boyfriend that he is not to communicate with this person.
You can sit and "think it out" all you want to get over your stress, but really, that is what it will take.
This is not your "mental problem". It is something tha... (read in full...)
Are these signs that she likes me? And is she too old for me?
Q. Hi im in a dilemma and i have 2 simple questions i need answered,so here it goes. So i started talking to this girl at school and shes the sister of one of my friends. She's cool and i am attracted to her. Today she told me she was freezing and...
A. 19 January 2012: She likes you, or could. Her shock at your age is a good indicator that she may be feeling you out for being a potential partner. Ask her how she feels about dating a younger guy.
Check the laws in your state. You may both have to keep your clo... (read in full...)
How do I ask my gf to have sex?
Q. So I want to have sex with my gf, and I don't know if she wants it or not. Both of us are 16, and we've been dating for a month and a half. and both of us are virgins. anyone got advice??...
A. 19 January 2012: Have protection ready. You are too young to be a parent. I don't think I can talk you out of having sex, other than just letting you know at your age you may not be ready.
That being said, I have never had sex with a woman whom I had to ask it f... (read in full...)
We talked about a three-way but my boyfriend won't even talk to the other girl!
Q. Hello For about a year now me and my boyfriend have talked about the idea of having another girl in our relationship. Mostly in a sexual way, but not purely just that... we actually want a 3 way relationship. Anyway, so we talk about this A LOT...
A. 19 January 2012: Find someone else or ask him if the three-way is what he really wants.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend? Why did he let this other guy get to him?
Q. Okay so me and my boyfriend were in public and me and him think its funny to say stuff out loud. So i yelled oh babe lets have sex! and he laughed and said lets do it right now! We were both laughing and i said i want millions of kids baby and he ...
A. 19 January 2012: He is probably just protecting you. Another man could physically harm you. Another woman isn't really a threat to him physically. Sorry, men are stronger than women, so there is a double standard there.
You know, when creepy people do creepy t... (read in full...)
Why would a guy make a half-hearted attempt at sex?
Q. why would a guy make a half-hearted attempt at sex? very confused by my bf today. he is doing 12 hour night shifts, got into bed with me this morning when he got home, we kissed and fell asleep. 3 hours later, he wakes me up as he's touching my ...
A. 18 January 2012: Don't be too hard on him, the poor guy is tired beyond belief and still wants you, he is willing to drain his very last drop of energy to express his desire for you. If you look at it that way, maybe it will make some sense to you.
I once wok... (read in full...)
Want to talk to my old girl, but not sure what to say, any suggestions?
Q. Today, I went back to my old school which is quite close to meet some friends. During that time, I saw the girl I used to love a lot and we did stare at each other for less than a second. So far, I haven't forgotten her and wanted to find a chance ...
A. 18 January 2012: Talk to her. You will regret it if you don't, and there will be too much awkwardness every time you see her. Communication will break through the awkwardness, whether this turns out to be a civil conversation or the beginning of something red hot.... (read in full...)
5 years together apart for 1 week and I'm lost.
Q. My boyfriend and I of 5 years broke up over a week ago and I have been in the dumps since. I cannot eat, sleep or function. All I do is think about him. It was kind of mutual but he texted me the next day asking did I want this because I didn't know ...
A. 17 January 2012: Breaking communications completely after a breakup is always the best policy. It is probably the most important thing to know about relationships, seeing as the vast majority of people are going to have more than one in their lives.... (read in full...)
What's this girl's problem?!
Q. I know her on facebook, we share our phones and starts talking and becomes talking like lovers, but I didn't tell her that I love her, nor she does. And then we meet each other. She is a little bit bigger than me... on the next day when I ask h...
A. 17 January 2012: I think the only problem she has is that she can't properly communicate to you that she is not interested. A lot of girls can't. She has no tact.
Don't fixate on figuring her out any further than that. Who cares about the "why" but focus on... (read in full...)
How can I arrange another get together without coming on too strong?
Q. I've liked this guy at college for a couple of months now. He is one of the quietest people I have ever met (but *highly* intelligent and witty). Around mid-December, before going home for Christmas break, I asked him if he wanted to play chess with ...
A. 17 January 2012: You know, a shy person like him may need a forward woman to break him out of his shell. For some guys, its a real relief for a woman to make a move on them.
"I have some time for a game if you are interested" may be a good way to put it.
I... (read in full...)
Gay man in a woman's body
Q. This is really confusing so please, take the time to read and try to understand. I'm a female but I have an extreme need to be a man, but gay. I don't know if this makes me straight or gay. I've been with both men and women but being with both doe...
A. 17 January 2012: Find someone you really love, and this gender issue will fall away. If this is all about simple sexual pleasure and nothing more, you will just get more confused. If you have no preferences about gay or straight, male or female, then I can pretty ... (read in full...)
We have strong feelings for each other but seem to wind up with others
Q. I have strong feelings for someone i met over two years ago and its clear we have strong feelings for each other. Although, we have never bee able to be together because of always having someone else and not wanting to hurt them by leaving them. He ...
A. 17 January 2012: You wrote:
My question is do i wait and continue to move on from my ex or try to pursue this guy even though he is with his ex?
Don't pursue anyone who is involved with someone else. You interrupted the entire thought flow of your posting by ... (read in full...)
He and his wife are separated but he's in no hurry to obtain a divorce
Q. I met a man 6 months ago. I knew he was still married. His wife left him after an injury a year and a half ago and is involved with another man. This has been the best 6 monthd of my life. I have been single for a couple of years with two young gi...
A. 17 January 2012: Are you worried that there is a chance he will get back with his wife again? His wife left him, there is no relationship left. But ask him if he is at all considering it.
Divorces are tough. And he may just not want to deal with the divorce ... (read in full...)
Well endowed boyfriend makes sex uncomfortable
Q. My man is larger than average. He likes to go deep but it hurts me way too bad. It feels like hes poking me in my stomach and I feel I have the worst cramps of my life. Do you think that its just because of his size or is there something wrong wi...
A. 17 January 2012: Well, there is nothing normal about any of this if he is unusually huge.
To be really, really blunt, he is going to have to adjust his technique so it does not hurt you or he is going to have to find an unusually tall woman to have sex with.
... (read in full...)
How can we overcome conflicting schedules?
Q. I do not want us to fade. Basically, me and my gf, who lives 1hr 30mins away from me have been dating for over a year, we chat all the time, calls last 2hrs a night. We meet every fortnight and dedicate/spend the whole day with each other 10hrs...
A. 17 January 2012: If it has been at least a year, its worth working on.
Can you each take a 45 minute drive to meet halfway for a short "encounter"?
You may have to do something extreme like make it a late night or very early morning, but if you can talk on the ... (read in full...)
What is it like dating a policeman?
Q. I live in Southern California, and went to visit some friends in Las Vegas. While I was there I hit it off with a guy there who was hanging out with his friends who are also my friends. We exchanged numbers before I went home and we've been talking ...
A. 17 January 2012: Well, all I can say is, don't do anything illegal around him.
Asking, what is it like dating a cop is too general. You don't want to know what it is like to date a cop per se, you want to know what its like to date HIM.
And there is only on... (read in full...)
Does he deserve a second chance after he lied about wearing a condom?
Q. I have been dating this guy for a couple of months. He's nice to me, although he has a bit of a problem telling the truth. He does not like wearing protection as he says he doesn't feel anything and the rubber irritates him. I finally agreed t...
A. 17 January 2012: How in the world did he put it back on without you noticing? Putting on a condom takes a little work, you know, and putting one back on, I don't even know if it is possible.
Anyway, playing devil's advocate, it is hard, in the heat of passiona... (read in full...)
He rings me every day but I'm getting mixed signals
Q. A guy friend of mine and I live far apart and have only met a couple of times. Initially, he was into me as a girlfriend, but I was on the fence about it (because we don't know one another very well in a physical space) and he had other issues that ...
A. 17 January 2012: You really need to spell out exactly what it is that is preventing him from having a sexual relationship.
So, you are going to let this continue on just because you don't want to be "dramatic".
Sometimes, to solve a problem, we have to do what ... (read in full...)
She seemed eager to meet but there has been no contact in two days
Q. Hi, I met a girl two months ago and for the first month we saw each other and stayed together for a few days maybe a whole week in total time. Then the following month I haven't seen her as she was busy over the holidays with family like we all are ...
A. 17 January 2012: "No information". That is the most maddening condition.
You need to wait it out and find out what happened. She could have gotten into a car accident, gotten sick, not gotten your message, etc.
This week has not ended yet, so she has not brok... (read in full...)
After these remarks? Do I still talk to him? Or wait and let him make the next move?
Q. I've fallen hard for a guy I've been seeing for the past 2 months. But according to my friend who asked him, he says we're just some fun and he not the settling type. This really hurt me because I thought our relationship was actually going to go ...
A. 17 January 2012: Continue on as normal and do NOT go by second-hand information. He may or may not have said it, and even if he did, he may have had his reasons for saying it to your friend the way he did.
Here is another thing, who knows what that "friend"... (read in full...)
My husband has fallen in love with a friend and blames me. So what does the quote mean that describes what he did?
Q. Many people have long time emotional affairs but keep saying that they are just friends. My husband also did it to me...very nice and obedient to his friend and very worst and ignoring to me..then fell in love with her. Feels guilty and confused..an...
A. 17 January 2012: I think first of all that the quote is really intended for two single people who are friends and fall in love. Its awkward to cross that bridge, knowing that your relationship will never be the same after that. And that is all that really means.
... (read in full...)
Mixed messages before the first date! Please help!
Q. I am talking to a guy who seems realy great we talk on the phone for long periods of time and really connect. we have seen pics of eachother and are both attracted and planned to meet this week. he sends me nice messages saying he cant wait and ...
A. 17 January 2012: You have not even gone on a date and he is already annoying you like this?
For whatever reason, whether he is "busy" or forgetful or just does not care, if it bothers you, it bothers you.
Some people, both men and women do these things pur... (read in full...)
Should I accept my boyfriend's idea as a one-off or should I tell him it's not a good idea?
Q. So my boyfriend and I have been going out now for 4 years and everything is going great. He went to uni last September and I took a while to get used to it but after being apart then spending one month solid together and being apart we have ...
A. 17 January 2012: If you want a mutually monogamous relationship, don't do this. Also, his being so casual about all this indicates he may not want one.
Ask if he has seen anyone else, male or female while you have been involved.
Sexual adventures like ... (read in full...)
How do I ask him if he still loves me?
Q. The last week i have been having this strange feelings that my man is maybe talking or visiting another women, i asked God to take these feeling away if it's a bunch of balony, i call his phone and if he don't answer right away, he usually calls ...
A. 17 January 2012: Just ask him if he still loves you.
You can't expect the electrification of a new relationship to last forever, but it does get replaced with a warmth that was not there before.
I think some women mistakenly think their man has to be in that el... (read in full...)
He doesn't know if he wants to be with me or not. Is he seeing someone else?
Q. my boyfriend and i broke up Tuesday. we have a daughter together. we hadn't been really talking much. i was talking to him Saturday and then he randomly asks me if he can stay the night with me he said he would help out with the baby. at first i ...
A. 17 January 2012: You said:
we needed to wait a little longer just for him to get everything on his mind straightened out
Is he going to waffle on your relationship every time he has personal issues? He is making you stay in limbo, raising his daughter while h... (read in full...)
How do I get my husband to realizehow selfish he is and how callous he is about my feelings?
Q. How do I make my husband of 30 years realize he is selfish and ignoring my feelings? I found out recently one of our old friends is one of his old lovers. He never told me and blames me for not asking. She has not been nice to me over the year...
A. 17 January 2012: Oh my God, hiding the fact that one of your friends used to be his lover? That is a BIG one for sure.
What are you supposed to do? Ask each woman the two of you meet if she has slept with your husband?
When people get married it is customary ... (read in full...)
I cant bear the fact that my ex is in a new relationship and threw away the 5 years we had together
Q. Dear friends... today i found out my ex is in a relationship and i didn't take it as well as i should... we broke up 6 months ago, and because it was pretty crappy at the end, i thought i was completely over him... but deep down, i always thou...
A. 17 January 2012: You feel like it was a waste of your time to be involved for five years if it ended, right? I think that is what Sage may be missing.
But if you were at all happy during any of it, then your time was not wasted.
The present is continually gett... (read in full...)
Faded love? How can I get back into his life? His heart?
Q. My boyfriend broke up with me almost 4 months ago. He told me he did not know if he loved me anymore, or if he ever did. He had a ring ready to purpose to me but then gave it back, we had been together one month shy of two years. About a week and...
A. 16 January 2012: When someone uses a generality like "people", you need to RUN.
Good thing something like this happened BEFORE you decided to get married or have kids.
Its not his roommates fault, its HIS. We all come into bad situations in our life or come acr... (read in full...)
Trouble with clingy boyfriend while ex boyfriend claims he still loves me
Q. Hey all... so im having a problem i have been dating this guy for six months and he thinks of me as his everything i just dont feel the same way anymore. i have told him numerous times that its not working out but he insist that we are not ever ...
A. 16 January 2012: This is a very good example of why you don't "remain friends" or stay in contact when you break up!
I know very few people who are ever 100% about there breakup, otherwise you would break up, snap your fingers and not have to "get over someone"... (read in full...)
Is he attracted to me? please help!
Q. If you were a single Mom and there was a cute guy at your office who seemed to go out of his way to stop by your desk each day and say hello, sometimes picked up lunch for you when you were working on a project; alway made a point of sitting across ...
A. 16 January 2012: The truth lies in how he responds to the attention he gets back.
Honestly, he should just tell them he wants to keep the relationship professional, and the texting is crossing the line.
... (read in full...)
Wife asked if I was going to wear a dress, and other constant put-dozens.
Q. I was really taken back by my wife's comment. We were getting ready to go somewhere, I asked what she was going to wear. She said jeans and asked me "are you going to wear a dress?" I was puzzled, and still am. The thing is I have NEVER worn ...
A. 16 January 2012: She probably did not want you asking if she was wearing a dress so beat you to the punch.... (read in full...)
I cant bear the fact that my ex is in a new relationship and threw away the 5 years we had together
Q. Dear friends... today i found out my ex is in a relationship and i didn't take it as well as i should... we broke up 6 months ago, and because it was pretty crappy at the end, i thought i was completely over him... but deep down, i always thou...
A. 16 January 2012: He has every right to date after the two of you broke up.
Emotionally, though, I understand this is not easy for you to take.
If you had a feeling that you and him would get back together someday, then you obviously still wanted him and s... (read in full...)
Faded love? How can I get back into his life? His heart?
Q. My boyfriend broke up with me almost 4 months ago. He told me he did not know if he loved me anymore, or if he ever did. He had a ring ready to purpose to me but then gave it back, we had been together one month shy of two years. About a week and...
A. 16 January 2012: To specifically answer your question, it looks like the way to his heart is to become depressed and start cutting yourself, because obviously that is what gets his attention. That is NOT advice, just the logical conclusion based on the facts you are ... (read in full...)
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