A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriend is younger than me. He is from a different country and is muslim. He wants to get married in the next few weeks at the local register office. and would like a baby. He lives with his cousins but has been staying with me every night since we met. He does seem to be quite crazy about me, jealous and possesive and is CONSTANTLY on the phone to me and always wants to know my whereabouts etc...but i do like the attention he gives to me and he shows his feelings and does show alot of concern for me in alot of ways. but one thing is bothering me that he wants to open a small business and wants me to take a substantial amount of money from my account so that he can do this. he says it is so he wouldnt have to go to work and can spend more time with me, as this type of business is working from home. i am feeling a bit wary of doing this though. because of all the storys you hear about men taking womens money and i really feel stuck as what to do. the other thing is that he actually says to me sometimes some men are really horrible and tell women they love them so they can take their money. when he says this he makes me feel paranoid that thats what his intentions are. i dont really trust anyone as i have had alot of bad experiences. if i was married to him then i wouldnt mind so much but that is a few weeks of yet.
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cousin, jealous, money, muslim Reply to this Question
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female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (15 August 2011):
 Something does not feel right here...I smell a possessive man, not a cherishing, protective one.
Is he being really pushy with the relationship and rushing you to marriage and motherhood on the fast track.
You should not be making plans to marry this man until you really know him well, met eachothers families and sit down and discuss all the really important things about marriage.
Does he work and live in your country? What is the state of his work visa?
A
male
reader, MikeEa1  +, writes (15 August 2011):
 I think you're answering the question yourself. He sounds a tad possessive and controlling. although this is nice because he seems to want to be close to you, he also wants access to your money as soon as possible. there are too many warning bells going off here. Slow things down a bit and see what happens.
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A
male
reader, Kyle007 +, writes (15 August 2011):
Only give him an amount of money that you would be willing to give him as a gift and part with forever whether you saw him again or not. That is my rule of thumb for lending money.
Even if his intentions are 100%, there is no guarantee he will succeed in the business. Obviously this man has no successful track record in business if he has to borrow money from you.
By the way, you did mention that he is muslim, and since you opened the door on that one, take a good look at that culture's track record on how women are treated. You must have brought up this fact for a reason.
Anyway, you could just do this as a business deal. Get some collateral from him, like if he owns something really valuable, hold it until he pays it back (and put it in a locked, secure place). Have him make you a partner in the business and IN WRITNG. Or better yet, have the business completely in your name as you are paying for it. You can also tell him you don't want to do this until you are both married.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (15 August 2011):
 Uhm... this is suspicious. Sounds almost as if he knows all too well how "some men" will take advantage.
Never mix money with relationships. Nu-uh. Don't do it. It isn't about trust, it's about being stupid or being smart. Stupid would be to give a man your savings worth. If he needs it, he can GO TO THE BANK and ask for a loan. Why should YOU give him money for a risky project if the bank wouldn't?
If you are to get married, and you have assets, write a pre-nup so that your money stays your money. I would also suggest that for the first few years of your marriage you keep separate accounts. Mixing money and finances with a relationship spells trouble. While you mix money and relationship in a marriage, perhaps it would be a good idea to keep money out of it for as long as possible, by having separate accounts.
He is asking you to be his sugar mommmy, by the way. No other man would ask his woman for money unless it was because... well, he wants her to pay his way. That one is out in the open, otherwise he wouldn't have asked. He wants you to support him financially.
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (15 August 2011):
 How long have you been together? Is he a legal resident in Ireland or is he only there on a Visa/Work permit?
I cant really say what his intentions are without knowing the answers to these 2 questions, it does sound rather suspicious but if he is already a legal resident and isnt looking to get married so he can stay in the country then maybe he is genuine.
But if you could get back to me on those 2 questions I should be able to help further!
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