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... Send *yle007 a private message | | | *yle007's profile:I am of Swedish, German and Hungarian descent. My soul is Japanese but my mind is American. My advice comes from many philosophical backgrounds, is 100% common sense and completely psychology-free (so you won't end up addicted to anti-depressants from anything I say). |
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| Latest articles: Married is better
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 August 2011: Years ago before my wife and I were married, I sat at a restaurant with her and gazed into her eyes as she gazed into mine and we knew we loved each other. Not much later we got married. I have had many crushes, some flings and other adventures...
Sexual Freedom
No replies yet... 24 August 2011: Your sexuality is not an expression of freedom. I mean, after all, do you think that several billion people on this planet have sex drives of their own free will, as if all these people thought of these things independently, on their own? No...
Your one, undeniable right
No replies yet... 22 August 2011: You have the right to your own thoughts. You can think of whatever you want, good, bad, smart,stupid or silly. If someone tells you how you should feel about something, or think about something, you can accept or reject that, whether openly o...
Maintaining Sanity in a Dating World Gone Mad
No replies yet... 21 August 2011: I will say this very bluntly, honestly and confidently, that the main thing (and perhaps the only thing) that will keep you sane in the realm of dating, sex, marriage and romance is to maintain your integrity and moral standards. Some people do...
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I cant bear the fact that my ex is in a new relationship and threw away the 5 years we had together
Q. Dear friends... today i found out my ex is in a relationship and i didn't take it as well as i should... we broke up 6 months ago, and because it was pretty crappy at the end, i thought i was completely over him... but deep down, i always thou...
A. 17 January 2012: You feel like it was a waste of your time to be involved for five years if it ended, right? I think that is what Sage may be missing.
But if you were at all happy during any of it, then your time was not wasted.
The present is continually gett... (read in full...)
Faded love? How can I get back into his life? His heart?
Q. My boyfriend broke up with me almost 4 months ago. He told me he did not know if he loved me anymore, or if he ever did. He had a ring ready to purpose to me but then gave it back, we had been together one month shy of two years. About a week and...
A. 16 January 2012: When someone uses a generality like "people", you need to RUN.
Good thing something like this happened BEFORE you decided to get married or have kids.
Its not his roommates fault, its HIS. We all come into bad situations in our life or come acr... (read in full...)
Wife asked if I was going to wear a dress, and other constant put-dozens.
Q. I was really taken back by my wife's comment. We were getting ready to go somewhere, I asked what she was going to wear. She said jeans and asked me "are you going to wear a dress?" I was puzzled, and still am. The thing is I have NEVER worn ...
A. 16 January 2012: She probably did not want you asking if she was wearing a dress so beat you to the punch.... (read in full...)
Should I go on this date or not?
Q. I'm supposed to be going on a date with this guy this week. He asked for my number on facebook, so that he could call me to talk about the date, so i gave it to him, and he sent a message back saying " hooray ! " ( i think that was because he was ...
A. 16 January 2012: If you are worried, and still want to go out with him, make sure you meet in a public place, each of you driving seperately to get there.
Bring up his friend only in the context that you feel uncomfortable with strangers contacting you, and don'... (read in full...)
I thought we were rock solid, now I'm not so sure!
Q. Dear cupid, Ive been married 25 years. Raised three children. We have had our share of ups and downs but have stuck it out worked on things been happy. We had an incedent at christmas that left me feeling not very loved. Our daughter and I went to ...
A. 16 January 2012: Anyone who comes down on you for minor things has something to hide himself. Find out what he is doing.
If the asking sends him into a rage, you are warm on the trail.... (read in full...)
What can I do to forget about worrying?
Q. Hi. My bf cheated on me 2 yrs ago, some reason I forgave him and we're now perfect (have been going out for 3 years). My trust in him is nearly back fully, but I still feel a tad uneasy when he goes out with his friends (male). He's going out in the ...
A. 16 January 2012: You can't. You are not over the trust issue.
And you need to tell him you are still uneasy. See if there is something he can do to reassure you of your trust, like if he has one of those superphones with a GPS tracker on it, he can turn that on ... (read in full...)
I cant bear the fact that my ex is in a new relationship and threw away the 5 years we had together
Q. Dear friends... today i found out my ex is in a relationship and i didn't take it as well as i should... we broke up 6 months ago, and because it was pretty crappy at the end, i thought i was completely over him... but deep down, i always thou...
A. 16 January 2012: He has every right to date after the two of you broke up.
Emotionally, though, I understand this is not easy for you to take.
If you had a feeling that you and him would get back together someday, then you obviously still wanted him and s... (read in full...)
Do people believe in friendships without immediate financial benefits anymore?
Q. Broke people get lonely too. And this economy ain't looking up very soon. Do people believe in friendships without immediate financial benefits anymore. I'm by no means lazy or any of that. I' a hard working type guy . Any advice please? ...
A. 16 January 2012: I was once poor and alone then dated a millionaire. She did not care whether or not I had money, and if I cared about her money I would not have eventually broke up with her. You can find someone. Your money is not the issue. Find out what the ... (read in full...)
Should I stay or dump my ill Bf? Should I find someone who can/who wants to go out to places ?.
Q. Do you think my boyfriend is making excuses and isn't committed ?. I have been asking him lately about us going out, but he says he doesn't want to because of his back problem ( he has spondylosis ), and also because he doesn't have much money, but ...
A. 16 January 2012: You said a lot, but the ONE THING that sticks out the most is your mention that he has depression.
Please please please for your own sake, don't spend another minute being involved with someone that is depressed. You will get depressed too. An... (read in full...)
Should I stay or dump my ill Bf? Should I find someone who can/who wants to go out to places ?.
Q. Do you think my boyfriend is making excuses and isn't committed ?. I have been asking him lately about us going out, but he says he doesn't want to because of his back problem ( he has spondylosis ), and also because he doesn't have much money, but ...
A. 16 January 2012: You said a lot, but the ONE THING that sticks out the most is your mention that he has depression.
Please please please for your own sake, don't spend another minute being involved with someone that is depressed. You will get depressed too. An... (read in full...)
Four year age difference. is it too much? Do I go with it? I think she loves me already
Q. Is there anything wrong dating a girl 4 years older than you are. I am 22 and and this girl is 26 and i believe she does love me because anytime we are together she likes touching me,she'll like to rub her hands around my body. At times she'll t...
A. 16 January 2012: Four years is really not a large age difference. If you were 14 and she was 18 I would say it was, but you are both adults in your 20s.
You have to admit to yourself that there is some other reason that you are resisting her advances and reco... (read in full...)
The next level, when? When is the right time to have sex? I don't want to feel I'm rushing it.
Q. ModNote: two almost identical questions combined. I have just recently started dating someone. He seems to be a really nice guy and we havent done anything other than kiss. we have been talking for a month and have hung out twice.... what i would ...
A. 16 January 2012: My theory is that compatibility is a question that resolves with time, and it really does not matter at all when you have sex. Two compatible people will not "ruin" anything by having sex. You are either compatible or you are not, and you are just ... (read in full...)
Faded love? How can I get back into his life? His heart?
Q. My boyfriend broke up with me almost 4 months ago. He told me he did not know if he loved me anymore, or if he ever did. He had a ring ready to purpose to me but then gave it back, we had been together one month shy of two years. About a week and...
A. 16 January 2012: To specifically answer your question, it looks like the way to his heart is to become depressed and start cutting yourself, because obviously that is what gets his attention. That is NOT advice, just the logical conclusion based on the facts you are ... (read in full...)
How does it feel to be loved and to love back?
Q. I'm always thinking about girls and curious about love, relationships,and sex. I had a crush on a girl only once and she didn't like me back. I haven't been in love for over a year. So I'm just curious How does it feel to love someone and loved ...
A. 12 September 2011: Its undescribable. But I assure you, it is worth having.
I want to tell you, that in my life I have pursued many women, talked them into bed with me, agonized over crushes, dealt with rejection, plotted and schemed, and had to fend off women th... (read in full...)
Would u have sex with someone if they promised a job?
Q. would u have sex with someone if they promised you a job or if theyd support you but you were a virgin...
A. 12 September 2011: The only thing that will save you and maintain your sanity in the utter insanity of sexual relations is your morality.
And you can have a very happy moral sex life.
This offer won't be it.... (read in full...)
Is he trying to let me down gently or does he really want "friendship"?
Q. A guy contacted me on line. We corresponded for about 3 weeks and the conversation was good. I asked if we could meet up and things kept getting in the way; first it was my family commitments, then it was extreme weather, then it was his work. H...
A. 8 September 2011: You really just have to ask him. And sometimes guys, not unlike women, want to play the friend card so they can get to know you well enough to see if anything else is there.
Would just being friends be OK with you? If so, you don't have anything... (read in full...)
But what can I do to make this consuming jealous feeling go away?
Q. my boyfriend and i have been in a long distance relationship for almost three years on and off. i feel like i constantly have these insecurities that eat me up inside. i try not to show them because i don't want to push him away. but he has this...
A. 5 September 2011: This is risky, but may be the only way to resolve things in your mind. I once had a long distance relationship and the woman told me that she has no claim to me (because of the inconvenience of the distance) and I was free to date whomever.
So yo... (read in full...)
11 years of marriage and my wife has a 1 night stand!
Q. we are married for 11 years she drop me for other guy one night stand she ask me to give her sekond try sins then things does not work out fight everyday i dont trust her anymore the whole day just on her phone i send her sms sometimes she didn,t ...
A. 3 September 2011: Oh yeah, and when you do leave, make sure she has child support payments coming on a regular basis. Take responsibility.... (read in full...)
11 years of marriage and my wife has a 1 night stand!
Q. we are married for 11 years she drop me for other guy one night stand she ask me to give her sekond try sins then things does not work out fight everyday i dont trust her anymore the whole day just on her phone i send her sms sometimes she didn,t ...
A. 3 September 2011: OK, after reading your followup to our advice, to be blunt, I don't blame her.
You know, you really need to tell the whole story if you need help.
Anyway, it looks like you are the one who really needs to be straightened out.
My advice is st... (read in full...)
I am Not a Romantic, but I think I'm in love for the first time. What do I do?
Q. The other week in my class, I started talking to this girl who sat in front of me. Now, I will tell you now that I am NOT the kind of person to "fall" for women at all. I know it makes me sound like an asshole, but I am really the kind of guy who ...
A. 3 September 2011: Spend as much time with her as possible. When the time is right, tell her about some of the things that you wrote about in your question. You don't have to confess everything all at once. But you do want to be understood, right? Sounds like this ... (read in full...)
Will a man cheat because his "man crush" thinks it's okay to cheat on your wife?
Q. I am concerned about my husband. He has an at home business but recently he met a new friend on xbox life. This is a male friend. I have no issues with him having friends, that's not the issue. The issue is that for the past three weeks he has sta...
A. 3 September 2011: He is living vicariously through this other person it seems. He is probably unhappy with his life, not that its anyone's fault but his own that he feels this way.
I don't think he will cheat on you necessarily, but he is avoiding his responsi... (read in full...)
11 years of marriage and my wife has a 1 night stand!
Q. we are married for 11 years she drop me for other guy one night stand she ask me to give her sekond try sins then things does not work out fight everyday i dont trust her anymore the whole day just on her phone i send her sms sometimes she didn,t ...
A. 3 September 2011: She is asking you to give it a second try but it seems like she is not giving the marriage a second try. This is selfish on her part. Were you having any other issues before this happened? Those need to be addressed. And you need to find out ... (read in full...)
How do I make my ex realize that I love him?
Q. I am working with my ex whom I had fallen in love with prior to this.We were school friends and recently met up on the internet.We were talking about how men treat a woman when they know a woman is in love with them.He replied to me,I haven't ever ...
A. 1 September 2011: He must not get it. Tell the guy how you feel or remove yourself from his life. You may need to do both.
But I will say, if he has not gotten it by now, he probably won't, even if you tell him. He most likely does not feel the same way to y... (read in full...)
Mixing business with pleasure?
Q. I have been working with a guy for 2 years, we knew each other breifly in middle school and so have become friends. Our lunches are at the same time and have always shared relationship woes and given each other advice. When we both were single after ...
A. 31 August 2011: The key to this is that he is afraid of having a relationship. Ask him how he would feel about having a life without you in it, and see how much that scares him.
Remind him of the strength you give each other. If he can't see that, and the valu... (read in full...)
How can I show my boyfriend that his violence toward me is wrong?
Q. Dear Cupids, Please help! My boyfriend seems to think there is nothing wrong (technically) with pushing/shoving me and grabbing things out of my hands if he is angry. He also does this motion where he makes a fist and comes at me as though he will ...
A. 30 August 2011: You need to break up with him and make sure that he is not within hitting range when you do. If he continues to harass you after that, get the law involved. You are going to get hurt eventually, really bad, and it could be the next time you are ... (read in full...)
My friend goes after all my sloppy seconds!
Q. Hey, I'm just going to get straight into it. I have a friend, i love her to bits and trust her. Well. Not so much now. I have an ex, who im extremely close with and she knows just how much. But everytime shes drunk she tries it on with him, they ...
A. 30 August 2011: Well, at least she has the decency not to go for these guys while you are still involved with them. Its like this, you have a guy, you really like him, so you talk to your friend about how wonderful he is and all that. So naturally she gets ... (read in full...)
How can I be happy for my ex when he's moved on?
Q. So, i could go into major details, but we'd be hear forever, so i'll put it simply. I went out with this guy when i was 15 and it was my first proper relationship and lasted 6 months until we broke up. I wasn't sure how i felt so i ended it and ...
A. 30 August 2011: Don't deny your feelings at all. Don't force yourself to be "happy" for him if you only think that is what the proper feeling to have is.
Feel the way you DO, not the way you SHOULD. Who is judging you on this any way? Its what you DO that mat... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is too comfortable in our relationship.
Q. I feel that my boyfriend is less interested in me or gone off me because he barely texts me anymore when we cant see each other and if send him one he takes forever to reply. In the past he used to text back immediately. we see each other quite ...
A. 29 August 2011: It sounds like his attention is wandering.
Couples have to realize that relationships don't happen automatically. They need to be created by both people all the time. So if he is not creating the relationship anymore, he is not worth your pre... (read in full...)
How can I like him if I don't really know him?
Q. Hi guys, A little bit about me. Im 18, turning 19 in two months. Ive never had a boyfriend. I've never been serious with a guy. I've never had the closure with a guy. Yet to experience it all. I've kissed one guy in my entire life (well ...
A. 29 August 2011: Express your affection as much as you want. It is one of the joys of life! Its not like you are jumping into bed with him or anything like that.
As far as him being busy all the time, you have to ask yourself if you are willing to have a relation... (read in full...)
My boyfriend complains when I eat his food!!!
Q. Hi. Me and my bf have been togther almost 2 years and we are about to buy a house togther. He is fronting all of the deposit and paying for most of the fees (around £20,000). However, sometimes when I go round to see him and want to eat his food...
A. 23 August 2011: If he was smart he would keep enough in his house for both of you.
... (read in full...)
Torn between walking away or staying
Q. I need an honest answer from men who have been like this or know someone who has: He is 32 and immature. he cnat seem to hold on to a relationship longer than 2-3 months max. But I am the only one who has been the longest relationship. its been ...
A. 22 August 2011: By the way, I don't want to have an argument publicly, but I do want to explain myself and I don't want to leave you upset. I was going to PM you but you posted anonymous. You are more than welcome to PM to me. I really do care about you and the ... (read in full...)
Torn between walking away or staying
Q. I need an honest answer from men who have been like this or know someone who has: He is 32 and immature. he cnat seem to hold on to a relationship longer than 2-3 months max. But I am the only one who has been the longest relationship. its been ...
A. 22 August 2011: You said:
"As for Kyle 007, I don't aPpreciate you saying that he won't commit to e or anyone else due to compatibility. I understand what you are saying but you0need not attack me by. Saying my problem is that I can't let it go?!"
It is o... (read in full...)
Torn between walking away or staying
Q. I need an honest answer from men who have been like this or know someone who has: He is 32 and immature. he cnat seem to hold on to a relationship longer than 2-3 months max. But I am the only one who has been the longest relationship. its been ...
A. 22 August 2011: Who cares about what looks childish as far as your number is concerned. But even if you change your number, he still has your address. Just have to tell him to stay away and make it stick.
His stepmom will understand that breaking the tie with... (read in full...)
How do I find out if this man is interested or just playing games?
Q. Four months ago I met a man at work and there was an instant mutual attraction.As he is from Spain I was wary of possibly macho or player behaviour and closely observed his behaviour with other women, but saw no player behavour. Other girls have ...
A. 22 August 2011: His intentions may not "just be sex" but how does his taking a genuine interest in you for who you are, caring about your feelings, etc make any of this OK? Its extra-marital. And you, if you were just wanting to be friends with him this would not ... (read in full...)
This girl stopped texting me! Did I make a mistake?
Q. Yooo everyone... so, I have a small issue. I have been talking to this girl (through a dating website... i know...) and she is gorgeous. like seriously a goddess. I see myself as an attractive guy, but not on her level (if you get what i mean). I ...
A. 22 August 2011: Keep communicating at a normal, steady pace and don't be afraid to.
As far as her wanting you, you can't ever be sure why.
Let me tell you, I had once dated a rich woman when I did not even have a car. I have dated women significantly ol... (read in full...)
Guy I have been dating upsets me at a party and then texts my friend afterwards. Why is he doing this?
Q. I started dating this guy recently and we got on great. He was over my house every night and he was making a big effort with me which doesn't happen often. Anyways, it was his birthday weekend last weekend and he switched his phone off for 24 hours, ...
A. 22 August 2011: This sort of defensiveness is characteristic of someone who has done things that he has to hide. You are not clingy, but he is being secretive.
If you are really really up to this, and persistent and courageous enough, ask him what is going on... (read in full...)
Is my sexual obsession with my sister-in-law healthy... Or not?!
Q. Dear Cupid, I really need to know if I am "normal" and if this problem I have is common among married men. Cut the story short, I have been having sexual fantasies about my wife's older sister for almost a year now. I'm so afraid its getting u...
A. 22 August 2011: I have a sister-in-law that has "accidentally" shown me about every inch of her body over the years. From towels not completely covering her, to breastfeeding then forgetting the baby is off the nipple and just leaving her tit hanging there, to ... (read in full...)
I have given myself to a very rich man and made an escort of myself and now I don't know how to escape
Q. I have a major problem. This all started a year ago when my now ex-boss first kissed me, he told me he has been in love with me for some time but couldn't leave his wife(which was fine with me, I didn't ask for an excuse) As things have progres...
A. 21 August 2011: You know something, it is a universal truth that the reason people stay in bad situations is that there is something very appealing about it.
I will tell you, the perpetual desire to be admired at any cost (even to your integrity) will lead you... (read in full...)
Torn between walking away or staying
Q. I need an honest answer from men who have been like this or know someone who has: He is 32 and immature. he cnat seem to hold on to a relationship longer than 2-3 months max. But I am the only one who has been the longest relationship. its been ...
A. 21 August 2011: You wrote:
"I am afraid if I walk away that he will eventually commit to someone and be who he shouldhave been with me."
Obviously if this guy ever commits it will not be with you. The track record has proven this.
I doubt that his next... (read in full...)
She feels free to check out other guys, but I'm in trouble if a girl check me out?
Q. Right so here's the thing I'm am old fashioned and I am well aware of this but I like being this way. It keeps me respectfull towards views on my relationship with my girlfreind which I love madly . The way I look at things is defanantly different ...
A. 21 August 2011: You wrote:
oh another thing I think I should mention is that if she sees a girl checking me out she gets angry at me
She is very possessive and controlling to the max. How can you prevent someone else checking you out?
As far as what you are ... (read in full...)
Since my last relationship ended I cannot seem to meet women that I want to stay with
Q. I have been single for just over two years. In this period I have dated six women, which I have not stayed with for more than a month. Before I became single, I was with my ex for 2 and half years. We broke up over a argument and never spoke again. ...
A. 21 August 2011: Make the whole plan for the whole distance. Figure out what sort of woman you want, what she is like and what needs she fulfills for you. Decide if you want to be married, have kids, where you want to live, what kind of house and what kind of ... (read in full...)
Guys - which is best - your woman or porn?
Q. A question for the straight guys: If your girlfriend/wife gave you the ultimatum to choose between her and porn, which would you choose? Regardless of her reason, would you choose her if you knew that you would never be allowed to look at porn...
A. 21 August 2011: I would choose my wife for sure. I already have.
I gave up porn a long time ago, but not for the moralizing reasons some people have.
Its basically this: why do porn if you have your imagination?
Now, if any guy ever feels guilty about ... (read in full...)
His family drives a wedge between constantly - can our relationship survive???
Q. I need some advise as to what I need to do regarding my relationship. I have been dating this guy for almost 2 years. This last we officially made it boyfriend and girlfriend. I was introduce to his family, including grandma. He knows my family ...
A. 21 August 2011: You wrote: I'm afraid if I do leave him, that I will regret it because what if he changes for someone else and actually makes a real commitment.
This is not likely. But you aren't going to find out because you aren't going to be part of his life... (read in full...)
His family drives a wedge between constantly - can our relationship survive???
Q. I need some advise as to what I need to do regarding my relationship. I have been dating this guy for almost 2 years. This last we officially made it boyfriend and girlfriend. I was introduce to his family, including grandma. He knows my family ...
A. 21 August 2011: Any pattern of breaking up and getting back together is not good at all. You will never have security in your relationship and never have any closure on ending it either unless you just completely disconnect. I am 100% serious.... (read in full...)
How do I find out if this man is interested or just playing games?
Q. Four months ago I met a man at work and there was an instant mutual attraction.As he is from Spain I was wary of possibly macho or player behaviour and closely observed his behaviour with other women, but saw no player behavour. Other girls have ...
A. 21 August 2011: He is not only playing a game with you but also with his marriage. His intentions? He wants to avoid his marital problems and use you for sex!!!! If he withdraws, its because he may be feeling a momentary bit of guilt over this. Yes, even people ... (read in full...)
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