A
male
age
41-50,
*.hai11
writes:Hi everyone, please help me clear out my thought. I'm apologize for it kind of long. here is my situation. 7 years ago, me and this girl were really good friend, always hangout together and shared all our up and down with each other. we both have feeling for each other but we never express our feeling. so I went to college and currently in 2nd years of medical school. so we kind of lost contact of each other. she got married in 2008 at the age of 18th,and this year august of 2010, we somehow meet again and this time we deeply in love with each other ( she stilled married). everything seem right when Im with her. she told me how much she love me and want to have kids with and getting marry but we all agreed that it will be when i finish school which in another 2 years. my school is out state so I can only be home every 4 months. A months before I got home for my Christmas break, I realized that she didn't call me or text me everyday as she used to. I confront her and she told me she need time. she also told me she want to success in her business first. she work as a saleswoman and flew everywhere from states to states. she currently try to get divorce with her husband but not because of me. she doesn't have feeling with her husband anymore.My question is what should i do? women say they need time is a nice way to say I have no feeling for you? it she kind of too young for a stable relationship? I cant believe she change her mind and her feeling so fast.
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male
reader, doublejack +, writes (27 December 2010):
I think the text means the same thing she said before - she needs time. She is asking you to wait for her, and she knows that waiting is painfully tormenting but that if you feel she's worth waiting for then you'll give her the space she needs.
My advice remains the same. I'd back off and give her space. She is married to someone else, and still very young. She isn't in the right place to start a meaningful relationship with anyone. The best chance of finding happily ever after is when two people enter a relationship with their baggage in check, not while one or both are still dealing with it.
A
male
reader, p.hai11 +, writes (22 December 2010):
p.hai11 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks everyone for your advice..
Two night ago, we met and i told her how I feel and asked her that everything in the past I should let it goes right? then she said she don't know, she just need time. so i told her if she answer "Yes" it will make it easy for me. So the next night she text me and said " The worst part of life is waiting. The best part of life is having someone worth waiting for." now I don't know what the heck she try to said.
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A
male
reader, p.hai11 +, writes (21 December 2010):
p.hai11 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks everyone for your advice
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A
male
reader, steph007  +, writes (20 December 2010):
What should you do? First, do not want to exert her to change anything in her life. Both of you have your own task to finish first, and marry then. So, now you should always express that how you feel, and you are at home, or you are thinking of her, etc. But meantime just deal with your own tasks and even with some adventures, if she is not ready to join you, or has no time or opportunity to communicate with you. And you may give her your ultimatum only when you finished your studies, and you are ready to deal with her really seriously.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (20 December 2010):
 You're missing one (not so) minor little detail. She's MARRIED.
She tells you she's TRYING to get a divorce. Well, guess what? "trying" doesn't count, not until the divorce papers have gone through and it is final.
The other reason I can think of is that perhaps she came to her senses and it dawned on her that while still with her husband, plus the goals she has for her business, etc. the prospects vis-a-vis a potential relationship with you are not all that promising......
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A
male
reader, the_phoenic  +, writes (20 December 2010):
maybe she is going into mood changes due to her recent divorce
and maybe she found someone else
try to think the whole idea and try to watch her behaviour
so you can have a better idea
and to be honest with you
what she did with her 1'st husband
should alert that you she well do it for you
so take care
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A
male
reader, doublejack +, writes (20 December 2010):
Part of the problem here is that she was married when she got involved with you. Speaking as someone who was in a failed marriage, she needs some time on her own to clear her head and get herself right. I suggest giving her space and letting her sort her life out a bit. It is possible this was just a rebound relationship. If it is something more, then she will contact you when she's ready for something serious again.
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