A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm now in an open long-distance relationship with this guy. We used to be in a close distance committed relationship for 7 months but after he moved to Asia for a new job, he admitted that he felt too hard to stay committed as he felt like a kid in a candy shop-I always know he's attracted to Asian women as I'm Asian myself and his ex is also Asian. We're emotionally very close and he told me all about his dark past. He said he didn't feel like settling down right now but in 5 years (he's in mid 30s), which is about the same time frame of mine (I'm in my mid 20s) and he found it hard to be in a LDR for 2 years till I move there myself (not for him but my own job).I know if he wanted to play the field behind me, he didn't need to tell me anything about it and just juggle with several women behind eachother, I'd never know. In fact he's that kind of guy who sleeps around a lot when not in a relationship as he told me. But since he put his thoughts clearly on the table, I told him I'd like to "take a step back" with him and give eachother some freedom to date more people so both of us wouldn't be curious "what's out there" anymore.It worked pretty well as in the past two months I dated a few guys, nothing serious, and we still talked on skype almost everyday. He then told me he's feeling more "normal" with all the Asian women walking around him, he picked up a language he learned before, attended the gym, focused on his work, etc.This Christmas we exchanged gifts by sending a parcel to each other acroos the ocean. He's now visiting his family and he "introduced" me to his family when we video chatted. I'm visiting him next Feb and he said he'd "keep himself" for me till I go there. He also said he's not seeing anyone at the moment.So my question is, should I ask this guy to be in a relationship again? We're literally acting like a couple now. But I don't know what's the best for us as I don't want to feel hurt or betrayed-if he sleeps with someone now, I'd feel alright because I know I have a right to do so as well. I can understand it's hard for a guy to "keep himself" for 2 years and I kind of think keeping emotionally connected but physcially free is the best idea for future reunion. Any opinions?
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female
reader, mizz.butterflies  +, writes (29 December 2010):
 why u wanna put labels on it? since he cares for u and shows it,let it be. wait for the 2 years time frame - in the meantime date other guys- and see if it works out.good luck.
A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (29 December 2010):
 I really don't think you should try to get back into a committed relationship with him at this time.Look: when he went to Asia didn't he tell you he couldn't be committed to you because it was too difficult with all those attractive women around?Not only that, but you know he's someone who does have casual sex with lots of women when not in a relationship. That doesn't speak well for him, but I guess its his life and he can do what he wants.......but, you can't know if one day one of those casual sex things mightn't turn serious. Then where would that leave you?No, sorry, this doesn't sound good.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (29 December 2010):
 hi he has been honest with you in the past so i think that if he did sleep with someone else he would probably be honest about it to you. you say keep 'keep emotionally connected but physically free' i think this is easier said than done! when you agreed to take a step back and both have freedom was that really what you wanted (really??) or did you offer this in the hope that he would decide not to actually use his freedom? you need to be able to communicate with him and find out how he is feeling about the issue now of whether he wants you to be exclusive to each other or not. don't be afraid to ask him. your happiness is just as important as his!xx
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