A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I hsve been broken up with my ex for well over a year now because he was cheating. Yet, I still find myself thinking about him, not able to move on. I sort of have a new man in my life that knows I am not fully over my ex and is willing to wait for me to be ready to date but the problem is that I'm not sure if i want to be with him or not. I find myself always comparing him to my ex even though I know that this new man is much better than my ex. He is a caring and wonderful person and I know for a fact that we have a possible future together. I feel as if I am too afraid to commit again after what has happened to me in the past. I don't want to lead him on but at the same time, I don't want to lose him. I feel as if i need to be honest with him but I've already told him the whole "im not ready to date" ordeal. I need help with figuring out whether I truly want this or not. I don't even know if I like this man or if its just the fear of dating again that is holding me back...
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female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (15 February 2011):
 If your experience with your ex was not too good, or if it was a bad breakup, I can understand your reluctance to get involved with anyone else.
Why are you hesistant about pursuing this new friendship? Is it that you're scared it might not work out and you'll either be hurt, or cause him to be hurt? Bear in mind there are no guaranteed outcomes in any relationship!
IS it simply fear that's holding you back? Or does he have mannerisms you find annoying or unappealing?
If you think you like him, why not go out and focus on enjoying the time you spend together and see how it goes? Don't be in a rush to get sexual with him, however, until you've both had an opportunity to get to know each other and are sure you want to take things to the next stage. No need to be in a rush.
Lastly, it's good you have been honest with the new guy, though at this point, it might be better not to discuss any more with him - you don't want to rub it in, after all, particularly if you feel you don't want to lose him (this in and of itself can be a clue to what you want - plus the other things you've said).
Take a little more time to think about it - I would caution you against taking too much time though, or he could conclude you prefer your ex!
Good luck, and write again if you want.
A
female
reader, Hacienda  +, writes (15 February 2011):
 first of all, no one can tell you what you truly feel but yourself. you need to strip this back to the facts and make a decision. my advice is to stop. look back on your relationship with you rex remind yourself of how much he hurt you then put a lid on it as your past and move on. If you spend your life living in old feelings you will never progress in love. do you love this new man? only you can answer that, perhaps you should stop and think about all the things you like about him. he sounds like a good guy. do not compare him to your ex, entertaining such thoughts will only bring sadness to both of you. he is not your ex, he is a completely different man. See him from this, lay to rest your old feelings and move on. it is easy to say that I know, but it sounds like you need closure. sit yourself down and pour your heart out until you reach a conclusion for yourself. say those things you need to say, either to a close friend who is willing to listen or just alone. you need to leave your past in the past and don't let it ruin your future!
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