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*ev Conolly agony aunt

*ev Conolly

Australia  (Female   XML/RSS

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*ev Conolly's profile:

I'm female, 44 and raised in the western US. I was married first at age 17, which I realised soon after was a rather large mistake! We divorced seven years later, then I travelled around the world, settling in Australia. I met my husband here and we've been together for 18 years, married for 14. I feel much more Australian than I ever felt American.

I wish I knew a lot more about everything than I do, but at least I have a lot of experience at making poor choices in life and correcting them later. That's why I like to provide advice when it's asked for.

As to my pictorial representation... I play the bagpipes. Badly, to be sure, but the best thing about the pipes is, almost no one can tell you don't have any skill!

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I'm great, So why cant i see it?

Q.   I used to have really REALLY low confidence. More recently i've been trying to come across as more confident so that i feel more confident. It's really frustrating because i've realised that it's not a problem i can just solve because i don't know ...

A.   23 May 2006: This isn't a quick-solution problem, but here are a couple of ideas. Write a list of all the great things about you and about your life. Things like: * my family love me * I'm attractive * I'm intelligent * I'm getting a good education * ... (read in full...)

To shave or not to shave!

Q.   My ex bf asked me to shave 'down there', which i did for a while but now i'm no longer with him i want to stop. I'm 15 and i'm kinda nervous as to how other guys would react, and whether the whole world would find out. Does it look normal when you ...

A.   23 May 2006: "The whole world would know"? What, you have a 24-hr webcam on your privates? No, it just grows out again, same as your leg-hair does, same as your armpit hair does. Don't worry. It WILL, however, itch like mad for a couple of weeks, maybe a m... (read in full...)

Tops or bottoms?

Q.   First time sex-I've been recommended being on top but having someone on top of me turns me on. My guy says he likes more dominant girls. suggestions?...

A.   23 May 2006: Do both. In fact, experiment with all the positions you and your guy can think of and see what you like best. You can change positions several times, and have sex as many times as you like. For your first time, you might actually find be... (read in full...)

Family hates my BF, but he makes me happy. What do I do?

Q.   I'm probably getting back with my ex. The thing that's holding me back is my family hate him. My mum hates him because I run up the phone bill and act differently when I have a bf, and she has heard bad things about him from my brother who has frie...

A.   23 May 2006: When everybody who loves and cares for you tells you someone's a jerk, do you ignore them? If five relatives who knew him told you that a kid at your school was a drug-addict, would you dismiss the information? Isn't it possible that your fam... (read in full...)

Bisexuality: common phase for other teens?

Q.   Is it common for a teenager to go through a phase of being bisexual? I don't want to tell my parents I'm bi in case things change, as I don't know any adults who are bi, but I know lots of people my age. Is it just that it's becoming more common i...

A.   23 May 2006: I really think that this is a common phase for young adults at this time in history. Experimenting with sexuality is also not unique to your generation, but I think people in their teens now are more accepting of the idea, so therefore more open to ... (read in full...)

Just can't bring myself to go to the next level!

Q.   Hello everyone, I'll be quick and tell my "problem"... I have been with my boyfriend for about four months now and everything is good but one thing. I can't bring myself to do anything sexual with him besides making out. I want to soo bad, and I ...

A.   23 May 2006: Four months isn't that long a time, particularly when you've never done anything sexual before. Give yourself a break. You haven't said in your letter how old either of you is, so I'm not sure if your anxiety is because you're really young, o... (read in full...)

Internet guy is being coldish.. What should I do??

Q.   i met him in a textchat room, we got on so well, we exchanged mobile numbers. that was nearly a year and a half ago now. we texted and chatted every day, then we started phoning each other. We arranged to meet up several times but then there would ...

A.   23 May 2006: You already know he told porkies about his age. There could be any number of other things he's lying about! Like the others, I believe this guy is in a relationship, but was so excited by the thrill of an illicit meeting that he tried to pretend ... (read in full...)

Everyone seemed to forget my birthday. It was crap.

Q.   Some may think this selfish, but hell, my birthday today was crap. It seemed like everyone had forgotten. We are going on holiday this week but still. The house wasn't the same as normally, my mother got my cake today. I dunno it just seemed poor. ...

A.   23 May 2006: This will happen more and more as you get older. Don't worry! If anything, this is a sign that you're reaching adulthood, where people aren't as fixated on birthday parties! Honestly now, did a crack in the earth appear and swallow you because you ... (read in full...)

Guys, can I win back my On Again, Off Again boyfriend?

Q.   For the guys...how do I win the love of my life back when we have had an on/off relationship and now we have split for good? It's been about a month but I really miss him and want him back. What should I do?...

A.   23 May 2006: Before you do anything radical, ask yourself this: Do I miss him because of the person he is, or do I miss having the presence of a boyfriend? Then ask yourself Question Number Two: Have we corrected the problems that drove us to break up in the f... (read in full...)

14 and never been kissed, how can i get the guys to notice me?

Q.   i'm 14, i've never had a boyfriend and in turn have never been kissed. I'm shy and I am a little over weight... is that such a turn off? are guys really that shallow? ...how can i get guys to notice me for me and not for what i look like?...

A.   23 May 2006: Listen to Mr Martini; as a man, he knows whereof he speaks when he talks about boys your age! But also consider what I have to say. I'm a former shy-and-slightly-overweight (not to mention geeky) 14-year-old, whom the boys overlooked at your age... (read in full...)

Self conscious about my body.. Please help??

Q.   I am very self concious about my vons veneris, it's the fatty tissue that covers the pubic bone, above the labia and below the abdomen... mine is very large and it makes me to nervous that i won't let my boyfriend touch me. When i look in a mirror ...

A.   22 May 2006: Think about it this way: you can see it, your boyfriend probably can too. And you know what? He doesn't care! Men aren't as fixated on physical perfection as women are. In fact, I'd lay serious money down that you could hang a sign there on your ... (read in full...)

Ex is giving me the cold shoulder.. What should I do??

Q.   hi i have fallen out with my ex over the fact i am pregnant by him, i feel he is punishing me for something that took two of us.prior to me telling him we were friends but now he completlt ignores me.can he realy change his feelings about me that ...

A.   22 May 2006: He's probably terrified by the thought of the responsibilities of being a Dad, and he's "blaming" you. Yes, his feelings can change that quickly... Are you keeping your child? If so, can I please, please, please -- for the sake of the baby -- ... (read in full...)

A decade of marriage... move on or try one last time?

Q.   Hi, I need some advice! I have been married for 10 years and I want to finish my relationship with my husband. Both have 41. I am not happy with my husband because we have to much problems, one of those problems are his parents health that has made ...

A.   22 May 2006: You seem to have a lot of complaints about the relationship, including that he dominates you, his family comes before you, you don't have any family where you live, your husband isn't reliably employed and you're lonely. Those problems aren't going ... (read in full...)

What career should i choose?

Q.   I am studying to become an engineer , but if I have to be sincere I suck, I have always got good grades but since I started at the university I hadn’t been able to get good grades , I am failing most of my courses. I am studying engineer because ...

A.   22 May 2006: You have to do what makes you happy, because when you're stuck in a career you don't like, it colours every aspect of every day and makes your life depressing. If engineering is what you WANT to do (distinct from what you THINK you should want -- ... (read in full...)

Guys and makeup...

Q.   i am 15. i dont where make up. why do guys always go for the girls that wear make up?!? it isnt what they really look like, they are painting a different face on themselves basically. why do boys like that, or do they??...

A.   22 May 2006: Hi anon, I'm an older woman (44), and have never worn make-up... not even at my own (two) weddings! I just can't see the point. I dislike it for all the same reasons that you do, and more: it's not what I really look like, it's a lot of tr... (read in full...)

I miss this girl in school, should I ask her out?

Q.   Please help me! im 16 and im desperate to see this girl who is a year younger than me who was my best friend because i haven't seen her in 3 months and i personally don't know why. I want to see her because i really do miss her and i deeply care for ...

A.   22 May 2006: When you tell a girl you like her and you've missed her, you can NEVER sound stupid. Don't worry! We girls love that kind of thing... Give her a ring, tell her you missed talking to her, and ask her if she'd like to meet you for a coffee, or lunch... (read in full...)

C'mon you blokes! How long should it take?

Q.   How long does it take a guy to come? My guy takes ages and i was just wondering if it was normal, and if i should be taking it personally....

A.   22 May 2006: Your guy might think that he 'has to' go for hours, or you won't be happy. And fair enough too... it takes most of us women ages to get going, far longer than it takes the average man. So he may be holding back for your benefit, and in that case, he ... (read in full...)

My fella has a big fella! Can it damage me?

Q.   My boyfriend's penis is massive but we're planning on having sex soon. It'd be my first time and i'm so scared. It's painful enough being fingered, i'm worried he'll do actual damage to me. What can we do?...

A.   22 May 2006: What they said! And, especially since this is your first time, don't feel rushed, as if the clock is ticking and you have to go straight to vaginal sex. Lots of people enjoy what's come to be known as "outercourse", which is sex without penetrat... (read in full...)

I like him better when he's not with me!

Q.   This sounds weird but I'm only attracted to my guy when I'm not with him. What's going on?...

A.   22 May 2006: Maybe you like the IDEA of a boyfriend better than you like the actuality of one? After all, in a person's fantasies, a boyfriend is attentive, romantic and devoted, bringing posies and expressing the depth of their love. In reality though, ... (read in full...)

Her mood swings are driving me away

Q.   I have been in an international relation ship with a girl from Japan. I am from south Asia for the last 3 yrs. When we met I was a virgin and she was not. Any way, we have been living together for the last 2 years. She and I are the same age. When w...

A.   21 May 2006: You feel like you've "wasted" the last three years, but how would you feel about being locked into this pattern until you die? That's what marriage to her will be like. Unless your girlfriend has given clear indications that she knows what's c... (read in full...)

Fantasy sex in my head is better than the real thing, help

Q.   I get really turned on thinking about doing stuff with my boyfriend, but when we're actually doing it it's nowhere near as good as it was in my head. Do i just have an over active imagination or am i having trouble getting an orgasm just because ...

A.   21 May 2006: Ask yourself what's different when you're actually having sex, as compared to fantasising about it. Is it something you can control, like the environment, or something you can't -- like he resembles Jabba the Hutt? Lots of people have red-hot ... (read in full...)

My ex is being horrible to me, why is he behaving like this

Q.   I have been going out with this boy for a year and a half now and he breaks off with me for no good reason al of a sudden, and then he would be horrible to me sending me pics of him naked with other girls and saying he only wants me for sex then he ...

A.   21 May 2006: He sounds really juvenile, and frankly, not worth a second look. Next time he sends you a photo of him with someone else, send it back with the comment "She's welcome to you, idiot!" ... (read in full...)

How do I know if he liked the bj I gave him... and does he shave his "shaft" ?

Q.   hi, i gave my boyfriend a blow job recently and im not sure how he felt about it. It was my first time so id like ta know how it was for him but we havent really talked about it. We've been together awhile and can talk about almost anything but i ...

A.   21 May 2006: I agree with Shania. If your BF came, then there's a good chance he liked it well enough! There's a point that I seem to keep making lately, but I'll say it again: if you're having sex with someone, you should feel close enough to them to talk ... (read in full...)

I suspect her of cheating, but don't want her to know I snooped to find out!

Q.   Hi All I thought I trusted my girlfriend 100% untill today! Let me know what you all think of this please......... Firstly to start of my story I'll rewind a month back, my g/f is out on a work night out. Usually she'll text me a few times etc ...

A.   21 May 2006: Ye gods! I can't believe that people are seriously advising you to be more sneaky and underhanded than you've already been! Hey, it was snooping in her phone that landed you in this predicament, right? You're guilty of trespass on her privacy, and ... (read in full...)

I'm 20 and I don't think my boyfriend knows I'm a virin...

Q.   What do I do? My boyfriend of 2 1/2 months is very keen on me. I do like him a lot but I don't believe that I love him or anything. I have known him for 2 years. He doesn't know that I have never had a boyfriend before and I reckon just assumes I h...

A.   21 May 2006: You sound like you're not ready for sex with this guy, and that you think it's a foregone conclusion, as if you "owe it to him" for liking you... Hey, you're worth more than that! Please don't have sex with someone -- particularly vir... (read in full...)

Is my ex only interested again because I have someone new in my life?

Q.   I have split from my bf nearly a month and a half ago and things are starting to get a tad better. A few Saturdays ago I went out to party and met this really nice guy. I had a great time and he came back to my mate's. We shared a sleeping bag and ...

A.   21 May 2006: Well, how do YOU feel? You seem to treat this situation as if you exist to please one guy or the other and that you have to be with one of them, but it's a lot more than that. You have to be happy with what you do. Ask yourself why you broke up... (read in full...)

I Do ...... But i don't!

Q.   Marriage: am I wasting everybody's time? I have just asked my girlfriend to marry me. The trouble is that I don't feel elated. I feel anxious. In truth, and I have never said otherwise, I would not have asked if I had been left to my own devices....

A.   21 May 2006: Getting married because "she exepected it" is pretty far down on the list of Good Reasons, don't you think? You need to put the brakes on the wedding plans right NOW -- with an ear-splitting screech, if necessary -- and tell her the truth. T... (read in full...)

My boyfriends grandmother hates me

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been together for a while now and his grandma absoulty cant stand me! Anytime i call she hangs up on me. When i go knock on the door she just says go away he is taking a bath (even though he comes out like 5 seconds later)For ...

A.   21 May 2006: Yes, she's probably lonely and a little "jealous" tht her grandson might be showing affection to someone else. It's a bit peculiar of her to be so possessive, but it's kind of understandable if there's no one else in her life. You also have to ... (read in full...)

Two drinks a month isn't excessive, surely? My boyfriend thinks so...

Q.   My boyfriend won't compromise with me. He wants me to be completely sober or he won't marry me. It's not like I have a drinking problem either. I drink VERY infrequently. Maybe 1-2 times a month. I enjoy a glass or two of wine. I've gone out to r...

A.   21 May 2006: Your request is reasonable. Any relationship requires a certain amount of compromise from both sides. If you refrain from drinking when you want to in order to consider his feelings, he should also allow you to have a drink now and then, even if he ... (read in full...)

Can you be "too young" to get married?

Q.   Is there an age too young to get married by other peoples' perspective? Just wondering :)...

A.   21 May 2006: Indeed yes! Oh yes. Indeed. I should tell you straightaway that I'm 44 years old, married, divorced and happily remarried, so I know what I'm talking about. My first marriage was at age 17, and it was the biggest mistake of my life. I married ... (read in full...)

Our relationship consists of.... Sex. Should there be more?

Q.   i have been with my partner for 4 years the trouble i dont know what the relationship is! all we do is have sex, i dont know his freinds or family nor he mine. i love him but dont know if he feels the same do i stay with him and carry on as we are ...

A.   21 May 2006: If the relationship consists only of sex that leaves you feeling as if there should be more to it, and then you "lose him", then all you've lost is a lot of unfulfilling sex, right? Heck, you could pick up any guy in any bar in any country and have ... (read in full...)

I've been feelin really crap about myself recently, and my boyfriend isn't helping..

Q.   Dear all, first of all, I've come to the conclusion that I am unhappy in my job.. I have too commute, and walk, and so I spend 12 hours away from home everyday.. So i'm tryin to find another one. Because of the stress of my job, I find I e...

A.   21 May 2006: Thank you, Dr Psych! I totally agree, and although I have a reputation for speaking my mind completely, I have nothing to add, except to reiterate her best points... * Your BF should be your shoulder-to-cry-on, your support, not someone who runs... (read in full...)

I cheated, he cheated...and now everytime we argue it is brought up

Q.   Hi i have been with my fiancee since i was 15 years old and I am now 22 and hes 23 and we have a three year old little boy.I had a one night stand when we were abroad working before we had a baby and we patched things up and came home.however this ...

A.   21 May 2006: The cheating you both did appears to me to be a sympton of your problem, not the cause of it. You two need to speak to a professional relationship counsellor more that I can express! Because you've been together since you were kids, you've h... (read in full...)

Boyfriend in serious debt and wants me to steer clear

Q.   What can I do when a boyfriend tells me that he needs to stay away for a while because his situation is bad? (He is being evicted, two months past due on every bill including car) He said that it is not another woman and that I should let him get ...

A.   21 May 2006: Sounds like he's being honest and sincere with you, and I'd give him some breathing space to do what he has to. As long as he's told you the details about his finances and you're confident that that's the truth, it would be smart and kind to allow... (read in full...)

BF's so "protective" that he won't even let me go out with HIM!

Q.   My current boyfriend is very protective and doesn't want me to go out with out him. The only time I ever do get to go out is if he's somewhere I can't be. If I ever ask to go out then he ends up getting stroppy and distant, whereas he can go out ...

A.   21 May 2006: Sadly, you can't do *anything* to "make him" trust you. This isn't about you at all. This imbalance of power is about him controlling EVERYTHING in his life. People like this man are so afraid of things getting beyond their limits that they'll ... (read in full...)

Desperately seeking love

Q.   Hi there. im 22 years of age and never experienced a serious relationship, all my friends are in serious relationships now and im getting tired of their "love stories". I've been set up on blind dates, i go out with my friends regulary and ive even ...

A.   21 May 2006: Keep plugging away. You're doing the right things to meet people, but age 22 is pretty early to start getting depressed about not having found Love! Live your life as if every day is important to you, and not as if you're just marking time unt... (read in full...)

Should I shave it, or not?

Q.   I am about to start having oral/full sex with my boyfriend, we have both talked about it and started to experiment but I always stop him before it gets to far, because I always focus on 1 thing. Vaginal pubic hair, I know alot of girls shave it off, ...

A.   21 May 2006: Why not ask your boyfriend? Surely, if you're comfortable enough with him that you're going to have oral sex, you can have some "verbal sex" too? That is, talk about it beforehand? If you're too shy to discuss sexual matters with each other,... (read in full...)

Is it too late?

Q.   There's this guy who's my ex but we're good friends (maybe more?) and he keeps talking about coming to meet me afterschool. He texted me the other day saying that he was going to meet me but he'd be 10 minutes late. Unfortunately, i didn't get this ...

A.   20 May 2006: Have you considered interacting with your guy without the use of a mobile phone? It IS possible! Your phone is a tool; I hope it's not the limit of your ability to communicate with others, because it can lead to exactly the problems you're d... (read in full...)

I know that Sis is cheating on her boyfriend. What do I do?

Q.   This is a tough question so I thought I would post it here. My sister, who was divorced a couple of years ago, has been seeing a very nice man for a couple of years. I do not think she appreciates what a nice guy he is. She does not live in this...

A.   20 May 2006: If Sis was married and divorced, then she's an adult, and this is not your concern. Sure, she's probably making a mistake in screwing around on the side, when her BF sounds like a nice guy, but remember that this is HER life, and she's free to ... (read in full...)

Am I not pretty enough? I think I'm only with him as his last resort!

Q.   Hi, my boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 months so far, but we dated before and broke up. After his ex left him he came back to me and I accepted him back, but something inside me keeps telling me he doesn't like nor love me, and he is just ...

A.   20 May 2006: This isn't really about her looks, or even about your low self-esteem, although I'm kind of worried about the amount of value you place on his old girlfriend being good-looking. So what? You can be "hot" and still strangle kittens in your spare ... (read in full...)

His very special to me but he is so lazy!

Q.   dear cupid,i have been with my boyfriend for 6 years now and we are the BEST of friends..BIG problem he,s LAZY!!!!He makes excuses to not work and everytime i say something about working he gets upset.people tell me to DUMP him,but he,s very special ...

A.   20 May 2006: He's manipulating you. That makes you feel "special", does it? If it were me, I'd feel resentful and angry. When you suggest he get a job, he "gets upset". Then you back off and things get back to normal; is that right? Then every time you two ... (read in full...)

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