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female
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anonymous
writes: I have been married 25 years and have had enough. I have put up with so much in my marriage, the first year he cheated on me. He says nothing happened but with all I have seen during the years I know he is a wonderful liar. He has a porn problem and I caught him five years ago, he promised he would never do it again and then about five months ago I caught him again, he has lied so much when I ask him things and then I find out the truth. He went to see someone because I told him I would leave if he did not get help, he went twice and never did the homework he was given.My daughter knows about it and since then she has added so much stress to our home by attacking me with her mouth and he sides with her. He will say it is all my fault. I have younger kids also and hate the thought of them having to deal with a divorce, I just don't know what to do. I am so fed up and stressed out. Help!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2007): I agree with most people here, get divorced if you need to it is much better that you do it while your children are younger. I personally found out my dad cheated for 10years and in this time had another family it's a killer especially as i was older i wish i knew when i was youngerthat way i would have learned to deal with it by now. good luck.
A
female
reader, mystify +, writes (3 February 2006):
 hi , i just wanted to agree with male anon, i too come from divorced parents, they split when i was 11 and although it hurt i had never felt so relieved! the tension that i felt between them even at that age was so painful to be growing up around and even when they thought me and my brothers couldnt we heard all the arguements and fights alot of it over as you say sex issues, (when i was about 7 i actually thought sex must be some wicked violence!)
your children would be much better of out of thissituation as would you and your husband.
but i would like to add you say you have a daughter...daughters?, i have a kid sister by a differant father to my own and her dad leaves pornographic images in magazines lying around or in cupboards they came reach , they have seen them and i think that its started to affect how they see themselves, i wont go into it but girls need fathers who respect women, thier mothers and the blooming teenage girls they and thier friends will soon be. of course adults can do it and keep it hiden from thier kids but you already said he dosent. im not saying they wont need him or look up to him but at least they will see that they dont have to put up with it.
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A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (16 January 2006):
 If it's only the thought of the kids "dealing with divorce" that's keeping you with him, believe me, you're doing them no favours by staying.
Your kids really have one male role model, one man that they see day in and day out, who demonstrates uncosciously to them how men act and how they treat their loved ones. Good lord... and the man your children see is your lying, porn-viewing, cheating husband! In essence, your kids are getting daily lessons in how to be the worst possible partner, but they don't even know it. All they know is "this is how a dad acts", and you'd be amazed at how this sort of experience imprints on kids and how it affects their own relationships later.
Then they'll be seeing the arguments and the bald-faced lying, the broken promises, and the unhappiness from both sides.
Compared to the way they're going to be messed up if you stay with your husband, a divorce is going to seem like a walk in the park to them.
I'm speaking from experience, too. My folks divorced when I was 12, sis was 16, and my brothers were 11 and 6. None of us was traumatised or screwed up by the experience. To be honest, we were relieved! Sure, it's not something you wish for, but as a kid, you deal with what life gives you.
So if you're trying to save your children some heartache, you'd be better off leaving this relationship.
Good luck, whatever you decide.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2006): Theres everything wrong with him looking at porn. What woman wants a husband who gets of on 20yr old bimbo porn stars?????especially when you have given him all those years and children. He should be worshipping your body and realising that no porn star could possibly be as beautiful as his wife and mother of his children. Some men are so screwed up....They dont even know what true beauty is and need the media or porn to tell them
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A
female
reader, StarNews +, writes (16 January 2006):
 I don't think you should have to deal with him looking at porn if it is unacceptable and hurtful to you. There is nothing wrong with it, but only if it is something you both agree to. But when there are children in the house, he needs to take not only your feelings into consideration, but how this will affect the children. You have to go with how this makes you feel, since he doesn't seem to have respect for your feelings. It seems okay for him to look at porn, but not okay for you to be against it. I dont think there is anyone to blame, its a matter of opinion in which you both differ. Your husband doesn't appear to care about how this is causing problems with your marriage. I would think it might be easier on your children if you two were apart, than for them to see you arguing. Do what you need to do for you and for your children.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2006): What's wrong with him looking at porn. Come on!! I would say if it upsets his wife that he would stop and apologise for it. I am sure he would be pissed off if she was looking at naked guys on the net. To answer the question and as a child from a divorce, a disfunctional parental relationship is even more damaging than a single parent family. The unhealthy family syndrome has already hit full on if your daughter is causing a stir and your husband is siding with her. He sounds like he just doesnt care enough about the family and what they need. If I were you, I would get out the door before it damages both yourself and your most precious things, your children, even more.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2006): What is wrong with an adult looking at porn as long as he doesnt allow the kids to see it???
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