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female
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*essy66
writes: i have been dumped after a 3mth romance,it was very intense,so intense i left my job,my home,and family to move in with him, with the promise he would support me,until such a time i would get a job, we went on holiday, xmas, new year and involved ourselves in each others families, but then we started having quarrels every day, getting on each others nerves, and it all came to a head where i packed and left him...im back home and have tried to talk to him, but he insists its over he doesnt want to hear from me or see me again. obviously i have hurt him, but i wont to make a go of it again, but with me living here. most of our problems i think was because we lived in each pockets and had no space, i wouldnt normally bother, but we do have so much in common and the fact we have shared so many good times in our short time makes me believe we could work it again...he says he still loves me but its not enough for him to continue the relationship he has become hostile and refuses my calls and texts messages....my question are shall i give up and why is he so cold???
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female
reader, jessy66 +, writes (26 January 2006):
jessy66 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust wanted to say thanks,i took your advise,and left my ex alone,no contact at all,he e-mailed me to inform me of a family in hospital,i then responded,he then text with i love you....we are now chatting on a regular basis,i dont no if he wants me back,and i havent pushed for anything,just taking it slow,he has now invited me to a birthday party of his friend,my question is should i go???
A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (14 January 2006):
 Yes, you should give up.
He wants space, and tells you that he doesn't want to hear from you again... and what do you do? You call and text him! That's exactly the wrong thing to do under the circumstances.
That'll be part of the reason that he's so hostile. He's already angry (possibly sad and disappointed too) about your breakup, and now you keep intruding into his life, when he doesn't want to deal with you. It's as if you keep poking a sharp stick into a wound. He wants you to quit what you're doing. So quit it.
Why did he go so cold? Well, he might just be one of those "all or nothing" people, who can't feel halfway about anything. Certainly, it sounds like you both went headlong into your relationship in an extremely short time frame. It's possible that he can't do anything by halves, and that included breaking up.
He also might just be a bit unsophisticated, and this is the way he responds to anger issues.
Someone once told me a wise thing: "Don't follow an angry man into his cave". It means that some guys really need a Time Out when they get upset, and the smartest thing to do is to give it to them, until they work through the anger. When he's done that, he'll come back out of the "cave".
Give your ex his time, and do as he asks. Back away. Don't call, don't text. Leave him alone. If he wants to contact you later on, I'm sure he'll know how.
In the meantime, you have to start to accept that this relationship wasn't as good as you thought and hoped it would be. Continue living your life and don't *expect* him to make contact. However, if he does, you can consider what to do when that happens.
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