| A
male
,
*rummer101
writes: Everytime I try to finger my girlfriend, she doesn't seem to get pleasure. It's easy to get her off by her grinding on me, but neither of us can figure out why she doesn't get pleasure from me inserting my fingers. Any advice would help. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2006): I agree with Bev Conolly,Focus on stimulating her clitoris, not her vagina. She should be able to tell you the best way of doing this [and if she doesn't know - tell her to experiment on her self first]Leave penetration until she is ready (she might say, or you might be able to tell by how wet she is)Occasionally I tease my girlfriend by getting her really turned on, be on the verge of penetration but not actually do it, when I do this she usually ends up forcing my body towards her and we usually end up having pretty intensive sex.I'm not saying women don't like penetration, but the goal to turning a women on is through touch, feeling, kissing, cuddling and not penetrating her body until that is all done. When she's adequately turned on, you'll probably find fingering her works much better.
A
female
reader, chachacha  +, writes (16 April 2006):
What is a bit concerning is that "neither of you" can figure it out. Your girlfriend must be lacking some awareness of where her pleasure button is herself - she can find it by "grinding" but it sounds like she doesn't know where her clitoris is or what it does, but has bought the male myth that the vagina's the thing. Oh dear.
I think she should start masterbating and exploring her own body more, and working out for herself how to get pleasure - then when she's worked it out, she can guide you.
You should also try oral sex - but don't go for the vagina, go for the clitoris. Use your tongue on the end of it, and keep a couple of fingers pressed higher up where it disappears deep under the pubic bone, which if your gf likes grinding, she would be likely to feel good with.
...............................
A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (16 April 2006):
 Agree with Shania.
Here's a quick rundown on womens' sexual layout to give you some insight into how to fix this:
Most guys tend to regard a woman's vagina as like an "inverted penis", assuming that the sensations *you* get being inside are exactly the feeling *she* gets when you're inside her. But unfortunately it doesn't work like that.
Women have very few nerve endings inside their vaginas (if they did, childbirth would be nearly impossible!). In fact, aside from a feeling of pressure and stretching, there's not really a lot of sensation in a vagina at all, so putting your fingers inside her isn't going to automatically feel good.
When your girlfriend is grinding on top of you, she's actually rubbing her clitoris -- a full 10cm away from where you're putting your fingers now! If you want her to enjoy it, you should be gently rubbing her clitoris, not putting your fingers inside her.
Imagine your GF trying to give you sexual pleasure by rubbing your bellybutton! That's about how far away you are from where *she* needs attention.
So what you need to do is not go straight for her vagina. In truth, you can probably give her a lot of enjoyment without *ever* putting your fingers inside her! I'd actually recommend that for a very late stage of proceedings, if at all.
Instead, kiss her all over, gently play with her breasts, run your hands along her thighs and press lightly on her clitoris. Talk to her, and ask her to let you know when you've hit a particularly good spot. Explore her neck with your tongue and let her set the speed.
You can see that in my suggestions, there isn't anywhere that I've said "Now make a dive for the vagina!" You don't need to, unless she really wants you to, and if she does... believe me! She'll say so.
I hope this is some clarification for you.
...............................
A
female
reader, shania +, writes (16 April 2006):
 It might be because your inserting them in like a shovel...many men seem to think that if they put their fingers in,giving it a little tickle that automatically the woman is going to have an earth shattering orgasm...im afraid not.Whats probably happening here is...you are fingering her before she has had time to get fully turned on,so therefore her vagina is bone dry and thats why she isn't getting any pleasure from it.I think before you start going for the kill,why dont you give her more kisses and gentle caressing and once you have given her foreplay then gently finger her...it takes practise but once you experiment a bit,you will soon hit the jackpot.
...............................
|
