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... Send *ev Conolly a private message | | | *ev Conolly's profile:I'm female, 44 and raised in the western US. I was married first at age 17, which I realised soon after was a rather large mistake! We divorced seven years later, then I travelled around the world, settling in Australia. I met my husband here and we've been together for 18 years, married for 14. I feel much more Australian than I ever felt American.
I wish I knew a lot more about everything than I do, but at least I have a lot of experience at making poor choices in life and correcting them later. That's why I like to provide advice when it's asked for.
As to my pictorial representation... I play the bagpipes. Badly, to be sure, but the best thing about the pipes is, almost no one can tell you don't have any skill!
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Is it stomach flu or pregnancy?
Q. how can I tell if my girlfriend is pregant?Shes nauseated or how ever you spell it,and her stomach has been hurting her for about 2 weeks and I shes been tired lately... Is this like stomach flu or pregancy?...
A. 30 June 2006: Not much to go on here... You don't say whether you've had unprotected sex lately, or when. When was her last period? Has she taken a pregnancy test?
If she's had an upset stomach for a fortnight then she needs to get to a doctor and get treatmen... (read in full...)
He lied to me about his sexual past! I feel sick!
Q. ive been seein this lad 4 about 2 months but friends for 5 years everything was goin great i new he wernt a virgin but thought he had only slept with 1 person today i found out when he was there that he has slept with a 20 year old women and were ...
A. 30 June 2006: Firstly, don't have sex with him until you have condoms, and he's been STD tested. If he's been with a few women already and he's only 16, he could well have picked up some infections. So don't risk any sexual contact with him until you make sure ... (read in full...)
He just never listens!
Q. Hi, lately I feel my boyfriend hasn't been listening to me. I don't know how else to encourage him to stop being distracted or be interested in what I have to say. I just feel like nothing I say is considered important to him, and I feel like I ...
A. 30 June 2006: I have this mental image of him tuning you out in his mind because he feels you talk too much, and you racheting up the banter because you feel he's not listening! It's a vicious circle.
First, you need to back off and stop nagging at him. If ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend thinks I'm too good for her!
Q. My girlfriend thinks I am to good for her, how do i convince her that I am not to good for her?...
A. 30 June 2006: What's more likely than you being "too good for her" is that she feels she's not good enough for you. It's nothing you're doing; rather, it's her self-esteem, or lack of it.
She needs to know that she's a worthy person, and be reminded that she... (read in full...)
Dating a female friend...worried!
Q. i been in love wiv this girl for quite a few years but she a good friend and she goes out with someone but when they break up soon i will ask her but im to scared this ruin a great friendship...
A. 30 June 2006: If she's a great friend, then you can't ruin your relationship with her unless you do something 'waaayyy off centre, like start getting aggro or possessive around her.
Continue to treat her like a great friend no matter how the romantic side of ... (read in full...)
We used to have sex a lot, but not so much anymore...is there something wrong?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 months. We moved in rather quickly and already know we want to get married in a year or so. The first 3 or 4 months we were having sex almost everyday. Recently it has been maybe once a week. His excuse ...
A. 29 June 2006: Well, there's no "normal", because every relationship is unique. But I do think it's very common.
Most sexual relationships go through a Honeymoon phase, where the sex is just as you describe: all the time, every which way. This can last for a fe... (read in full...)
It's been a year since we met and connected so well. He's not a creep, but we have distance and an age difference separating us!
Q. Okay, so when I was on vacation, I was sixteen and I met a guy who was 23. We didn't know each other's ages at the time, but really hit it off and connected well. When I had to go back home at the end of my vacation, we exchanged e-mail addresses to ...
A. 29 June 2006: OK... you asked.
I can see right away by your writing that you're an articulate and intelligent young woman, but it's also clear that you don't really want advice; you want support for your choice to stay in touch with the older guy.
That's ... (read in full...)
Who do I choose???
Q. I was thinking about leaving my bum of a boyfriend to be back with my successful ex. But there's a few problems. I'm in love with my current boyfriend. I know I'd have a hard future with him becuase he won't do anything with his life even though I ...
A. 29 June 2006: You seem to be an appendage to either one boyfriend or the other, but real life requires you to be responsible for your own success or failure.
I recommend that you don't "choose" either right now. I suggest that you make a break from both -- ... (read in full...)
I think I'm a stalker!
Q. I was bullied really badly at school, this guy to begin with asked me for money in order to be his friends, my parents had moved house so I didn't know anyone and I was just starting high school. Although I stopped paying him after my first year the ...
A. 29 June 2006: If you continue to do these things surreptiously, at night, and without her knowledge, I'd begin to worry about you leaning toward stalker-like behaviour. Right now, you're probably a little obsessed with her, but nothing to get too worried ... (read in full...)
Is it possible to over masturbate ?
Q. I'm not going to say my "exact age" but i will say i am in my late teens. I used to masturbate like once a week or something like that... lately i have been thinking alot about this guy i know, and the things we would do, and it gets me turned on. ...
A. 29 June 2006: Unless you're inserting something and feel sore afterwards, I don't think it's possible to do any harm by masturbation, no matter how often you do it.
I know some fellows who were at it six or more times a *day*, every day in their teens, with no ... (read in full...)
Coming to terms with my sexuality and confused!
Q. A few months ago, at the grand old age of 29, I finally decided to come-out and admit to myself and the world what I'd really known for years and years - that I fancy men as well as women (and probably more than women). This is something I'd been ...
A. 29 June 2006: It seems to me that, gay or straight, the same rules apply with relationships. You need to be honest with him, and tell him what you've written here: you love him, you're attracted to him and you don't want to hurt him... but you can't help feeling ... (read in full...)
Its usual for my periods to be all over the place, its still not happend, and the tests were negative, but could I still be pregnant ?
Q. hi. i'm the type who has irregular periods. my last last period was on may 3. this month, it was june 11. but it lasted only around 3-4 days. my other periods usually last longer (5-7 days). my boyfriend and i fooled around on june 7 but he didn't ...
A. 28 June 2006: You're sort of vague about whether his penis was in contact with your vagina. You only say it was "just there", so it's difficult to give you much to go on.
Please do note that pre-cum contains millions of sperm, though not as much as normal s... (read in full...)
How to make "it" bigger?
Q. I dont know how to make my dick bigger? How can i do that im only 14 years old....
A. 28 June 2006: Learn this now and take my words to heart: don't worry about it. Girls don't care and neither should you.
It'll get as big as it gets and no bigger. All the gadgets, pills and exercises in the world won't change what your genetic heritage has best... (read in full...)
I'm 13 and want to date, mum doesnt approve, I want to date but im scared mum will find out!
Q. Im only 13 and Im going out with my best friend.My mum says im too young for a boyfriend,I don't feel this way,everyone I know has had at least 1 boyfriend even people younger than me!I want to go out with him but Im afraid that my mum will find ...
A. 27 June 2006: I agree with all the Aunts who've given their advice here; you're too young to be dating. You want to know how I know that? In your letter there's something very important missing: any comment about how you feel about your boyfriend! Your letter is ... (read in full...)
He has offered to move home with me so we don't have to do the long-distance thing!
Q. I am a 21 year old who has been living in the UK for the past 2 years. Now has come the time for me to return to my home country but 4 months ago I met a guy I really like. Now we are facing the prospect of breaking up and he has offered to come ...
A. 27 June 2006: The answer depends on what he plans to do if he follows you back to your home country. Does he expect to live together? Or is he planning on trying to arrange his own visa and continue dating with no other expectations?
Other things to consider... (read in full...)
What shall I do about my army boyfriend?
Q. my bf has recently joined the army and im really struggling to deal with it, i am trying but it is very hard. i was just wondering why people think telling me to split up with him is a good idea? as soon as i say im struggling to deal with it they ...
A. 26 June 2006: I don't know which of the questions you posted originally, so I can't go back and reread it. Is it possible that you didn't mention that breaking up wasn't an option when you posted it?
Many people will try to offer the simplest solution to any p... (read in full...)
I pushed my BF away when he put his arm around me - is it over for that kind of intimacy between us?
Q. Well,I am in my first ever relationship with my best friend, and i think i might have ruined it! Today he put his arm around me(first kind of intimate thing we did). I don't really rememeber what I did; I didnt tell him to back off or anything...
A. 26 June 2006: There's a good chance that he's just confused now. If you were going along pretty well, then you shrugged off his touch, he's probably wondering if he misread your feelings for him.
Try putting your hand on his hand or his forearm when you're s... (read in full...)
He Broke it off with me over email a while ago, suddenly he texts me to say sorry! I really want to be nasty what should I do ?
Q. Hi I'm in need of advice and courage, and opinions, I'm sure when you read this you'll remember which story this is. I was in a long distance secret gay relationship, and my ex decided after 3years to tell me that he no longer wants this relati...
A. 26 June 2006: Don't reply. You've already acknowledged that his text reopened your old wounds. Responding will set you back even more.
I do understand that you're terribly angry with him for lying and then bombshelling you with a cheap email break up. Judging ... (read in full...)
She already has a boyfriend...
Q. I like this girl but she has a boyfriend. Do I let that stop me?...
A. 26 June 2006: Yes, you should. If she has a boyfriend and yet is willing to go off with you, she's not a very loyal girlfriend. What's to say you won't be the next guy she leaves?
There's no reason you can't let her know that you're interested in her, even tel... (read in full...)
I text and ask girls out, but they don't reply! Where am I going wrong?
Q. I have recently found a couple of girls I like. They are nice to me when I see them, but If I text them and ask whether they'd like to meet and do something like go to town or the cinema they just don't reply. For example a msg might read "hey, ju...
A. 26 June 2006: I agree with everything that's been written so far.
Asking a girl out by text lacks pizzazz. It's like getting someone else to do it for you, or taping a note to her front door and running away! Sure, there's a risk involved in asking a girl fac... (read in full...)
I'm 16 and too shy to ask him out! Help please!
Q. Im 16 and I really Really like this guy but I'm too shy to say anything but I seem too flirt loads. My friend thinks he likes me and she said he was saying good things about me on the way home from cadets and I don't know what I should do becuase ...
A. 26 June 2006: Do you want to find out how you'd react if he said yes?
Then ask him to do something with you.
It doesn't have to be a Huge Major Date, just ask if he'd like to study with you in the library, or sit with you at lunch, or meet at the shopping ... (read in full...)
Why is my BF baiting me and trying to make me jealous?
Q. My boyfriend is always trying to make me jealous. One time he was in vacation and he texted me to tell me one of his female friends were skinny dipping. Then when I was like "okay that's too much information for me" his responce was "chill... she's ...
A. 26 June 2006: It could be that he's insecure and feels that if you're reacting (even jealously) to something he says, then your relationship will be more secure. But this is only wild speculation. It's really too hard for anyone to read his mind and guess why ... (read in full...)
Are the nice guys boring and do girls prefer a bastard? Views please!
Q. Be honest, Do most girls love a bastard? Is it sexy or a turn on? I know that doormats aren't sexy but they usually treat their woman right. A guy who is a bastard and keeps to the 'treat em mean keep em keen' regime usually gets on all right in the ...
A. 26 June 2006: Definitely not.
Speaking as a "woman of mature age", I stopped being interested in bad boys about the same time I stopped dotting my I's with little hearts, i.e. at about 17.
The stereotypes to which you refer only apply to really young and... (read in full...)
Twenty guys before age 23. Too many partners?
Q. Is 20 guys a lot for a girl to sleep with before they are 23 years old?...
A. 25 June 2006: There's not a lot to go on here. When did she become sexually active? Age 11? Sixteen? Twenty one?
Was she serially-monogamous, or was she having 20 one-night stands? Does she have self-esteem issues and think every one was a One True Love, or... (read in full...)
We hit it off at the prom-should I tell her I like her a lot, now that we have left school?
Q. Hey, i have just had my prom and it really was such a great night! anyway during the dancing i just got dancing with this girl, and i danced with her for two songs... one of them was the slow dance one and after that we started holding hands! I told ...
A. 25 June 2006: Of course you should!
You have the Prom as a great starting point, so build on that. I'd suggest ringing her and talking, but then I'm hopelessly out of date when it comes to communication by text...
Whatever you do, whether you text or ring... (read in full...)
Married but met someone else, stay or leave?
Q. Ive been with my husband for 12 years, married for 7. Things were fine until my father committed suicide 5 years ago, and cracks began to show in our marriage. We separated twice, and have recently got back together to give it one last try. Finally ...
A. 25 June 2006: Be careful about bailing from your fractured relationship, just because it looks better now. When you're frustrated or bored, any attention from anyone else looks like a lifeline!
In reality, the other guy still has flaws, and ultimately, a relati... (read in full...)
My parents punished me for dating my bf-should I just break it off?
Q. I have a boyfriend and he is really great. He has never done anything wrong so my parents have nothing against him. But my parents are old fashioned and dont think that dating is allowed. They once found out and i was seriously punished. I told him ...
A. 25 June 2006: If you have to sneak around and risk 'punishment' for dating, then it's not worth it. While you live with your folks, you have to respect their rules.
Frankly though, I'm a little bit hard to convince that your parents are that "old fashione... (read in full...)
We want to be together forever! Will it happen?
Q. Okay, I'm 14 and I've been dating this guy for only 2 months and I lost my virginity to him. I want to be with him for the rest of my life and he wants the same but considering im only 14 do you think this will happen? I love him so much and I wa...
A. 25 June 2006: It's pretty unlikely, statistically speaking, but it's not impossible.
The huge majority of people grow and change so much between the ages of 13 and 20 that the 14-year-old You won't even recognise the woman that you'll be in another half you... (read in full...)
Broke up with her mom, but I still want to give a 9-year-old her birthday present...
Q. Unfortunately I just ended a 3 year relationship. However, I fell in love with her kids. My question is: Her daughter is celebrating her 9th birthday soon and I have a present for her. Should I just mail it to her mom (I live 2 hours away)and she ...
A. 25 June 2006: I'd suggest that you lay it on the line with your ex, speak the truth and ask for her opinion. Ultimately, she gets to decide whether her daughter gets your present anyway, so she should be consulted in the first instance.
Explain that you want... (read in full...)
I want a nose piercing and tatoo..my husband says go for it..should I?
Q. I need peoples opinions on this. I come from a very old fashioned family and all, I'm a married woman with kids who is fairly young and I've been wanting to get a tatoo or even getting my nose peirced...my husband agrees with it and says that we ...
A. 25 June 2006: Be careful what body part you have pierced, and be sure that you keep the area really clean to avoid infections.
I'm 44 and have two largish tattoos (my mum flipped, but I was 25 when I got the first one). The pain isn't so bad, though it tends to... (read in full...)
My jailbird is about to fly the coop, and wants me to go with him!
Q. I have a little problem....There's this guy I know but right now he's in jail. When he gets out he is going to sign up for the Marines and then he'll get deported to San Diego, CA. He said he wants me to go with him. I've know him for around 5-6 ...
A. 24 June 2006: In the sack. No question. Don't believe a guy who's about to get out of prison, because he'll have been deprived of female company for a long period.
Prisoners tend to be excellent at saying things you want to hear, and at almost-18 you'll b... (read in full...)
I need more confidence as I can't talk properly around girls. Is this normal?
Q. i know this is going to sound weird, but how do i put my confidence up as i get shy around girls and the girls in school say im ugly n etc. is this because i do not have good self confidence or is it they like me but they do not want to let me know. ...
A. 22 June 2006: You're only shy and feeling awkward because it's a new experience. And, for what it's worth, nervousness around the other sex is common to both guys and girls, so don't worry.
Your confidence level will rise slowly, once you've done it a few time... (read in full...)
I'm 40, my marriage is a failure and I actually hate my husband..
Q. I'm 40. My marriage is a failure. I am unable to enjoy sex with my husband. He just wont hear of a divorce. He wants me to change to his ways. I have been trying to make him happy for the past 15 long years but now I feel fed up with him and with ...
A. 22 June 2006: Hi dear, I do understand what you feel. My first marriage ended like yours is, with revulsion and anger.
You don't say whether he or the two of you have taken any steps to try to repair the rift(s) that have led you to this point in your life. Ha... (read in full...)
What size of penis do women prefer?
Q. ladies! what size of penis do you prefer? don't tell me size doesn't matter please. obviously 2inches erect is very small and 8 inches erect is very long. but which size do you prefer?...
A. 21 June 2006: I can't believe this question has been posted... again! I answer every one, because I'm forever amazed that guys just don't get it. It -- doesn't -- matter--!
I'd have sex with a guy whose penis was 2 inches and I'd have sex with a guy with 9 i... (read in full...)
Sweet sixteen and having lovin' troubles... is it time to give up?
Q. I'm 16, and I jus feel like I've had enough. No relationship for 16 months. People younger than me have gone further than me, i feel stupid. Friends tell me to wait for the right time or you'll find that perfect person... well I havent!! I'm jus fed ...
A. 21 June 2006: Yes, you're right. You're sixteen and it's just too hard. You should give up. Love isn't about indescribable care for another person; it's really a race and you're losing. Since "younger" people have gone "further" then you should hang it up and ... (read in full...)
Any last minute interview tips?
Q. I am going for an interview, any last minute tips.......
A. 21 June 2006: Jimmy is right. All his points are great, but here's one more for you.
The answer to the inevitable question "Why do you want to work for us?" is NEVER "Because I need a job/money/rent" etc.
I've interviewed scores of people over the years, ... (read in full...)
What are the chances of being hired as a teacher, age 50?
Q. I am a 50 year old female. I want to go back to school to get another career underway. I want to pursue something, I always wanted to do which is teaching. What are my chances of being hired at my age? ...
A. 20 June 2006: If the classifieds in Sydney are any guide, you'd be snapped up quickly. Secondary schools are always desperate for teachers. Age is no barrier, and, let's be realistic: at 50 you have another 10-15 years of full-time work ahead of you. Though to be ... (read in full...)
How old before deciding on career path?
Q. At what age did people decide on their career? I'm finishing school and have no idea what I plan to do when I graduate and I'm real worried!!...
A. 20 June 2006: Don't be too alarmed. You can "massage" your career as you go. It's what most people do, by default.
I believe that it's only a small minority of people who are really confident in what they want to do with their lives when they're still relative... (read in full...)
Will I be alone forever?
Q. Ok, I'm turning 14 in a couple weeks. I've never had a boyfriend and boys just don't really like me. The only ones that do are weird and ugly. People think I'm pretty and I'm skinny too. I'm quite shy though. I just want a boy to like me back. The ...
A. 20 June 2006: I don't know how I can phrase this without sounding like I'm groaning and rolling my eyes... but you're only at the *beginning* of your dating years, dear, not at the end! Be patient with yourself.
If you're "turning 14" then you're still only 13.... (read in full...)
I made a really bad call with the girl I love! Help!
Q. Dear Cupid, I am bi which many ppl dont like but I fell in love with this girl. We dated for five months then I, stupidly, broke up with her. Now I miss her alot but she has another girlfriend. She says she still loves me and I know I still love her...
A. 20 June 2006: For the time being, you can only assume that she's with the other girl until she shows otherwise (by, for example, breaking up with her new girlfriend). That means you swallow hard, make a mental note about your error, and do your best to move on.
... (read in full...)
Wedding is next Monday but I dont want to marry him at all! Help.
Q. Wedding is Next Monday but I dont want to marry him at all! I (27 years old)can not believe I will marry a man(29 years old) I have lost sexual interest in him for almost one year, he is kind,loyal and giving, but he is not my type. At the begi...
A. 20 June 2006: Getting married to someone because you think it's too much trouble not to is NOT a good reason.
Tell him *now*, today, that you can't marry him, because you're not ready. If you've inconvenienced a few people now, it's nothing compared with the... (read in full...)
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