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*ev Conolly agony aunt

*ev Conolly

Australia  (Female   XML/RSS

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*ev Conolly's profile:

I'm female, 44 and raised in the western US. I was married first at age 17, which I realised soon after was a rather large mistake! We divorced seven years later, then I travelled around the world, settling in Australia. I met my husband here and we've been together for 18 years, married for 14. I feel much more Australian than I ever felt American.

I wish I knew a lot more about everything than I do, but at least I have a lot of experience at making poor choices in life and correcting them later. That's why I like to provide advice when it's asked for.

As to my pictorial representation... I play the bagpipes. Badly, to be sure, but the best thing about the pipes is, almost no one can tell you don't have any skill!

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I have a little, uncircumsized willie. Are girls going to care?

Q.   I have an uncircumcised penis and it is realy small. Do girls care about the size? Any help please....

A.   28 May 2006: In a word, No. Guys worry about the way their penises look *much* more than women do. In fact, most of us are just plain baffled as to why you put so much emphasis on such a small part of your bodies. There's nothing wrong with being uncircumci... (read in full...)

Period changed this month.. could I be pregnant?

Q.   My period has been regular since i first got it in fifth grade. This month i only got it for one day. Could this be a sign that i could be pregnant?...

A.   27 May 2006: Your periods can be really irregular for the first several years, so this isn't necessarily a sign of pregnancy. Furthermore, being stressed out can delay and/or affect your periods. Having said that, it is possible to have a light period d... (read in full...)

When is the best time to contact a girl you met at a bar? The next day??

Q.   When is the best time to call a girl you met at a bar? Is the next day ok?...

A.   27 May 2006: I think, if you really hit it off with each other, and you want to ring her the very next day, that she'd be amazed and flattered that you did. The main rule with relationships is "don't play mind games", so be honest with yourself, and her. If ... (read in full...)

We just want to get away from Dad's anger issues, but he's trying to persude Mum it's wrong!

Q.   Hi. My family is about to move away from my dad because of his anger issues and we all can't wait to finally get away! But my dad is trying to put things in her head saying "oh if you move it's going to be a bad idea because she will have boys over ...

A.   27 May 2006: Talk to your mum and tell her what you've written here. Tell her that you really WANT to get away from your dad, and that not to worry about what might happen, because you think this is the best thing to do. Because she's the adult, she gets to ... (read in full...)

Left my wife after 17 years, she made me feel guilty so i moved back in but now my new girl is hurting!

Q.   I am a 58 year old man. Been married 3 times. The current marriage has lasted 17 years. About 4 years ago I met a woman online who turned out to be the woman I have always wanted to be with. We are truly soul mates. However, when I asked my wife for ...

A.   26 May 2006: I don't know why you're a jerk in your relationships, but you're at least right about one point: you are a jerk in your relationships. Your lack of integrity with women generally shows weakness of character. It's undisciplined and it's unfair to ... (read in full...)

I want it to be her or me, but I'm afraid he'll choose her!

Q.   Me and my boyfriend have been dating for a few months his best friend is a girl. They dated in the past for a while, but it didn't work out. He doesn't like her that way, but she is madly in love with him and obsessive, never going to leave him ...

A.   25 May 2006: Be careful of giving ultimata: "her or me", "my way or the highway" etc. The problem with an ultimatum is that you have to follow through on it, or it doesn't mean anything. Do you really want him to make a choice? What if it's not you? If he... (read in full...)

We're both over 18, so what can I do about my infatuation with my teacher?

Q.   Hi I'm head over heels in love with my religion teacher. She is new in the school and she is only 23. I'm 18, which has only got my hopes up even more. She never did anything with us in her classes because we don't have to learn religion for our...

A.   25 May 2006: Wait until school is over for the year -- or nearly, it's only a few weeks -- before you say anything. Because you're both adults, there really isn't an imbalance-of-power issue, although there is still a stigma attached to teacher-... (read in full...)

We want to go further, but I've never done this stuff before...I need advice..

Q.   Im really worried because my boy and i want to go further but i keep getting scared to take the next step. Also Ive never had anything done to me before and ive never like given head or anything what do you do? Another thing is that i know we are ...

A.   25 May 2006: Would you plan a cross-country driving holiday if you only had a learner's licence? Would you volunteer to bake a wedding cake, if you didn't know how to turn on the oven? Sounds like you're putting the cart before the horse here; you're "pl... (read in full...)

Agony Aunts: Are we too soft with our problems?

Q.   Have things become too complicated? Do we try too hard to namby-pamby, silk-glove every type of problem instead of just saying "bite the bullet" and getting on with life ? Being honest is such a panacea (sp?) for all ills. I am serious - I worry ...

A.   25 May 2006: I'd hate to think that I'd give "soft" solutions, just to spare someone's feelings. If anything, I have more of a tendency than I might like to admit to kick someone up the arse to get them to face facts. Too often, the Asker's problem is of his/her ... (read in full...)

I am not physically attracted to me but shes wonderful!!!

Q.   Hello. I feel sad just typing this in. My problem is that I have been dating a brilliant girl for a year now. I am in my 30's and she is a couple of years younger. I have never been treated this special by anyone before. Back to the problem: I a...

A.   25 May 2006: Hi hon, I've been the girl in a relationship like yours, and I can tell you in all honestly that it sucks to be the only one attracted. The only thing worse is being the unwitting cast member of a farce that keeps her ignorant. You're making... (read in full...)

Is there a romantic future for us teenagers

Q.   I'm 19 and have been in a relationship with a 16 year old girl for almost a year. I'm at University and she's going to start college next year.Whilst I live away, the distance has never really been a problem as we would normally see each other at ...

A.   25 May 2006: I don't want to be the one who bursts your bubble, but you do understand --I hope-- that this romantic phase of your relationship will eventually wear off, right? If you recongise that the crying-herself-to-sleep and calling-every-day graduall... (read in full...)

I want a better sex life with my boyfriend

Q.   im 17 and me and my boyfriend skipped the oral stuff + went straight to sex. but i want to do the oral stuff now but dont no what to do! can you help? i think its important as i want to pleasure him more. we have only slept with each other + we are...

A.   25 May 2006: Well, I'd draw you some pictures but... anyone for the Karma Sutra in ASCII? The best thing (reiterating Dr Psych) is for you to get a book and leaf through it together. I might make suggestions for sexual acts or positions that I think are fun ... (read in full...)

Why am I single??

Q.   I've been single for like forever and i dont know why i think ill never get a boyfriend. but im always around guys and i know some like me but we like never go to an actual relationship. I guess i get scared or something and i stop talking to them i ...

A.   25 May 2006: Well, there's your trouble. You're "only 15". What makes you so sure that that's single, "like, forever"? I'd categorise age 15 as at the *beginning* of your dating years, not the end! It's like you're standing at the door of the mall, waiting ... (read in full...)

I'm afraid of penises... Even the word "penis" scares me!

Q.   I have a huge problem. I am afraid of penises; they scare me. The way they look and how huge they are. The word "penis" scares me to death. I am afraid I will never have sex! What can I do?...

A.   25 May 2006: The fact that you say you're scared even by the _word_ makes me pause. OK, "penis" isn't a happy sounding word, like "bubbly" or "Twinkie", but if you're afraid of the sound of the name of something that you're afraid of, then, baby, you're deeply ... (read in full...)

How do you get over heart break

Q.   Whats the best way to heal after a breakup, and realise that It was not your fault and to move on with life. and not hurt as much. Is there a process? i know everyone is different and their reaction is different, however i just want to lock up ...

A.   25 May 2006: I'd say you're doing well without much outside help! You've recognised that there are stages to recovery and you're progressing through them, so unless you broke up ten years ago(!), then you're doing as well as you can. I don't think there's ... (read in full...)

He did'nt txt me back, does this mean his gone off me?

Q.   I asked a boy out a week ago and we have arranged to go out next week. He is very busy at the moment looking for a new job etc and he told me last week he had an interview this week so i xted him good luck. and he didnt txt back to say thank you.Has ...

A.   25 May 2006: It's probably too early to worry. As hannieseds writes, he has a lot on his plate, and maybe a thanks message slipped his mind. Be patient, and receptive if he texts again before you meet. In fact, maybe --given that he's probably really rushed a... (read in full...)

Made a mistake and visited when he said not to. Was I really that wrong?

Q.   My boyfriend works every single day. He gets up at 4 am and goes to sleep when he gets home. One day he was home so I called him and asked him if I could come see him. He said no but I went anyways because I feel like I never see him. His grandma ...

A.   25 May 2006: Well, in a word, Yes. You were wrong to come over when he specifically asked you not to. What you did was please yourself ("I never see him") instead of thinking what would be best for him. Although it can be difficult when the two of you work ... (read in full...)

Why doesn't he like to talk to me every time I call?

Q.   Me and my boyfriend have been going out for about 7 months and he's really sweet, but sometimes I feel like he doesn't want to talk to me when I call, and I know he loves me because he tells me does. It means a lot to me, because i love him more ...

A.   25 May 2006: Young men aren't as keen on _just_ _talking_ as young women are. To many guys, the purpose of talking is to exchange information, full stop. When that exchange is done, they don't see the *point* in staying on the phone. To women, on the other hand, ... (read in full...)

I keep sabotaging my own relationships!

Q.   I am really bad with guys. If they are nice with me and I feel although they like me, I'm happy at first, then I get bored and cheat on them!! Or if they don't seem too bothered about me I get really insecure and ask them questions all the time lik...

A.   25 May 2006: In spite of your looks, you're afraid you're unworthy of affection, so you cheat on guys who like you to "prove" what a bad person you are and fulfil your own perception that you're (in your own words) "horrible" and "ugly". You're so frightened ... (read in full...)

Fifteen with a 23-year-old boyfriend. Illegal?

Q.   I'm a 15 year old female from New Jersey. I was wondering if it was legal to date (without sex!!) a 23 year old male? If so, besides having sex/oral, if it was possible for him to get in trouble? My mom tells me its illegal for us to even just dat...

A.   25 May 2006: I was interested in the answer to this, so I googled the phrase "New Jersey age of consent". It's 16, according to every website I visited. That means that you can't have sex with your boyfriend until after your next birthday, or yes, he can go t... (read in full...)

Difficulty sleeping next to my partner!

Q.   Is there a problem if a couple can't sleep next to each other (as in both parties remain half-awake or sleep very little)? Will it go away with time?...

A.   25 May 2006: Why do you have trouble sleeping together? Is it the strangeness (or delight) of having someone in bed with you? Is it nervousness? Fidgetiness? Noise? Movement? Blanket-hogging? If it's just the strangeness, that goes away over time. If it's you... (read in full...)

How do I find out if this guy likes me

Q.   i haven't had a boyfriend since i was 8. i like this guy and i think he likes me we text each other all the time but i know he would be too shy to ask me out all my friends say to ask him out but im still unsure of it. i also think it might not be ...

A.   25 May 2006: Why not ask him out, somewhere low-key? Ask him if he'd like to go for a walk on the beach, or if he'd like to have lunch together. If he's interested in you as more than a friend, this is how you can inch a step closer to finding out. And if h... (read in full...)

I just want to have fun, but I hate my life!

Q.   I feel so down all the time lately. I have no mates. I am doing rubbish academically. I feel so low all the time and lonely. I'm young and supposed to be having fun, but my life at the moment is crap. I have no confidence whatsoever. I hate who...

A.   25 May 2006: It mightn't be any comfort to you at all, but I'm going to say this anyway: yours is the Howl of the Adolescent. Every human goes through a stage like you're experiencing. The trick is not to convince youself that it's forever. Yes, it's annoying... (read in full...)

Split from my girlfriend, and lost all my mates! What now?

Q.   I've just split from my gf and now realise that I ditched all my mates for her. I called them but they've all got new lives and don't want to know. I'm 18 and have no mates or social life. I'm no good at making new friends either! What shud I do, Cu...

A.   25 May 2006: Ooh, tough blow. I'm sorry. Your mates are probably still a little ticked at you for making out that their friendship was less important to you than your girl. How long were you with her? How long have you been friends with your mates? Maybe th... (read in full...)

I didn't like his games and finished it, so do I tell him how I really feel before he goes to Australia?

Q.   I met this guy who I work with and fell for him big time, but he's a real 'lad'. He was messing me about a bit so for my 'pride' I finished it. Now he's moving to Australia in a couple of weeks and I can't get him out of my head. Appare...

A.   25 May 2006: Whether you tell him or not depends largely on what you're trying to accomplish. Are you aiming to make him appreciate what he missed out on by stuffing you around? (Call that "poking your tongue out".) Are you hoping he'll want to start an... (read in full...)

I get jealous of his female friends, but he says he doesn't care about my boy mates!

Q.   OK, now this is going to sound stupid but it really does affect me. I am very jealous of all my boyfriend's female friends. I know he wouldn't cheat, but some of them he has got off with and whenever he mentions them it gets to me. To make it w...

A.   25 May 2006: Here's an exercise you can try, to find out why you're so jealous of your boyfriend's exes/friends. You write that you get jealous when he mentions them to you, so complete this sentence: "I know he wouldn't cheat with them, so I get jealous ... (read in full...)

Feel like I'm rubbish at chatting up girls. Need some tips!

Q.   I have two problems: the first being I really like this girl but I'm rubbish at talking to girls, so have you got any good tips? Have you got any good tips for asking people out and flirting with them?...

A.   24 May 2006: There's one main "tip" that will help you talk to girls for all of your life: **** Girls are people without penises **** If you want to talk to a girl, you talk to her the same way you'd talk to a friend, or your cousin, or a guy at the train... (read in full...)

Should I be getting married when I still think about my ex

Q.   Hello, I have an advice question for you if you ever have any extra time. I'm going crazy and would fully appreciate it. I am engaged to be married in less than two months to a wonderful man and I want to be married whole-heartedly. However,...

A.   24 May 2006: I'm of the opinion that you shouldn't get married if there's any doubt in your mind. And you, hon, have doubts -- Big Time. If you re-read your own two postings you'll see an interesting point: you haven't once written that you love your fiance... (read in full...)

My BF will turn 18 in a few months, and I'm still 14. Is this OK?

Q.   Hey I'm 14 and my bf is 17. He thought iIwas older and only found out my age after he said he liked me. When he found out he went weird but said that he still likes me but wants to take it slow. In a few months he will be 18. Should I stay with ...

A.   24 May 2006: If he treats you respectfully and doesn't talk down to you, if he's good company and fun to be with, and if he doesn't push the envelope in regards to sex... then you're fine. The main problems between legal-adult men and young women of your age... (read in full...)

She started crying when we discussed our relationship. Normal, or weird?

Q.   Earlier today whilst lying with my girlfriend (Been with her 5 n a half months) she suddenly spoke about how paranoid she is. She said that she has been really paranoid about me whenever I don't feel in the mood for lots of kissing and hugs and all ...

A.   24 May 2006: I wouldn't be too quick to brush this off as "hormonal". That's pretty insulting and dismissive to the young woman in question, when we only have your description of one conversation to go on! Look more deeply into your time with her and think ab... (read in full...)

Can my boyfriend enjoy our first-time sex even if I'm not?

Q.   Losing my virginity to a mate/ex bf in a few days. Thing is, this is new to me and not to him, will he still enjoy it even if I'm not? I'm expecting the whole pain/bleeding thing that most women get first time so I doubt i'll enjoy it....

A.   24 May 2006: I'll answer your question in a moment; but first, why would you want to lose your virginity in such an indifferent and dispassionate way? Think about it, you only get one First Time, and you (despite what you might think) will always remember... (read in full...)

Twenty one years on, and my ex wants to get back in touch...

Q.   I need help. I'm happily married for 21 years and out of the blue I get an e-mail from my first love. He lives in Australia now and is also married buts wants to keep in contact. This has put a huge strain on me, cause he has woken up feelings that ...

A.   24 May 2006: If you think that there's a danger to your marriage by trying to be friendly with your long-ago ex, then just don't. Don't tempt yourself. I can't think what your old love thinks he might get from contacting you, especially if he's married ... (read in full...)

falling for my ex girlfriends twin!

Q.   hey. long story short, me, my now ex girlfriend, and her twin sister all live at uni together. me and the twin have been hanging out a lot recently. i think she has feelings for me, we flirt quite a lot. i can't tell if i'm attracted to her because ...

A.   24 May 2006: I think it would be difficult enough dating your ex's sister if you didn't live all together. If your question isn't some sort of a joke (or a fantasy!), then you only have two options, as I see it: 1. Don't do it. It's creepy to date sisters,... (read in full...)

I've been having sex with the band teacher and I'm not excited about it. Should I stop going out with him?

Q.   I am 16 right now and I have my own car, OK. Well I have band class and our band teacher asked me if I would come to his house after school for something. Well I trusted him because he is a family friend. Anyways I drove over to his house the othe...

A.   24 May 2006: I'm going to refrain from mentioning too much the fact that he's broken an ethical rule, and that he's definitely taking advantage of the teacher-student relationship, because I'm going to assume you already know those things. But he has, and he is, ... (read in full...)

I dumped my ex but I cannot stop thinking about her

Q.   I mostly treated my girlfreind of 5 years badly but on christmas day i came home to find another man in our house we broke up. 2 days later i called her and said all was forgiven but she would not get back with me she said he treats her right i was ...

A.   24 May 2006: She's not going to come 'running back', because she doesn't know what she wants. Since Christmas, she's had another guy and split from you, then said she'd dump him for you, then let you kiss (her but not sleep with her), then made you hide fro... (read in full...)

I miss my abroad lover

Q.   Hi, I am really stuck emotionally right now and need some of your advice please. I have been living with a girl for 5 months as a friend / flatmate, but i really fancied her but never made a move as i was too scared of blowing it. She moved back to h...

A.   24 May 2006: I agree with Martini's answer. Sadly, when you told her about your feelings, she gave you her answer: she doesn't consider you that way. Furthermore, you've now told her more than once about your feelings. You probably don't have to go into mor... (read in full...)

I'm starting at the beginning. What does having a girlfriend mean?

Q.   Hey: I'm in grade eleven, 16 years old and have never had a girlfriend. I have been told that I'm attractive and have a good personality, and I am pretty popular. I don't exactly know why I haven't had a girlfriend before, but it's probably be...

A.   23 May 2006: Getting a girlfriend is a matter of feeling your way (not literally!) and making a series of best-guesses. Nobody has the method stitched up; some guys just have better luck than others. As far as what the relationship entails, it's really a... (read in full...)

Is he crying and asking me to stay because he's in love or because he's upset?

Q.   My boyfriend has been having a tough time lately. He moved out of his ex's home they shared with their kid. He says hes having trouble coping being away from his kid. He says he doesnt know what he want, he says he loves and cares for me but he ...

A.   23 May 2006: There's probably a lot going on in your BF's head. Think about it: he's split from his ex, he's separated from his child, he's living with someone new, and he's wondering if all this this is what he really wants! It's going to be tough for you ... (read in full...)

I need advice on how to get over a broken heart...

Q.   What is the best way to get over a broken heart and all the pain?...

A.   23 May 2006: Remind yourself that, although it hurts right now, you *will* move past it. You will, because that's what you have to do. Everyone experiences this feeling at one time or another, and people don't lie down and expire when their hearts get broken. ... (read in full...)

Contraceptive issue

Q.   Dear Cupid, Ive been going out with my partner for a year and half. I'm 16 and am wondering if there is another possible way of getting hold of contraceptive pills other than visiting the family Doctor? I was also wondering how long does it take ...

A.   23 May 2006: You need to speak to a doctor, or a family-planning clinic (depends where you live) to get a script for contraceptive pills, because taking the Pill isn't like chewing gumdrops. They work by altering your hormones and there can be some reasonably ... (read in full...)

I'm great, So why cant i see it?

Q.   I used to have really REALLY low confidence. More recently i've been trying to come across as more confident so that i feel more confident. It's really frustrating because i've realised that it's not a problem i can just solve because i don't know ...

A.   23 May 2006: This isn't a quick-solution problem, but here are a couple of ideas. Write a list of all the great things about you and about your life. Things like: * my family love me * I'm attractive * I'm intelligent * I'm getting a good education * ... (read in full...)

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