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*ev Conolly agony aunt

*ev Conolly

Australia  (Female   XML/RSS

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*ev Conolly's profile:

I'm female, 44 and raised in the western US. I was married first at age 17, which I realised soon after was a rather large mistake! We divorced seven years later, then I travelled around the world, settling in Australia. I met my husband here and we've been together for 18 years, married for 14. I feel much more Australian than I ever felt American.

I wish I knew a lot more about everything than I do, but at least I have a lot of experience at making poor choices in life and correcting them later. That's why I like to provide advice when it's asked for.

As to my pictorial representation... I play the bagpipes. Badly, to be sure, but the best thing about the pipes is, almost no one can tell you don't have any skill!

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Wedding is next Monday but I dont want to marry him at all! Help.

Q.   Wedding is Next Monday but I dont want to marry him at all! I (27 years old)can not believe I will marry a man(29 years old) I have lost sexual interest in him for almost one year, he is kind,loyal and giving, but he is not my type. At the begi...

A.   20 June 2006: Getting married to someone because you think it's too much trouble not to is NOT a good reason. Tell him *now*, today, that you can't marry him, because you're not ready. If you've inconvenienced a few people now, it's nothing compared with the... (read in full...)

I need to find someplace to live, coz I'm being kicked out of home!

Q.   I'm 15. I'm bein kicked out my house, because hate my mum so much!!! Do you know any hostels or something I can go to for free? I have no money... xxx wb...

A.   20 June 2006: There are a lot of resources for teens who have to live away from their parents, but you'll need to give a bit more information. What country do you live in? Are you going voluntarily, or is there a legal reason you have to leave? Have you been... (read in full...)

My ex hates me because I couldn't remain friends... Who's in the wrong?

Q.   Is it wrong for my ex to be upset when I told her that I couldn't be her friend because I love her too much and I need time to grieve and move forward. She has moved on and I just want to do the same but she hates me because I don't want to be ...

A.   19 June 2006: No, you're not wrong. You feel the way you feel, which apparently, is sad, but sensible. May I gently suggest that your ex doesn't "hate" you for not being able to be friends? You said she moved on with her life, and I assume that means she's wi... (read in full...)

Harrassed at work! What next?

Q.   I think I was being harrased at work by a male co-worker. What should I do?...

A.   19 June 2006: Keep a diary of the incident(s), writing down what happened, when it happened and where, and if there were any witnesses. Record what was said to you and what your reply was. You may need to show the evidence to your supervisor if the person d... (read in full...)

I'm 12. Am I too young to make out?

Q.   im 12. too young to make out?...

A.   19 June 2006: Usually with questions like "I'm so confused about sex" and "should I have a boyfriend" and "am I too young to (fill in the blank), the answer is: If you have to ask other people whether you're ready, then you're not ready. Twelve -- bel... (read in full...)

Does he or doesn't he?

Q.   how can i tell if my boyfriend mastorbates?...

A.   19 June 2006: Does he breathe? OK, he masturbates. Seriously, almost without exception, guys do. About 99.9%of girls too. So you can be almost certain that he masturbates. It doesn't mean he doesn't find you sexually alluring. It's not a challenge to you... (read in full...)

Am I pretty?

Q.   This is a weird question but..... Do I have a pretty face? Cause I really dont know. Girls I know say I am ugly, some boys say I am hot then others say I'm a 'dog', My work colleagues think i am pretty, my teacher thinks I'm gorgeous but my frien...

A.   18 June 2006: Why do you care if you're classically pretty? If you're not, you can't change that, and if you are, that doesn't make you a better-quality human than someone who has ordinary looks. What's important is whether you're a good person; that is, if y... (read in full...)

Not sure i'm ready for a lesbian relationship, how to let my gf down?

Q.   I'm really confused, I'm 16 and my girlfriend she lives about 3 hours away from me and I really really like this guy who only lives 3 minutes away. I know this sounds stupid but is it wrong to want a relationship with someone you can see nearly ...

A.   18 June 2006: Well, honesty is a good way to start. You tell your girlfriend the truth, which is that a) you're not sure that you're ready for a full lesbian relationship and b) she lives so far away that it's too hard for you to continue. You can leave out ... (read in full...)

I want to be independent but can't seem to get a job. Help!!

Q.   I am 17 years old and i don't understand what i am doing wrong! Every time I apply for a part time job, the place never gets back to me and people with less qualifications than me get the job. I have been trying to earn some extra money for abou...

A.   18 June 2006: For about eight years, I used to interview and hire new starters for the Commonwealth government, so I'll tell you what I've learned from being on both sides of the interview table. 1. Be realistic in your goals. There's no point in applying... (read in full...)

My boyfriend says he is impotent

Q.   I'm 18, my boyfriend is 20 and we've been dating 2 months. I found it strange he didn't want sex at all during our relationship. Then he revealed to me he was impotent (and was extremely embarrassed when he said it!) Where do we go next?? ...

A.   18 June 2006: It depends on whether having sex is that important to you right now. Is it? Whether it's a medical problem, or a moral decision or a psychological issue, the fact remains that right now, he can't have sex with you. I assume that, as a young single ... (read in full...)

How can I be friends with my ex?

Q.   Is it wrong to feel like you love your ex too much to be friends. I mean we go out to dinner and laugh and talk as friends but when her phone rings or she gets a text and smiles it still really stings and I still dread the fact that she is ...

A.   18 June 2006: It's not wrong to feel that way. In fact it's OK and really, really normal. What it means is that not enough time has passed for you to accept the change in your circumstances. It's too soon for you to try to be friends, especially if you're still ... (read in full...)

Is my boyfriend a bludger, or am I too focussed on money?

Q.   Hello, my boyfriend and have been dating since November of last year. We go out at least once a week. The problem I have is that every time we go out, I am always the one who pays. To be quite honest, he has never bought me one thing. I know t...

A.   18 June 2006: Well, the answer to your question is yes, your BF is taking advantage. If, in seven months of weekly dating, he's never picked up the tab, and you always do, then he's a cheapskate, and basically a remora (those suckers that attach themselves to ... (read in full...)

I want my ex back, but I need advice on how to go about dong this...

Q.   Since splitting with my girlfriend 4 months ago I have posted on here often and have had some great help and advice. We are going away with my parents to the most romantic part of Italy on Tuesday 20th June which was planned before we split. Since ...

A.   16 June 2006: Why did you break up? Was it mutual, or one-sided? Are the problems that led to the breakup now solved? If you can show her that the reasons that you broke up have been fixed, and you have enough history since then to show that they're solved f... (read in full...)

Two guys asked me out!! What do I do?

Q.   I doubt you'll be able to answer this in time but i thought i would give it a try. Well this boy who was in my class last year asked me out on a date for tomorrow online .. and at the same time his hot, popular friend asked the same question. I...

A.   16 June 2006: Sounds to me like both guys discussed asking you out between themselves. I can't think of any other reason for them both to ask you to the same place, on the same night! Presumably then, each guy knows that the other has asked you. Is that mea... (read in full...)

She slept with all these people and I couldn't handle it...but I still want our friendship...

Q.   A few months ago I got involved with a girl from my work. We had been close friends for a couple of years and we were very close. The problems started because she went out drinking with her friends all the time and I started to get suspicious o...

A.   15 June 2006: I don't know, I think you're playing with more heartache if you try to be friends after what's happened. Are you sure it's just her friendship that you miss, or might there be a tiny spark of lust still burning, way deep in your soul? If there's any ... (read in full...)

I want to be kissed soon......

Q.   im 12 but very mature for my age.entering middle school and desprately wanting a boyfriend to be kissed by.any advice?help!...

A.   15 June 2006: Don't be desperate. Being kissed doesn't _mean_ anything all by itself, so try not to build it up into a make-or-break issue. Most girls and boys don't start doing any kissing until they're a year or two (or three!) older than you are now, des... (read in full...)

She told me how she cheated on her long term boyfriend, now I'm wondering if she will do this to me...

Q.   Hello! My and my girlfriend have been together for about a year. We're very close and share everything. This, i have discovered, is a very bad idea. She has recently told me about the time (when she was 17, we are now both mid 20s) when she ch...

A.   15 June 2006: Well, bear in mind that she was only 17 at the time, that dating and sex were still a very new experience, and she probably wasn't very discriminating back then. Think back on your own experience too: at 17, if you could have had sex with two girls ... (read in full...)

I want to know if the signals are saying that he likes me or what!?

Q.   i want to know if this guy likes me he looks at me for long perods and is always touching me wanting to know were i am slaps me and jockes with me he even got in to bed with me hugs me and is always rubs his body when ever he is nere me he is always ...

A.   15 June 2006: Hi Elaine, I'd say this guy is touching you a bit too much. These are touches that say "I want sex with you", not ones that suggest a healthy interest in your personality. In fact, if there's an age gap between the two of you (and I suspect ... (read in full...)

I keep thinking he's going to run off with someone else...what can I do?

Q.   I'm completly paranoid that my boyfriend is going to run off with another woman cause he's had quite a few ladies in the past. no matter how many times he tells me he loves me it means nothing....

A.   15 June 2006: Not enough information here, hon. How old are you both? Married, single, divorced? How long have you been together? Have you got solid proof (like he's admitted) of his cheating ways, or are you going off hearsay? Why does his telling you he loves ... (read in full...)

Is it normal that when we have sex it's so messy?

Q.   'Everytime' I have sex with my girlfriend when I ejaculate pretty much all my cum floods back out of her as soon as I pull out which as you could imagine is messy.. Is this normal and what does it mean!?!? How much is meant to stay in her? This is ...

A.   15 June 2006: Yup. Normal. As to how much is supposed to "stay in her", the answer is none. Her vagina isn't a sponge! lol What happens is that the acidity of her vagina changes the consistancy of your semen, making it more watery (helps the sperm cells, p... (read in full...)

I ran & hid because I don't want to meet his mother! Is he now avoiding me?

Q.   Ok so I am in the middle of this relationship and my BF lives in a different town, with his mom. He is not trusted with anything so his mom drives him to this town. But he wants me to meet her! They were driving around today and he pointed ...

A.   15 June 2006: Oh dear... Where to begin? He lives with his mother? She doesn't "trust" him, so has to drive him into town? You ran and hid from a look from Mum? You think he's avoiding you after you abandoned a meeting? Unless you and your boyfriend are bo... (read in full...)

It creeps me out when a guy touches me...am I doomed to never be intimiate!?

Q.   Hi I'm 22 years old, and haven't been intimate with any guys until recently. I didnt have sex, but everything else...the thing is, the first time I was really drunk (i still wanted to, i had for awhile) and i enjoyed it. But the 2nd time, i kept ...

A.   15 June 2006: Sibaan has a point. You shouldn't be engaging in sexual contact if you don't enjoy it, and if there's no historical reason for you to be repelled (such as childhood sexual abuse). So maybe it's just that you, personally, aren't ready, or haven't met ... (read in full...)

I want to make a fresh start with new man...how do I tell my current one?

Q.   hiya I've been seeing this 32 yr old for about 2 months now and i want it to end...reason being he cant offer me anything..he doesn't work, he has got 6 children already and all he does is sit around in his house. I just cant find a way of telling ...

A.   15 June 2006: You two have only been together for two months? Then you're not exactly welded to each others' hips, are you? You hardly need to say anything, except "I'm sorry, but this isn't working out for me". I would *hope* -- this being very early days of ... (read in full...)

Does this boy really like me? (long post)

Q.   My ex and i split up about six months ago and i was absolutly distraught over it. I went so depressed i started eating for comfort and i put on a lot of wieght, plus his constant phone calls to remind me i was out of his life didn't help me much. I ...

A.   14 June 2006: It's hard to know what's going on, although it looks to me like he's enjoying having a steady girlfriend (her) and the thrill of a new relationship too (you.) This might be a bit blunt, but it might help. Next time you're out drinking and laughing... (read in full...)

She acted all girly around me. Does that mean she fancies me?

Q.   I'm 15 and there is this girl at school and she keeps looking at me and been nice. To day she asked me if she was fat and then started acting really girly. I said no you are slim; stop being stupid. Does she fancy me?...

A.   14 June 2006: It's likely that she's trying to get your attention anyway, and that's a start. Now ask yourself: do I like her? If the answer's Yes, you could help things along by not telling her she's "acting stupid"! Nothing will put the brakes on a flirtati... (read in full...)

I don't want to go against my religion, but I do want to give my girlfriend what she wants!

Q.   Hello I am 14 years old. I have been dating this girl for 4 months 2 weeks and I have already proposed to her and plan to spend the rest of my life with her. She asked me a couple of nights ago to have sex with her soo I said yes. I'm highly a ...

A.   14 June 2006: Your girlfriend is asking you to do something that's against your religion, so my first thought is that you two aren't on the same page in your relationship. Secondly, you've only been with her for a couple of months. You two should be doing th... (read in full...)

BF would rather masterbate than have sex with me!

Q.   I am a very sexual person, and my boyfriend seems to be, but is not. He would rather sit at the computer and masturbate rather than have sex or fool around with me. It makes me feel very unattractive and depressed, even though he assures me that he ...

A.   14 June 2006: I agree with Martini - maybe it's time to talk about a way to rev him up - but I also wondered what sorts of porn he's viewing. Is he into, for example, some sort of fetish or something "forbidden" that he thinks you might not be into? Another ... (read in full...)

Worried my best friend and I will drift apart

Q.   Dear Cupid, I've been best friends with this girl (let's just call her Erica) since before my memory can even recall (our moms have told us that we first met when we were four months old...lol). Through elementary school, we were practically inse...

A.   14 June 2006: Try not to worry too much. If you want to remain friends, you will. Although friendships change over time, you can still share special times together. You may discover that you can never have your friendship "the way it was" because people g... (read in full...)

I took off with him to Mexico and now my parents dislike him!

Q.   hey i have a boyfriend my parents dont like him because i made a big mistake by leaving to Mexico w/him but now we want to do things right and he's tried to talk to my dad but he dosen't want to listen he said that he dosen't want me w/him what ...

A.   13 June 2006: I was going to add my comments in detail, but Irish has already done an excellent job with her advice. Summarising: you have to acknowledge, openly and in person, that you were wrong, and you made a poor choice. You have to apologise to your fol... (read in full...)

I love him but there are so many issues.... Too many?

Q.   I started dating my boss about a year and a half ago. I know that it was a bad idea even though I've known him before he became my boss. The situation gets more complicated: he left his girlfriend that he had been with for several years because he ...

A.   13 June 2006: Re-read your own letter. Pretend it was written by a stranger. a. Cheated on first girlfriend with second girlfriend. b. Cheated on second girlfriend with first girlfriend. c. Doesn't communicate. d. Likes to be the victim in every circumstanc... (read in full...)

I can't get this girl out of my head! Help!

Q.   Me again - this time about girls. Im 16 leaving for sixth form however, today a girl, who is going into Year 10 said she liked me and that - and i admit i did too - but after the fiasco my previous friend had with the same situation i dont want to ...

A.   13 June 2006: If you like her, then why not give her a chance? Don't base your love life on what your friends think! After all, you're not dating your mates... Jeered? Mocked? For dating a girl a whole year younger? Puh-leease. If your mates would give you a ha... (read in full...)

He's leaving the country for a year... Should I make things better after I accused him of breaking into my car?

Q.   I starting seeing a friend of mine casually for 2 and a half months. We spent alot of time together and although it was 'casual' I think we both started to get feelings for each other. I know I did but wouldn't admit it to myself or him. At t...

A.   13 June 2006: It's NEVER wrong to try to fix a mistake. Call him. Don't use the mobile phone; text is so cold and impersonal. Speak your mind, tell him your emotions were all over the place when that incident happened. Tell him that you got misleading informat... (read in full...)

Can you legally move out at 18 in south africa

Q.   can you legally leave home when you are 18 in south africa? or is it true that you have to be 21 before you can make big decisions like getting married, moving in with your boyfriend or having a child???...

A.   13 June 2006: This is a snip from the South African Department of Home Affairs: "Consent to marriage of a minor For purposes of the Marriage Act, 1961 (Act No. 25 of 1961) a minor is a person under 21 years who has not been married before. The following re... (read in full...)

Parents won't let me get pierced!

Q.   So, I am 18 years old and have really strict parents who won't let me get my lip pierced..I have wanted to do this since I was 12 and i know fully the risks, but my parents won't hear of it, they feel it is "tacky"..How do I get round this problem?...

A.   13 June 2006: How about not getting pierced until you move out of home? You can move out from your parents' any time you want, you know. It's probably time for you to start being a bit more independant anyway, if this is the sort of thing that's causing ... (read in full...)

Is it possible to increase ones intelligence?

Q.   Is it possible to increase ones intelligence?.. thanks...

A.   13 June 2006: I don't think that it's possible to increase the amount of grey matter in your brain. That is, if you're an average achiever born of average parents, it doesn't seem possible that you could become a genius just by dint of hard work. Havin... (read in full...)

My period is 12 weeks late, I'm not pregnant, so what is wrong with me?

Q.   Hi, My period is 12 weeks late and I dont know why. I have done a pregnancy test and it is negative and my periods are usually regular does anyone have any ideas why this could be? Thanks x...

A.   13 June 2006: You don't say how old you are. If you're still in your teens, it could be just that your cycles are still not settled. It's not unusual for this to happen up to around age 16. Stress can also affect your periods. If you've been under a lot of p... (read in full...)

He's too weak to leave his ex, but he wants me too!

Q.   I am seeing a man who still lives with his ex partner. He says he loves me and wants to be with me but says is too weak to tell his ex partner and could we still see each other. I am not sure whether I can handle this all the time and get frustrat...

A.   11 June 2006: He's given it to you in black and white. He's not going to leave his "ex" (who is really his "now"). But he wants you as his "bit on the side", nothing more. Now you decide what you want to do. If you're happy for him to cheat on her with you... (read in full...)

Do good manners really exists these days?

Q.   If a man really tries to be a gentleman in this stone age like opening car doors for you, let you go first as a lady. Does that mean he is showing good manners or just trying to impress you or hook you?? Do good manners really exists these day...

A.   11 June 2006: Good manners are really just courtesy and thinking about the comfort of others. So, does courtesy and care still exist? Yes, of course it does. If you're worried that someone's behaviour around you isn't coming from the heart, that they're ... (read in full...)

Is it ok not to tell your mother things?

Q.   is it a bad thing if your afraid to tell your mom things or even ask her questions?? ...

A.   11 June 2006: Are you asking because you're afraid of her reaction? Does she just scare you normally? If you're wondering because you don't want to share new feelings or changes with her, that's perfectly normal. Most teens get a bit secretive about their li... (read in full...)

Is it ok to be a hairy girl?

Q.   is it ok for a girl to be hairy every where?...

A.   11 June 2006: Well, of course it's "OK", but if you're really hairy in places where it shows when you're dressed (face, neck etc), then there can be a social stigma attached to that. Dr Psych is right (as usual) about PCO syndrome. That can give you hair gro... (read in full...)

Fourteen and pregnant! What do I do?

Q.   Hi, I am 14 and I am in trouble. I know you think "you are only 14. What are you doing thinking about sex already?" I know I shouldn't be, but I have and I have ended up pregnant. I have took 2 posative tests and I don't know what to do. Should I...

A.   11 June 2006: I'm so sorry that you have to make this decision at this time in your life. It's hard to "tell" you what to do; all I can do is give you suggestions. In spite of the fact that everyone who responds is going to have their own opinion, you have to do ... (read in full...)

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