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male
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*hredordie
writes: Ok, I'll try to keep this short. My ex girlfriend is going to Hawaii for a week with her rebound guy (started dating him right after we broke up and then had a fight). We have been broken up for just over 3 months, and while it was tough for a while, we finally managed to hit a stride where we could be good friends. This is not what I want though, I am still deeply in love with her. Anyway, she leaves tomorrow, and I texted her this morning to say have a nice trip, and I teased her and called her pasty, she laughed and said, joked back - "fuck you man, I have tan lines haha". Then I asked her where she was going, and I said Cool, well just keep Fiji and Bora Bora open. Fiji is the island that we had said we would honeymoon at when we were still together and talking about marriage. When I said this it made her upset. She said I shouldn't say things like that and we then proceeded to argue with each other over text. Eventually feeling heated, and not wanting to say anything nasty, I told her think maybe we should not try and be friends, I love you too much. All this did was annoy her even more. She said, "not this shit again, you need to figure that out on your own. You have no idea how much it annoys me when you do this, etc."This really pissed me off. Whenever I tell her how I feel, she just gets defensive and bitchy. So I waited a while before responding so I didn't say anything stupid. Then I told her that, it's not shit, this is how I feel, it's hard not being with the girl I love. I'm just trying to cope with not being able to hold the girl of my dreams. I'm sorry if that annoys you, but I don't think we should speak for a while until I sort things out. Her response: Fine with me.Why does she have to get so frank and nasty with me about things when I'm telling her my feelings? If I don't talk to her for a while (going to try even though I know it will be hard) Do you think she will try to get in touch with me? Do you think I have a better chance of getting back together with her down the line if I just cut things off completely, rather than hanging around as her friend? Not sure if I did the right thing.
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broke up, ex girlfriend, her past, I love you, my ex, text Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Lostandalone  +, writes (26 May 2006):
 I commend you. Stick to your guns. Quick and easy: HUMAN BEINGS TEND TO WANT WHAT THEY KNOW THEY CANT HAVE. Stop being her doormat. Find a nice person to take your mind off this crap. Trust me she will come around snooping.(Human nature) Don't keep torturing yourself. I have been there. Hurts like hell but you will be better off and it may seem cruel but you will get a sick satisfaction seeing the look on her face when you are finally kicking dust in her face. Be Easy.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2006): You did the right thing. You had feelings that you felt you had to tell her about. She reacted according to her feelings. I think it's probably correct that she feels bad because she does not return your feelings. She doesn't want to hurt you. She feels like you should know this and therefore doesn't want to have to hear you say you still love her. You've done what you needed to do. Now you have to follow through on what you promised yourself. Don't try to contact her. Try not to think about her too much...tall order I know. Be ready in case she calls you. If you know in your heart that you still aren't ready, don't answer. It will be really really hard, but stay strong. If she leaves a voicemail be careful. She still cares about you, it's obvious because she doesn't want to hurt you, but you might hear it and want to believe she still loves you. It's very hard when you still want her but she is with someone else, I know this feeling all too well. Keep this in mind, as things stand now there is no way it would be good for you to get back together with her. With the time that has passed and her seeing someone new you it would never work now. The only way that getting back together will work is if you move on and leave your past relationship in the past. Get back to being ther person you were before you met her. Learn to be happy with yourself. Then in the future it's possible that if it doesn't work out with her rebound guy you two will have a chance for a truly fresh start. You can't count on it though. But there is a double upside, by working on getting back to feeling ok with your single self you actually open up the chance to one day reconcile with your ex and you are also preparing yourself to be ready in case someone new comes along. Until you can do this, you wouldn't be ready to get back with her and you wouldn't be ready to meet someone new.
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male
reader, shredordie +, writes (21 May 2006):
shredordie is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey guys, I appreciate the input. I'm going to try to go at least the whole summer without talking to her. If she ends up moving into the city just down the street from me like she plans, it might make it harder, but at this point, I've messed things up so much I don't really have a choice. Eve she does choose to contact me, be it a month from now or longer, then I will ask her how she is doing, but express that I am still not ready to speak with her. Or maybe I'll fall right back in, we'll see.
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (19 May 2006):
 You're not *really* friends, though, are you? She's gritting her teeth, and you're hoping that that's a pathway to her loving you again, right?Mate: she's not interested. I'm sorry to rub your nose in it when you're already so hurt, but it's painfully evident that she's moved on and you haven't. The reason that she got snippy with you was that she's tired of hearing that you really love her and want her back. She's got the message, but doesn't want to hear it, so you should stop saying it.It's your call about the next step. If it were me, and being "friends" (if you can call it that) caused me this much pain, I'd feel it was simpler to just not see her. What you're doing at the moment seems to me like ripping the same bandage off the same wound over and over. And over.One thing you must promise yourself is not to text or tell her about your continuing feelings for her. It's not helping you and it's starting to irritate her. Resolve to yourself to be strong and not go on like that again. If you feel compelled to text, leave it at things like "nice to hear from you" and "hope you're well". Personally though, I wouldn't bother at all. Let her know that you want to get over her, and you think it'll be easier if you don't pretend to be friends.Honestly, give yourself a break from this. You should work to accept what exists NOW and stop hoping for some change in the future. If things change sometime down the track, you can work it out then; look out for your best interests in the present, and stop torturing yourself over this.Take care.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2006): shes pissed off she dosent feel the same and it hurts her when you say you love her she feels bad. stay away from her, out ov sight out of mind try move on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2006): Because they want to stop thinking about the past. I think you should just cool it with everything. Eg: when she says something and you feel hurt, stop and don't say anything to counter that.
I seriously think you should not think about having a chance to get back together with her. Though you want to of course, I suggest you just go with the flow of things. Thus far, you don't sound like a strong person. There is no right or wrong thing - it's whether she accepts it or not.
Personally, I wouldn't express my emotions to an ex. Unless it's been awhile (years), and I feel she has similar emotions towards me. Otherwise, I'll let her go.
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