A
female
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anonymous
writes:How can I break away from my dysfunctional relationship?I have been with my boyfriend for a year now and I think the time has come to leave him. I have some issues with his past (the amount of women he's slept with) and it kills me. I'm always feeling really low about it, picturing it in my head and generally getting myself down over it all. When I've had a drink and get some balls, I try to finish him but when I sober up, I'm just too pathetic to walk away from what I know. I hate change and the thought of being alone scares me. I've been in relationships since I was 16 (I'm 19 now) and I think I'm just scared of being on my own. He's a great guy and I can't believe I've let something so pathetic ruin this but what's done is done. I know I'm stupid but if something hurts me, I can't help that. His past is his past and neither of us can change it, why should I try and accept it?Please help. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (6 August 2006):
 Don't think of it as a negative change. Think of it as cleaning out the detritus of your life and moving on to better things.
Remind yourself that without change, nothing can get better, and that you change all the time! You don't have the same boyfriend you had at 16, right? You changed. Would you be caught dead in the clothes you wore in 1999? Hey, hello. Change!
There are much, much worse fates than being alone. One of the worst of those is being with someone whose presence makes you feel bad about yourself!
In order to be a functioning, well-adjusted adult in your life you *have* like yourself and be able to accept your own company. You need to have experience with looking after your own needs, and starting sentences with "I" instead of "we". You need to know that you can entertain yourself and stand on your own two feet.
The fact that you've been in relationships since you were little more than a kid means you've never learned the delight of being responsible *only* for yourself, and doing the most self-indulgent things... only because you want to. Honestly, it's not scary at all. It just depends on how you look at it.
Moving away from a relationship that isn't fulfilling in the first step in taking the reins of your own life and finding something that ~will~ make you happy, so don't worry about the unknown, when the "known" is something you're discontented with!
You don't sound like you want to try to deal with your boyfriend's past, so since you don't, you just need to explain that you're unhappy and break off with him. Do it when you're sober, so that you don't later claim it was just a drunken whim.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2006): Move on, he didnt want to hurt you but some people are just not meant to be together. You will find someone if you get out into the world and meet new people.
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