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*ev Conolly agony aunt

*ev Conolly

Australia  (Female   XML/RSS

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*ev Conolly's profile:

I'm female, 44 and raised in the western US. I was married first at age 17, which I realised soon after was a rather large mistake! We divorced seven years later, then I travelled around the world, settling in Australia. I met my husband here and we've been together for 18 years, married for 14. I feel much more Australian than I ever felt American.

I wish I knew a lot more about everything than I do, but at least I have a lot of experience at making poor choices in life and correcting them later. That's why I like to provide advice when it's asked for.

As to my pictorial representation... I play the bagpipes. Badly, to be sure, but the best thing about the pipes is, almost no one can tell you don't have any skill!

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I have a hugh crush on a 14 year old celebrity!

Q.   What do you do when you have a huge crush on a celebrity, and you can't stop thinking about them? I'm 13 and he's almost 14....

A.   17 July 2006: You remind yourself that fantasy is OK, but fantasies aren't real. If this guy is a celebrity of any sort of standing, he'll have hundreds, perhaps thousands, of adoring fans. Each one of those fans will be thinking along the same lines as your ... (read in full...)

Just lost my virginity and regretting it big time!!

Q.   Hey Im a 17 year old girl and... as of last night, no longer a virgin. The trouble I'm having is... they guy I lost it to, would definately not be my first choice. It hurt like crazy, and Ive only known him for 2 weeks. At the time, it seemed l...

A.   16 July 2006: Irrational? Stupid? No... "Swept up in the moment" would be my assessment. Most men aren't going to look down on you in future - you're about the average age for first-time sex, and you've only had a single partner - but I think having sex with... (read in full...)

It's a been a month and my period hasn't come, majorly worried.

Q.   I havent had my period for like nearly a month and i fear it could be the worst. Me and my bf have always been careful, but i am really starting to get worried. I have had a huge amount of stress over the past month and a bit so this could be co...

A.   16 July 2006: Agree completely with willywombat. Why would you defer getting a $10 (or equivalent) pregnancy test? Those "other things" you have to worry about are going to fade into nothing if you find you are pregnant, don't you think? And if you're not, the... (read in full...)

Now that I'm free, the girl I like isn't! Can I do anything? Should I?

Q.   Hi, I'm recently 15. There's this girl I've known for 3 years now, and for most of that time I've fancied her. I never did anything about it because I was in a long-term relationship which lasted 2 1/2 years. 3 months ago we broke up for various ...

A.   16 July 2006: Well, you can't "ask" someone to break up with their boyfriend or girlfriend. That's a decision that has to come about organically, between the two people involved. That said, if she's happy in the relationship she's in, I wonder why she'd be... (read in full...)

I said No to a girl because she's only 14, but I still feel jealous of other guys!

Q.   I am 18 years old and through friends I've got to know this girl. We get on good and all and she asked me out but I said no because she is only 14. I know I ain't going to try anything with her becuase that ain't the way I am. Yet I'm still fe...

A.   16 July 2006: At least congratulate yourself on doing the honourable thing. That's something to be proud of. As the other answer pointed out, doing anything more than kissing her would have landed you in jail, so it would probably have been either a) dangerou... (read in full...)

The boy just dumped me

Q.   my boyfriend just broke up with me and said he dont care about me and he have his woman i dont believe and i dont know what to do....

A.   16 July 2006: Sorry dear, but there isn't much that you *can* do. When someone breaks up with you, whatever the excuse, it's over. It sounds as if you don't believe the reason that he gave you for breaking up, but that's not the point. What is the point is... (read in full...)

I just want him to stay up late with me on Saturdays!

Q.   Is it wrong for me to ask my fiancee to stay up late with me on Saturday nights? Hello, I've been living with my fiance for a year now..he works a 9-5 job Monday through Friday...We have a pretty much set bedtime during the week because of this. ...

A.   16 July 2006: I think you're going about this question with a more provocative attitude than you need. No, it's not "wrong" of you to want to see him on Saturday nights, but using the same logic, it's also not "wrong" for him to want you up-and-at-'em at 7:00a... (read in full...)

I love him this amazing guy... And he says he'll break up with his girlfriend at the end of the year!

Q.   I'm in love with an amazing guy who completes me but something is in the way of us being together and that person is his girlfriend. I have been inlove wit him 4 bout 5 months but had a crush on him 4 a year and a half but he ays he wants us to be ...

A.   16 July 2006: Sorry, hon. The only "amazing" thing about your guy is that he's managed to convince you that he's going to break up with his girlfriend. He sounds like a bit of an egotist and just wants to have two girls, and for that reason I can put my hand ... (read in full...)

How much time should I spend with my girlfriend

Q.   What is a healthy balance for seeing my girlfriend... I have been with her for over 7 months... I see my girlfriend on average 4 times a week between 6-10 hours. Most days my girlfriend doesn't want too go out or do anything because she comp...

A.   16 July 2006: In my opinion, a "healthy" amount of time is the amount that makes you both happy. There is no fixed number, or a formula you can apply, so how many hours, or how many days per month or whatever isn't really relevant. The meat of the issue he... (read in full...)

Can a Hindu man get divorced?

Q.   Hi, I'm a 35 year old single woman. I've been having an on/off relationship with a married man for 2 years. He's a hindu. One minute he says it's just sex he wants, then he says that he cares for me greatly. His actions and his words are often co...

A.   16 July 2006: Looks like the answer is Yes, under certain conditions. Check out "Hinduism and Divorce". http://hinduwebsite.com/hinduism/h_divorce.asp Also, The Bharat: http://www.thebharat.com/legal/personallaw/divorce.html Willywombat has a good po... (read in full...)

I am having doubts about my relationship

Q.   Okay I was just wondering about my relationship...From time to time I seem to get a weird feeling that im losing faith in my relationship. I have been going out with my girlfriend now for over 7 months.....For a couple of weeks I seem to feel really ...

A.   16 July 2006: All romantic relationships require a certain amount of work, and every one has its ups and downs, so yes, what you're feeling is normal and fine. After the initial 'honeymoon phase' wears off (and that's anywhere from 3-12 months, usually)... (read in full...)

I am having unprotected sex at 13!

Q.   i am 13 years old and last nite i had sex wid my bf for only about 20 seconds widout protection i finished my period 21 days ago is there a chance i mite be pregnant? is there any pills i can take now to stop it?? plz plz plz help me!!! ...

A.   16 July 2006: Yes, because it only takes a literal second to get pregnant. Your boyfriend doesn't even have to be inside you; if he rubs the tip of his penis at the entrance of your vagina, even THAT could be enough to get you pregnant. So the answer is DO NO... (read in full...)

Did this guy just use me?

Q.   So theres this guy who has treated me like shit for about two years yet i have been mad for him., he has always said he only wants sex whereas i have been trying to get him to like me. Anyway, on thursday, he asked if he could come over etc, giv...

A.   16 July 2006: What it's all about is that you keep giving in to his requests for sex and that's all he wants. It's all he ever wanted. Every time you try to "keep him happy" by giving him blowjobs or whatever, you're undermining your own needs (you want a r... (read in full...)

I really like a lad who's 15, but I'm 17 and worried what people will say!

Q.   Well, last weekend I was out with my friend when we met some really cute lads. Me and my friend are both 17. Turns out the boys are only 15. Thing is, I got chatting to one of them and we have been txting and talking on msn and meeting up. I am sta...

A.   14 July 2006: If you click together, and you like him, then to hell with others' opinions. Two years isn't much difference, and it sounds like he's a nice lad, who makes you happy. Isn't that the most important thing? ... (read in full...)

I'm ginger, short and sixteen. How do I talk to girls without being all "out of their league"?

Q.   Hello everyone, I realy need some help at the moment. I am going through a particular hard time in my life i believe. High School. I have ginger hair, am fairly short, 16 years old etc etc. Basically, there are a couple of girls i really fancy...

A.   13 July 2006: I find it interesting when letters from guys with ginger hair get posted here, they invariably say that they get taunted about it, but the women who respond always say they think it's very sexy. I'm firmly in that camp. Ginger hair is gorgeous... (read in full...)

Need help making a big decision about my future!

Q.   I am having troubles with making a reallly important decision. First off, I am 17 years old and next year would like to do attent univesity and get a degree in a particular area I have chosen. Problem is the town I live in does not offer it. So m...

A.   13 July 2006: You can also consider doing your "basic" courses in the uni closest to your home. The first year you're always saddled with general courses that may not be relevant to your chosen field anyway, things like English Composition. Those are courses that ... (read in full...)

All my boyfriends wants to do is drink...

Q.   dear cupid, i have been with my boyfriend for two and a half years. he's a genuinly nice guy and supported me when i was out of work. now i have a new job and work alot of nights but now when i have time off all he wants to do is drink. im not a big ...

A.   13 July 2006: How long has he been drinking? Was he doing this when you were out of work, or just started recently? Why is it a problem now, and wasn't before? Even though he spends a lot of money on drink, does he keep up with the bills? How do you feel about ... (read in full...)

I am 15 and I fancy another boy apart from my boyfriend

Q.   hi i am 15 and i have this really nice boyfriend but the thing is that i fancy this other guy a lot.I have been m8 with this other guy for about 16 weeks now and he is really nice. but i dont konw what to do i dont konw if to ask this other guy out ...

A.   13 July 2006: This is pretty simple. It boils down to: who do you like better and have more in common with? You feel obligated to your boyfriend because he *is* your boyfriend, but if the playing field were level, and they both liked you, what would you do? ... (read in full...)

My friend think's she's fat....what can I do to help her feel different?

Q.   I have a friend who think's she's fat.. She seems very upset about it. She'd be slightly overweight.. but i think she's lovely. Short of continuously telling her she's lovely when this comes up in conversation.... is there anything else I can say to ...

A.   13 July 2006: I'd say just deflect the conversation when it comes up again. Some women become fixated on their weight as if it was really a fascinating topic, and allowed to continue the way it has, it tends to feed her obsession. Next time it comes up, you ... (read in full...)

Tried having sex, but it hurt so much he had to stop!

Q.   Hey, I recently nearly had sex but I was in so much pain when he tried to push in that I had to stop him. Is it normal for it to hurt that much?...

A.   13 July 2006: First-time sex varies a lot from one woman to another. Some say it hurts like hell; others say it's just mild discomfort. The most common experience is probably somewhere in the middle, but again, it depends on a whole bunch of variables, such as ... (read in full...)

My friend has body odour!

Q.   my friend at school "beatrice" has bad odors and i am afraid to tell her incase she gets offended, and hits me, she does need to have a wash and clean herself, maby shave but she doesnt realise that she smells real bad, what should i do....

A.   12 July 2006: This is something that will come up again and again in your life. It's never easy to do, but sometimes you have to do it anyway. Tell her something like "Beatrice, you know I'm your friend and I don't want to hurt your feelings, but you might no... (read in full...)

Worried about my first gay relationship

Q.   Hey, I recently posted a question which was named 'I'm a gay teen, have met another guy 16 on the interweb but feel so down because we're not together!' when I was anonymous, but since I have signed up, and I'd like to say a few more things, ...

A.   12 July 2006: Hi Tom, When you're meeting someone for the first time, whom you've only previously known online, it's a strange feeling. On the one hand, it's tremendously exciting to see them -- in 3D, as it were -- but on the other, it can be nerve-wrackin... (read in full...)

My folks want to send my 24yo paramour to jail, because I got pregnant!

Q.   I'm a 15 year old female. And I had sex with a 24 year old male. I just found out I'm pregnant. My parents want to send him to jail. But can I just lie to the doctors, etc? I dont want him to go to jail. What do I do?...

A.   12 July 2006: If you lie about who the father is to protect a sexual predator, then who *are* you going to say is the dad? You'll probably want to put something on the baby's birth certificate. And the child deserves to know about his/her genetic history. There... (read in full...)

I just don't care about sex. I won't do oral, won't show my body. It's causing a big strain!

Q.   I have never been interested in sex. I could go without it and this is causing a big strain between me and my boyfriend. We've been together 5 years. I find it so boring that I think of other things and have willingly said he can go with someone ...

A.   12 July 2006: Ask yourself this: Am I happy this way? If you are, you need to have a big talk with your boyfriend, and explain in no uncertain terms to him that you won't be changing your attitude towards sex. So if he wants it, he'd better go his own way, wit... (read in full...)

The boy I like said he wouldn't date me because I'm too shy!

Q.   I've loved this boy since January and he turned to me yesterday and said he didn't think if he got with me it would work out because I'm too shy. After he said that I broke down and i haven't stopped crying. I'm even taking it out on my family a...

A.   12 July 2006: Don't bother to try to win him over. Why would you? First off, you can't "love" someone you don't even know. You can be attracted, you can lust after them, you can be infatuated... but love? No. So what actually happened, is that you'r... (read in full...)

She's 14. I'm 16. Are the two years too much?

Q.   Well. There is a girl of 14 who I fancy and am not sure she fancies me back. But anyway I am 16 and have left school, and my mate keeps taking the mick because I want to go out with a younger girl who is the same age as my sister. But I don't know ...

A.   12 July 2006: Start by finding out if she likes you. Maybe ask her to a really lightweight gathering, like a sports match or a barbeque or a party. If she's interested in that, then you treat her the same as you would any girl you're going out with. You find... (read in full...)

Dieting, but no weight lost. Growing hair on my stomach. Anyone have ideas for me?

Q.   I have a problem I am 16 yrs old and I have been dieting for nearly 3 months now, but I haven't lost any weight whatsoever. Does anyone know if there are pills I can take or anything like that to help me lose my weight? And my other concern i...

A.   12 July 2006: Be cautious of 'dieting'. At the age of sixteen, you should be putting on weight in the form of muscle mass, not losing weight. If you feel that you have too much body fat, then the solution is to make your energy output greater than energy i... (read in full...)

She's 19 and I'm 17. I know she likes me, but she tells me I'm "too young"!

Q.   Is it impossible for a 17 year old guy to get with a 19 year old girl? I know most girls go for older guys, this one especially, but she is always flirting with me! As a result I have fallen head over heels for her. This is my best friend's...

A.   12 July 2006: It's not "impossible", but this one sounds unlikely. And not because of the two years between you. I think she's just not a good choice, because, to be truthful with you, she doesn't sound that "mature" herself if she's still playing silly head ... (read in full...)

By BF wants children and I might be pregnant - I'm only 16!

Q.   I have been going out my boyfriend for 3 and a half months. I have had sex with him but he wants children and I might be pregnant. What can I do? My period should start again on the 27 of this month and I am only 16 years old....

A.   12 July 2006: This is far too soon in a relationship to be talking about having kids! Egad. Forgive me for sounding like an echo from ancient times, but if he's serious enough about children, shouldn't he be serious enough to want to formalise a relationship with ... (read in full...)

Why is there no interest?

Q.   I'm 13, and really like quite a few boys. I'm good friends with most of them, and flirt loads with them. I'm told by lots of people that I'm gorgeous, and that i've got a lovely personality. But why haven't I had any interest from them? Please he...

A.   11 July 2006: The main problem is that age 13 is just the leading edge of adolescence. Many girls are still essentially kids at 13, although some (as you appear to be) have grown up a little and are interested in the other sex. Here's the problem. Boys don't us... (read in full...)

What shall I do about this girl?

Q.   OK. This one has me hoppin' a bit. There's a girl in work. Very nice, Very attractive and I'm almost sure she likes me (who can be certain). Now... when we banter away whilst working.. the craic is great and we really get along well. We can kind...

A.   11 July 2006: Yes, it's probably the mutual attraction that makes the silences awkward. When you're working, you have the multiple distractions of your duties and you can make silly comments to each other before bustling off to whatever jobs are waiting. But w... (read in full...)

I try to have sex with my GF but I can't ever get hard!

Q.   I been going out with my gf for a year but every time we try to have sex i cannot get hard. Is that something to be worried about? ...

A.   11 July 2006: Just a few thoughts: Do you get erections at other times, such as in the mornings? Do you have any similar problems when masturbating? If you wake up with erections, and you can get hard for masturbation, then your barrier is likely to be a p... (read in full...)

We were really good friends then we dated for a month, shes now begun to put up barriers! I want our friendship back!

Q.   I have been really good friends with someone for about 2 years. I have always felt an attraction between us but she was in a relationship for 15 months so never did anything about it. At the start of the year she split up with her boyfriend. I then ...

A.   11 July 2006: It sounds to me like she's struggling with the new dimensions of your relationship. There's not much you can do to help, other than be patient. Although I don't guarantee I'm a mind reader(!), here are my thoughts: it seems to me that, when she... (read in full...)

I think I'm gay - should I tell the girl who has fallen for me?

Q.   I'll try be brief. I'm best friends with a woman and while at school we were close then we graduated and went our differnet ways and lost contact until several months ago we've become pretty close. MY feelings for her are "friendship" however her...

A.   11 July 2006: Please, please, please tell her. Make it soon. I've been the unrequited girlfriend-wannabee in this situation a couple of times, and I can tell you that it hurts more to realise how long it went on. She'll feel foolish when she knows, but not as f... (read in full...)

I read on a website that males don't like dry-humping! But we do it all the time!

Q.   I was reading some information on another website, i forget the name of it, and there was this article on it about dry sex aka dry humping. Anyway, it was written by a male and it addressed this sexual act from the male perspective and he went on to ...

A.   11 July 2006: This is the sort of question that you're really better off asking your boyfriend. The person who wrote the article can't hope to speak for every man on the planet, and was probably just stating his own preferences. It might be that your boyfri... (read in full...)

I'm a lesbian and I love my friend! How do I tell her?

Q.   I'm a lesbian, how do i tell my friend i love her?...

A.   10 July 2006: First question: does she know your sexual orientation? Or is that sort of admission going to throw her for a loop? Second question: do you know whether she's a lesbian too, or if she's always been straight? Third question: is she involved wit... (read in full...)

Tested my boyfriend and he failed! Still want him though...

Q.   Hiya, Recently I've been thinking that my feelings for my boyfriend aren't as strong as they used to be. So, my friends decided to test him, see whether he truly liked me, he was talking dirty with them, and stripped off on webcam. He then denied it ...

A.   9 July 2006: Wow... I can't believe the arrogance of your "testing" his love for you, irrespective of the outcome. What a self-serving, egocentric attitude you have, young woman! If it's reached this point, where you feel justified -- and so far above him -- t... (read in full...)

I don't want the boys to be put off me if I'm overweight, so what is the normal weight for a 14 year old girl?

Q.   Weighty issues!! what is the normal weight for a 14 yr old girl i get the feeling that i am over weight and i get really concious about it especially round guys when i hug a guy i breathe in as i don't want them to no what my body feels like i ...

A.   9 July 2006: There's no "normal" weight for any age -- and thank the universe for that! Can you imagine being told that a "normal weight" is 50kg if you're 180cm tall? It depends on your build and your height. A healthy weight is determined by your Body Mas... (read in full...)

I like him a lot but scared to ask for a phone number in case he doesn't like me. Advice needed.

Q.   I'd like to ask an opinion if I could, someone has posted something similar during the week but I'd still like to ask. I met a guy through mutual friend, he's single, we talked and laughed and got along. He was telling me jokes (bad ones, but i ...

A.   9 July 2006: Why not just go for it and ask your friend for his number? From my perspective, you're getting all agitated about someone finding out that you might like him, but... (shrugs) so what? You're not still in high school and the other kids aren't going ... (read in full...)

He wore protection but could I be pregnant?

Q.   well me and my partner were having sex and he was wearing a condom but the thing is that he didn't cum. and that was in january i got my period throughout the other months.. i missed june can i be pregnet!!?...

A.   9 July 2006: It seems unlikely, if your earlier periods in February, March, April and May all turned up normally. Have you used contraception *every time* you've had sex since January? If so, your period is probably just late. Go to the chemist/... (read in full...)

Is he loyal or lying? Help!!!

Q.   hi well my boyfriend knows this girl n she has his mobile number and they go to the same school and in the same class he says he hates her but she says that they talk all the time and get on and she says that he stirs up stuff about me i need help?...

A.   9 July 2006: He probably says he "hates" her, only because he's worried that you'll worry otherwise. And the other girl may be overstating the case by saying they "talk all the time". The truth is probably somewhere in the middle. I'd suggest that he gets along ... (read in full...)

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