A
male
 ,
anonymous
writes:Hi I'm 14 and a few months ago my parents separated. My mum had an affair and thats why my dad left. My mum realised whta she did was wrong and my dad (now) realises he took my mum for granted. I spoke to both of them and asked if they still loved each other. They both said yes but my dad is angry at my mum for what she did (yet he still loves her).Should I try and get them back together?
View related questions:
affair Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (20 November 2006):
 You sound sincere and I know your motives are pure, but the answer is a resounding ** NO **. You're not responsible for your parents, their mistakes, their relationship, their problems or their future.
At fourteen, you probably have enough on your own plate, without trying to take over the lives of the two adults who are trying to help you grow up. Don't burden yourself, and don't kid yourself that you can "get them back together".
Marriage between two people is a constant balancing act and an everlasting game of give and take. Some couples manage it; at least as many don't. If your folks separate, you have to understand that each of them has known the other well before you were even born, and so you have to trust their judgement about their own actions.
Think of it this way: you have a girlfriend. You love her to bits, but lately you and she haven't been treating each other right. Even though you love her, you don't like her any more. You're mad and her and she's got the poops big time with you. Your life isn't the same, but you're coping.
Now, your eight-year-old cousin wants you to be happy again. She thinks she knows what's best for you, so she contrives a series of reasons for you to get together with your ex-gf, thinking all you have to do is kiss and make up.
Now... even though your 'cousin' in my example wants the best for you, don't you think you know yourself better than she does? Would you thank her for sneaking around and trying to second-guess your needs. If you wanted to get back with your girlfriend, don't you think that you'd take steps to do that?
Same in your situation. There is ALWAYS more to a married relationship than meets the eye. It's not just about "loving each other"; it can also be a matter of being able to move beyond past mistakes. Some people can't.
So, no. Leave them to work out their own problems. You can't help, except to let each of your folks know that you still love and trust them.
Good luck.
-Bev
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2006): You are 14, I am very upset with both of your parents for bringing you in the middle of their problems, these are adult problems and you should not have to deal with them at all, including trying to get them back together; it is not your job!
I sm sorry you are going through this and I am sure you would like nothing more than to keep your family together, I understand completely how you feel and your frustration with the immaturity your parents have shown.
But this is really between them and it would not do them or you any good to try and be the go between and be in the middle....you can tell them how you feel about it all of course, that is their job to deal with how you are feeling, they are or should be the adults in this thing, not you.
...............................
A
female
reader, Charly Kitten +, writes (20 November 2006):
 heya hunny! i feel 4 u so much this is rely hard!
i cant do this alone rely! r u an only child? if u r then its hard if ur not its a bot easier!
erm...
talk to them individually and dont jst ask if they love each other but if they would like to get back together! if both would then mention to them that the other parent sed the same, if one says no then tel them what the other parent sed and c wot they say. if they both say no then obviously u cnt force them!
do it descreatly tho if u can!
let me know what happens!!
luv charly xx
...............................
|
