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*ev Conolly agony aunt

*ev Conolly

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*ev Conolly's profile:

I'm female, 44 and raised in the western US. I was married first at age 17, which I realised soon after was a rather large mistake! We divorced seven years later, then I travelled around the world, settling in Australia. I met my husband here and we've been together for 18 years, married for 14. I feel much more Australian than I ever felt American.

I wish I knew a lot more about everything than I do, but at least I have a lot of experience at making poor choices in life and correcting them later. That's why I like to provide advice when it's asked for.

As to my pictorial representation... I play the bagpipes. Badly, to be sure, but the best thing about the pipes is, almost no one can tell you don't have any skill!

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Should my friend's history with relationships be considered when I only want her as my child's godparent?

Q.   I have a very annoying problem and wondered if you could give me some advice anyone? My partner and I are trying to sort our baby daughters christening and are arguing over choice of godparents. I want my best friend who I have known for 26 years...

A.   3 August 2006: No, I'm with you. Anonymous posters notwithstanding(!), the role of godparent is largely honorary. Godparents these days rarely actually take over the child's religious upbringing in the absence of a parent. How much religious teaching are you ... (read in full...)

My aunt follows me around everywhere and treats me like a 2 year old! Help!

Q.   I have this aunt who tries to follow me around everywhere I go and treats me like I am two years old. Her and I have nothing in common, plus she is almost 40 years older than me, is just plain miserable to be around, and thinks I am something that ...

A.   3 August 2006: Well, you can start solving your problem by being less hostile and realising that this is less about YOU than it is about HER. She's lonely. She wants to be with someone, anyone... even her self-centred little brat of a niece. (Oh, did I say th... (read in full...)

Anyway got any ideas how I can subtley make some changes to get us back on track ?

Q.   When we first met a year ago, me and my boyfriend were all about the sex, all of the time. We would think it, breathe it, talk it, text it, you name it, we were up for it. Now as our relationship has progressed, we are not as frantic and sexu...

A.   3 August 2006: Listen to the good advice you'll get from others, but you might also need to accept that relationships very often just develop like this. The reduction in frequency of sex is perfectly normal, and part of humanity's hardwiring. The first few mont... (read in full...)

Do women prefer a hairy chest or shaved chest?

Q.   what do women prefer, a hairy chest or a shaved chest?...

A.   3 August 2006: Oh, give me a real man any day. Pooey to waxed chests! Pooey to shaved chests! I want a man who ~looks~ like a man, not like a Ken doll.... (read in full...)

How to fix my relationship woes

Q.   my boyfriend doesn't treat me like his girlfriend anymore, he never talks to me, i haven't seen him in over a month, and he doesn't say i love you anymore. so i figured it would be best to break up, because when i try to tell him how i feel and fix ...

A.   3 August 2006: Try as you might, you can never communicate a big message effectively through text messaging. The medium is too brief, too cramped, too impersonal and too slow. It's a waste of your time. It's like trying to summarise the plot of a movie you love ... (read in full...)

I am insecure about my performance in the boudoir

Q.   I've been with a girl for 7 months now and I am very happy with how the relationship has been going. However there is one thing that bothers me and I need some advice on how to deal with it better. Bascially my girlfriend is more sexually ...

A.   3 August 2006: A little thought you can start with is, "If those other guys were any good, she'd still be with them. But since she isn't..." Here's a little insight for you to think about, too: women rarely think of sex in the same ways that men do. It isn't ab... (read in full...)

Two days before leaving, he was very affectionate. Two days more and he breaks up! Why?

Q.   We were together for a month and things were great. He had to go away for 2 days to this church thing. I saw him 2 days before he left and everything was fine, he was very affectionate etc. Then he comes back and would barely talk to me. I fina...

A.   3 August 2006: Try not to get too bent out of shape. The boy doesn't owe you an explanation for his change of feelings and you can't demand one of him. It's possible he may not even know exactly what he's feeling, and therefore couldn't explain it anyway. What'... (read in full...)

Hes ignoring me for the 2nd time, should I just dump him ?

Q.   My boyfriend is messing me around and has been ignoring me for 4 days now people are saying I should give him another chance but my family are saying he's not worth it. I really like him but this is the second time he's done this to me.Should I dump ...

A.   2 August 2006: If you haven't actually heard from him, are you sure he's "ignoring" you. Is it actually possible that he's distracted by something important? I think you're jumping to conclusions, and dressing up the situation to suit your needs. If you want to ... (read in full...)

Hes my best friends ex, I cant bare to lose her, but what if hes the one!?

Q.   Hi My best friend had an on off relationship with a very good friend of mine fo three years. They broke up for good two years ago. He told her repeatedly that they would never have a proper relationship, never loved her but was very fond of her...

A.   2 August 2006: If they broke up two years ago, and he was your friend even before that, I don't think your best friend has that much input into the situation. It isn't like her dating him gives her ownership of him, body and soul, and all dating rights in ... (read in full...)

My girlfriend is going away to grad school and *I* don't want to let go

Q.   “My girlfriend is going away to grad school and neither of us wants to let go.” The day my girlfriend got accepted to grad school, our relationship was dealt a crushing blow. In the beginning, neither of us knew that this amazing opportunity woul...

A.   2 August 2006: I never understand why some couples will consider breaking up in _anticipation,_ of a problem, hoping to avoid having the break up later. If her going away to grad school is going to be the death knell for your relationship when it happens ... (read in full...)

Aged 14 and I don't know if I should have sex...

Q.   I'm 14 and I have been going out with my boyfriend for months and he wants to have sex. I would but I don't know if I will ruin my 1st time. Also there all negative points and I don't know what to do. ...

A.   2 August 2006: There's an interesting juxtaposition between your question and the one immediately below it. See the one about the 14-year-old who might be pregnant? The short answer to your question is this: if you don't feel ready, you're not ready, so don't do... (read in full...)

I'm 14 years old and could be pregnant

Q.   Ive been having sex unprotected for a while about 10 times without a condom i was jue my periods last week and they came and stayed for one day i usaully have my periods for 7 days could i be pregnant im 14 years old and realy scared ...

A.   2 August 2006: Yes, definitely a very good chance. Your body is *designed* to get pregnant, and you've given it 10 chances to do so. What on earth was your partner thinking to have unprotected sex with you TEN TIMES?! Never mind that now, though. I've gon... (read in full...)

Can a seven year age gap work, is it worth taking the risk ?

Q.   Very longwinded, so sit tight. I am a 14 year old girl. I have always ran with an older crowd, most friends being 17+, no reason behind it just for some reason the people I meet and get along with are a few more years than I am. So here is my pre...

A.   2 August 2006: Just to preface my opinion: anyone who writes to you saying "oh, but age IS just a number" will be a very young woman with an older boyfriend that she's had for a "whole three weeks" and she's "totally in love with, like, forever". In other wo... (read in full...)

What can I put in my letter to convince my ex to give me another chance?

Q.   Recently my girlfriend broke up with me because I drunkenly kissed another girl. She hass not forgiven me, but I desperately want her back. I do love her and hate myself for my mistake. I'm planing to write her a letter. Does anyone with any expe...

A.   1 August 2006: Oh... and if you want to enclose a small token of your affection within the letter (let's say a little pendant or something - I don't mean you should break the bank, but something small and nice) that might help her remember a few more of your good ... (read in full...)

What can I put in my letter to convince my ex to give me another chance?

Q.   Recently my girlfriend broke up with me because I drunkenly kissed another girl. She hass not forgiven me, but I desperately want her back. I do love her and hate myself for my mistake. I'm planing to write her a letter. Does anyone with any expe...

A.   1 August 2006: Keep it brief. Don't go gushing on and on for pages about what a complete ass you were, and how much you'd crawl over broken glass to get one final glance at her beautiful face before you expire... etc etc. Try to make it one page, or no more... (read in full...)

I want to understand why this boy keeps changing his mind!

Q.   I went out with this boy for a week and then he broke up with me. He said it was because he didn't think it will work, but I think if he likes me a lot - which he says he does - it will work. I dream about him and can't stop thinking about him all ...

A.   1 August 2006: I think you have your answer; you just don't want to see it. This guy's not interested. He says he "likes" you -- probably as a friend -- but he doesn't respond to your text (that was a bit rude of him, btw). He's already told you he didn't t... (read in full...)

Is he just being freindly or does he want something more ?

Q.   How do i know if a guy like me or not.? Recently I've moved back home after being away for six years, I'm staying with my family until my place is ready. So I'm around the house alot and see old family friend nearly everyday. But awhile back I ...

A.   1 August 2006: Well, if you're not sure that the flirting is serious, and if the repercussions of doing anything would be difficult, you do nothing. Continue to be friendly, and don't flirt back. Besides, nothing in your letter says "Wow, I sure am attracte... (read in full...)

I've cheated on my husband, gotten pregnant and now I'm not sure who the father is!

Q.   Hi ppl, I have quite a serious problem here and I know I am to blame but I stirred it up and it's time to face it. I am in a marriage of 4 years but I had been having an affair with a guy for around 5 months. I was having this affair as my hubby wa...

A.   1 August 2006: I ~don't~ recommend that you "run away" with your lover, for at least three reasons that are right off the top of my head: 1. He already has a wife and family. 2. You've only known him for five months. 3. He cheats with other people's wives. ... (read in full...)

I let the girl I love walk out of my life because I have no clue what my issues are

Q.   My girlfriend and I broke up after almost a year and nine months. We have communciation problems, she has been living wth me for most of the time we have been going out. We got into a an arguement three days ago she wanted a break i responded in ...

A.   1 August 2006: Go through the communication course. Get the certificate. Until then, DON'T contact her. She needs space and your desires are best served by her getting time alone and getting past her anger without you popping up and trying to "win her back". ... (read in full...)

I can't lose my viginity even though I want to!

Q.   I am having a hard time on losing my viginity. Every time I get hard either I come or it dies on me. IS that something bad?...

A.   1 August 2006: There are a few bits of vital information missing from your letter, to really allow much advice to you. Mainly I wonder: who are you trying to have sex with? A longtime girlfriend? A sexually-experienced woman? A "professional"? Another virgin? ... (read in full...)

I like looking at pics of naked girls - am I gay?

Q.   ok well this is the problem. I'm 13 years old and i think i might be bi. I've gone out with a lot of guys and one of them i even went out with for 7 months! I know you may think its nothing but I have feelings for guys and all but i dont have fee...

A.   1 August 2006: Ask yourself this important question: does it matter to anyone else what you call yourself? You're really young. Your sexuality isn't fixed on one thing or another yet, because puberty has barely even started yet. It's perfectly OK to ... (read in full...)

A nurse asked my girlfriend if she was pregnant. We have not gone for a test yet (duh).

Q.   Hey This sounds sort of stupid, but I'm worried Today my girlfriend swallowed a jube jube and it was stuck in her throat and it hurt her, so she called a nurse hotline and asked about it and told them, one of the questions the nurse aske...

A.   1 August 2006: I think it is a standard question they have to ask, because before any medical staff can make any sorts of recommendations, they need to know if there's any possibility of pregnancy. For example, there might have been a special treatment for a ra... (read in full...)

I can't leave him - there's hope he'll change?

Q.   kris and I have been together for 6yrs and we live together. We both own the property together. Kris used to smoke dagga and he became lazy and sloppy, I found myself doing every thing around the house, well he just sat on his computer playing ...

A.   31 July 2006: He's "promised" he'd change. He didn't. You walked away from it. You came back. What message does that send to him, if not "Do whatever you want and you'll get away with it"? Honestly, hon. You've been with him for six years. He's alw... (read in full...)

We're trying to break up slowly, because we're afraid it won't work out if she goes home to Australia...

Q.   Hello, I'm lost and need assistance. My girlfriend and I split 4 weeks ago. She is Australian 23 years old, I am Scottish 24 years old. We were together for 1 year and a half. We are still very much in love, we talked about marriage and bab...

A.   31 July 2006: Good thought from Anon2907, below! It strikes me that the way you're breaking up is like pulling the plaster off slowly, instead of quickly. It's dragging out the pain, since clearly you still love each other and don't ~want~ to break up. You just... (read in full...)

He gets what he wants, then he's a total stranger. Are we just together for sex?

Q.   Hi Lately every time I sleep with my guy, afterwards he acts like a total stranger. Then he never seems to want to hook up with me for ages afterwards. It's starting to depress me. It makes me feel cheap. Does this mean he only wants me for sex?...

A.   31 July 2006: Yes, I think he only wants sex. When you provide that, he's satisfied for a while, and disappears. What happens next is up to you. Now that you have the opinions of a few people that it's just about sex and not about caring for you, what do you d... (read in full...)

I feel afraid of making a final commitment, anyone have any advice ?

Q.   I've been in a relationship for the past couple of months. Things have been pretty intense and we have a very good connection. We've talked about a long term future together - marriage, family, etc and I've enjoyed these conversations. My problem is ...

A.   31 July 2006: Yes, I'm as confused as Dazzerg. Do you mean the commitment of simply being in a long-term relationship, or marriage? I'd say, whatever you're referring to, just let things play out. No one's standing by with a stopwatch, expecting you to make thi... (read in full...)

He controls my life and treats me like something he scraped off his shoe, but I always come back!

Q.   Dear Cupid, I'm 18 years old and have been seeing my boyfriend on and off for two years. At the beginning of the relationship things were great but then about 10 months ago we split up as I decided to end the relationship as he started becoming ...

A.   31 July 2006: Wow. Your letter reads like a case study in verbal abuse. Not to make fun of you or anything, but it's almost cliche how your boyfriend sticks to the abuser's "script"! Hon, I've played this game, so I know what I'm talking about. I was in a ver... (read in full...)

How can I entertain him?

Q.   Ok I feel like if my boyfriend is not happy all the time when he is with me, that I have failed. I always want to entertain him, but I cant all of the time..I feel boring. What do I do?...

A.   30 July 2006: First you need to examine why you think you have to sing, juggle plates and tap-dance on top of a barrel to keep your boyfriend's attention. You seem to be approaching the idea of dating as if being a pleasant person who's company is enjoyed ... (read in full...)

He said im a tease and asked for sex, im not ready as im not sure if I've mistaken friendship for love

Q.   Sorry, so long... I have been seeing my boyfriend for four months now(Friends for 2 yrs in col before got together) and we are extremely compatible in many ways, except he has slightly different interests to me when it comes to careers, as i am...

A.   30 July 2006: The first thing that I'd tell him is the truth. That is, that you're a virgin, that you want to have sex eventually, but that you're scared right now and the pressure is a bit high for your comfort. There's a very good chance that he's assuming... (read in full...)

My parents are confusing me, but I have the right to privacy dont I ?

Q.   My parents confuse me because they talk about marriage in the future and say 'It's not worth getting married' or 'People don't bother getting married these days, i wouldn't bother' and things like that. Yet they hint about sex, and say that thats ...

A.   30 July 2006: I wouldn't personally say that it's a 'lie', because it's possible that she never thought too deeply about sex before she met you. One good reason for that would be because she was (still is, really) not much more than a kid. Most teenage girls ... (read in full...)

My parents are confusing me, but I have the right to privacy dont I ?

Q.   My parents confuse me because they talk about marriage in the future and say 'It's not worth getting married' or 'People don't bother getting married these days, i wouldn't bother' and things like that. Yet they hint about sex, and say that thats ...

A.   30 July 2006: I think it shows you're a patient, caring boyfriend, nothing more. You might have a more manageable sex drive than some fellows your age, but that's not a bad thing!... (read in full...)

Im in love with a married man, I know hes unhappy with his wife, but people are telling me to stay away!!

Q.   I'm in love with a married man. I've had so many ppl tell me to stay away from him..that he will never leave his wife. But he is so unhappy with her. He only married her because he thought that was what was right for their child. They do NOT love ...

A.   30 July 2006: Try to remember you're only hearing his side of the story. Naturally he's telling you want you want to hear! That way he gets all the benefits of being married (regular sex, stable home life, domesticity, matched socks) and a bit of something wild ... (read in full...)

I couldn't get it up...Whats wrong?

Q.   Hey im going to keep this short as i find it embarasing... I was out with my girlfriend last night, and we decided to have sex (were both 19) Im still a virgin, but shes not. Though at the time i could not get it up! My penis would not become...

A.   30 July 2006: I'd say nerves and your virgnity were the culprit. Drinking can be a big problem, too, because alcohol can have the effect of reducing blood flow to your penis -- just when you need it! Don't let it worry you. As long as you can get hard whe... (read in full...)

We had sex which was great, but when she was on top it hurt her, anyone know this could happen ?

Q.   Hey, me and my girlfriend have had sex 3 times now...the first time it hurt her, but after that it was awesome...on the third time we tried to try something new, instead of me being ontop she wanted to try being on top, but once she was on top, and ...

A.   30 July 2006: When the woman's on top, your penis goes a lot deeper, because you're not wrestling with two sets of thighs in the way. Because you were deeper, it's possible that your penis was pressing against her uterus, a situation that can hurt and/or g... (read in full...)

My parents are confusing me, but I have the right to privacy dont I ?

Q.   My parents confuse me because they talk about marriage in the future and say 'It's not worth getting married' or 'People don't bother getting married these days, i wouldn't bother' and things like that. Yet they hint about sex, and say that thats ...

A.   30 July 2006: Sounds to me like your folks are trying to open a (slightly belated) dialogue with you about sex. Of course you're entitled to certain amout of privacy, but unless you're at least 18, they're still responsible for everything you do, and they wan... (read in full...)

How can I miss her if she won't go away?

Q.   How do I tell my girlfriend that being together ALL the time may not be such a healthy thing? Not counting work, I can't be away from her for more than a few hours. She gets very upset and starts asking "Why don't you want to be with me?" or "Why do ...

A.   30 July 2006: She's insecure. She thinks if you leave her that it means your affection is fading. Ironically, the longer she does this, the more it gets on your nerves and the more likely she is to drive you away from her. You need to explain to her that hea... (read in full...)

I really want to be friends with my social group's new addition, but she treats me like I'm an old lady!

Q.   I have a small group of very good friends, who I have a very strong bond with. We have been friends for years, and we are actually more like family to each other. We also have a wide circle of other friends, who we mix with either together or ...

A.   30 July 2006: No, she's not "just mothering" you. This is about power, and passive-aggressive nudges, not about her dotty little flaws. You've already spoken to her about this, yet she continues. So unless she has the wits of a fruit-fly, she's doing it intenti... (read in full...)

We were long-distance for a year, but I could bear it. Now he's taken another year without discussing it!

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship for a year and had planned to be living together in November. We were best friends for 3 years but only spent 8 months as a couple before we were separated. He is now in South America and ...

A.   30 July 2006: It's not the additional year that worries me so much -- people who love each other have been separated for far longer and been OK -- it's the lack of discussion with you because you might have "changed his mind". It's true that he, ultimate... (read in full...)

Should I go out with him, even if I don't yet know how I feel?

Q.   There's this guy I like. He's 17 and I'm 14. We have been good mates for a while. I fancied him first and later found out he liked me too. We started flirting and stuff. Then I didn't see him for a few weeks as he has work, and I started to wonder i...

A.   29 July 2006: Going out with him is the quickest way to find out what your feelings are for him. If there's a spark between you, then you're bound to feel it. If you're happier being "just friends" then you'll probably be more sure of that too. If you do dec... (read in full...)

I feel like my boyfriend of 5 years is moving further away from me!.....

Q.   I have been with my boyfriend for five years but i feel he is moving further away from me. I really want to marry him but when i approach the subject he gets angry. How can i make him more interested and spend time with me?...

A.   29 July 2006: Before you try to strongarm him into marrying you, have you taken a step back and asked yourself why you'd want to marry someone whose affection for you doesn't seem to be there anymore? Someone who'd "get mad" when the topic of marriage is brought ... (read in full...)

My mum is charging us more than we can afford on rent, and is now threatening to evict us!

Q.   Hello, I'm in a bit of an emotiosal time right now, you see, my mother bought a condo, (mortgaged it, actually) and moved me in after I was on the streets for 5 years. I lived here with my first BF, and we didn't have a car or anything like tha...

A.   29 July 2006: Start by checking out your legal recourse, if any. In every city in Western nations, there'll be a phone number for low-cost (or free) legal advice. That's your starting point. Ring up and ask whether you can be evicted, and how much notice s... (read in full...)

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