I don’t want to hurt this new man, and I also don’t want to wind up in a controlling relationship! Advice please!
Q. Hello, so I have two questions, both are related. First a bit of background, I was in a relationship with (and married to) a man who ended up being a narcissist and was abusive. (verbally, mentally, sometimes physically) We were together 7 and half...
A. 23 March 2018: I think it was good you had the conversation with him. And that you ARE aware that things you may not have thought were controlling (he didn't think they were controlling either) but they really ARE - and they are affecting you in a negative way.
... (read in full...)
I think my girlfriend is too promiscuous to me. Break up?
Q. Dating for a few months I'm 30 she's 22, yesterday I found out a lot of pictures of her with her ex on her facebook from a few years ago. I asked her why she keeps them and she said she forgot to delete and that doesn't make any sense since they're ...
A. 23 March 2018: Hey, lovely mods can you delete the two extra posts? (of mine) I don't know if my computer had a stutter and posted it 3 times on it's own or because I was so gobsmacked!)... (read in full...)
I think my girlfriend is too promiscuous to me. Break up?
Q. Dating for a few months I'm 30 she's 22, yesterday I found out a lot of pictures of her with her ex on her facebook from a few years ago. I asked her why she keeps them and she said she forgot to delete and that doesn't make any sense since they're ...
A. 22 March 2018: Yes do her a favor and cut her loose so she can date guys who aren't this immature and insecure.
Sorry, OP but you are acting like you somehow OWN her because you are her BF. That no one else can look at her but you.
She is 22! (ffs) OF COURSE ... (read in full...)
I think my girlfriend is too promiscuous to me. Break up?
Q. Dating for a few months I'm 30 she's 22, yesterday I found out a lot of pictures of her with her ex on her facebook from a few years ago. I asked her why she keeps them and she said she forgot to delete and that doesn't make any sense since they're ...
A. 22 March 2018: Yes do her a favor and cut her loose so she can date guys who aren't this immature and insecure.
Sorry, OP but you are acting like you somehow OWN her because you are her BF. That no one else can look at her but you.
She is 22! (ffs) OF COURSE ... (read in full...)
I think my girlfriend is too promiscuous to me. Break up?
Q. Dating for a few months I'm 30 she's 22, yesterday I found out a lot of pictures of her with her ex on her facebook from a few years ago. I asked her why she keeps them and she said she forgot to delete and that doesn't make any sense since they're ...
A. 22 March 2018: Yes do her a favor and cut her loose so she can date guys who aren't this immature and insecure.
Sorry, OP but you are acting like you somehow OWN her because you are her BF. That no one else can look at her but you.
She is 22! (ffs) OF COURSE ... (read in full...)
Is my professor flirting or is it just in my head?
Q. Maybe it's just me but, sometimes I wonder if my professor is flirting... I am taking a photography class for fun at my local community college. At first I didn't think much about it, but some things started to stick out. First, he often look...
A. 22 March 2018: Can be that this teacher is a flirt overall but not with an ENTIRE class - a girl here and there.
My advice? Ignore it. Be polite and if he crosses any boundaries you are not OK with - tell him.
Also, if this guy is married (or have a partner) ... (read in full...)
I have a luncheon with my husband's colleagues and I'm worried about making a good impression!
Q. I'm going to a luncheon tomorrow with colleagues and clients of my husband's. They are all very intelligent and I am nervous about attending. I want to make my husband proud and not embarass him or not be intelligent enough in their company. I am ...
A. 22 March 2018: Stick to topics you know well. don't know about the topic the other person talks about, then BE a good listener.
You don't all of a sudden have to be a fount of knowledge. Be your charming polite self and you will do fine!
Avoid, religi... (read in full...)
With all the blocking and unblocking on social media, I don't even know what to expect anymore
Q. So I've been seeing a guy for about three months now. The relationship was wonderful. We were both falling in love and had so much fun together. We met each other's friends and family and seen each other just about every day. A week ago we got into ...
A. 22 March 2018: This sounds like utterly immature behavior from you both.
And I think you are wasting your time on this guy. 3 months in and this much drama?
Drama doesn't equate to passion or deep feelings - it equates to you two NOT being a good match AT AL... (read in full...)
I don’t want to hurt this new man, and I also don’t want to wind up in a controlling relationship! Advice please!
Q. Hello, so I have two questions, both are related. First a bit of background, I was in a relationship with (and married to) a man who ended up being a narcissist and was abusive. (verbally, mentally, sometimes physically) We were together 7 and half...
A. 22 March 2018: Well, first of all good for you for leaving your ex.
Secondly, I think if you DO NOT watch out you will end up with this guy being controlling too. He might only do it with "little" things for now but the signs are there. It's not all insecuri... (read in full...)
Can you love someone and stay safe if they have an issue with truth?
Q. With same guy for 5 years and he has a history of always underestimating his financial matters (tells me he owes less than he does on cards, etc.). I have a nice nestegg I've built by working my whole life and saving. I'm a few years from retirement ...
A. 22 March 2018: No, it's a not going to work unless you ACCEPT that this is who he is and how he deals with money and being "confronted" and "held responsible".
I put confronted and held responsible in "" because THAT is how he sees it. He thinks you only nee... (read in full...)
My husband had an affair and now I can't sleep with him
Q. MOD NOTE: two questions combined into one Hi everyone. I've been married for nearly 6 years. We have a three year old son. Last year my husband and I had some issues where I focussed too much on one my hobbies and spent less time with him. He t...
A. 21 March 2018: I have to agree with FA and Allumeuse,
I don't think there is anything here to salvage. Things in your marriage have not been going well for a LONG time, well before he cheated. You both ignored it. He then CHOSE to cheat to either feel better a... (read in full...)
I feel betrayed, every guy I like my best friend gets!
Q. Why do I feel so pointless? How come no guy ever likes me? So these questions started to arise after this guy who I liked who I told many time asked me if I had a boyfriend and I said no and asked why do you care and he said I’m jw I don’t like u ...
A. 21 March 2018: Why would you want a toad like that?
This guy is NOR big prize. The fact that he played games with you and then went after your friend should tell you all.
And your friend and you need to split ways. If she has "gotten" ALL the guy that you wen... (read in full...)
The only time my girlfriend has orgasmed was with an ex boyfriend.
Q. We're together for a few months, our sex is great but she can't orgasm with me. I asked her why and she said she can't orgasm and that she had just one orgasm in life once with other guy in the past. I'm very jealous and insecure about that and d...
A. 20 March 2018: OP, you do know a penis is NOT a magic wand, right?
You will have a MUCH greater chance of getting her to climax by using fingers, hands or mouth/tongue than you penis.
And, not it's not about you not being "good enough" or "big enough" - i... (read in full...)
My ex has said sorry after many years, but I want her to apologise for more!
Q. My ex apologised in a MSG many years after we broke up but all she said was sorry things were said. A lot more than things were said and I'm not an emotional person. She went out of her way to get to me on numerous occasions because I wasn't b...
A. 20 March 2018: No, it's been MANY years, so LET it go and GET over it.
Sorry, OP wallowing in some past fight/baiting you etc. its ONLY holding you back. SHE is still (all these years later) living rent free in your head. Being mad at her still, feeling you are ... (read in full...)
I resent his laziness! What do I do?
Q. Hey everyone I have been with my partner now for 4 years everything was fine up until we moved in together I have now came to realise how lazy my boyfriend is I mean he doesn’t do anything he doesn’t work he sits around the house all day on his ...
A. 19 March 2018: He is lazy, he KNOWS he is lazy and he doesn't care because he has YOU to pick up the slack.
Are you paying all the bills too? If he has no job?
What you have is a 2 year old child and a 30-something MAN-child!
You know HE will not change.... (read in full...)
I need advice on stepping back gently from a friend!
Q. So i have a friend who ive known since i was 9 we are now 40. We do not live near each other about a 2 hour drive away. Its not that i do not want her in my life as she is a nice person and we are there for each other. She has lots of issues (...
A. 19 March 2018: If your phone allows it, MUTE her number.
When you feel like you CAN handle a conversation BE aware of STAYING positive.
Wean her off from talking so much with you, through out the day. I CERTAINLY understand that we can only have the "same" ... (read in full...)
Is he just a long distance loser who uses his family?
Q. I write this post with a heavy heart. I don't even know where to begin..... My boyfriend has had a very bad past. He has chosen to do many things to disappoint his parents, siblings, and other family members. He went to College, is educated, ye...
A. 19 March 2018: Are you serious?
OP, are you looking to BUY a "bf" (you that desperate?) or are you hoping to find a good partner in life?
This guy is going to DRAIN you financially and emotionally. You DO NOT owe his family to take him off their hands.
... (read in full...)
I feel its time to let go but my heart will be broken
Q. Hi I’ve been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half. The first year was amazing . We got along really well. Both of us have children .My children are a lot younger than his. My youngest is four. My boyfriends kids are having a hard time with me ...
A. 19 March 2018: A 17 year old can't handle 2 younger kids? Seriously?
I don't know what to say. I think for HIM to make the choice that you can only bring ONE of your TWO children when HIS ALMOST grown kid is around it's just bizarre. And as a mother with 3 k... (read in full...)
I am thinking of losing my virginity to a stranger.
Q. Is it a good idea to lose my virginity to a complete stranger? I just broke up with ny bf and I was planning on just making out with another guy but things might escalate....
A. 19 March 2018: Sounds like a really bad idea. It also sounds like you think or hope your ex-BF will somehow be affected by this.
Why does making out with a "stranger" HAS to lead to sex? Can you not say no? Can you not use common sense and NOT get into a situat... (read in full...)
How would a cheater act if he were cheating on you?
Q. Hi please can people give me some idea of how someone would act around you if they were cheating on you I have been with my fiancé now for 6 years we have a 3 year old daughter we’ve been having sleep issues with our 3 year old daughter so my ...
A. 19 March 2018: Is he a smoker? Or has he been and promised to quit?
I don't really think a guy having an affairs ONLY takes 15 minutes to "have a shag".... Or even call someone he is cheating with.
Why not ask him?
You say you HAD trust issues in the past... (read in full...)
Do you consider girl on girl action cheating?
Q. I am in a relationship for almost 3 years now. My boyfriend is out of the country most of the time. We are apart for months. I love him and I have never had sex wit another man nor have I ever kissed someone else. I haven't even flirted with another ...
A. 18 March 2018: Yes, it's cheating.
You are having SEX with someone besides your BF - THAT is cheating. Even if you want to claim it's not, just to make yourself feel less rotten about what you do.
If your BF was having sex with MEN behind your back, would... (read in full...)
I feel its time to let go but my heart will be broken
Q. Hi I’ve been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half. The first year was amazing . We got along really well. Both of us have children .My children are a lot younger than his. My youngest is four. My boyfriends kids are having a hard time with me ...
A. 18 March 2018: Honestly, OP...
I think you know this guy isn't right for you. If he doesn't WANT to spend time around your kids then HE isn't for you. You and YOUR kids are a package-deal. And For him to not want to spend time with them AFFECTS your kids in ... (read in full...)
I've borrowed money to celebrate but am not excited about it.
Q. About to celebrate our 5year together but why do I feel like I’m not celebrating anything. We don’t live together as she still works in the same part time job she did when I got with her so we have not progressed. I lost my job 3 months ago, and I ...
A. 18 March 2018: I think it's ridiculous to go in debt to someone so you can celebrate an anniversary.
My advice? SAVE up for the next one instead.
Have a small AFFORDABLE dinner, maybe a little gift (again AFFORDABLE) keep it simple.
If you CAN NOT afford... (read in full...)
I want more from my friend who is also my FWB
Q. I'll get straight to the point. My best friend and I (I'm female, he's male) have a 'friends with benefits' kind of thing going on. We are intimate, sometimes affectionate, but never romantic. We have never dated, but despite clearly not being a ...
A. 18 March 2018: I think if there was a possibility that HE felt like you do, he would have jumped at it a LONG time ago, he certainly wouldn't be dating someone else.
Are you sure, you haven't come up with this MAYBE he and I can try... because he NOW is seeing s... (read in full...)
I feel I have met the right person at the wrong time ... and he is lying to his girlfriend!
Q. I’ve known of this guy for about a year but I never knew his name I just knew him as we had mutual friends. I will add at this point that I had (and still have) a massive crush on him. I saw him whilst I was out clubbing at the start of this year ...
A. 17 March 2018: No, no no...
There is nothing "right" about all this, OP and you know it, but you are so caught up in the "my crush might like me!" that you are NOT paying attention to the bigger picture.
1. EVEN if he dumps his GF for you... there is NO way ... (read in full...)
She has cut me completely after our families learnt of our same sex affair
Q. Hello I fell in love with my same gender best friend of 4 years, we are both married to our husbands with children, had an emotional affair that turned physical for 2 months. We ended the affair but still work in the same building. She has cut me ...
A. 17 March 2018: Well, she decided to choose her family over you.
You both cheated and had an affair together, either she got caught or she realized that cheating does NOTHING good for a marriage or family.
You are a bit selfish here OP (If I may be frank) yo... (read in full...)
My best fried shunned me in favour of a bully!
Q. I probably sound stupid with my problem but it bugs me . I have a friend ( known her over 20 years ) who i have supported through tough times and helped her lose over 6 stone and she was really grateful she felt a new lease of life , recently her ...
A. 17 March 2018: Should you have said anything?
No. You didn't help your friend out so she would reciprocate with a gift, right?
So maybe she gave the "bully" a gift because THAT "friend" finally did something nice. Kind of rewarding a "bad dog" with a trea... (read in full...)
Do the Aunts think this seems okay at face value?
Q. Okay, so this has been a big/hectic day. I've been in this relationship 5+ years. It's always been a life partner type scenario. Well today, we got into a fight, words were said, and she threw the "I want to break-up" card. We've had a really rou...
A. 17 March 2018: Does it seem OK at face-value?
Not to me.
First of all if you plan on BEING together long term but having a little break - don't add sex or other people to the mix. Do the break without that. OR at least while you both disentangle your... (read in full...)
Did my wife believe me about the dinner receipt?
Q. Hi. I am a married man having an affair. My wife went out of town to her mother's for two weeks and I spent that time with my mistress. Last night my wife found a receipt of dinner for 2 when my mistress and I went to a restaurant the day her flig...
A. 16 March 2018: So because you know she won't leave you it's OK to be a total dickwad and cheat on her?
Have you no shame? No respect for her? No love?... (read in full...)
Would it be wrong if I just dumped the guy assuming it's not growing properly?
Q. Thank you for reading. I've been seeing my boyfriend for almost three months now. When things are going good they're great. He's affectionate, we have a good time together, date nights, good conversation etc. But we've had our first disagreements as ...
A. 16 March 2018: I think it's detrimental to set "deadlines" so soon in the relationship. You DO NOT know him (and vice verse) after 3 months. You have already had arguments (plural) and he refuses to talk about things that you two don't agree on.
So for now the ... (read in full...)
After two and a half years she tells me she never loved me!
Q. The other day I got into a fight with my gf of 2 and a half years. She had been acting distant for a day or so and I finally asked what was up. I called her and asked if something was wrong. She began telling me she just didn't think she wanted a ...
A. 16 March 2018: Well, there are 3 possibilities here.
1. she wanted a "clean" break so HURTING you was her (non-logical) way of pushing you away in one fast swoop.
2. She didn't LOVE you and should never have strung you along for 2 1/2 years. So she is a cowa... (read in full...)
Rude and awkward flatmate seems to fancy me. What should I do?
Q. I'm doing two semesters at another uni and moved in in January, so I'll be here till September. It's a mixed flat and everyone kinda gets on well, I don't dislike anyone including him. I sometimes hang out with them and sometimes with friends I have ...
A. 16 March 2018: I agree with Youcannotbeserious,
I think he is just VERY socially awkward and if this is his first time away from family and living with peers his own age he might think that room-mates should work a little bit like family.
As for the chocolat... (read in full...)
My boyfriend had a threesome dream about me & one of my closest friends
Q. This question goes out to those of you with some expertise in dream analysis... My boyfriend had a dream of him having a threesome with me and one of my closest friends. It was very porny and intense and he was having sex primarily with her in it. ...
A. 16 March 2018: First of all, it was a DUMB DUMB thing for him to share this dream. Because there is no point in sharing it with you.
No, it's not indicative of wanting sex with your friend. It's probably indicative of being horny. Maybe she got "pulled" into the... (read in full...)
We didn't trust each other so I ended it.
Q. I recently entered into a casual relationship with someone that I met through a swingers site, we used to meet for nsa fun but we clicked and we decided to make it more permanent but I told her that I had a bad experience a few years ago and it ...
A. 16 March 2018: I think you should work on those insecurities from your past and not project them unto EVERY new woman you meet. It's not fair for you to drag around the past hurts and expect the new women to somehow walk on eggshells for you.
Like Allumeus... (read in full...)
Why do I feel so rotten when he hurt me so much?
Q. I made a huge mistake, I've been in a relationship for many years, I have been hurt very badly. Yet I continued to go back time and time again. Long story short he is in a bad place and I tried to be nice and it back fired, now all the I'm sorry's ...
A. 15 March 2018: Set his e-mail to go to the trash. That is where his e-mails so go and where HE should go.
You can do it!
... (read in full...)
Why do I always lose sexual interest with partners?
Q. Hey all, bit of a weird one but I didn't know if anyone could give me advice. When I'm in a new relationship, or hooking up with someone, I feel very sexual and enjoy having sex. This tends to carry on for a few weeks, sometimes months - but one...
A. 15 March 2018: Do you jump into bed WAY soon when you meet someone new? Or do you ACTUALLY take the time getting to know your partner (outside of the bedroom)?
Do you EVER let the chemistry build? For instance DATE someone for 3-6 months BEFORE adding sex?
... (read in full...)
I can't tell if he's just testing the waters and measuring my boundaries sexually.
Q. I feel like I'm going to get teased for this question or stereotyped as insecure. I used to struggle with insecurities when I was younger but I've grown out of most of them as my figure developed and I became who I wanted to become. For some reason ...
A. 15 March 2018: You are trying TOO hard to "not nag" and be the "BESTEST GF ever!!" that you are NOT sticking to your own standards and boundaries.
If you sit and watch a movie and it's ALL about boobies and quite frankly, not something you are enjoying, tell him... (read in full...)
Why did he leave his pet with me if he doesn't intend to have anything long-term?
Q. I've been dating a guy for a couple of months. We got on really well, and slept with each other after the fourth date. Since then, we meet up around once a week, either go out for dinner or to each other's houses and watch a film, stay over etc. ...
A. 15 March 2018: Uh, I hate to be the one breaking this to you OP...
But I can see the other uncles and aunts already has already pointed out the OBVIOUS.
He gets someone to take care of his pet FREE of charge and when he comes back to pick it up - make he can... (read in full...)
I had to test his loyalty but now he won’t talk to me!
Q. okay, so today i had the idea of making a fake snapchat account and adding and texting my boyfriend as another girl while simultaneously texting as the real me on my real snapchat...(i had two devices). he added the fake one and and asked who is it ...
A. 15 March 2018: No, OP here is where you are TOTALLY wrong. YOU do NOT have to "test" a partner.
If you don't trust them, don't DATE them.
All these games are pathetic. Creating "fake" people to "test" your man is absolutely ridiculous and you know what? Him n... (read in full...)
Why did my manager belittle me like this?
Q. Recently at work I accidentally dropped a plastic container, it made a loud noise ad people were startled. It was an accident! One of my managers, (a woman of 58 who Ive been working with for years, and am very careful around, as she's very p...
A. 15 March 2018: Could be her rude remark was to cover up for her OWN reaction to being startled. Maybe SHE felt stupid for having jumped in surprise.
I think her making "fun" of you the way that she did says a LOT more about her (in a negative way) than it does ... (read in full...)
My husband’s friend is trouble!
Q. Please advise what to do if your husband always likes to hang out with a friend that is trouble. My husband has a friend who is married but likes to go drinking and partying with single women. They dance and touch.. not sure if they have sex. His...
A. 15 March 2018: Do you have the "right" to tell him no?
I don't think so. You are not his mother, he is not a child. You husband should KNOW better. Besides this friend might be acting inappropriately, does that mean EVERYONE around him (including your husband)... (read in full...)
My brother does not accept my older boyfriend
Q. Dear Agony Aunt, So I have this new boyfriend. I have been with him for nearly 6 months now (which I know isn't a long time at all) however he is 10 years older than me and has 3 children. My family were aware of this and do not accept it at all...
A. 15 March 2018: I don't blame your brother. If any of my daughters were dating a guy 10 years older with 3 kids, I'd probably not be a fan either. A guy like that has WAY to much baggage for someone you age. And you have WAY too little experience.
One MAJOR re... (read in full...)
Did my wife believe me about the dinner receipt?
Q. Hi. I am a married man having an affair. My wife went out of town to her mother's for two weeks and I spent that time with my mistress. Last night my wife found a receipt of dinner for 2 when my mistress and I went to a restaurant the day her flig...
A. 14 March 2018: Are you more concerned with LYING to your wife than being a good husband?
Is that what you are asking?
You know EVENTUALLY she will find out. And she WILL be hurt.
How about you BE a decent human being and husband and divorce your wife or... (read in full...)
Why do I feel so rotten when he hurt me so much?
Q. I made a huge mistake, I've been in a relationship for many years, I have been hurt very badly. Yet I continued to go back time and time again. Long story short he is in a bad place and I tried to be nice and it back fired, now all the I'm sorry's ...
A. 11 March 2018: You feel bad because you CARE. You need to understand though that when a relationship is unhealthy and unhappy trying to revive it over and over is not going to work.
The sooner you ACCEPT that you can CARE for someone but not be a good match, t... (read in full...)
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