| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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Did I make the right choice by cutting my losses and moving on?
Q. I am 51 years old and seperated 2 years going through divorce. I became involved with a 49 year old widower. In June of last year. His wife was my friend who died one month earlier. I was extremely reluctant but he pursued me relentlessy with gifts ...
A. 20 January 2010: I think you did. Clearly he wasn't ready for a relationship with someone else, though he thought he was. I'm sorry to say that I think you were more of a rebound to help him through his difficult times. Focus on your own life, and don't give up on ... (read in full...)
His Father's sudden death is causing too much stress in our relationship! Advice?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating around 2 and 1/2 years. A few weeks ago his father passed away very suddenly. Not only has this created the normal emotional stress that comes with losing a loved one, it also has brought all sorts of financial ...
A. 20 January 2010: The first thing you need to do is recognize a fundamental difference between men and women dealing with pain. Women like to talk, men like to do. He needs space to try and fix things, because it's his way of coping right now. The only way he can ... (read in full...)
Bleeding while using the bathroom..sore insides! My bf is going a bit rough on me..help!
Q. Okay my fiance and I fool around alot. We do alot of kinky things. We have not had sex yet though. When he is fingering me or something I think he gets to rough maybe. Because now the my insides kinda hurt it only hurts on one side though. I am...
A. 20 January 2010: It sounds to me like you're putting your body through a really rough time. I think you should speak to the doctor to rule everything out.... (read in full...)
He hates me! So tell me... how do I get over him?
Q. I have a crush on someone who hates me. Hate might be a little strong but he is definately not interested. Yet I still can't stop thinking about him. It is making my life unbearable and I keep asking myself how could you be attracted to someone ...
A. 20 January 2010: The problem is that you're under so much stress and you seem to be so lonely that you're just not allowing yourself enough time and energy to get over him doing things that interest you. Work helps, but it's just not enough at all. You need to be ... (read in full...)
I have trouble talking and relating to people...any advice?
Q. hey all i have this prob that i cant talk to ppl. i mean its not a problem when we are more than 2 ppl. but i always get stuck when theres only one person near me. i was always like this, and always was scared to be in a 1on1 situation. thats...
A. 20 January 2010: I was always shy. I find the best thing you can do is ask questions to the person you want to talk to. Ask them about their day, their hobbies etc, then listen to them and let you answer questions. That helped me.... (read in full...)
He wants his ex gf back but doesn't want to lose me! What should I do?
Q. I've met the guy im with from work, I have liked him for over two months and we have been together for two weeks, I'm normaly a really hard person to get through to as I have low trust in men due to past experiences and I always put up the barrier, ...
A. 20 January 2010: Take the decision from him and break up. If he's not over his ex, then he's not the guy for you. It will be hard, because you've opened up to him. But you can get through this and find a guy who does love you. I think you need to address your esteem ... (read in full...)
How can I stop loving my best friends husband? Help!
Q. Where do i start with this one! a brief outline i have been happily with my husband for 19 years and then 2 years ago my boss made advances towards me. i went through a horrific two years with him where i totally lost grip of everything, my husband,...
A. 20 January 2010: So your boss made advances, and now your friends husband is as well? Yet you say you've been happily married? Seriously, take a look at your life. Seems to me that you're not happily married at all. You need to speak to your husband and get ... (read in full...)
What does he mean when he says I'm in trouble?
Q. I made a silly mistake of having a one week affair with a man on my job. He was the cutest thing I had ever seen. I just wanted to sleep with him and nothing more-especially since he is married 33 yrs. I heard he was a play boy and run through ...
A. 20 January 2010: Good point from eyeswideopen. ... (read in full...)
Is he... or isn't he an arsehole like my friends say?
Q. I'm with this guy and he's got a reputation of being a player, he cheated on his current ex who is my homegirl but he says he changed the game for me, some people are starting to see the change and others still thank of him as a straight up asshole ...
A. 20 January 2010: Well, he cheated on an ex and your friends are sure he probably has't changed. And he has a reputation as well. Chances are he will do it to you as well. ... (read in full...)
What does he mean when he says I'm in trouble?
Q. I made a silly mistake of having a one week affair with a man on my job. He was the cutest thing I had ever seen. I just wanted to sleep with him and nothing more-especially since he is married 33 yrs. I heard he was a play boy and run through ...
A. 20 January 2010: God knows what he's up to. But you are now paying the price for getting involved with someone who has serious problems and is married. I would suggest that you tell him to stop sending those texts and tell him if he doesn't you'l report him. Learn a ... (read in full...)
How old do you have to be before age doesn't matter?
Q. How old do you have to be before age doesnt matter? Im 22years old and i really like a girl who is only 17, 5years is a big difference at this age i think, although she doesnt act or look 17, i feel as though we are the same age but i know when we ...
A. 20 January 2010: I don't think there's anything wrong with you going out with her. 5 years isn't that bad, and she is over the age of consent. ... (read in full...)
Has anyone else been in my situation and can you offer any support?
Q. hey is anyone out there who was a victim of a sexually assault.. as for the past 2weeks i ahve had nightmares about the attacks and wonderd if some1 on here could surport me but private mail on this website?? im strugglein gettin thro eachday ...
A. 20 January 2010: I'm not. But I have had a friend who was raped, so I kind of understand. But if you'd feel better, wait for someone who has been what you have. ... (read in full...)
She cheated, made promises to me and then sent nude pics to another guy...what is her mentality?
Q. My girl friend cheated on me we broke up, she made a lot and a lot of promises. She told me and messaged the guy in front of me that they should not meet or contact. Recently I found out that she took photos of herself nude and sent it to the g...
A. 20 January 2010: She is afraid of being alone, so uses you. You're like the cuddly toy for when it all goes wrong. Get rid of her, you can do better.... (read in full...)
Help with workplace relationships!
Q. this is related to workplace r/ships - need advice! sorry it's long. Im a shift worker and can work any shift 7 days a week, I have been working mostly night shift for the past 22 months,with a day shift only once a week. My boss tell me that no...
A. 20 January 2010: Just be yourself. You're not some outsider, and they already like you. All you need to do is be yourself, talk to them and you'll be fine. Have confidence in who you are. And you're only in your thirties! That's not old! You're still a girl really ... (read in full...)
I'm obsessed with another guy who wants nothing to do with me, how can I forget about him and focus on my boyfriend?
Q. I can't stop thinking about this guy but I have a boyfriend. My boyfriend knows but still is with me. I want to forget about him because he wants nothing to do with me. If I were to pick between him and my bf I would pick to be with him. So if I ...
A. 20 January 2010: I think first of all, you need to make the decision to end things with your boyfriend. The truth is, he is just not the guy for you, and you know it. So please do the right thing and let him go so he can find someone else who does love him. As for ... (read in full...)
Am I just his rebound relationship?
Q. Hey so I just have a question. I have been seeing this really sweet guy for about 3 weeks now and I'm just wondering if it could be a rebound realtionship. He just broke off a 4 year relationship(engaged for a year) back in August and he is super ...
A. 20 January 2010: Just take it slow with him. Clearly if he tries to get into bed with you too quickly he's not worth the time. But let him get to know you, and you get to know him and see where it leads.... (read in full...)
How can I ease my nerves so that I feel more comfortable around guys?
Q. When I first meet a guy, I act normal and am fine. But when I start to notice that he likes me or I begin to like him, I turn into this nervous spaz. I feel like some lovesick teenager, even though I am in my 20's. I become this tongue-t...
A. 20 January 2010: You need to look back over your life and find out why you are so underconfident with yourself. How were your teenage years for you? Were you bullied or did you have a tough home life or anything like that? You won't stay single forever. A guy will ... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend embarrassed or did he straight up lie to me?
Q. Okay so I had sex with my boyfriend the other night and Im not a virgin and he started acting strange and then said he cant do it and I asked him if he came and he said no. It was only like 2 minutes. It seemed like he did but I dont no for sure. Is ...
A. 20 January 2010: He was probably just nervous about it all. Or maybe his mind just wasn't in it. Don't take it personally. ... (read in full...)
Is it worth staying in this marriage when my husband admits to wanting to have sex with porn stars?
Q. Usually when I read questions about porn the answers state that the men are usually more interested in the acts than the women and 'he wouldnt really want to have sex with them'. However my husband openly admits he wanted to have sex with the porn...
A. 20 January 2010: Of course it is. He's been insensitive about it. But the fact is men look at porn and porn stars for a reason. It's the same as if you have a thing for any actor or something. He has his fantasy. But he loves you. I would suggest you talk to him and ... (read in full...)
What should I do? Continue pursuing Sofia and see where it goes? Or end it with her and tell my friend he can have her?
Q. Well I am in a wee bit of a predicament. So last Friday I met this cute girl at a party and chatted her up. I think we hit it off pretty well, I knew her friend from class. For these purposes, her name will be Sofia. The following night at an...
A. 20 January 2010: But she isn't his. She isn't yours yet either. She may not even be interested in this other guy. I say go for it.... (read in full...)
I'm worried I will make the wrong choice and be unhappy forever!
Q. I have a boyfriend for 3 years now that both me and my family love. We've talked about marriage, we spend alot of time together, he's an overall amazing person. The problem is that I had a relationship "vacation relationship back home in Portugal ...
A. 20 January 2010: The vacation fling guy has clearly used you, and I don't think really wants a relationship. Your boyfriend clearly isn't the right guy for you, because if he was you wouldn't feel this way. You would do fat better to drop them both and move on from ... (read in full...)
I know I've been played so how do I redeem myself?
Q. At one time, I was close with this guy. We were constantly in touch, whether it be online, texting, talking on the phone, or meeting up. I tried my hardest not to open up to this guy too much. But I couldn't help but trust him. First we started ...
A. 20 January 2010: You don't need to redeem yourself. No one is going to think you'r bad or judge you for what has happened. Now you know that there are men out there who will use you. Forgive yourself, and cut all contact with him and let him go. Just focus on your ... (read in full...)
Am I being selfish for wanting him to man-up to his family?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating a little over two months now. The only problem is I think he is a little too attached to his family. He is 19 years old, yet he still has a curphew of 11:30 pm, this includes weekends. We also don't get to see ...
A. 20 January 2010: I can understand why you feel this way. He does seem to be allowing them to control him far too much, so no, you're not selfish. The problem is change comes from within, so your boyfriend has to be able to stand up for himself. You can't just change ... (read in full...)
What could this small lump be?
Q. hi everyone, now about a day ago i found a bump on the inside lip of my vagina and it doesnt hurt unless i squeeze it, then when i was just leaning over a mirror to look i also found like a little bubble of blood on the inside right at the entrance...
A. 20 January 2010: Something like that needs the attention of the doctor.... (read in full...)
How do I know my boyfriend wont break up with me again for the same reason?
Q. My bf's friends dont like me and they treat me like crap. I am not 100% sure why they dont like me, Ive never been mean to them or anything. I think its just they see me as a stereotypical "nerd" who is boring etc and a "goody goody" because I am a ...
A. 20 January 2010: You don't know, and he's been quite cruel in the way he treated you. You need to talk to him about how you feel and get him to reassure you a lot. I'm not even sure whether you should be with a guy who let his friends bad mouth you and then dumped ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to date a woman 7 years older?
Q. Anything wrong in dating older women (like seven years older than you)?...
A. 19 January 2010: No, not at all. I'm dating a woman who's older than me. ... (read in full...)
Chicago/Ireland/divorce???
Q. Hi guys I was just looking for some advice for my friend. She's been married for the last five months to and American Citizen and been living in Chicago on and off for the last year or so. In short, he proposed, she accepted, they wer...
A. 19 January 2010: She needs to talk to a lawyer really. I'm sure if she mentioned in the divorce that he was cheating, he wouldn't get into trouble. ... (read in full...)
Help! Should I wait it out.. I don't know what to do...
Q. i have been dating my boyfriend for over a year. we went to the same school, we saw each other every day. we were inseperable. recently i had to move out because of my mother, and now im in a different town, and going to a new school. On top of ...
A. 19 January 2010: It depends what it was that he did. We kind of need to know before we can offer advice. Because if it was something serious, your parents might be trying to protect you. ... (read in full...)
Help! Should I wait it out.. I don't know what to do...
Q. i have been dating my boyfriend for over a year. we went to the same school, we saw each other every day. we were inseperable. recently i had to move out because of my mother, and now im in a different town, and going to a new school. On top of ...
A. 19 January 2010: It depends what it was that he did. We kind of need to know before we can offer advice. Because if it was something serious, your parents might be trying to protect you. ... (read in full...)
Husband has been cheating with his ex?
Q. I have been married for 19 years. I just found out that my husband has been cheating with his ex girlfriend. I don't know what to do! When I ask him why he says, "he don't know". He was seeing her for about a month when I found out about it. He says ...
A. 19 January 2010: First of all, you need to think about whether you want to work it out. If yes, then you both need to go to counselling and you both need to tell each other how you feel. The excuse 'I don't know' is a cover. The truth is he probably felt something ... (read in full...)
What does this guy really want from me??
Q. ok so i met this guy on plenty of fish..we've been chatting on there for a month now... and went on a date on sunday.. he was really nice.. and thought i was soo beautiful.. after the date..he told me..he wants a serious relationship an...
A. 19 January 2010: He seems to be moving a bit too fast, so maybe tell him that although you're flattered, you need to take more time to get to know him face to face before you can say you're his girlfriend. You really need to spend more time getting to know him face ... (read in full...)
How can I help her to get over this attack?
Q. Myself and my girlfriend are both 17. Before meeting me, my girlfriend was forced to perform oral sex on a guy at a party; although drunk she still said no and resisted. In a previous relationship, she was also hit twice. Now, whenever I kiss her...
A. 19 January 2010: Have patience with her and listen to her. You can't suggest ways of fixing it to her, she doesn't want that. She just wants you to listen and be there. If she does't like oral, then make sure she knows you'll never pressurize her into it or ... (read in full...)
I feel so ugly compared to Monica Bellucci (my boyfriend's heart throb!)
Q. I feel so ugly... my boyfriend has a huge celebrity crush on Monica Bellucci, and has seen many movies in which she has sex scenes, with a lot of nudity. I know that she's really beautiful, especially for her age, but it still makes me feel bad that ...
A. 19 January 2010: Well he was hardly sensitive to you. Monica Belucci isn't perfect. She's pretty, but she'll have all the same body hangups than any other woman, and then there's all the make up, and all the lighting. For your boyfriend to say 'you're not the only ... (read in full...)
I like a girl who is 5 years older than me, is this strange?
Q. I'm 13 and im new at high school and i know a senior girl there. She's really nice and smiles at me when i see her and she's really pretty. The problem is that i like her. Shes 5 years older than me. Is it strange to feel this way?...
A. 19 January 2010: No, not at all. I'm in a relationship with an older woman, so you don't need to worry. I don;t this this one will be interested in you, but enjoy your crush.... (read in full...)
Quick change?
Q. I met this guy off of a dating site. We have been talking since may and took a break for about 2 months I'd say because we got in a really stupid arguement... any ways he has been chasing me since may. I kind of liked the chase and I was starting to ...
A. 19 January 2010: That he's not really the guy for you. You've already had to take a break because it was going wrong, and he didn't seem all the keen to listen to you, then seemed to threaten you or something. Somehow I think you can do better.... (read in full...)
I really like her, but we go to different colleges, and I feel as if I'm bugging her when we talk online. How do I make something of this?
Q. Hi people :) Well first off, im a 16 year old male, so the stuff im about to explain you've probably heard a million times over. Ive never been the ladies type of guy, I was always the one who was "a good friend". Now that ive grown up a...
A. 19 January 2010: She's still talking to you, so you can't be bugging her that much. Why don't you meet with her and just say you really like her and would lover to get to know her more?... (read in full...)
Do you think she forgave me for talking to her boyfriend like that?
Q. ok well my homegirls boyfriend is really cute abd i like him. yesterday i was on myspace and we were going back and forth asking questions. he asked me if he was my type and i said yes and then i asked if i was his type and he said idk i dont want ...
A. 19 January 2010: I wouldn't assume she's forgiven you just yet, so still continue to reassure her you're a good friend, and continue to be there for her and listen to her. She might take a bit of time to come around again. As for her boyfriend, he was trying it on, ... (read in full...)
Does he like her or not? Why does he move away?
Q. Have you ever known a guy to do this? Both him and this girl are my friends. They both like each other. Hes naturally a good guy, hes friendly and will make the effort however with her he is extremely shy. He wont talk to her much or anything. I ...
A. 19 January 2010: He's just terrified and really doesn't know what to do. I suggest gently telling him that she likes him, and he should ask her out.... (read in full...)
Is this a cheating husband or not?
Q. if my husband emails and call his exgirlfriend who he cheated on me with when we were dating and he's telling her how she's pretty and her lips are so invting. would that be considered cheating? ...
A. 19 January 2010: Well, it's not a good sign. If he cheated on her with you, then he can certainly go back to her and cheat on you. Have a talk with him quickly. ... (read in full...)
Since getting back together, he's made no effort to reassure me--and he's the one who cheated!
Q. My ex and I were together four years (lived together/wedding booked). he cheated on me and started going with this other girl (I didnt know), he split up with me but maintained we were on a break. Treated me really badly - didn't say sorry and said ...
A. 19 January 2010: Come on, girl. Look at this through clear eyes, instead of those lovey dovey ones. He cheated, kept contact and tried to use you, before coming back. Now he's telling you that you're 'boring him'? He's not reassuring you, he's staying distant. He ... (read in full...)
She told me she couldn't do "girlfriend" and took it back. How should I handle this?
Q. I have been dating this girl for about 5 months now. She is a rape survivor and it happened about 3 years ago in a long term abusive relationship. She really is an amazing woman who had to deal with alot. Recently she said she want me to be her ...
A. 19 January 2010: I think she still needs time. She clearly does care about you a lot, but the title of girlfriend probably brings back memories of her relationship with the the other guy, so please don't take it personally. I think with enough love and care she will ... (read in full...)
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