Are online "dalliances" with other people meaningless? Or are they unacceptable in committed relationships?
Q. Do you think that if your partner has an online account (Snapchat) you did not know about (but found out about) where he "harmlessly" chats/flirts with women (often younger!!) whenever he feels like it is cheating? He never meets them in person. It ...
A. 18 September 2021: I asked myself whether anyone I know would be comfortable with their partners behaving in this way and came up with only one answer: those who were not emotionally invested in their relationship. People who are only living together for convenience, ... (read in full...)
I'm exhausted and ready to break up with my boyfriend
Q. I am 27 years old and had 3 long time boyfriends. This guy is 4th. I am not a dater..actualy hate this process.I tried but then i discovered that most of my dated are in for sex ..i guess i dont have enough interest in just that. I came from ver...
A. 15 September 2021: Thoughts? What is there to think about? He has managed to exhaust you in 2 weeks. Can you honestly envisage a future with this guy, sharing your life with him, day in and day out, year after year?
Be kind but firm. Finish it and let him find som... (read in full...)
How do I end things without him going psycho?
Q. I went out with a guy that i met online twice, and am really not feeling him. He's not my usual type, but we are in the same profession and have a lot of common interests, so I took a chance on him. He has already mentioned liking me, thinks w...
A. 15 September 2021: I think you are overthinking this because of past experiences. He is not going to be an "ex" because he was never a boyfriend. You merely met up a couple of times.
Hopefully you haven't told him any personal details, like where you work or where... (read in full...)
I really want to trust my husband but can't seem to
Q. I really want to trust my husband because I am tired of being paranoid and untrusting. But I don't know how to get rid of the anxiety and thoughts in my head. He hasn't done anything to warrant it, but I was bullied for 10 years as a child, mayb...
A. 14 September 2021: This is a prime example of what is meant by "if you don't heal what hurt you, you will bleed on those who did not cut you."
It is very sad that you were bullied as a child. That must have made you feel quite helpless and insecure. However,... (read in full...)
How does a first time father prepare for triplets?
Q. My wife is pregnant with triplets. We are prepared with all the stuff they will need like diapers, bottles, clothes, beds, etc, but I am not mentally prepared at all. Twins run in her family but I never thought we'd have triplets. Especially not t...
A. 14 September 2021: Wow! No advice, just CONGRATULATIONS and best wishes. x
... (read in full...)
People are threatening me
Q. People are threatening me. I don't know if I should disclose their details to the police. J have called them and they said it's harrassment. But these are the type of people who hate police and anyone involved with them. They recorded a sensitive ...
A. 13 September 2021: Talk to the police TODAY. These people have no right to bully you or steal from you. You sound quite vulnerable. Do you have friends or family members who can help you?... (read in full...)
Has FWB developed feelings
Q. So after the breakup of my marriage I didn’t want anything serious from anyone but struck up a FWB deal with an old school friend (we are now in our forties) we saw each other maybe 3 times a year (we live hundreds of miles apart) for a few days ...
A. 13 September 2021: Two questions I have for YOU:
- Why would you contemplate having one last "session" with your FWB when someone has come into your life who could be a significant part of your future?
- Most importantly, why do you care what your FWB thinks/... (read in full...)
It's the third year anniversary of my dad's death today and my boyfriend doesn't seem to care
Q. My dad died on September 11, 2018 and today is the 3 year anniversary of his death. My boyfriend is not supportive of me at all and it feels like my grief is an imposition on him. It is a hard day for me but he doesn't seem to understand. He h...
A. 12 September 2021: I am so sorry for your sad loss.
This resonated with me and may help you: "Grief is like carrying a rock in your pocket. At first you notice how heavy it is all the time and the weight is a constant burden. But after a time, while you still fe... (read in full...)
Am I dealing with a narcissist?
Q. Has anyone of you aunts and uncles come across a narcissist? I’ve being dating an older man for over three month. He came across amazing, he’s got a good job, three children and seemed like he had his life sorted. He talked about our future, told...
A. 12 September 2021: Only one bit of advice: RUN AND DON'T LOOK BACK!
After only 3 months, he already has you questioning who you are. Regardless of what HE is (because a label won't make any difference to his behaviour), YOU are not what he is making you out to b... (read in full...)
My husband's family would not come to our wedding because I would not get vaccinated
Q. So, I married my partner of two years last weekend. His parents feel very strong about covid and the Vaccine. Before the vaccine was developed, I was allowed to be around his family. I chose to not get the vaccine and since then it has been so much ...
A. 12 September 2021: I am so sorry you are being treated in this way. Sadly this covid circus is splitting people and setting them against each other, even family members (as you have witnessed).
I have a number of problems with how your in-laws are acting. Excuse t... (read in full...)
He drinks too much!So?
Q. My bf drinks too much anytime i talk to him bout it he just whines.he usally come back late,and am worried.should i be? ...
A. 4 September 2021: If you are really 13-15, then your boyfriend is either drinking illegally or considerably older than you. When you say he comes back, I assume you mean to the home you share, so presumably you are not really under 15.
Age aside (I am going to... (read in full...)
There are far too many red flags. Is this guy worth it?
Q. I’ve been seeing my partner 6 months. I’ve previously been in a business relationships which affected me and my daughter who is 16 so I am cautious. Until I met my partner I was happy with my kids on my own but on times would like company. Generally ...
A. 4 September 2021: Sorry, but I have to say, your daughter seems to be a better judge of character than her mother. That may actually be a little harsh, because I think, deep down, you do realize he is not a good or nice man; for whatever reason, you are just ... (read in full...)
Is this being a tease?
Q. so I'm 14 i don't whant to have sex yet but I want to kiss and cuddle and some other things but I don't want to have sex is that being a tease ...
A. 2 September 2021: It's not being a tease if you make it plain from the outset that you are not ready to have sex. Learn to say, loudly and clearly, that you are not ready to have sex.
A few words of advice:
- Stick to boys around your own age. Older boys are m... (read in full...)
I want kids and he doesn't. Why is he so selfish?
Q. Good day everyone. I've met someone and loved him with my body and soul. His 47 and im 41. He has 3 kids and was never married. I have no kids.the guy has just told me that he doesn't need any kids. My problem is I'm so much inlobe with him ...
A. 31 August 2021: As far as I can see, your situation is quite simple: you need to decide whether trying for a child is a deal-breaker for you or whether your boyfriend is more important to you than a hypothetical child. I use the word "hypothetical" because there is ... (read in full...)
My wife was crying on our wedding day because she was thinking about her ex!!
Q. I got married almost a month ago. My wife and I have been together for three years and known each other for five. She had just gotten out of a seven year relationship when we met. He was her first love and they broke up because he was on drugs and ...
A. 29 August 2021: Wow, that must have been tough to hear. She could easily have glossed over it and said she was crying because she was happy, or missing someone who wasn't there (not her ex, of course, but a friend or family member) or even that it was just the ... (read in full...)
I know his kids will come first and I wouldn’t want it any other way but where do I fit in?
Q. Can you aunts and uncles give me some advice on dating a man with kids? I’ve been dating a man for about two month, we both have a lot of work commitments due to the job we do so this gives little time to meet up. He also has two children to diff...
A. 29 August 2021: You ask where you fit in. I would suspect you don't, not really.
You are someone he phones/messages at the end of the day so that he feels he has a girlfriend. That doesn't meet your needs, and why would it? How many times in the last 2 months h... (read in full...)
Am I wrong to make rules for my cheating boyfriend?
Q. I’ve recently taken back my boyfriend after he cheated on me. Am I right in telling him he can’t go out with his mates because I think they are a bad influence on him? The last thing I’d ever want to be is a controlling partner as I cannot STAN...
A. 27 August 2021: What would I do? I would 100% walk away from this relationship, for two clear and simple reasons:
1) Being back in this relationship has turned you into the sort of person you hate. The person with whom we choose to be in a relationship should h... (read in full...)
I am in a new relationship with a man who is uncircumcised and I have zero experience!
Q. I am in a new relationship with a man who is uncircumcised and I have zero experience. I’ve read up a lot, but most of the information out there is quite medical and is good to know…..but I need some “hands on” advice… I don’t want to disappoint or ...
A. 24 August 2021: If you are close enough to already know he is uncircumcised, then surely you are close enough to admit this is new territory for you and to ask for guidance? Just like every woman is individual in how and where she enjoys being touched, so every man ... (read in full...)
I think I need to give up on this very shady man. Thoughts?
Q. Hi I met a man online. We have gone out several times but something is definitely off. We can only meet about 30 mins from his house. It's like he has a time limit. He says him and his ex still live together which is a HUGE red flag. They ...
A. 24 August 2021: Any suggestions? Yes, do what your gut instinct tells you. Yo KNOW there is no future with this man. You KNOW he is lying to you. You KNOW he is no good. Why are you still wasting time on him?
You deserve better. Walk away and don't look back. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend demanded a new phone from me, got it, and then told me that I'm stingy and petty
Q. Hi and thanks! My boyfriend and I have been together almost 2 years. I recently purchased a new cell, it was well needed as my other one was old and not functioning properly. My bf decided he should also have a new one, at my expense. I was ...
A. 22 August 2021: Any thoughts? Oooooh so many, but a lot of them would probably get my post removed, lol.
So I will sum them up thus: when an adult man wants a new toy, he can blooming well pay for it himself, unless you CHOOSE to treat him for a special occasion... (read in full...)
How do I deal with a clingy girlfriend?
Q. Hi everyone How do I deal with a clingy gf? Little background. We have been together for about 2 years. In the beginning she didn't appear clingy. This last year she certainly has been. If I don't see her, theres an argument, if I d...
A. 21 August 2021: It sounds, from your second post, like the clingy behaviour started around the time she confessed about her addiction which she "forgot" to mention for a year. She waited to get you hooked before telling you. That is manipulative and unfair. You ... (read in full...)
I want to tell the father of my daughter how I feel about him but I'm petrified he won't feel the same way
Q. I want to tell the father of my child how I really feel about him but I’m petrified that he won’t feel the same because of the age gap. I’m 30 whereas he’s only 24. It’s honestly a situation I’d never imagined I’d find myself in with him. He w...
A. 21 August 2021: It sounds like you don't really spend much time together, so your worry about your compatibility is completely understandable. It sounds like you are both busy being parents and that is all you currently see in each other.
I have never been a b... (read in full...)
Do you think my husband's sexual preference makes him bisexual?
Q. Dear cupid My husband of 3 years told me yesterday he likes having dildo/vibrator in his ass, and this started when he was a teenager.the thing is its freaking me out that he might be bisexual, I asked and he said no. I did play it cool when he ...
A. 21 August 2021: Being equally sexually attracted to men and women is what makes you bisexual, not sticking something up your butt. Has he shown any signs of being attracted to men? You don't mention it, so I assume he hasn't.
Well done for playing it "cool" w... (read in full...)
My husband had anal sex in the past and now I'm worried our sexual backgrounds are not equal or aligned.
Q. Hi. You may think my issue is nothing to worry about or that I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill. But here goes... My husband and I have been married 9 years. I knew about his sexual past for the most part but recently he told me he had a...
A. 21 August 2021: Seldom do I read a post which makes me think "what the hell????" and to which it is very easy to respond. Your post, however, is one of those rare posts.
Are you fed up with your husband? Are you looking for an excuse to end your marriage... (read in full...)
He used me for money and is still trying to contact me
Q. Good day! So here is my story and please I'm not coming here to be bashed. Cause I'm very aware I made bad choices. I met a man online 1 year ago. He was incredibly sweet, charismatic, caring. We talked for many months before I actuall...
A. 20 August 2021: Sweetheart, you didn't "buy his love". You bought his attention. You were an investment to him because the time he spent chatting with you online was paid for - by you sending him money. People who are seriously interested in dating seldom hang ... (read in full...)
Should I be worried because I know he liked my Sister back in the day?
Q. I really like my new boyfriend but my only problem is that I know he liked my sister once upon a time. They were in the same year at school and used to walk home together a lot. In fact I saw them snogging once outside our house. This was about 4 ...
A. 18 August 2021: Have YOU never liked anyone before dating your boyfriend? I am sure you must have had crushes on guys at school, even possibly had a kiss and a grope with one or two? Do you think of them when you are with your boyfriend? Of course not.
You g... (read in full...)
My husband had an encounter with a sex worker
Q. Last week, my cousin Rachel told me that she'd seen my husband kissing a schoolgirl in a car park by a McDonald's; this girl looked about 16-17, and he didn't even seem to notice her. She didn't want to confront him and cause a scene and embarrass ...
A. 17 August 2021: My first question has to be, why would you want to involve your daughters in this sordid situation? Surely a mother's first instinct would be to protect her children from such information? Regardless of what he has done, your husband is still their ... (read in full...)
Did I handle things in the wrong way dealing with my relatives?
Q. My cousin, Brooke, came out of the closet a few years ago, and her parents stop all communications with her. Brooke had to go to therapy due to the depression she had, which her parents were mostly to blame. Her own mother told Brooke "As far as I ...
A. 16 August 2021: In my book, you EARN respect, not demand it. You do not automatically OWE someone respect, just because they are family, or just because they are older than you, especially when you are an adult yourself.
Your aunt and uncle acted horrendo... (read in full...)
The girl I am dating tried to commit suicide because of a previous relationship. This freaks me out
Q. A girl I am seeing recently revealed to me that she tried to commit suicide before over a guy. She claims he lead her on, thinking they were going to have a relationship but he only wanted sex. In the end, he dumped her and said he was never really ...
A. 16 August 2021: Being of a different generation to you, I find it difficult to keep up with the terminology used with reference to dating these days. What is the difference between "seeing" and "dating"? In my day, these two terms were interchangeable (along with ... (read in full...)
Relationships and incontinence
Q. Im doubley incontinence and have to wear nappies-diapers and plastic pants and have done so for a very long time. As i result ive had no relationship of any kind and get deeply depressed. Just wondering if anyone else went through the same problems...
A. 15 August 2021: I'm so sorry to hear of your health issues. Just wanted to drop a line to say that the lack of responses is probably down to the fact that this is not the best site to post this sort of problem. I'm not sure any of the aunts or uncles have had ... (read in full...)
I can't forget about the foreplay. Is this normal?
Q. I have a question. Is it normal that I can't forget about the foreplay? Because honestly, he is my first boyfriend at my twenties and the first time someone kissed me on the LIPS!!!!!!! And I really liked it. Also, he is the first one who touched ...
A. 15 August 2021: Of course it is normal. This is your first sexual experience. Why would you NOT think about it?
Just a work of caution: make sure you are fully prepared for this going further and absolutely insist on contraception when/if it does. Nothing ... (read in full...)
Is a 17 year age gap to much?
Q. Is a 17 year age gap too big? I’ve being dating a man who’s 17 year older than me. He’s got three kids to two different women. He’s never been married and I don’t know what went wrong with the two ex’s. It’s early days so I don’t want to ask too ...
A. 15 August 2021: It's all well and good saying you "really like him" but what are you looking to gain from this relationship? I think you need to give this some serious consideration before it goes much further.
Are you looking for a future husband? If so, a ma... (read in full...)
I feel I am being used as a sugar mama
Q. Hello! So my boyfriend and I have been together just over two years. We get together 2 or 3 times per month. Hes usually pretty good to me but also seems entitled and expects the best. For bdays as an example he thinks it's good to give him ...
A. 15 August 2021: Op, don't take to heart what a random stranger assumes on a public forum. We all base our advice on experience or observation. This does not necessarily mean our (limited) experience or observation is "right". The poster was unnecessarily scathing ... (read in full...)
He will be nice for awhile then ask for money, when I say no it's like a different person
Q. Hi, and thanks! So my boyfriend and I have been together about 3 years. When it's good it's great, when it's bad, its horrible! He has mood swings. Mostly money related. He will be okay when he has money, but if hes broke he acts like a chil...
A. 12 August 2021: Listen to your friends. They have your best interests at heart and are not as invested in this guy as you are.
You admit that you don't see this changing, so why are you wasting more time on him? He sees you as a cash cow, a meal ticket. When you... (read in full...)
I just found out someone I briefly dated was dating his now wife
Q. Hello Not sure how to process this. I just found out someone I briefly dated was dating his now wife. I feel angry and used. I would never ever date someone taken. The fact that I was an unknowing participant hurts me. Actually the last time I s...
A. 12 August 2021: Well done for being the better human being and not inflicting the pain you felt on his wife, who is as innocent as you in this deception.
Now you need to be as kind to yourself as you were to her. Forgive yourself. You cannot be guilty of somet... (read in full...)
I feel I am being used as a sugar mama
Q. Hello! So my boyfriend and I have been together just over two years. We get together 2 or 3 times per month. Hes usually pretty good to me but also seems entitled and expects the best. For bdays as an example he thinks it's good to give him ...
A. 12 August 2021: You have basically been paying for the dubious privilege of seeing him a couple of times a month for the last couple of years. like a gigolo. I have to ask why you only see each other so infrequently? What (or who) is he doing in between his ... (read in full...)
My partner's porn watching really makes me feel unconfident
Q. So I recently found out my partner is watching porn again which makes me really unhappy. The first time I found out he was watching it was whilst he was in the bathroom with the volume turned up, so it was quite obvious and he made no effort t...
A. 11 August 2021: "I feel like I kept repeating myself about not feeling good enough, that he finds these women more attractive, why else would he watch it?"
Ironic that you complain about your partner not listening to you yet you obviously didn't listen to him w... (read in full...)
Are either of these guys right for me?
Q. Hello. I am confused over two men in my life, and am not sure if either is right for me. I was in a relationship for several months and it ended earlier this year. He was always too busy with work to be there for me, even when I had to go into h...
A. 11 August 2021: I think you know that neither of these guys is any good for you. You just need someone to reaffirm what you are thinking.
Your post reminds me of something I read once along the lines of "you shouldn't drink poison just because you are thirsty"... (read in full...)
Partner in his 40s wants to go clubbing
Q. How do I settle down that my partner in his late 40s still wants to go clubbing? Wee have been together for 2 years and before he met me his life was work and then party every weekend. Which is fair enough he was a single guy, no responsibility o...
A. 11 August 2021: I suspect he has never really grown up. This may also explain why he doesn't introduce you to his parents (your other post): because, despite his age, he is not ready to settle down. ... (read in full...)
Why do I desire her so much when I know in reality is 100% a never?
Q. Why do I desire her so much when I know in reality is 100% a never?...
A. 11 August 2021: Unrequited love is very special. It is safe. It never has to change. It never has to die. You have full control of your fantasies and never need to be disappointed because you can steer them where YOU want.
It can also be an excuse not to live ... (read in full...)
I think this girl likes my boyfriend
Q. Hi everybody. Some advice please. There's this girl that I just noticed. I've been observing her behaviour. I noticed her looking at my boyfriend. At first, I thought it was nothing because maybe she looks at him out of curiosity or something els...
A. 10 August 2021: Your boyfriend is charming and a drummer. He is going to attract attention. You can't control that.
It is up to your boyfriend to act in such a way that you do not worry about this admirer. Your relationship is with HIM, not with her.
Do you ... (read in full...)
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