A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I went out with a guy that i met online twice, and am really not feeling him. He's not my usual type, but we are in the same profession and have a lot of common interests, so I took a chance on him. He has already mentioned liking me, thinks we're dating already (to which I set him straight), and is making more plans without consulting me. Some of the things he's doing and saying is pissing me off/making me uncomfortable. He has an odd sense of humor that borders on being offensive. He mentioned he bought tickets for an event that I had expressed numerous times that i do not want to attend - "We're going to _____, I already bought us tickets." I think he's using that event to get more "physical" with me, since all we've done is hug. Before, i thought he could be a good friend, but not anymore. I don't plan on going out with him again, but I'm worried about the backlash that I'll get after i "end things". I've been stalked by exes before, and really don't want that happening again.How do I tell him I don't wish to continue without him freaking out and going psycho on me?
View related questions:
met online, stalking Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (16 September 2021):
 I just wanted to add, I would NOt break up in person. It's been two dates you can definitely do it over the phone or text.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (15 September 2021):
 I think you are overthinking this because of past experiences. He is not going to be an "ex" because he was never a boyfriend. You merely met up a couple of times.
Hopefully you haven't told him any personal details, like where you work or where you live. It is never a good idea to disclosed details like that to strangers - which is what he is to you. However, if you have, then be very careful for a while after breaking up with him. Always tell someone where you are going. Try not to go anywhere on your own, especially after dark. If you see ANYTHING suspicious, get yourself to safety and report it to the police.
Be kind but firm when finishing with him so he is under no illusion that you do not see a future with him. With any luck, he will shrug off the rejection and move on with his life.
Moving forward, as is normal good practice with meeting people you don't know, always make sure someone knows exactly where you are going and who you are meeting (or who you THINK you are meeting, because some people lie). Have a friend phone you for a safety check at agreed times. If you need to get away, such a phone call can provide the perfect excuse (an emergency of some sort). Always meet and stay in public places. Watch how much you drink. Either buy your own drink or be with him when he buys so you can ensure nothing is slipped in your drink. Keep your drink close to you at all times. I say all this as, if he does turn out to be a "bad 'un", he could set up a mate to meet up with you with God only knows what agenda.
Stay safe. I hope you have been worrying for nothing and it all goes smoothly.
...............................
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (15 September 2021):
 Don't be alone with him when you break up. Take a friend along and do it in a public place. Keep it short and simple. Don't offer any explanations. Block his number and delete him from social media.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (15 September 2021):
Just be upfront. And tell him:" I don't think we are a good fit and I don't see this working out, I wish you well". And then you BLOCK him. Make sure your social media is ALREADY secured before telling him (so he can't troll for info on your friends, family, etc.) Also if you met him on an app or dating website - SCRUB both accounts before.
If he asks for more details as to why you don't see this working out tell him no. There is no point to it. YOU DO NOT owe him a long explanation, or ANY explanation. It's been 2 dates! you are not feeling it, THE END!
The reason I say DUMP HIM asap, it the sooner you do it, the sooner you stand up for yourself, and the fewer interaction you will have had with this guy. You aren't stringing him along. And you AREN'T really giving him a reason to harass you.
Think of him as a dirty band-aid. Rip it off and move on.
He might throw a fit, OK. So don't DO it in person. Definitely DO not meet up with this guy AT ALL ever again.
Does he know where you live? Where you work?
If he knows where you work CONTACT security, so they know not to let him in the building. Ask for someone to walk you to your car if he reacts negatively to you breaking up with him.
No, is a complete sentence. You said NO to going to this event he got tickets for. And then he totally disregarded your no. It's GOOD that you SAW these red flags and want to pull away. The LONGER you talk to him, the LONGER you ALLOW him access to you, the LONGER he will make these ridiculous assumptions.
As for the potential backlash (as you call it) make sure people around you are aware. Have someone or a couple of someones who knows WHERE you are at all times for the next good while.
My guess is he will quickly move on to the next "victim".
It's only BEEN 2 dates.
Yes, he seems a "bit much" but that doesn't mean he WILL stalk you. Or harass you. Just BE aware that he could.
Now, let's say his number is blocked and he calls you from other numbers. CHANGE your number. And DOCUMENT everything.
I hope he will just move on so you can move on. And next time.... I hope you meet someone who is more your kind of guy.
Also, like WiseOwlE mentioned if you met him on a dating site, I would register a complaint against him if he starts anything. If he shows up in person ANYWHERE near your work or home, DO NOT engage, call the police.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2021): First-off, make sure everyone close to you knows what he looks like. Show them his profile picture, and tell them what you're telling us. Then be frank and direct with him.
Let him know that you don't feel this will work, and you're sorry he spent money for the tickets; but you did tell him that you didn't wish to attend the event. If he comes across too aggressive or confrontational; tell him then and there that is precisely the problem.
Be vigilant, but don't panic. You have no real proof that he'll freak-out; at this point, all you know is that he's somewhat pushy. That may only be the case. I suggested that you be direct; because you need to make sure he takes you seriously when you tell him that you don't wish to go-out with him anymore. Try not to allow yourself to become paranoid.
Give him the opportunity to move on. Block his calls, don't respond to any unidentified messages; and contact the police immediately if he shows-up at your door unannounced. Stay calm, don't jump to conclusions. I understand you're a bit hypersensitive, or you're tense due to some past experiences; but you have to keep a cool head about you, so you'll be able to think on your feet when necessary.
Reputable dating sites encourage people to file official complaints; if they experience any problems, or feel threatened. Notify the dating site immediately, if you have any further issues; to be sure he's removed from the site, and can't cause any problems with you or any other female subscribers.
You may not want to return to that particular dating site. I think you should deactivate your subscription. If he doesn't respect your request to move on, or attempts contact against your wishes, let him know you will file a complaint with the police. If you unexpectedly come face to face, don't engage or confront him; just call the police and tell them where you are. Find a well-lit safe place until they arrive; if you unexpectedly find yourself cornered, or feel caught off-guard.
I don't think you need to worry, just keep it together. I think he's being too anxious, and may be the controlling-type. Sometimes people get that way when they've become frustrated with online-dating; or they've had a series of misconnections, and their hopes are dashed. He doesn't always have to be a stalker or a threat. That's the risk you take with online dating. You don't know anyone, until you've spent enough time to become acquainted.
...............................
|
