My girlfriend wants to be friends with her ex
Q. So I have been dating this girl for a little over two months. A few months prior to us starting to date she ended a 5 year relationship with another guy. She said it ended amicably and that they had taken breaks before but this was different. She ...
A. 15 January 2022: If they had both moved on and both had no feelings for each other, then I would say you have nothing to worry about and you should try to learn to live with it. However, NEITHER of them has really moved on and that is worrying. He quite obviously ... (read in full...)
I thought she was my friend but she betrayed me
Q. when I was at primary school, was left out of things and the parents would take their children away from me to play, because they were worried that I would hurt them or do something for much worse, growing up this really hurt me and people not unde...
A. 13 January 2022: The way you have been treated says everything about the perpetrators and nothing about you. They picked on you because you were an easy target - which you have already worked out for yourself.
Regarding the female who hurt you, I am willing ... (read in full...)
A former colleague's sister contacted me to say I'd overstepped
Q. Hi aunts a female colleague who used to work at the company I work at, recently left to go back to university. while I was sad to see her go, I wished her good luck and we remained in contact for a few months. then out the blue, I get a message fr...
A. 10 January 2022: I suspect the next communication you are likely to get from them is a demand for money to keep quiet. I also suspect they know you scare easily.
Delete and block the pair of them and lock down any media profiles so they can't find you.
Sadl... (read in full...)
I fell for him but its a long distance relationship
Q. While traveling to Chicago back in June, I connected with "Z" on Bumble. We decided to meet at his place, kissed in the first hour, and I slept over. It all seemed casual and fine. I visited again in July, and the two of us had the most amazing,...
A. 9 January 2022: Sweetheart, if your profile age is correct, you have been round the block more than once and should have the experience and common sense to be a little more guarded who you "fall for". You feel you have "fallen for him" based on the strength of two ... (read in full...)
My friend is dating a 28 year old
Q. A few years ago, my best friend got divorced from her husband and the father of her two young kids. I fully supported her throughout the separation and divorce, and was happy to be there for her during her time of need. She was blindsided by her ...
A. 8 January 2022: Just because you were there for your friend when she needed you does not give you the right to judge what she chooses to do with the rest of her life. It is commendable that you are still looking out for her but you can't run her life for her. You ... (read in full...)
Confused about girlfriends actions
Q. I was holding my girlfriend tight and kissing. When she said I had a cold nose. I laughed and said "are you sure" in a I've got an idea voice and went in to kiss her neck so my nose would also touch her neck. She obviously turned away but in a...
A. 8 January 2022: In response to your first question, would you feel her hand on your penis if you had a coat on? Of course you would - especially at your age, when hormones are running riot. Her breasts are no less sensitive than your penis.
Who knows why she ... (read in full...)
Things went downhill after I complimented her on her 'hour glass' figure
Q. I recently moved here from Scotland. I met a really attractive and intelligent woman at a party a few weeks ago. It was a public event at an art gallery. She was a high-school teacher in her early 30s. We had been talking for a good half-hour and ...
A. 7 January 2022: I came to realize a long time ago that it is not necessarily what is said that matters but who says it. As a virtual stranger, who has only just had a short chat with this lady, commenting on her figure was definitely not classy.
Leave her alon... (read in full...)
Have I already blown it with her?
Q. I'm really struggling with this girl I like. We've been on a few dates but because of how her last couple of boyfriends were with her she's got this impression that I'm the same and am gonna treat her like s*** basically. She's not said outright ...
A. 7 January 2022: If we don't heal our wounds, we bleed on those who did not cut us. This is exactly what she is doing to you. You are paying for what other guys have (allegedly - you only have her word for this) done to her. She is not over how she was treated so ... (read in full...)
People asking for money on social media
Q. Hello ?? Social media has been a good way to make new friends. I have made a couple of long lasting friendships, however, it's also frustrating when you talk to people and they seem to feel it's okay to ask for money. Most times it's men ...
A. 6 January 2022: These men make a living out of scamming vulnerable and/or gullible women. They don't NEED anything; they WANT your money. In truth, they probably have a lot more money than you do.
I would advise you to stop making friends on social media wi... (read in full...)
Is it possible my boyfriend's history of abuse could fuel his sexual tastes?
Q. My boyfriend always has to or wants to stick at least his fingers if not a vibrator in my anus to be able to get off. Why? I know a lil of his past history and he could have been abused in some way. Would something like that cause people problems...
A. 6 January 2022: Is this something you enjoy? From the tone of your post, I am guessing not. Why are you allowing it to happen?
I guess it IS possible that this behaviour is, in some way, linked to the abuse he suffered in the past. However, it might also be ... (read in full...)
Is it a game or is she genuinely interested?
Q. a female work colleague who I got on well with, left the company I work for, to go to university. we speak now and then on facebook, and she is good at getting back to me, surprisingly. when I last messaged, I didn’t get a reply, not that I was ...
A. 2 January 2022: I have to ask, what on earth do you post on your Facebook page that you are so worried about co-workers finding out? Remember Facebook is a PUBLIC forum and be careful what you share. ... (read in full...)
She hasn't responded to a recent Facebook message. Have I done something wrong?
Q. here’s how it goes. I work for a company that deals in computers, I enjoy what I do and have made friends from it. the job is okay, nothing special about it, a jobs a job as they say. I found out a work colleague is leaving the company after ma...
A. 2 January 2022: How "recently" did you message her? If it was in the last couple of weeks, then you need to cut her some slack. It is the holiday period and people's lives are usually busy and disorganized during that period.
I have lost count of the number o... (read in full...)
How do I approach him about the question he wants to ask me?
Q. Hey everyone, I need some help, this might be a long one sorry! So I’ve met this boy online (Tinder) probably about 6/7 weeks ago now / Start of November last year. We have been talking every single day since then. He’s stayed at mine multiple times ...
A. 2 January 2022: He's stayed at yours but you haven't even been to his (I assume, as you don't mention it). Why is that? In your shoes, I would be suspicious. You only have his word for it that he has told his family about "seeing someone"
So he messaged you, whi... (read in full...)
I don't know what to do about a manipulative close friend
Q. I have recently discovered that one of my closest friends is a liar and a manipulator; there really isn’t another word for it. In the past 6-7 I’ve had some doubts here and there, but never got a clear confirmation. Until now. I’ve known her...
A. 1 January 2022: I only have one piece of advice: remember this is not about YOU but about HER. Whatever she did was primarily to shore up the stories (lies) she had concocted and to keep up the pretense. I doubt any of it was because she hates/d you. Don't take it ... (read in full...)
My husbands stays out all night with his younger single friends
Q. Hello aunts and uncles My husband goes out with his buddies until 5 or 6 am and feels I have a problem by mentioning it. It disturbs me a married man behaving this way. Most of his friends are younger and single. Don't I have the right...
A. 1 January 2022: How often does he do this? Is it an occasional occurrence, say for a special occasion, or a regular event? If the former, then I would advise cutting him some slack. He will want to stay out with his friends occasionally. If the latter, then that is ... (read in full...)
Was I love bombed?
Q. Was I love bombed? So I've known this guy for the past 5 years. He lives in another state and we only see each other every other year. We were fwb and he was never very affectionate towards me, but during our recent encounter, he was showerin...
A. 30 December 2021: I suspect one of his other women probably dumped him unexpectedly and he used you as a comfort blanket. However, he swiftly got cold feet, so had to put you "in your place", so to speak, by telling you that you were not the only woman in his life. ... (read in full...)
Does she see things from my point of view
Q. I’ve been friends with a female who I have had a crush on, for many years. we both like each other but have never acted on our instincts. she told me she had a boyfriend, which I was disappointed by. I told her that I have a crush on her and she ...
A. 29 December 2021: "Cute" can mean anything we wish it to mean. It can mean "it's hilarious that you think you have a chance with me" or it can mean "I'm flattered, but no thanks" or anything in between. I doubt it is ever used to mean "I am going to dump my boyfriend ... (read in full...)
Left out and not included
Q. a couple of years ago, I joined a working mens club and at first everything seemed to be okay and people were wanting to play snooker with me. as the months have passed, not a single person wants to play a game and I’m always on the sidelines. they ...
A. 29 December 2021: Working men's clubs are generally easy going and relaxed. If you are competitive when you play snooker - and also quite good - then perhaps this is not the best environment for you. Nobody likes to play with someone who is in a completely different ... (read in full...)
Why did she contact me sfter telling me not to contact her
Q. This is an odd situation. I got dumped by this girl, and saying that we’re not on speaking terms goes without saying. She tells me to "No longer contact her for ANY reasons." So, I honour that fully. Now, strange thing is, she, for some oddball ...
A. 29 December 2021: It all sounds rather strange and, frankly, I have no desire to pry further and ask any questions, except WHY is it so difficult for you to ignore this message, even all this time later? If you answer, she still has control over you. Take back ... (read in full...)
What would best advice for this situation?
Q. I have a question in relation to a situation that I am writing for one of my fictional characters. It’s somewhat bizarre, but… yeah. So, the character (Let’s call him Moe) is 10 years of age, and he has a sweetheart-like female friend (Daughter...
A. 29 December 2021: This is YOUR story. Why are you asking for input from others? What do YOU think should happen? THAT is what is important. ... (read in full...)
If she does not like me why the friend request?
Q. hi aunts advice needed, I work at a warehouse processing materials for shirts and badges for football teams. there is a female at work who doesn’t seem to like me, either because I’m ugly or get on her nerves. I normally don’t do social media, b...
A. 29 December 2021: Speaking from experience, I know how easy it is to accidentally press the friend request button when snooping on someone's page. Not everyone knows you can cancel the friend request afterwards.
In your shoes I would have ignored the request ... (read in full...)
Guilt over avoiding depressed people
Q. Dear Agony Aunts/uncles, forgive me if I seem judgemental. I grew up with a depressed mother and a father who was avoidant and often would ignore my mother's contacts and according to her had some affairs. This would make her an anxious mess. We as ...
A. 25 December 2021: Your post rang so many bells with me, it could have been me writing it. I 100% understand what you mean and where you are coming from. You have put into words what I have been feeling for years.
Over the years, I have come to realize, and acce... (read in full...)
Do I have a valid reason to be upset with him?
Q. I started a LDR with a filipino man last year in September and we talk everyday and check up on each other, spend good time together. I came up with the idea to send our own cultural foods to each other. So he agreed, and I asked whether he was able ...
A. 25 December 2021: The problem with long distance relationships is that people can be very selective in what they reveal about themselves. That said, he has already revealed traits which disappoint you.
You KNOW this is not a "real" relationship. You are only in ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend and I haven't spoken in two weeks
Q. I have been with my partner over four years though we have had many ups and downs, primarily because I feel he doesn't want commitment. He says he is committed to me, wants no one else yet he doesn't want marriage and evades the topic of moving in ...
A. 24 December 2021: You need to decide whether this is a deal breaker for you. It sounds very much like it could be.
From your post it sounds like your boyfriend is happy with you as long as you don't demand anything "permanent" from him. As soon as you start ma... (read in full...)
I'm beginning to see my boyfriend as a free loader
Q. Free rider? My boyfriend of 8 months now seems like a free rider..tell me.if am mistaken I didn't notice anything until it was time to go on vacation. We went to Cancun and all but 500$ was paid with my points all inclusive. 500$ went on my credi...
A. 20 December 2021: It has only taken him 8 months to show his true self. He has money to go out with his friends and to spend on a new phone but not to pay you back? He is showing you - loud and clear - that you are not a priority to him. Treat him the same way and ... (read in full...)
Are things serious?
Q. My girlfriend kissed me in the cheek for the first time, and in school! Does this mean things got more serious?...
A. 20 December 2021: I guess that depends on what you mean by "more serious". More serious than what? Not kissing you on the cheek?
A kiss on the cheek is a sign of affection. Return the affection by kissing her on the cheek too (if you genuinely feel affectio... (read in full...)
Is this the end of Dear Cupid?
Q. Is this site reaching the end of its life? Not to say that I want it to be but are we actually providing a genuine service to anybody any more? Back in the "good old days" we'd have a couple of hundred questions posted every month. Now we do...
A. 20 December 2021: I've not been on this site as long as some, but I too have noticed a decline in the quality of the posts. And, like you, I also miss CindyCares.
I find it sad that there are often no new posts for days on end. I realize approving posts is down ... (read in full...)
How do I handle my controlling sister in law without damaging relationships?
Q. My husband and I have been married for almost seven years and together for almost 11. I've always had a good relationship with my in-laws...BUT. I have also always felt like I've had to tiptoe around his only sibling (a sister who is a year older ...
A. 19 December 2021: I was reading your post and searching for your sister-in-law's unacceptable behaviour. I am still searching. I did, however, find a few instances of YOUR behaviour falling far short of being "good".
I wonder, is there something else going on... (read in full...)
I feel used by my mother
Q. I left an abusive relationship a few years ago. I had to return my car because I couldn’t afford it. My mother gave away my dog while I was at work starting a new job. She claimed the dog tried to bite her. I had the dog for 6 years and she never ...
A. 16 December 2021: Sweetheart, nobody can make you feel guilty without your permission. Stop giving your mother permission to make you feel guilty - about ANYTHING.
You know you are a good person. You know you have treated your mother well. You know the way your... (read in full...)
I want to attend the winter dance with my crush
Q. I really like this guy at my school and want to go to the winter dance with this guy. He means a lot to me and so I really want to go this dance together and take our relationship to the next level. he is a really nice guy that i've been flirting...
A. 15 December 2021: Why be subtle. Fortune favours the brave. Be brave.
In a jokey way, say something like: "Heh, here's a thought: why don't you take me to the Winter dance?"
Good luck. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend isn't enough for me anymore
Q. My boyfriend is not enough for me anymore. I have always thought it wouldn’t matter that he’s short, cause he was in shape. Then, he got fat. Refuses to work out which I do. We don’t even look like a couple. Then he got grumpy. Is in weird angry ...
A. 15 December 2021: If your ex was so great, why are you not still with him? Our ex's are usually in the past for good reason and, with few exceptions, should be left there. You wouldn't re-read a book and expect a different ending, so why would you revisit a ... (read in full...)
I am in love with my sister
Q. Hi, please can I get advise, first no I’m not a troll, I’m genuinely after advise so if your not going to take me serious then don’t comment! I’m 33yo and I’m in love with my 38yo sister and have been for about 18 years, I’ve had serious relation...
A. 13 December 2021: I find it slightly odd that you state you are in love with your sister but the only reason you give for this is that she is "absolutely gorgeous" and that you find her "highly attractive". If you had said she is a good person, a kind person, an ... (read in full...)
I have fallen out of love with a good man
Q. This is hard to write about but I’m feeling incredibly conflicted on what to do and need advice. I’ve been married for 8 years (together for 12) and I’m no longer happy, I have fallen out of love with him. I feel we have grown apart and I...
A. 12 December 2021: Before you do anything final that you may regret, make sure you explore all avenues of help, like marriage counselling. Your husband sounds like a one in a million guy. He obviously loves you deeply and has proved himself over and over to be a solid ... (read in full...)
Can I get a date on facebook?
Q. To sum up briefly, about 3 years ago we met about 10 times as she was serving me at the postal service, we don't know each other, I think she was interested in me at the time but nothing happened, the only chance to meet her is to contact her on ...
A. 12 December 2021: Personally, as a female, I would find this sort of approach a bit "heavy" and creepy, especially if you misread the signals and she actually ISN'T interested in you.
May I suggest something along the lines of "Hi Natalie. Remember me? I met you ... (read in full...)
Why does my ex make everything so difficult ?
Q. I’m trying to make the best of things after splitting with my ex but she keeps making everything so difficult. I don’t understand what her problem is. We have a 15-month old son together so obviously need to stay in each other’s lives because ...
A. 11 December 2021: Your ex is acting up because she had a future mapped out in her mind which included you. Suddenly that was all ripped out from under her feet. She is hurting (and probably feeling lost, alone and vulnerable).
In an ideal world, children would on... (read in full...)
Why did I give in this time to his media request?
Q. Hi all, I need to vent about this. I had a secret “boyfriend” when I was young. He was my first everything. I’ll call him John. This was many years ago. I was 13, he was 17. I explored why in my 20s in therapy. My mother was an abusive person a...
A. 9 December 2021: On reading your post, my gut instinct was that these two things are related:
"I reminded him he had turned 18 and continued to seek me out which is illegal."
"He insisted we take some photos together and he said I’m putting my favorite one on ... (read in full...)
Do I just walk away?
Q. I’m feeling really undecided right now. I’m coming up to my 30th birthday. I have a good job, good friends and family. I have met an older man, 16 year age difference. He has a daughter 18 and a son 12 to one woman. No problems there. He has a 10 ...
A. 7 December 2021: You're 6 months into this relationship and already you feel like "walking away from it all". How will hanging in there make things any better? You are supposed to be in the "honeymoon" period of your relationship, the time when both parties pull out ... (read in full...)
I'm married and want to have sex with a man I work with
Q. I am married to wonderful man. We are white with two sons. Recently I have become infatuated with a black man at work. He is a polite and gentlemanly. I find myself thinking and fantasizeing about having sex with him. Is it wrong to have a ...
A. 7 December 2021: Really? The fact it would be inter-racial is what stands out for you? Not the fact you want to throw yourself at another man when you are married to - in your own words - "a wonderful man"? If he's so wonderful, perhaps the best thing you can do is ... (read in full...)
Is my husband playing me?
Q. Hello So, my husband and have been married approximately 4 years. He is from a different country, and we have been living apart until his visa gets approved. I don't believe it will happen because he can not even get a visiting visa (he is alwa...
A. 4 December 2021: Sweetheart, you already know the answer to your question. You are just looking for confirmation from others. Trust your own instincts. You know there is no future in this relationship. Why prolong the agony (and the expense)?
... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend just controlling or is he mentally ill?
Q. Hi friends. This topic is a hard one to discuss and I hope you can all help me. I'm at a desperate point in my life now where I need answers or some advice on which way to go next. Please don't see me as weak in anyway because I am not. I've been ...
A. 4 December 2021: So basically, as I understand your post, neither of you are happy with what you have in each other, but you are adamant to stay together. I have to ask, WHY?
Sweetheart, you can't change someone unless they are in nappies (and that is a very dif... (read in full...)
What is the big deal with losing your virginity at 16?
Q. I lost my virginity to my boyfriend a few weeks ago and I feel like my Mum and Dad are ashamed of me because of it. But I don’t understand why though. I really don’t see why it’s a big deal. I’ve been with my boyfriend since June, which I know isn’t ...
A. 4 December 2021: When you have a 16 year old daughter of your own, you will understand your parents' attitude. Until then, there is little point in trying to tell you anything because, at your age, you think you have it all figured out.
Stay safe.
... (read in full...)
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