Should I go to the wedding of an ex best friend that I can't stand?
Q. I have a friend, Pamela, from highschool that I haven't seen in years. She wasn't a real friend, when I was being bullied, she prefered to stay friends with them and even acted as if she wasn't that close to me, which hurt me and I'm glad I went to ...
A. 10 April 2022: I have to ask this: why can't you just say "no thanks" and walk away?
Going to someone's wedding is optional, not compulsory. We go to help them celebrate because they are family/friends and we have history with them. None of this applies ... (read in full...)
My parents refuse to accept me as their son
Q. Hello there! I'm 24 and transgender female-to-male (ftm). I've been questioning my gender since I was 16 (didn't know being trans was an option until then), and came out to them as trans, and therefore their son rather than their daughter, when I...
A. 10 April 2022: While I have no first hand knowledge of what YOU are going through, I think I can understand what your parents are going through. You seem to think you are the only one having a hard time here and that your parents are being deliberately obtuse in ... (read in full...)
She cancelled our first date because of who I follow on Instagram
Q. I'm 34 and she's 24. We matched on Tinder, eventually transitioned into Instagram, then started texting,and she let me know she prefers talking on the phone. I gave her a call, we talked for nearly 2 hours, finally set up our first date and I was ...
A. 10 April 2022: I find myself puzzled by many things these days, this post included. Isn't Tinder for casual hook-ups? Why would you bother finding out about each other's values, interests and/or beliefs if you are just interested in casual sex? Or are people using ... (read in full...)
Could my friend be toxic?
Q. I am a young 27 year old entrepreneur and my time at this point in my career is so important to me as I'll be launching my business in a few months. I am single and freshly out of a tumultuous 2 relationship with a narcissist so I have been tryi...
A. 9 April 2022: Sticking labels such as "toxic" on your "friend" is not going to help with anything. The important things here, from what I can surmise from your post, are that:
1. Your friend drains you emotionally. This is very important and should be taken ve... (read in full...)
My dad drove my car drunk
Q. My dad came to my area for a short vacation and is staying at my place. I have to work from home during the day so I let him borrow my car. Today he met up with a friend who works at a bar. The friend served him cocktails and then my dad drove home ...
A. 9 April 2022: There is absolutely NOTHING "funny" about putting the lives of others at risk by driving drunk. However, there is more at play here than a drink-driving incident. You are an independent adult; why are you tolerating physical and verbal abuse in your ... (read in full...)
Might she still have feelings for me?
Q. Me and my ex still talk. We still have feelings. She still has a reaction if she thinks I’m dating so I guess there’s a possibility we could get together. Only thing I found odd was, we were talking about babies and how she doesn’t want them yet and ...
A. 8 April 2022: NEVER confused jealousy/possessiveness with love/feelings. Her "reacting" to the idea of you dating someone else does NOT mean she wants you back, just that she doesn't want someone else to have you.
If she wanted to be with you, she would ha... (read in full...)
My boyfriend contacted his ex during a trip
Q. Hi DC Aunts and Uncles. I have come here for some advice. Maybe I myself already know the answer but I want to get some input from you. So my boyfriend of 2 mths went on a trip with his friends and just returned home. During his trip away he was...
A. 8 April 2022: The two months you have wasted on him is not your fault because you were not to know what he told you was not honest. Now you know the full truth, any further time you waste on him is all down to YOU.
Life's too short to be with someone who want... (read in full...)
How can I negotiate us back to friends?
Q. I really wasn't sure how I was going to write this but I know this was a mistake that I wish I thought more about. I met a man from the Philippines online through a game we played together, we chatted on and off throughout the game and we beca...
A. 27 March 2022: Sadly you two have completely different agendas for your relationship and I doubt there is any way you can reach a compromise. The fact that he doesn't listen to you and insists on seeing things HIS way, and his way ONLY, would ring alarm bells with ... (read in full...)
My long term boyfriend doesn't want anything serious
Q. Hi, aunts! So, my boyfriend of five years has been playing hot and cold with me for a while now. At first he was pretty interested but never showed any interest in getting married. He never talks unless I am the one calling or texting him and ...
A. 21 March 2022: Your "boyfriend" - I use that term VERY loosely - not only doesn't see a future with you but doesn't care if you are with him or not. I have a question for YOU: why do you not think you are worth more?
It doesn't matter that YOU want to be with ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend's family are furious with us for having sex
Q. Okay, so l am a black male who lives in Windsor Ontario, Canada. l have been with my girlfriend (who is white) for quite a while now and we decided to take our relationship to the next step, we got intimate when l came over to her house. It all...
A. 21 March 2022: You are obviously trying to make out this is about race or colour, otherwise why would you mention that you are black and your girlfriend is white? This has nothing to do with what colour your skin is or what race you are. This is about young kids ... (read in full...)
Teenaged Son got his girlfriend pregnant and its amess
Q. My son is 17 and got his girlfriend, who's 16, pregnant. They'd been dating for 2 months, since restrictions on COVID were partially lifted in our state. Well, I say girlfriend, but my son's heartbroken after his girlfriend told him she ...
A. 20 March 2022: Wow! That's a lot for ANYONE to take in, let alone a 17 year old boy.
First and foremost, stay calm. Your son needs his parents to guide him through this. Whatever your feelings about it all, you need to be strong and be there for your son.
... (read in full...)
My mother is pushing religious education on my baby
Q. I’m a new mom, just had a baby three months ago. My parents are evangelical Christians, and I was raised in church (speaking in tongues at age 8, that was me)! But I grew up to be agnostic and I want to raise my daughter to be a critical thinker ...
A. 19 March 2022: Oh sweetheart, I feel your confusion and just want to hug you. Sending virtual hugs.
Like you (I suspect), I have no objection to God but I do have a great skepticism (that word again!) of what I term as "organised religion". I was raised R... (read in full...)
I'm pressured by colleagues for wearing a Covid mask
Q. I live in a country that is still very much affected by the covid. Our government has decided for POLITICAL reasons to remove all measures (the elections are around the corner), including wearing masks when inside at work. Nothing has changed, we ...
A. 19 March 2022: Call me cynical but I can't help but wonder why we have suddenly had TWO posts about covid when we have not had any for a while. The cynic wonders whether this is just another way of certain individuals trying to keep covid in people's minds instead ... (read in full...)
My husband has become overly fearful of Covid
Q. My partner has become more fearful of COVID now than during the lockdowns; we had three here in England, a fourth one didn't happen. He keeps getting agitated about even having to go out, doesn't want to go to a meal we'd been invited to, fear...
A. 19 March 2022: Firstly, let me say I am really sorry you are going through this. It must be very difficult for you.
This is not a case of being right or wrong. Everyone has been affected differently by the whole covid circus. You have kept your head and take... (read in full...)
My friend always seems to land on her feet
Q. Okay so I expect there will be judgement my way on this but the subject I'm writing in about it really bothering me. I know a woman for over thirty years since we was seventeen years old, I guess in those years I would say a friend. I'm not ...
A. 17 March 2022: You do realize that what goes on in her life has no bearing on YOUR life? If she died tomorrow, nothing would change in your life. Your two lives are not mutually exclusive. You can both do well, or badly, or anywhere in between. Would your life be ... (read in full...)
Why is the instructor acting weird now?
Q. Hi, so I have a strange problem which is not exactly something to do with love... I've been going to this Zumba class for a few months now and the instructor is a nice young guy who everyone is crazy for. I have to admit, I even had a crush on him ...
A. 16 March 2022: When did you become "unmarried"? Only a matter of weeks ago, you were happily married.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/happily-married-but-attracted-to-the-zumba-instructor.html
... (read in full...)
Is my straight friend flirting with me or is she just joking?
Q. Curious for some opinions here. I'm an out gay female. A new girl started working at my job recently. She's roughly my age and straight. Seemingly the boy-crazy type of straight. Never been with a woman before. Which is what is so confusing to me ...
A. 16 March 2022: As with all "what is their game?" posts, we can only guess at what might be going on here. Even then, given the complexities of human nature, we may all be totally off the mark. Even if we knew you and/or your friend, we could still be completely ... (read in full...)
Baby mom won’t leave him alone!
Q. His baby mom won’t leave him alone. His baby mother told him she will never allow him to happily be with someone else and has been tormenting us ever since. She’s in another country. What I’m upset is about the fact that I have given 200 p...
A. 11 March 2022: Well, as you are not going to leave him anytime soon - because you "love him" - you need to try to make the best of the situation.
You - and he - can't control the actions of others. The only thing over which you have control is how you react to... (read in full...)
Should I be suspicious of his reason for standing me up?
Q. Should I be suspicious? I had a date set for Friday. Then I never hear from him until Sunday night. He claims his coworker has a stroke and was busy with that. I said sorry to hear it but declined to reschedule. Now I’m the bad guy. I don’t see how ...
A. 10 March 2022: Trust your gut instinct. You have one for good reason.
Whether his colleague had a stroke or not, he could have messaged you, before or after the date time, to tell you. It takes seconds to send someone a text. Blanking you for 2 days is bad mann... (read in full...)
I got drunk and accused my friends of things they say did not happen
Q. So I have a friend, let's call her D. She's somewhat of a new friend, and we actually stopped talking for a couple of months because I lent her money and asked for it back the day she said she'd pay me and she told me to go to hell. Last week, she...
A. 9 March 2022: She's not your friend. A friend would not be getting touchy feely with your boyfriend on the dancefloor (it takes two - she could have moved away and stopped him IF she had wanted to). A friend would have been worried about you being alone ... (read in full...)
It's been so many years and this guy still continues to pursue me.
Q. I met this guy in 2014 at an academic international conference. We were both representing our country in our respective disciplines. I was in a deadbeat relationship at that time and this guy was married. We hit it off really well and at time at ...
A. 8 March 2022: Tell him, point blank, that you are happily married and do not think it would be a good idea to meet up with him, as you two would have different agendas for the meeting.
To be honest, in your shoes I would have cut contact with him after th... (read in full...)
Wife had a secret hysterectomy
Q. Wife and I have been married for years. For years we (or I) tried to impregnate my wife. After many Dr. Visits to see if it was me, wife claimed it was her. We went on with life. Few months ago I was going through papers I found on a closet. ...
A. 6 March 2022: Seriously, dude? You would have needed to have been away from your wife for weeks not to notice something wrong.
I suspect one of two things is going on here:
- EITHER you had the thought - or someone else planted the thought in your head - t... (read in full...)
He doesn't have a job. what should I do?
Q. I need some relationship help? My fiancé and I have been together going on 6 years. He proposed to me when we were together only 6 months but I wanted to wait to get married to see how things would play out because I was in a previous relationsh...
A. 5 March 2022: So, let me get this straight . . . You stay with a man who mooches off you and refuses to take responsibility for himself because he is good looking and you would be jealous if you saw him with another woman? Sister, you should feel SORRY for the ... (read in full...)
Do you think I was unfair?
Q. I recently had a break down in a relationship and am struggling with feelings of guilt and regret, I am 64 and my "boy"friend was same age. He was in rented lovely cottage in great location but very expensive, he had lost his property previous...
A. 3 March 2022: Reading your post, I suspect I know why his ex wife divorced him. Thank goodness you kept your wits about you and didn't do as he demanded of you.
... (read in full...)
Is it worth being alone for decades?
Q. Hi everyone To keep a long story short, I’ve fallen for a man who’s wonderful and makes me happy. He is 20 years older than me. I am not worried about the happiness factor DURING the relationship, I’m more concerned about him dying 20 yea...
A. 3 March 2022: So, let me get this right . . .
Just in case he dies before you and you don't manage to find anyone else, you will give you happiness NOW?
What a strange way of thinking. Tomorrow is not guaranteed for anyone, regardless of age. The only th... (read in full...)
I still think of my former lover
Q. I had an affair that I ended nearly three years ago. I don’t need to be lectured on my poor choices - nor do I justify them, but there are many layers to the complete story. On a positive note, my husband and I have made tremendous progress in our ...
A. 28 February 2022: Unless you have a lobotomy, you will probably always remember this man, regardless of the fact this affair could have cost you your marriage. You are very lucky that your husband has the capacity to forgive and to work at repairing your marriage. If ... (read in full...)
Practical joker or potential stalker
Q. Dear Cupid Does anyone have any experience of a married man who might try to cause havoc in a woman's life if she rejects his advances, and would this be just a case of spite or is evidence of some kind of stalking? I am single and have been talkin...
A. 28 February 2022: You have no proof that he is actually behind the unwanted mail and attention. These events could be complete coincidence. After all, most of us receive unwanted mail and unrequested attention from time to time. Even if he IS the culprit, we could ... (read in full...)
Dont know whenever to end this relationship cuae of his anger issues
Q. The past couple of days he was all over me with cuddles and kisses and affection today he was was cold he talks behind my back and he's a completely different person . Only.yesterday we was talking of marriage and future . Only yesterday we was...
A. 26 February 2022: Like WiseOwlE, I too got part way through your post and realized it was just a vent and that it is pointless telling you to leave this man because you are not ready to do so. You think you can "fix" him. Sweetheart, if you don't take notice of ... (read in full...)
Female porn star has taken a shine to me
Q. since I have broken up with my girlfriend, I’ve been feeling lonely and a bit lost of late. was on facebook the other day and came across this lady who is from los angles. she’s really beautiful and we immediately became friends on facebook. she ...
A. 26 February 2022: Oh dear. Are you really so gullible and naive in your 30s? Or is this a fantasy you think would be fun to tease us with? I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume it is realm, in which case every bit of your post screams SCAM! You ... (read in full...)
Female friend / colleague blanks me outside of work
Q. A girl started working for me a couple of years ago and we hit it off instantly. We had a similar sense of humour and although she is a bit socially awkward (by her own admission), we just seemed to get each other and enjoyed each other's ...
A. 26 February 2022: Have you asked your partner what their views are on this? You don't have to be physically/sexually involved with someone to drain energy from your main relationship - and that, my friend, is what is termed as an "affair".
None of us can guess wh... (read in full...)
Happily married but attracted to the Zumba instructor
Q. Hi, so I'm in an uncomfortable situation because I'm married and I do love my husband very much, but I have developed a crush on someone else. My husband and I have been married for 7 years now and we still love each other so much. We have both ...
A. 25 February 2022: Being in a relationship, even a good one, does not stop us being attracted to other people or appreciating them. What we choose to DO about that attraction is, however, what defines our moral compass. You can't help admiring someone or feeling ... (read in full...)
My husband sees nothing wrong with prostitution
Q. Hubby and I were chatting. We watched a program and it featured a prostitute. I asked if he would condemn a woman for her past if she was a prostitute before he met her. He said no he would not. He said if it was in her past and she no longer does ...
A. 25 February 2022: Wow! Easy to tell you have never been in a desperate situation in your life, where you have had to do something you didn't want to do to survive. Do you think women CHOOSE to be prostitutes? Do you think they do it because they enjoy being groped ... (read in full...)
How To Move Forward After a Toxic Relationship
Q. I think I may be trauma bonded to my ex and I am trying to get the heck over myself. How do I do this? This was a relationship that grew out of the pandemic and still feels so big to me. Everything I experienced in this was on another level. I wa...
A. 23 February 2022: When you are eventually truly over this guy, you will come out the other end a much stronger and wiser person. You fell for him badly. You now understand how manipulative people can be. Equally you understand how someone can get sucked into a ... (read in full...)
The barmaid has accused me of harassment
Q. I normally like to go down to a working mens club and play snooker with some of the members, sometimes they want to play other times they do not or can’t be bothered. anyway I’ll try not to make this long and try to make it sound as though it makes...
A. 20 February 2022: Sounds like the same poster.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/should-i-sue-the-work-colleague-for-libel.html
... (read in full...)
I'm afraid of the Covid vaccine
Q. I'm so scared, as my partner and parents have taken the vaccine. I wondered if anyone has had any luck convincing loved ones not to get boosters? If so, I would love to know how you were able to do that? I'm so scared of losing everyone I l...
A. 19 February 2022: To the anonymous male reader whose father died (doesn't state whether it was FROM Covid or WITH Covid): while I am very sorry for your loss, I would like to know how you were privy to confidential medical information about all the other patients on ... (read in full...)
Should I set my dad up with one of my friends?
Q. One of my girl friends has fancied my Dad forever even when he was married hence making my Mom jealous. Now my Moms passed should I set them up? If so then how? ;-) ...
A. 19 February 2022: They're both adults. Leave them to sort out their own dating. ... (read in full...)
My partner blames me for ruining his 30 year friendship
Q. Got a problem and could use some objective advice. I am in a long term relationship. My partner and I broke up about 3 years ago. I was feeling torn apart and upset after the break up and I became vindictive as a result. I cannot say I am proud of ...
A. 19 February 2022: Before I move onto your post per se, I want you to do something. Take a spotless unblemished sheet of paper and examine it closely. Now screw up that piece of paper into a ball as tight as you can. When you have done that, straighten out the paper ... (read in full...)
I'm afraid of the Covid vaccine
Q. I'm so scared, as my partner and parents have taken the vaccine. I wondered if anyone has had any luck convincing loved ones not to get boosters? If so, I would love to know how you were able to do that? I'm so scared of losing everyone I l...
A. 18 February 2022: All you can do is plant seeds and hope something grows. They have a right to make decisions about their own bodies, regardless of whether you agree or not, just as you have a right to decline this experimental treatment. Yes, it is still ... (read in full...)
The barmaid has accused me of harassment
Q. I normally like to go down to a working mens club and play snooker with some of the members, sometimes they want to play other times they do not or can’t be bothered. anyway I’ll try not to make this long and try to make it sound as though it makes...
A. 18 February 2022: Wow! What a lovely person you are! NOT!
You are angry, bitter, entitled and have zero respect for anyone. You refer to them as "some old fart", "an oink of a family", "as rough as a butchers dog" or "a couch potato who sits on his backside... (read in full...)
Keen to hear your take on my weirdo neighbors!
Q. For anyone with an interest in psychology/human behavior, I'd LOVE to hear your opinions. I'm a sensitive person and usually have a pretty good gut instinct bout people. My new neighbors, a married 50's couple, put my stomach in knots! Firstl...
A. 17 February 2022: Perhaps the question you should be asking yourself is why are you so obsessed with your neighbors? For someone who professes "My partner and I are private, quiet people. We enjoy hanging out at home - live a quiet life. Not nosy.", I have to say you ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend isn't very considerate toward me
Q. *I want to apologise for the length of this post, but details are needed to explain the situation as best as possible* I have been dating my boyfriend for exactly two years and it has been a generally happy relationship. Despite the fact we got ...
A. 16 February 2022: You two have very different expectations of a relationship. He want someone who will look after you in certain situations, while your boyfriend is much more outgoing and expects his girlfriend to stand on her own two feet in social situations, ... (read in full...)
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