A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So, I married my partner of two years last weekend. His parents feel very strong about covid and the Vaccine. Before the vaccine was developed, I was allowed to be around his family. I chose to not get the vaccine and since then it has been so much drama. Ive had covid before my body treated it like it was a common cold. My body does not react well to shots growing up I always got the flu shot and I would get extremely sick for 2-3 weeks. I have several other reasons but I feel as if it is my body my choice. I am 28 years old I have a home and a great a job. My husbands parents banned me from their home, their RV, and their cabin. Which I respect completely I will not go near them at all because I am unvaccinated. But are they crossing the line. His dad called me a B*%#@!, selfish, and an idiot because I will not get the vaccine. It really hurt me and still does. His parents did not go to the wedding because I am not vaccinated. His parents stated that if we changed the venue to outdoors they would come. His parents paid for absolutely nothing. I told my partner no. I did not invite friends, distance relatives or co-workers just so his parents, sisters, and grandparents could attend. I only had my siblings and parents at my wedding just so they could go. I did not think it was fair that they tried to change the venue plus it rained that day. His grandparents flew up as well and did not want to attend the wedding or meet me because I was not vaccinated. No one in my husbands family went to the wedding. Am I the only ones who think his parents are controlling and being unfair? My parents never did this with me. I was a good kid, and my parents respect my adult hood.
View related questions:
co-worker, wedding Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Alwin  +, writes (13 September 2021):
 This goes to show that the experiments that demonstrated that "especially compliant (i.e., vaccinated) individuals showed less generosity toward nonvaccinated individuals" is true.
The conslusion was: "It is concluded that vaccination is a social contract in which cooperation is the morally right choice. Individuals act upon the social contract, and more so the stronger they perceive it as a moral obligation."
It's your right not to be vaccinated but with other diseases in the past, individuals needed to consider social welfare beyond momentanous disconfort, in this case the vaccine will only prevent you from dying or being seriously ill, so it's your own life in the line and everyone is free to die if they choose to.
I think they're right to avoid large gatherings because if they're old there are chances they may catch it and die even vaccinated so I wouldn't be attending a wedding if I were old either.
"Am I the only ones who think his parents are controlling and being unfair? My parents never did this with me. I was a good kid, and my parents respect my adult hood."
I don't think they're controlling ( I think they're RUDE, name calling is awful and I wouldn't associate with them even after the pandemic is over) they're doing what they think it's best for them to preserve their health, like you, but the manner they chose to do so is just very discourteous.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (12 September 2021):
 If you have already HAD Covid you have antibodies. The ones you get from the Covid shot degrades faster than the ones your body MADE when you first went through Covid.
* reference:
https://www.nature.com/articles/d41586-021-01442-9
* https://www.nih.gov/news-events/nih-research-matters/lasting-immunity-found-after-recovery-covid-19
You have EVERY right to CHOOSE to get or NOT get the vaccine.
From what I have read you are NOT more likely to get or pass on Covid if you have NOT had the shot.
I have no ill will towards the vaccine. MY kids have all gotten it. I have not. I had Covid in Feb/Mar and it was nasty. Still haven't gotten my sense of taste and smell back. I might never get it back.
Anaphylaxis after COVID-19 is possible. BUT rare.
Thrombosis with thrombocytopenia syndrome (TTS) is possible but again, rare.
Myocarditis and pericarditis after COVID-19 vaccination can also happen, but are also rare.
However, recent reports indicate a plausible causal relationship between the J&J/Janssen COVID-19 Vaccine and TTS, a rare and serious adverse event—blood clots with low platelets—which has caused deaths.
* https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/vaccines/safety/adverse-events.html
I think if you have NEVER had Covid, are in the group that is vulnerable to the symptoms/side effects of Covid, getting the shot MIGHT be a good idea. BUT it is ENTIRELY up to EACH individual. IMHO.
People have made the vaccine political. Which is a shame. It shouldn't BE about politics. Politics and money. Hence why there is now talk of SEVERAL boosters.
I think your inlaws are idiots.
YOU getting the vaccine WILL NOT protect them. It MIGHT lower the effects of Covid (should you get it) on you and that is about it. I'm guessing they believe what they hear, they haven't talked to a doctor about it or read up on the subject.
Some people like to put it out there that it's a vaccine like the one you get for Polio or Rubella. It's not. It's more like the vaccine you get for the flu. It can make you sicker than the actual flu. It doesn't necessarily protect you from the flu. It all depends on the variation/mutation that is out there.
With all that said. HOW is your husband handling this?
Is HE OK with it all?
Are YOU and your husband doing good (despite his parents' drama)?
If you are, keep on trucking, move forward, build your life together.
Just like YOU have to right to make decisions about YOUR body, so do they. And if they CHOOSE to exclude you, that is THEIR choice and... THEIR loss.
I'm sorry your husband didn't have anyone from his side there, but that was THEIR choice.
You and your husband focus on your life together and the future. Don't make this drama the focus.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2021): It is up to you, of course, whether you have the vaccine or not and up to his parents whether or not they wish to attend. Insulting you is not ok however and trying to make you have it is not on.
They are obviously very scared of the virus and if they are in a vulnerable group they could still become ill and die even with the vaccine, so I understand their fear also.
I, like you, am not a vaccine fan and have been ill upon receiving one before (when going abroad) and my parents were very ill after their first flu jab. They never had a second flu jab. With Covid however, I felt that if we didn't get vaccinated, the hospitals would be overrun, people needing other treatments would be unable to get what they needed (cancer treatments etc) and that if we wanted to return to a normal life in any way, then the vaccine is the only way out. I had it, was very poorly for a week and was scared about getting the second one. I had it though and was 100% fine. I now feel confident that if I get the virus (which is still possible) I will probably not get seriously ill and need hospitalising. The whole point of the vaccine in my opinion, is so that we can protect the hospitals from being overrun and the hospital staff from exposure to the virus and exhaustion and so we can have some hope of returning to a normal life.
I have returned to dancing, obviously a very social, close contact thing to do and we have to all prove that we have been double jabbed and/or do a lateral flow test before we attend. I won't attend the few dances where these requirements aren't mandatory, because although I feel protected from serious illness from the virus, I could still get it and get ill, getting close to people with the virus and I don't want to catch it if I can help it.
If your parents-in-law are in a vulnerable group and could get very ill and die from contracting the virus, I can understand their feelings (not insulting you, however) and they did make the concession of attending if it was outside, which can still be scary for some 'at risk' people. This virus is terrifying if you catch it and can't fight it and end up fighting for breath.
I can also understand your feelings about not wanting the vaccine. It is undertested and vaccines have a 'dark side' as I call it. I know people who have permanently suffered as a result of vaccines and I have always tried to stay away from them.
This covid virus however, scares me more than a vaccine does and although I was ill, I am so glad I did it. Yes, you can still catch the virus, but chances of survival are greatly increased if you are vaccinated and chances of contracting long covid, much diminished. Poor hospital staff are also not so exhausted and mentally traumatised by witnessing so much death.
When I was ill after the vaccine, I could only imagine how much worse it would be to catch it, if that's what a tiny dose of it can do to you.
I wish you well, hope you keep safe and try to understand what an emotive and scary subject this is. No-one can advise a single person what to do, because no-one knows what your personal reaction to the vaccine or to the virus will be. The vaccine is a gamble, BUT so is attending events where there are unvaccinated people for more elderly and vulnerable people.
I think a lot of the emotions of your in laws stem from fear rather than from fact, but you can't blame them for that. They were worried about catching it, even if they would probably not get hospitalised now they have the vaccine and they were angry about not being able (in their minds) to attend their son's wedding.
Facts can abound on this subject and depending on their source, the 'facts' can contradict each other. We can only make up our own minds and let others make up theirs. One person's opinions are as valid as the next and your parent's in law son's wedding was an emotive subject for them.
This horrid virus and situation has made it possible to pitch people against each other and as consequences are high, yours won't be the last falling out over this.
Try to forgive them in your heart and mind. They were scared and angry they couldn't see their son get married. We ALL have our weak/blind spots.
Have a happy marriage and I hope that one day, when this virus is further behind us, you will be able to reconcile.
...............................
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (12 September 2021):
 I am so sorry you are being treated in this way. Sadly this covid circus is splitting people and setting them against each other, even family members (as you have witnessed).
I have a number of problems with how your in-laws are acting. Excuse the long response. I already know not everyone will agree with me, but this is MY belief and all the information is out there if people actually want to find it.
1. Everyone has a right to decide for themselves what they swallow/apply/inject into their own body. That is called medical freedom. You, in particular, seem to have very good reason for NOT taking the vaccine (which isn't really a vaccine, but more about that later), given your previous record of vaccines making you poorly. In addition, if you have had the covid bug already, your own immune system will recognize it if it comes into contact with it again and will fight it. That is the way immune systems work. So many people seem to have forgotten they have one. Stay healthy and get plenty of vitamin C and D to make sure your immune system is in the best condition possible.
2. It puzzles me when vaccinated people insist everyone else should be vaccinated otherwise their vaccine won't work. Either their vaccine works or it doesn't. If it does, then surely they should consider themselves "safe". If it doesn't, then why should ANYONE take it? It just does not make any sense to anyone who thinks logically. Sadly a lot of people have lost the ability to think critically or logically. Fear is a very powerful emotion and it is driving many people's thinking at the moment. All they seem to believe is what is on their tv screens.
3. Do your in-laws not go out ANYWHERE where they have contact with people? Unless they have totally isolated themselves, then they must come in contact with people who have not been vaccinated. After all, these people are (not yet) "marked" in any way to identify them. Why do they consider that ok but not attending their own son's wedding? They are just drama queens and attention seekers and, yes, control freaks.
4. Some of these "vaccines" are not actual vaccines. By the manufacturers' own admission, they neither stop you getting covid nor spreading it if you have it. All they claim is that, IF you get it, it will help you fight it. So it is actually a TREATMENT, not a vaccine. How many other diseases do you know where you take a treatment "in case" you get the disease? There are tried and tested treatments available for covid if you do your research.
4. None of the "vaccines" have had adequate testing. They are all experimental until at least 2023, so anyone taking them is effectively a lab rat. That is why the manufacturers are not liable for any possible side effects (of which death is listed as one) which people may suffer as a consequence. That is fine if you volunteer for that but no way can you insist on others doing it too.
5. In the limited lab experiments carried out on some of these new experimental biological treatments, they used ferrets to see what would happen when, after receiving the jabs, they came into contact with the covid virus. The ferrets' immune systems went into overdrive when this happened and they all died. Despite this the new drugs were brought to the market.
6. Considering 99%+ of people who contracted the virus recovered, why do we need everyone to be vaccinated? Someone in your age group is at minimal risk of death from covid. In fact, you are probably more at risk from side effects from the vaccine, especially given your medical history.
7. How selfish of your in-laws to expect you to put YOUR health at risk because they believe, by taking the jab, you will be protecting theirs. And yet YOU are the one being labelled selfish. Ironic.
Sorry, bit of a rant, but people like your in-laws get my goat. I know this is a very controversial subject, but proof of all I have said can be found if you look for it. Google is heavily censored; try search engines like DuckDuckGo and look for World Doctors Alliance and, in particular, doctors like Mike Yeadon and Dolores Cahill if you want to do some of your own research. If not, that is fine. You have a right to decide what medical treatments you allow to be carried out on YOUR body, regardless of your reasons. What a shame your in-laws are incapable of understanding and appreciating that.
Concentrate on your marriage and let your in-laws do their own thing. I wish you much health and happiness.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2021): There is a lot of me, me , and more me here. You say you respect their choice. You say that you stayed away because of. But then you try to impose your choice on them.
They have a choice too. They chose to be safe. Good for them. You were the one who was being controlling. As for them paying for the wedding - are you for real? As an adult it is normal to pay yourself, especially if it is all to suit you and the other people will not even be there.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2021): They cross the line if they call you names , which they never should do regardless.As for not attending your weddibg,instead,I think they were perfectly legitimated to make that decision."Your body your choice " is a principle that is not just valid for yourself, but for everybody.If they have chosen to not espose their biodiesel to the proximity of unvaccitaned people, they surely are entitled to do that and you should simply respect that.
...............................
|
