A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Can you aunts and uncles give me some advice on dating a man with kids? I’ve been dating a man for about two month, we both have a lot of work commitments due to the job we do so this gives little time to meet up. He also has two children to different partners and I understand he’s had them lot of late due to school holidays but he doesn’t really make me a priority. He’s always in contact with me and he tells me about his day and what he’s doing, even when he has the kids. I know his kids will come first and I wouldn’t want it any other way but where do I fit in? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, kenny  + ♥, writes (1 September 2021):
 This relationship is still very much in its infancy and you are asking where you fit in with him and his children.
He is doing his father duties as he should be doing, so you will of course fit in around holidays and work.
I don't know how old his children are, but this is going to be the situation for a long time to come. He is not going to change his plans, plans that have been implemented for a considerable amount of time for someone he has been seeing for a couple of months.
If your ok with this then stick around, maybe in a couple of years you might be a part of their lives.
If you expecting him to change things right now and make you first priority then you will be waiting a long time. Probably best you wish him well and find someone with less baggage.
A
female
reader, Alwin  +, writes (31 August 2021):
 If he's busy with work and kids he'll mainly dedicate his "spare" time to you, which is somewhat small, but if there's a will there's a way, right? If he really likes you he'll make time for you. 2 months is still early days, if he's being carefull because of his kids I understand but at the same time, the beggining of the relationship is generally the best part so if it's not good now the tendency is not toget better... suggest you seek men who will make you a priority and who have more time for you.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2021): I think you deserve his time and full attention; especially when you're starting a new relationship. You're not being selfish in this particular situation.
You need time to get acquainted, to delve into each-other's personalities, and to form an emotional and romantic bond between you. When he's spread so thin, everything is done on the run, in-between, or simply to touch-base. What kind of romance or relationship can you grow from that?
Then the fact he has children between different mothers. He wasn't responsible or committed enough to marry either of them; but he did father children with them. Darting between two kids living with different mothers, dealing with two exes, and their families; and then he has parents, maybe his own siblings, and family. Then he has his job(s). Lucky, if he has one well-paying full-time job that covers all his financial obligations.
Where do you fit in? Here and there. You can't conduct a real romance between two devices. He has to be there with you. You need something to build-on, a steady foundation; and he has to be available. Not be lent to you on borrowed-time.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (29 August 2021):
 It's only 2 months in so you don't really fit in at all. Meeting the kids should come much much later after there is an established relationship.
BUT if he doesn't really have time to spend time with you (in person) you can't really MAKE a working established relationship. You can't build a relationship based on solely texting and calling.
To me, it seems like he likes the IDEA of having a GF, having intimacy, and someone to talk to - but he doesn't have the time to invest and isn't willing to put in "too much" of an effort. (I say isn't willing - because if there is a will, people will find a way).
He has to be split 4 ways for now. Himself, #1 kid and #2 kid, and then the "extras" which includes his exes, family, friends, AND you. Which gives him very little time to invest in you.
Personally? I'd wish him well and look elsewhere. You will always be the last "man" on the totempole.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2021): You don't fit in.If he has a demanding job, and not a lot of free time,it's nirmal that he wants / he has to spend it with his kids.He can't make you feel like a priority,because,quite simply,you are not.It's not like he does this on purpose just to spite you- it's just how things work.You are not wrong in being a person who wants a reasonable amount of time and attention from her partner.It would not be wrong even if you were someone who wants a huge amount of time and attention.Each of us know what work for us in relationships, and each case is different.Unluckily, with thw kind of baggage this guy has got, he needs to date someone who is very busy or very independent or for whatever reason of hers is ok with minimal amounts ofvtime and attention and does not aspire to be a priority.
...............................
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (29 August 2021):
 You ask where you fit in. I would suspect you don't, not really.
You are someone he phones/messages at the end of the day so that he feels he has a girlfriend. That doesn't meet your needs, and why would it? How many times in the last 2 months have you actually had proper dates?
He could be a lovely guy but he does not have the time for a relationship at the moment. You need to let him concentrate on his job and his kids while you find yourself someone with less commitments.
If you do carry on seeing him, make sure you use reliable contraction. The situation will not be improved if he has 3 kids by 3 women, if you get what I am saying.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2021): You obviously wrote your post because you want to feel you're a priority in your partner's life. Why would you choose a guy with two kids and two different baby's mamas?
He has no time, because he has to work and pay child-support for two kids; and still support himself. Then he has to use all his spare time to give his kids love and quality time.
I think the writing is on the wall, and you have to face it.
The kids have to come first, and he can't make a day longer than 24 hours! He's spreading himself thin as it is.
...............................
|
