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I feel what qualifies me, is the fact that I enjoy helping others. I feel as I am giving advice in DearCupid, I learn more about myself and it is good therapy for me. I have learned to be more cautious and selective when it comes to relationships. Ive made big mistakes by dimissing the white lies and ignoring the red flags early on in a relationship. I kept choosing to follow my heart, but should have chose to trust my intuition, which I have discovered has been right every time.
I am much wiser now, and I'm not jumping into another relationship. I am giving myself time and finding that I am happier on my own. I someday hope to find that one good person that completes my life.
I am single and live in southern California. I work for the state as a secretary. I fish in my spare time, and spend my evenings at the lake having a campfire under the stars with good friends. I work out at the gym regularly, and not only am I becoming physically stronger, I am also mentally and emotionally stronger.
My newest love is ice hockey and am a big Long Beach Ice Dog fan.
I am addicted!
What makes me tick? Seeing people happy, especially when I know it was me who put a smile on their face.
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He could be 'the one' and I can't stop thinking about him but I don't think he's interested anymore
Q. I met this guy a few weeks ago, we exchanged info and talked twice in the past couple of weeks. I have this feeling he is 'the one' and I barely know him. Im pretty sure he doesnt feel the same exact way, but I still think he likes me. The first ...
A. 10 January 2006: If you really like him, you may need to take that chance, even if you discover he doesn't feel the same way. Not knowing is worse than knowing, I think you would agree. Maybe he feels the same way that you do, and will be happy you called. How are ... (read in full...)
My relationships only last a few weeks at the most. What can i do to improve my love life?
Q. im 18 and had many boyfriends but my relationships only seem to last a few weeks at most. i met a really nice lad and we spent a whole weekend together but out of the blue he dumped me over a text. what can i do to improve my love life?...
A. 7 January 2006: You never really know the person in the beginning. Try starting as friends and getting to know the guy. Really listen to what they are saying and observe them. Also, listen to what others are saying who know them well, like family and close ... (read in full...)
Someone please give me a speech that will help me win back my girlfriend!
Q. hi I am in dire need. I have been going out with this girl now for 1 year and four months. We have never been happier. I feel I have found my soulmate, but over the Christmas period we have been bad. We have recently broke up. It's like I have ...
A. 7 January 2006: If she says she doesn't want to get back until February, this gives you time to prepare your speech. When you do talk, let her be the first to do all the talking, and listen to what she has to say. This will be your clue as to what you will say ... (read in full...)
I know it wasn't cheating, but I can't get over the idea that my girlfriend had sex with her ex before we dated!
Q. I need help, over a seemingly stupid matter. In a nutshell, I'm in college and have been with my gf for almost 5 months now, yet I still can't get over the fact that a year ago she had a relationship with a guy for 3 and a half months and they had ...
A. 7 January 2006: I believe that hating someone is a waste of energy, and nobody is worth that emotion. Focus less on why she was with this other guy and more on all the good things about your relationship with your girlfriend.
You mentioned so many wonderfu... (read in full...)
We always had a marriage with no secrets...now he's out all night and not telling me where he's going! Please help.
Q. my husband and I had a very bad year and were recovering from our problems until he began his new job where apparently someone is very pushy and he considered having an affair. He is now asking for lots of space in lay mans terms he is going out ...
A. 7 January 2006: The only mystery behind this man is that he is cheating. He is playing you for a fool, causing you alot of headaches and does not deserve you. I wouldn't waste my time, health and happiness on him. He's just not worth it. Take care of yourself ... (read in full...)
During sex my boyfriend admitted to sex with another girl. He says "it's just sex", so it shouldn't bother me!
Q. My bf lives abroad and we only see each other every few weeks. I have just spent a wonderful Xmas with him and during sex he told me that he had sex with his former gf a few weeks previously. He says that he loves me but also that he sees no reason ...
A. 7 January 2006: Oh my, he told you during SEX that he slept with someone else? The only good thing I can say here is that he told you the truth. He obviously caused you alot of pain with little or no regards for your feelings. He seems to think that having sex ... (read in full...)
Why would me ex want me, instead of his fiancee? Maybe he still loves me?
Q. My first love of 7 yrs has been conversing with me on the phone; although he is engaged we still have a very good relationship. Since we broke up we have had sex a couple of times me knowing he has a soon to be wife. He called and told me that som...
A. 7 January 2006: Yes something is wrong with him. He is having sex with you when he is engaged to married, that is wrong. It's not fair to you or his bride to be. You love him enough to be happy for him and want the best for him, yet you are not included in his ... (read in full...)
The girl I love says I should forget her, because she has a boyfriend...
Q. I have been in love with this girl for so long now, since grade school. Now is the only time that I can say to her my true feelings, but she has a boy friend and now she wants me to forget about her. I've been waiting for her for a very long time...
A. 7 January 2006: I think you waited too long to tell her how you felt. Now that she has a boyfriend, she has told you to forget about her. Though I give you credit for waiting so long, you've waited long enough. My opinion is that you should move on.... (read in full...)
I can't get my son's father to leave off talking about sex! It leaves me feeling like a cheap whore!
Q. Ok I had dated this guy 13 years ago. We had a son who is now 12. We never had a relationship like being a family or anything. He married another women and pays child support and still sees his son. I slept with him after him and his wife split bu...
A. 7 January 2006: I wouldn't allow this slime ball to get away with these comments. He is seeing how far he can push you into having sex with him. Tell him that he needs to stop this type of behavior and that you only want to discuss matters concerning your son. ... (read in full...)
How can I come to terms with the fact that I am 'not' my husband's type?
Q. How do I come to accept that I am not my husbands 'type' and that he married me mostly for personality and connection. Although I know he loves me Im having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that the type of women he finds attractive are ...
A. 7 January 2006: You need to realize that you are beautiful, inside and out, and that beauty comes from within. What I'm saying is don't allow others to make you feel less than what you are. Love yourself and be happy with who you are.
Dont allow your husband ... (read in full...)
Her old boyfriend keeps texting my fiancee. It's irritating, because I plan to marry her!
Q. I live and work in London and have a relationship with a girl in Cebu with a view to marriage. I hope to come back later this year around August to get married. Problem is that her ex-boyfriend keeps on texting her and this causes me to get irri...
A. 7 January 2006: Have you told her how this makes you feel? If you make her aware that this is hurting you, and giving you doubts about the relationship, she should stop, out of respect for your feelings. I feel it is something she shouldn't be doing in the first ... (read in full...)
Things between us are going so well, I don't want to rush it and scare her off!
Q. hi. I recently met this girl. We spent the first two nights and days together and it was amazing. We are both very into each other but my confidence is low given that I ended a long relationship about a year ago. We always say that we real...
A. 7 January 2006: Since she already sounds into you, I think you have an even better chance of improving things between you by romancing her with flowers, etc. Girls love these type of gestures, with a guy that we adore.
The way that you get her to be your gir... (read in full...)
Is my flirting, chatting, emailing, girl's-home-visiting boyfriend, cheating?
Q. been with my boyfriend for 2 years, found some emails from him to another women he is doing a class with, there is alot of flirting in these emails, such as him saying how he finds her hot, there was also one email from her saying that she had a ...
A. 5 January 2006: As I hear your story, I sincerely feel for you. First thing I need to say, is that I hope you take care of yourself and your health. There are too many red flags with this guy. You cornered the litte rat, and now he is obviously squirming because ... (read in full...)
My husband asked me if he can sleep with other people..I am horrified! But I'm wondering am I being a prude?
Q. my husband asked me this week if he can sleep with other people and would i mind as our sex life has gone flat. we have been married for six years and together for eight. i was horrified now i wonder if im just being a prude? am i?...
A. 4 January 2006: I feel your husband should be open to suggestions to spice up your sex life, instead of running to someone else to fulfill his needs. His best solution to the problem stands before him, which is you, his wife. It seems to me his sexual desires ... (read in full...)
Feel free to add your thoughts!
Q. I just wanted to say a belated Happy New Year to all the people who visit this website, whether it's people asking for advice or the agony aunts who give it. The things being achieved on this site are amazing - I think it is the best site on the ...
A. 4 January 2006: Hello everyone,
I initially discovered this sight a few weeks ago,while searching for answers to my own problems, and somehow managed to make it to the top in rankings. I'm truly amazed and wanted to thank everyone! Im hooked and an am enjoying... (read in full...)
My husband cheated twice this last summer, but thinks I should be over it by now!
Q. I found out a few months ago that my husband of over a year cheated on me at least twice over the summer. I had moved out of our apartment but we sort of reconciled and he acted and talked as if we were back together. He went away on a trip and...
A. 4 January 2006: Your husband has no regards for how you feel. He is a user, a liar and a cheater. There is no limit as to how much time it will take you to heal and to forgive him, when, and if, you are able to do that. This man should be down on his hands and ... (read in full...)
I split with my gf of 4 years a couple weeks ago...now I want her back! She's unsure-what do I do?
Q. need advice,split up with my girl friend of 4 years 2 weeks ago, a decision we both made but i sugested it, all though it was very hard for me. but now i know how much i love her and want to get back with her. I have told her this but she is unsur...
A. 4 January 2006: It doesn't sound like you two were apart for too long, and a little break can be good for the relationship, but this sounds like it was something more permanent. Which in your case, made you realize how much you loved her. Was this split a mutual ... (read in full...)
He wants to give a new love interest a try at dating-but why doesn't he want to try with me?
Q. I've liked a guy friend of mine for quite some time. We've known each other for around 5 years now. I didn't really keep in touch with him after graduating, but he made an effort and we started meeting up again (more recently this year). He ...
A. 4 January 2006: If you are interested in more than friendship with him, let him know and ask him if he feels the same. It may jeopardize the friendship, so it has to be a risk you are willing to take.
He may be surprised, yet flattered by your interest... (read in full...)
Is my flirting, chatting, emailing, girl's-home-visiting boyfriend, cheating?
Q. been with my boyfriend for 2 years, found some emails from him to another women he is doing a class with, there is alot of flirting in these emails, such as him saying how he finds her hot, there was also one email from her saying that she had a ...
A. 4 January 2006: So he is using the "I need time to think" excuse. He is attempting to reverse the guilt on you so that you are less focused on him. He wants to make you feel bad for what you did by saying he is dissapointed in you, again taking the focus off of ... (read in full...)
He's not a man of his word but I love him and we are to be married! Help
Q. I'm not sure what to do. I have a fiance that simply doesn't do what he says he will do. Everything from huge issues like getting a job to small things like coming in for supper. We are supposed to be getting married this year, and I'm scared. He ...
A. 4 January 2006: Throughout your letter you sound fearful that he is not a man of his word. You describe him as irresponsible and unstable. Not very good marriage material to me. If you cannot communicate your concerns to him, I would think twice about a lifetime ... (read in full...)
He slept with me and someone else...should I feel hurt??
Q. I broke up with my boyfriend 7 months ago after a year together because i felt i did not love him anymore despite him being kind, caring and considerate. He adored me but i felt he was too nice. We had our ups and downs as friends since but recently ...
A. 3 January 2006: From what you say, he was in a relationship with her and sleeping with both of you, though he was truthful about the situation. You are right to feel hurt.
Since he told you it is you that he wants, it is your decision on how you feel in regar... (read in full...)
He slept with me and someone else...should I feel hurt??
Q. I broke up with my boyfriend 7 months ago after a year together because i felt i did not love him anymore despite him being kind, caring and considerate. He adored me but i felt he was too nice. We had our ups and downs as friends since but recently ...
A. 3 January 2006: From what you say, he was in a relationship with her and sleeping with both of you, though he was truthful about the situation. You are right to feel hurt.
Since he told you it is you that he wants, it is your decision on how you feel in regar... (read in full...)
I feel that I already know the answer, but still... The guy I want is already in a relationship!
Q. Hi there, I have a problem that I feel many people that I do ask only have one answer to. I am in love with a guy at work - a guy which is in a 5 year relationship. Of course, the only answer/advice I have had is to forget about it. As i intend ...
A. 3 January 2006: How do you know that its love? Maybe you see something you want that you cant have. I give you credit, you are choosing the right path by not acting on your attraction. There are way too many single guys out there for you to be dwelling on the ... (read in full...)
Should I tell him about my secret kiss?
Q. I have a boyfriend, but I recently kissed another guy at a party and feel terrible about it and really regret it. My boyfriend dosent know and I dont want him to find out, but I feel incredibly guilty. If I tell him there is no doubt that he will ...
A. 3 January 2006: I think you first need to forgive yourself, so that you dont carry around this incredible burden of guilt. You made a mistake, it was an innocent kiss, you regreted it, and you learned from it. If you tell your boyfriend, it will only make matters ... (read in full...)
Is my flirting, chatting, emailing, girl's-home-visiting boyfriend, cheating?
Q. been with my boyfriend for 2 years, found some emails from him to another women he is doing a class with, there is alot of flirting in these emails, such as him saying how he finds her hot, there was also one email from her saying that she had a ...
A. 3 January 2006: Not only is he lying, there is a good chance he is cheating, but is difficult to prove. If you confront him on the issue, his immediate reaction will be to deny it. He will make light of the entire scenario, so you will feel that you are making a ... (read in full...)
My longtime boyfriend doesn't appreciate that I love him like no one else can!
Q. I have known this guy for 5 years. We dated throughout the 7th grade until now off and on. I am a freshman in college and he is still a senior in high school but we still talk. I need advice because I feel like he is losing interest in me now, lik...
A. 2 January 2006: If you are sensing the relationship is becoming unstable, that is a pretty clear indication he is losing interest. You know you love him, you know you are a good thing for him, but you cannot make someone see what they dont want to see. He is ... (read in full...)
Should I date this girl while she still has issues with her ex?
Q. I have been talking to this girl for a few months now. We get on fine and as friends and she has agreed to go out. The trouble is when i first met her she was in a relationship up to last year. I have never asked the question when she did split from ...
A. 2 January 2006: You are doing the right thing by being patient and being her friend. She has been hurt and doesnt sound ready for another relationship. It is a good sign that she is not jumping into another one. She is giving herself time to heal. Let her decide ... (read in full...)
If I keep emailling, I might be flooding him, but I don't want him to think I'm not interested!
Q. I have been talking to this guy online for about the past two weeks. I email him like every other day and he usually writes back. I really, really like him. He is so different than anyone else I have ever met. The problem is I think I am scaring him ...
A. 2 January 2006: You said you are emailing him often and he usually writes back. So it seems you are writing him more often than he writes to you. I would give him a chance to write back, then give it a few days to reply to his letter. Not only are you possibly ... (read in full...)
What's with all his mixed messages? Is he playing mindgames with me?
Q. Dear Cupid, Me and a guy have been flirting for over 18 months now. I like him a lot but he really makes me angry sometimes, he only texts me very very occasionally, but when he does it is as if he really has the hots for me, and when I see h...
A. 2 January 2006: That is a long time to flirt without it going anywhere other than text messages and a few quick kisses. He is clearly a game player. You havent spent any quality time with this person and he hasnt even taken the time to get to know you. He sounds ... (read in full...)
My husband lied about ogling other women and now I wonder: is he lying about other important issues?
Q. When I met my husband I was honest and told him I couldn't handle a relationship with a guy who ogles other women. It wasn't until I was pregnant that he admitted he had lied and had been doing it A LOT! But then he told me he had changed. I forgav...
A. 1 January 2006: A leopard does not change his spots and neither will your man. He is attempting to pacify you by telling you he has changed. If you dont want to be with a man that checks out other women, it might be best for you to be single. All guys do it, its ... (read in full...)
Bored with my 5-month-old relationship. Any comments from readers?
Q. I've been in a relationship for 5 months now and I'm kind of getting bored. I don't get those butterflies anymore. I'm an indecisive person and she knows this but she still asks me questions to something I can't choose. Then when I decide to do ...
A. 1 January 2006: You have only been in the relationship for 5 months and already bored, not a good sign. It doesnt sound like you want to leave her.You should tell her what you said in your letter. It sounds like you two have a major lack of communication. She ... (read in full...)
The girl I love is engaged and needs time to decide to leave her fiance!
Q. I am in love with this girl. She is supposed to be getting married this summer to someone else. I just met her but it is love at first sight. She also feels very strongly about me or at least she tells me she does. She said that she needs time ...
A. 1 January 2006: I am sorry you are hurting, but you are allowing someone in your life who is not worth the pain. She has made her choice by staying engaged. She is being dishonest to her fiance and to you. Do you really want to waste your time on someone who is ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wants to get married and we love each other a lot, but I can't help dwelling on my past mistakes!
Q. Hi, I have been dating my boyfriend for over a year, and we went out and bought an engagement ring recently which we are both thrilled about. My problem is, I am disgusted at my past- who I have slept with, mistakes I have made, and subsequently...
A. 1 January 2006: You deserve a good life and you need to keep telling yourself that. As I read your letter, I saw a really good person, her heart is in the right place. I think we all have memories of past experiences we wish we could forget. But that is why we ... (read in full...)
My husband admitted that he's been seeing prostitutes, and I'm devastated!
Q. After 15 years together, I now find my husband has been using prostitutes/call girls on a regular basis. He tells me he still loves me,and is committed to me, and his two children. What he has with these women is "his private life" and does not ...
A. 1 January 2006: Of course you are devastated, you have every reason to be. Your husband does not know the meaning of love and commitment. When you love someone, you are faithful and truthful to them. There is no excuse for his behavior, yet he tries to ... (read in full...)
We've been engaged for a year, and it seems like all his friends and family hate me!
Q. I have been engaged to this guy for a little over a year now, and things between us are good, but when he moved here to live with me, since I own my home and I live about a hour away from his hometown, all his friends have been telling him he's ...
A. 31 December 2005: I wouldnt worry about what other people think. It sounds like his parents are meddling in your life because they dont have one. You are a threat to them. They probably despise the fact that their son left home to live with you.
If he truly lo... (read in full...)
I'm always the person who has to take the initiative with my relationship. Should I just break up?
Q. Should I break up with my boyfriend? He doesn't call me or talk to me at all. I usually have to push him to do stuff, like asking me to a dance. He's a great guy and I don't want to regret anything. I really do like him but our relationship is getti...
A. 31 December 2005: Why stay with someone who makes little effort and is boring you? There are many other guys out there who will call you and make the effort, if that is what you are looking for.
Usually, the answer is the in the question. You asked, "should ... (read in full...)
My friend's boyfriend hits on me whenever she's not around. I want to say something without hurting her!
Q. Hi, My problem is kind of simple, but how do I tell my friend that her boyfriend constantly hits on me when she isn't around? I don't want to tell her because I am afraid she won't believe me, but on the other hand I want her to know what he does. ...
A. 31 December 2005: You are in a sticky situation. But you sound like a loyal friend because you want to do the right thing by telling your friend what is going on. Most likely if you tell her, she may choose not to believe you. She will confront her boyfriend, and ... (read in full...)
She left me without an explanation and all I found was a text from some guy...
Q. My girlfriend has just split from me and I have no idea Why. We have been going out for 2.5 years and everything was going great. We had moved in together last March. We had everything we always wanted until last week when I found a text from a guy. ...
A. 31 December 2005: Thats the way it usually happens. Everything is fine, or so you think it is. Then the person you thought you knew so well, suddenly changes. Sometimes it is gradual, but there are usually signs we choose to ignore.
There wasnt enough in your ... (read in full...)
My girl walks all over me...
Q. my girlfriend never seems to stick to commitments with me when we plan to see each other, i'm always asking her "when is it best to see you" i'm always having to ask when i can see her next, and more often then not she never sticks to the plans and ...
A. 31 December 2005: She is neglecting and abusing the relationship with her ignorance. She has made a choice by choosing to be with her friends more often than being with you. What that means, is that she is not ready (for selfish reasons) to devote the time and ... (read in full...)
Why is dating so difficult for me, when it seems to natural to other guys?
Q. I am 39, tall and always smart dressed, and have got a good but dry sense of humour, but I find it almost impossible to find women. I have not had any sort of relationship for over 8 years. I am sick of girls who I do get to know keep saying "you...
A. 31 December 2005: I am single also. Please dont be offended, but this is my opinion about bars. Meat markets is what I call them. They are noisey and crowded for one. I stopped going to night clubs because I never walked out of those places with a positive ... (read in full...)
Did expressing my love for him scare him off? We spoke again but he still seems distant.
Q. Okay. I was the one who told her boyfriend that she loved him but didn't get the same in return. Well, just a small update. I talked to him last night. I gave in and called him first but he did call me back again last night. Anyway, I told him ...
A. 30 December 2005: Wow thanks for the update. I think that is great you are going to see each other. Telling him you loved him, Im sure makes you feel a bit vulnerable, but I feel you did the right thing. I see this date with him as a good sign. He cares enough to ... (read in full...)
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