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... Send *tarNews a private message | | | *tarNews's profile:Hello everyone!
I feel what qualifies me, is the fact that I enjoy helping others. I feel as I am giving advice in DearCupid, I learn more about myself and it is good therapy for me. I have learned to be more cautious and selective when it comes to relationships. Ive made big mistakes by dimissing the white lies and ignoring the red flags early on in a relationship. I kept choosing to follow my heart, but should have chose to trust my intuition, which I have discovered has been right every time.
I am much wiser now, and I'm not jumping into another relationship. I am giving myself time and finding that I am happier on my own. I someday hope to find that one good person that completes my life.
I am single and live in southern California. I work for the state as a secretary. I fish in my spare time, and spend my evenings at the lake having a campfire under the stars with good friends. I work out at the gym regularly, and not only am I becoming physically stronger, I am also mentally and emotionally stronger.
My newest love is ice hockey and am a big Long Beach Ice Dog fan.
I am addicted!
What makes me tick? Seeing people happy, especially when I know it was me who put a smile on their face.
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Did expressing my love for him scare him off? We spoke again but he still seems distant.
Q. Okay. I was the one who told her boyfriend that she loved him but didn't get the same in return. Well, just a small update. I talked to him last night. I gave in and called him first but he did call me back again last night. Anyway, I told him ...
A. 30 December 2005: Wow thanks for the update. I think that is great you are going to see each other. Telling him you loved him, Im sure makes you feel a bit vulnerable, but I feel you did the right thing. I see this date with him as a good sign. He cares enough to ... (read in full...)
Losing my mind over my relationship... My girl says she wants "a break"
Q. My girlfriend and I have been together for the past one-year. She is 28 and I am 31. The relationship was great, except for a few minor quibbles. A couple of times I was jealous – once when some male friend of hers grabbed her at a party, and some ...
A. 30 December 2005: This girl is sending you in circles because she does not know what she wants. She needs time to think and that is exactly what you need to give her. I know how you must feel, because it is hard to give someone time, for fear of losing them. But ... (read in full...)
I love him but he thinks we're friends. He lives on the other side of the world. Do I hop a plane and go tell him my feelings?
Q. I have really strong feelings for a man who lives on the other side of the world. I havent seen him for a few months now, but when I am with him I feel there is a chemistry between us and I know Im not imagining it, the last time I saw him we whe...
A. 30 December 2005: What are you waiting for? Get on that plane and go tell him face to face how you feel. What have you got to lose? Be prepared the feelings may not be mutual, but at least you will have your answer and you can move on without looking back. Who ... (read in full...)
I pay his cell phone bill and he uses it to phone other women!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 5 yrs. Really started off strange but we're still together or should I say I am still together. Newest problem comes in, I pay his cell phone bill because one, it's in my name. But I recently found ...
A. 30 December 2005: If the relationship started off strange, that is not a good start. I would cancel his cell phone service, besides, that is something he should be paying on his own! Then I would dump the guy. You deserve better. He is lucky you stayed with him ... (read in full...)
How do I make this man happy so that he will always love me back?
Q. I am a young lady who just met a guy whom after a long time friendly friendship, proposed to me. I said yes, so we now have a relationship to manage. my quesion is, how do i make him happy so that he will always love me...
A. 30 December 2005: I dont think you can "make" anyone happy, hapiness comes from within. When you do find someone you want to spend your life with, you will feel complete with them. There is no guarantee that your love will last forever, but you sound like you are ... (read in full...)
What does the winking, wedding-ring-wearing, man mean?
Q. There is this man i have been friendly with for the best part of a year. Though we have never specifically met up alone. when we see each other he will be as friendly as ever, even giving me a touch on the shoulder or back whenever i've seen him ...
A. 30 December 2005: He wants sex. He is not looking for a relationship, he is a player of the worst kind because he is married, and I feel sorry for his wife. He is testing you to see your reactions, and I guarantee you are not the only one. I agree with Rebec... (read in full...)
I trust my girlfriend, I just don't trust my mates!
Q. I get very jealous when my girlfirend goes out with my friends. I am 2 sets of friends and when I'm with one and my girlfriend is on a night out with the others, involving many males, who I know may/have made a move on her. I get really angry. I...
A. 30 December 2005: I honestly dont feel it is respectful for your girlfriend to be out with your friends. Doesnt she have her own friends? Besides, how would she feel if you were going out with her friends? I dont know what is being said and/or done to make you ... (read in full...)
I will do ANYTHING to impress people!
Q. Basically, I have a huge problem. I am a try-hard, and will do ANYTHING to impress people. I lie, exaggerate, and make things up to make people like me. I realise that the whiff of desperation is hanging around me, but I can't help myself! ...
A. 30 December 2005: Lies have a way of catching up with you, and it doesnt take ayone very long to figure you out. They wont want to be around you, because nobody likes to feel they are being made a fool of. Lying to someone tends to make them feel that way. That is ... (read in full...)
A question of timing
Q. How often do most couples in committed relationships talk on the phone?...
A. 30 December 2005: There is no set amount of time you should talk with someone or see them. I feel when you are in a relationship, it is the quality of time that matters, not the quantity. It depends on what you are both comfortable with, and its something you ... (read in full...)
How long until love?
Q. When is it looked on as acceptable to love someone? People always tend to think that you only love someone truley if you've been with them for ages? What do all of you think?...
A. 30 December 2005: I fell in love with someone based on just one hug. Ive known him for 5 yrs as a distant friend. Then he gave me this hug out of the blue, and I have not been able to get him off my mind. I have not told him how I feel,though I spend time with him ... (read in full...)
Should I try and win him over?
Q. I told this guy at work that I really liked him and he said that he liked me as well and even tho he is technically single he is seeing someone. We have been out a few times and get on really well and the one night he even kissed me but then ...
A. 30 December 2005: He said it was a mistake and it sounds like he is a bit confused, and he is into someone else. He might be tempted by you, but trying to resist because he wants to do the right thing. I dont think there is anything you can do to win him, it seems ... (read in full...)
Told my boyfriend I love him... But all I got is silence in return
Q. I am in a similar situation as one of the other readers. I too told my boyfriend I loved him with him not saying that in return. I am so scared now that I will have scared him away. That night he was extra sweet and I have to say that I kinda ...
A. 29 December 2005: You're welcome Queen! Please let us know the outcome. I hope he calls you soon. I wish you the best.... (read in full...)
Why does my ex keep in contact? Is he just using me for sex?
Q. I was with my ex boyfriend for 18 months. It was an on/off relationship because one minute he wanted me, the next he didn't. I also felt like he was using me for sex. He could not make his mind up about whether he wanted me or not and carried ...
A. 29 December 2005: Its obvious he cant make up his mind, which I feel is a lame excuse, and is stringing you along in the process. If you are allowing him to act this way, then you are giving into what he wants and sacrificing your own hapiness in the process. It ... (read in full...)
Told my boyfriend I love him... But all I got is silence in return
Q. I am in a similar situation as one of the other readers. I too told my boyfriend I loved him with him not saying that in return. I am so scared now that I will have scared him away. That night he was extra sweet and I have to say that I kinda ...
A. 29 December 2005: Give him time, he may not be certain of how he feels or just needs to absorb what you said. Those are powerful words, but you were telling him what is in your heart. Its not so bad that he didnt respond and he may not have called because he needs ... (read in full...)
Got a boyfriend so I dumped all my friends. Now I miss them!
Q. hello, i am just writing because i feel like an absolute loser and i have since my long distance boyfriend moved to where he is now. i guess it is the classic case of girl dumping her friends once she gets a boyfriend. i sort of did that. now that...
A. 29 December 2005: No I do not think you are a loser. You are independent, happy, with a free spirit. I live alone, am single and I absolutely LOVE it!
It sounds to me that you are comfortable with who you are, but you worry about what others think. When they act... (read in full...)
I can't seem to get over all the hurt and bad feelings caused by my ex-boyfriend. Even though my new bf is great!
Q. Hi--I was looking for advice: I am seeing a great guy, but I can't stop memories of my ex from popping up and I keep on thinking of the past when I was with my manipulative ex and how much he hurt me. I lost my virginity to him and even though I am ...
A. 28 December 2005: I think we all carry past experiences with us. But that is why it is the past, it is behind us and hopefully we learn from it and not dwell on it.
You sound like a good person with a great head on her shoulders. Keep in mind the source o... (read in full...)
How do I move on from her when I see her all the time?
Q. I've been broken up with my girlfriend for a little more than a month now and I'm still thinking about her all the time. We never had an official break-up, but we decided to slow down our relationship, and now she no longer contacts me. I've made ...
A. 28 December 2005: Do you want to move on? It sounds like you do, but you are having second thoughts. What was the reason for the break up? I think you should tell her what you said in this letter. Communication is everything. Why let go of someone, not knowing if ... (read in full...)
I've tried to leave him but he always has a reason for me to stay!
Q. i have been dating my boyfriend for 4.5 years. for the last year and a half i've been trying to leave him for various reasons (unfaithfulness,backstabbing,lying,etc). every time i tell him this, he has a better reason why we should try and work it ...
A. 28 December 2005: Go with your intuition and gut feeling. You dont need proof, you know in your heart this guy is not good enough for you, you say it in your letter. Your friends and family wont support you in this relationship because they see what you may not ... (read in full...)
How do I make things go back to the way they were?
Q. Hey...i just want people to tell me what they honestly think... I love my boyfriend so much (we're 26/25) and we have been together for 18 months. However over the last 2 months he hasn't made an effort to contact me...i am always the instigat...
A. 28 December 2005: It sounds like he is taking you for granted and has lost interest in the relationship. I know it hurts to be treated this way and I feel for you, as I went thru something similar and we are no longer together. He wants what he wants when he wants ... (read in full...)
I want her back...so how do I show her how much I love her?
Q. my girlfriend has just ended our relationship because she says she dosn't love me like she should. how can i show her how much i love her and that we belong together. i want her back but dont know what to do. ...
A. 27 December 2005: The only thing you can do is give it some time and you will have your answer. Give it about 2 weeks. I would not contact her during this time. Either she will discover how much she misses you or that she is happier without you. When you miss ... (read in full...)
What does he really feel for me?
Q. My boyfriend split from me a couple of months ago saying he loves me but doesn't know if his heart is in it, doesn't know if he is in love with me. I told him that it was the cruellest thing to do to someone and asked several times if he honestly ...
A. 27 December 2005: I dont think your boyfriend was being cruel, he was being truthful, though Im sure it hurt. I have to give him some credit, because it doesnt sound like he was seeing anyone else. It sounds like he truly loves you and having that time apart made him ... (read in full...)
Trying to win the heart of the girl I want. Should I go all-out on New Years Eve?
Q. There's a girl I'm crazy about and was told by her friends that she likes me. We get on like a house on fire. But when I asked her out she said it was too soon, cause she had just broke up with someone. But she wishes she was ready. Then we kissed ...
A. 27 December 2005: It sounds to me like you are hearing what you want, and not what she needs. She is confused, but it sounds like she is definetely interested in you. If you keep pursuing her the way that you are, you may end up losing her altogether.
I thi... (read in full...)
What questions would you ask your date?
Q. I would like some input from men and women on this issue. When dating someone, it is customary that you ask questions to get to know the person? Some common questions might be: What drugs have you used, do you drink, do you want children, etc. Is ...
A. 27 December 2005: I look as the first date as an interview, becuz that is just what it feels like. On a first date, I would keep the conversation light and not get too personal. I get to know their personality; how they treat me, if they are a good listener, open ... (read in full...)
I'm giving him his space, but will he come back to me?
Q. Hello everyone, Please tell me is there a phase in the year where people want their space to re-evaluate their lifes and relationships? I've noticed that i am not the only one going thru this, "thank goodness". But my bf has asked for some space ...
A. 27 December 2005: I wouldnt worry so much about him coming back. This is the time for YOU to decide if YOU want someone who isnt sure if they want to be with you. He may come back, but he may not. Look at it this way...if he doesnt, its his loss. He could lose ... (read in full...)
Is it okay for your boyfriend to go to a nightclub?
Q. When a boyfriend takes a "guys night out" and the guys go to a stripclub, do they think any less of their girlfriend when they come back? Do they compare the girls they see to their girlfriend? Is there any good way to suggest to my boyfriend that ...
A. 27 December 2005: Instead of asking everyone else what they think about it, you really need to be asking yourself how you feel. Only you know if you can tolerate this or not.
Dont be afraid to tell him what you want from a relationship. If this one doesnt w... (read in full...)
How do I get my relationship back on track?
Q. Hi, basically I think I've messed up everything, and need a bit of advice. I've been going out with my gf for nearly 5 1/2 years, and all of a sudden last week she said 'things' were bothering her and needed to chat. She told me some 'home tr...
A. 27 December 2005: She wants to have her cake and eat it too. More than likely, she is seeing someone else. She is keeping you on the side in case she falls on her face.
If you really love someone, you dont play games and string them along. You do whatever... (read in full...)
How do I know if my relationship is over?
Q. How do I know if my relationship is really over? Should I just give up?...
A. 27 December 2005: When he stops giving you his time. When you no longer feel complete with him. When you arent included in his future plans and celebrations. When you feel like an obstacle to his happiness. When you arent happy and feel that something is missing. ... (read in full...)
What signals shows that a girl likes you?
Q. How do you no when a girl likes you? What sort of signals do they give? How can i tel if they are playing or flirting....
A. 27 December 2005: She will smile, make lots of eye contact and spend a long time talking with you. She will get physically closer to you, leaning into you, lightly touch you on the shoulder, hand or arm. If you're still not sure, ask her for her number. Being open ... (read in full...)
I'm white-she's black..we're engaged. My family is making me choose them or her! Can you help me?
Q. dear cupid, i am i white man engaged to a black woman i love her so much but my family is pretty much making me choose them or her can you help me?...
A. 27 December 2005: There is not much that needs to be said about this subject. Its plain and simple. Your family is making the choice to let you go, by demanding that you choose. You love her, so you have already made your decision. Your family is showing you ... (read in full...)
He wants no contact for 2 weeks but it's been 3 days and I'm anxious to contact him! Help
Q. iv been with my boyfriend for 2 1/2years and he just asked for a break. we have a fantastic relationship or at least i thought we did but this has come out of nowhere. just 2 months ago he was extremely loved up. now he wants no contact for at least ...
A. 27 December 2005: While he may need a break from you, he must realize this also gives you time to think. Maybe you will find you dont want to be in the relationship anymore. Maybe you will find someone else. I feel when someone asks for a break, they dont stop to ... (read in full...)
We're drifting apart and I need to know how to bring back what we had!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 months. We used to spend all day, every day together, but recently he only wants to see me for a couple of hours. As a result we aren't intimate and I feel like we are drifting apart. What can I do to get ...
A. 27 December 2005:
Is he comfortable with telling you how he feels? Its best to talk honestly and openly about your expectations from each other at the start of the relationship. Dont be afraid to tell someone what you want and need in order for it to work for you.... (read in full...)
I have a month to get over my ex, before I have to see him with his new girlfriend!
Q. I need some tips on to get over an ex fast! I'm still madly in love with the guy I was with at uni. I haven't even seen him for about 6 months but have loved him and only him for almost 3 years and part of me still hopes that later on in life (wh...
A. 27 December 2005: You do not realize this, but you are stronger than you think. I do not know the details of your break up with him. Just remember this....nothing is ever completely over. The best thing to do is to keep on appearing happy, independent, and that ... (read in full...)
He didn't return my call, even after he gave me his phone number. But then he gave me a meal for free...
Q. Dear Cupid, I go to this restaurant all the time and noticed a very attractive waiter there. I decided after seeing him there a few times to tell him that he is very attractive on one of my visits there and I also asked if he had a girlfrie...
A. 27 December 2005: The only way to know the real answer is to tell him you are interested and ask him if he feels the same way. Give him a chance to respond before you say anything else. If you are open and honest, then that is the type of person you will attract. If ... (read in full...)
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