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My girl walks all over me...

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 December 2005) 4 Answers - (Newest, 4 January 2006)
A male United Kingdom, *oe writes:

my girlfriend never seems to stick to commitments with me when we plan to see each other, i'm always asking her "when is it best to see you" i'm always having to ask when i can see her next, and more often then not she never sticks to the plans and ends up out with her mates instead, of course i try not to get to mad as i know although we've been together for over a year her mates are going to remain a higher prioty then me but she only goes out with one friend but it's always her friend who seems to get to her before my girlfriend can get to me if you understand what i'm saying.

i also feel that she is only stern with me as she knows i hate confrontations and personally find them scary so anytime i go to her house to see if she will come out and she says something like "o it's to cold" or "i got alot to do today so i aint coming out" i will ask her for a short while but eventually i will go home, more often then not i tend to call her on days like that and more often then not she is out with her mate, she knows it can make me feel unwanted when she does stuff like that and she said she won't do that anymore and stick to it when she says i will see you on this day, but three months after she has said that i'm still waiting for her to stick to what she said so am i expecting to much to soon? or she just neglectful of my feelings

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A female reader, mystify +, writes (4 January 2006):

mystify agony auntif you think she is woth fighting for and you feel that you have made that first step i say give it a go, me and my husband were in a terrible place a year and a half ago due to his neglect and hurtful ways , but things could almost be perfect now.

i will say in answer to your question it probably will be more of a gradual thing , you might notice a huge difference straight away and thats how you know its worth fighting for but, if shes trying and shes acknowledging that she has done wrong and wants to change, support her and help while still remembering what youve already said "im not going to just be walked over anymore"

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A male reader, Joe United Kingdom +, writes (1 January 2006):

Joe is verified as being by the original poster of the question

recently i've been letting her know how i feel and after a chat late on new years she has finally realised that i'm not going to just be walked over anymore and she needs to start showing how she feels more often, now one more quick question will the change be gradual or can it be straight away?.

i know those who have replied to my question she is not worth my time but like on new years i'd finally got what i had missed for some time so i will not give up just yet because there is something still worth fighting for.

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A female reader, StarNews +, writes (31 December 2005):

StarNews agony auntShe is neglecting and abusing the relationship with her ignorance. She has made a choice by choosing to be with her friends more often than being with you. What that means, is that she is not ready (for selfish reasons) to devote the time and energy it takes to make a relationship work.

It is good to have interests outside of the relationship. It helps to build a stronger bond between you, and makes the time spent together more valuable and appreciated. But you should also share some interests together.

You probably havent told her how you felt, because she doesnt treat you with the respect that you deserve. She shows little effort, so no wonder you dont feel valued as a person. Therefore, you have no voice in the relationship.

It sounds to me that she enjoys being in control by calling the shots, and you are allowing her to do so by not standing up to her. You may not be speaking up, because you are afraid of losing her. But you need to ask yourself, why would you stay with someone who treats you so poorly and makes you feel less than who you are? It doesnt sound like she cares how you feel anyway. I cant even say she is worth your time or breath to tell her.

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A male reader, Joe United Kingdom +, writes (31 December 2005):

Joe is verified as being by the original poster of the question

sorry thats twice i forgot to mention ages i'm 18 she is 17 whether that changes anything i don't know

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