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female
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anonymous
writes: my husband asked me this week if he can sleep with other people and would i mind as our sex life has gone flat. we have been married for six years and together for eight. i was horrified now i wonder if im just being a prude? am i?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2008): haha i just had this conversation with my husband bout 30 minutes ago. i want an open relationship, we have been married for 7 years but i love him and wanna be with him but wann explore,i married when i was 18 so i dont know, i guess i wanna have my cake and eat it too. he rather us divorce then to do that...theres nothing like the feeling of having relations with a brand new person, its like a high.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2006): You should dump him because he is an idiot. If he had any sense and judgement, he would have had a discreet affair, and opened the door for you to do the same. By straight out asking you if he can sleep around, he shows all the tact of a pitbull and all the intelligence of a seaslug.
It's over for you guys anyway. Just have some fun and find other people, then at least you'll have some practice before you are really out in the cold.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2006): i don't even have to read the other responses. the answer is NO! i was married to a great guy for 9 years and divorced him when i realized that i wanted to sleep with other people! i am alone and just out of an affair (9 months) that i ended b/c he wouldn't leave his g/f. WE ARE BETTER THAN THAT! DUMP HIS ASS! You are better than that!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2006): Are you kidding me??? NO!!!!
Look, some couples might feel fine wtih the idea of an open marriage, and while I question the wisdom of that sort of thing, who am I to criticize what two people are happy and comfortable with?
But you're not comfortable with this. That should be the end of the story. If your husband brings it up a second time, you should repeat the previous two sentences to him, sternly. A third time is grounds for absolutely losing it on him. It's not the kind of thing that's negotiable.
If your sex life has gone stale, there are lots of ways you might be able to spice it up. Tell your husband you're very interested in doing that, but you don't want to bring other people into your relationship -- you want to learn how you can both be enough to fully satisfy one another.
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female
reader, Irish49  + ♥, writes (5 January 2006):
 Any married man who is openly interested in sleeping with other females attention is a frightening concern in any marriage. Your marriage is in big trouble all because he feels he is not getting something he wants, to feel desired within this marriage. It's like he's expecting 'you' to resolve this issue or he'll simply look elsewhere. Sheesh! He is the other half of this marriage isn't he? This behavior is definitely way out there on the fringe what a hurtful, painful thing for you to hear. So sad that cruelty and meanness is a part of the your husband's way of dealing with a common problem in a lot of marriages-your faltering sexual relationship. In your case, your husband has 'chosen' to use his marriage to you as a place to really cut loose with this crap. Amazing how some people often treat those closest to them so poorly. Now you have to take this cruelty and try to overcome the hurt and anger he has inflicted on your sense of value as a woman. Sexuality in a healthy marriage are between the two married partners. When you start adding other people into the equation, you lose that deep, special intimacy. Without the intimacy, sex is just sex. It loses meaning because it's no longer exclusive to just the two of you. And that's my point, it's about both of you..a committed, married couple. Just what has he done to make the sex better in this marriage? He's a real piece of work and I would move him out because he has no respect for you...or if you want to save this marriage as so many women do-get into marriage counseling...pronto and never, ever tolerate this behaviour again. Take care, dear and hang in there.
Hugs, Irish
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male
reader, SKYRAIDER_82 +, writes (4 January 2006):
Your sex life has gone flat, I am just wondering why that is? It is apparent he wants to have sex, and not just with you. It would seem that you may be on the bullett train to divorceville. You need to find out why your sex life is flat, and fix it ASAP. This is the greatest gulf (as a general statement) between men and women is sex. He wants it all the time, she doesn't and when she does, it is pretty vanilla. I am a nurse and a flat line in a heart attack is almost certain death, you better shock this relationship back into a good rhythm. Bottom libne is he has to want to make you sexually happy and you have to want to make him sexually happy, without this mutual feeling you will be doomed eventually, and it seems like sooner rather than later.
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female
reader, StarNews +, writes (4 January 2006):
 I feel your husband should be open to suggestions to spice up your sex life, instead of running to someone else to fulfill his needs. His best solution to the problem stands before him, which is you, his wife. It seems to me his sexual desires mean more to him than his commitment to you. Maybe you could suggest to him that you seek professional help from a marriage counselor, together.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (4 January 2006):
 Of course you are not being a prude. Ask your husband if he remembers the "forsaking all others" part in his wedding vows. Sheesh! He may not really want to sleep around but wanted to give you a serious heads up to the situation (no pun intended). You guys need to spice things up. A six year old marriage isn't that old but you may have gotten into a bit of a rut. Get some toys or lingerie or whatever you think would titillate him (pun intended) and have some fun.
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female
reader, mommyofthree +, writes (4 January 2006):
 You are not being a prude by wanting to keep your marriage exclusive. Some people decide that an "open" marriage is the solution for their flat sex lives. Unfortunately, it is usually not too long before these people end up in divorce court. If the reason he wants to do this is a flat sex life there are things you can improve this without having sex with other people. There are numerous websites devoted to tips for spicing up sex lives. If he really wants to do this just so he can have affairs with permission then you have a problem because nothing you do will be enough. If you are not comforable with him sleeping with other people now, then you will probably never be, it will only hurt you. Do not let him pressure you into this. Good luck.
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female
reader, kellyO  +, writes (4 January 2006):
 No you are not being prude!!!Except u are into that stuff.
You should ask yourself what u want from your marriage and what it means to u. If u want a husband that is committed to you then u guys should work on you sex life. I can see that is what u want unless u wont be horrified by the idea. Go with your gut feeling and dont let him pressure u into what u dont believe in and u will later regret.
Goodluck.
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female
reader, shania +, writes (4 January 2006):
 No of course not.Your husband has a nerve,asking you that insulting question.Would he of liked it if you suggested that you wanted to sleep with other men because he was crap in bed? It does take two to tango.Does he still love you? If he does then really he should be concentrating on getting your love life back on track.There are plenty of self help books and videos to spice up your sex life,and going with other women isnt the solution,all it will lead to is lies,jealousy,deceit and him probably getting a nasty sexual disease and passing it on to you.Now i suggest that you two need to sit down and discuss on what you want from this marriage,now if he is still adament that he wants to sleep around then he really doesnt give a damn about your feelings and then you should ask yourself,do you want to stay with a man who disrespects you so much?
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