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male
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*omberman
writes: I need help, over a seemingly stupid matter. In a nutshell, I'm in college and have been with my gf for almost 5 months now, yet I still can't get over the fact that a year ago she had a relationship with a guy for 3 and a half months and they had sex. Sounds stupid, I know. But she was totally out of his league and I (as well as our friends) don't understand why they were together and what she saw in him. Our relationship has been absolutely amazing so far, as we know each other really well. Some facts that may be important: we have been friends for over 2 years and have the same group of friends. She is the first person I have slept with, while I am her third. At first I thought that maybe its because I'm feeling inferior or something for being the virgin while she isn't, but I know its definately more than that. As well, I absolutely hate her ex, even before they started going out. What is wrong with me? My gf I guess can be considered attractive as lots of guys want to try to get with her while I'm probably just above average looking. Most guys in my position would probably be more worried about the gf cheating, yet I'm not worried about that at all, instead its the past that bothers me. I know this all sounds stupid because it was something I had no say over, but I can't help how I feel. It has gotten to the point that I sometimes have nightmares about her and her ex sleeping together. Its like I feel like she's cheated on me when she hasn't.I guess a part of me still regrets not making a move on her sooner (I had a crush on her about 6 months before she started dating him) and I just felt that she deserved someone better than him. He was a total jerk and she regrets being with him now. She knows how I feel and has been extremely patient and understanding. I don't want this to ruin the relationship because she has really opened up to me (which is a big deal because she always keeps up a wall to everyone and has never let it down for anyone but me). I tend to get into a bad mood when I start thinking about it which in turn upsets her. I really need ur opinions please!! Why do I get bothered by the past??
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2006): I'm now in the same situation and I feel the same! I'm a virgin while my gf has a few sex partners before......... I almost want to dump her because of that. I don't know how to deal with it.. probably just get on with it I guess.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2006): Thanks for the advice. I really am trying to just let the thoughts pass, but I find my mind wanders onto the subject a lot, especially if I'm just sitting around or not doing anything to keep busy. I think it affects me more than normal because I know who the ex is, and since I was friends with my gf while they were together, I sorta watched everything go on from the outside. More often than not, I'm mad at myself for not going for her when I liked her, then she would have never gotten together with her ex in the first place. I wish these thoughts would just go away, but like I said, they just pop up out of nowhere.
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A
male
reader, mister-squid +, writes (7 January 2006):
 I was the fourth person that my current girlfriend slept with, and I despise ALL her exes. The fact that you hate this man so much is probably the reason you are feeling this way, and should learn to deal with it. I mean, my girlfriend told me about her exes, because I asked, and she hates them and regrets sleeping with them, and that did make me feel better.
Just try to forget about her past, because you are her present.
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A
female
reader, StarNews +, writes (7 January 2006):
 I believe that hating someone is a waste of energy, and nobody is worth that emotion. Focus less on why she was with this other guy and more on all the good things about your relationship with your girlfriend.
You mentioned so many wonderful qualities that she has. I don't think there is anything wrong with you. She was your first experience, so you may feel jealous, curious,etc about her past relationships. You are also being protective of her, as you do not want to see her hurt again. Try to keep positive and look at this good and wonderful person that is before you. It sounds like you have a open, honest, loving relationship, with great communication. Dont allow something that is behind you destroy what you have now.
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