A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Okay...so I'm feeling heartbroken and I don't know where to go from here? My fiance and I have been together for 4 years and we were supposed to be getting married this September.We've lived together for the last 3 years and we bought a new home together a year ago. He recently called off the wedding and said he was unhappy with a lot of things, but he doesn't want to lose me. We've been arguing a bit lately because of a number of stress factors, but the arguments never really last long. He is upset about the arguing, he says he doesn't like the location of the new house and it's too far from work. He's told me that he only got the house because he knew it would make me happy and he thought he would grow into it, but a year later he still doesn't like it. So now i'm at a crossroads...I'm refinancing the house in just my name and he's moving out Oct. 1st. He's moving back to his condo when the tenants move out. He's currently sleeping in the spare bedroom. He wants us to continue to grow in our relationship...only how do I go backwards?We were supposed to be married...we've already lived together for 3 years...how do I go back to casually dating?Does anyone think it can possibly still work out? Or should I just cut my losses? Please...I need an outsiders opinion....
View related questions:
fiance, heartbroken, wedding Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (29 July 2012):
 "He wants us to continue to grow in our relationship...only how do I go backwards?"I'm glad you acknowledge the absurdity of his "growing in our relationship" statement. You have been together for 4 years. You were dating, you moved in, you were planning on getting married and planning the wedding. THAT was relationship growth. HE decided to call off the wedding, to move out and keep it on a "dating" only stage. Where is the growth in that? It looks to me that he has realized that he isn't ready for any of this, OR that he doesn't want to do these things with you anymore.There is no way in hell that someone will break of a wedding because he doesn't like the location or the house. If he'll call off a wedding over that, can you imagine his reaction to REAL future problems will be? Essentially he picked a really petty, fixable issue and was too stupid to realize how little sense and logic his response is. His lies and excuses fail to answer this: if there are issues in the relationship, such as location and too much bickering, why wouldn't you want to solve the issues together and stay together? In essence, he has broken up with you. He just wants to keep you around until he finds someone else, so he doesn't have to be single in this transition. Leave this loser and never look back.
A
female
reader, agonyauntsanonymous +, writes (28 July 2012):
Abella and cerberous are right. My bf and i rent a house, its not where we would love to be even though its a nice place, but we are making progress together. Theres no reason the place you live would split you up unless there were other factors playing into it. A commute typically isnt one of them. And if it was why not move out together? Why does he have to do it alone? And why call off the wedding? I dont think hes ready for any of it but to make out like he still wants to and prevent you from dating others is just selfish. Dont play his game. Its over. Time to reevaluate your life and make yourself happy.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2012): OP I just let my girlfriend read your question and she said she can't think of anything more degrading or soul destroying than to play this guys game. Time to take the power back.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2012): Cut your losses. OP I agree with Abella.
Just think for one moment, where is the logic in any of what he proposes?
He wants to move out, end your relationship as it stands so you can "grow into it"?
Who's he trying to kid OP?
he wants to be free and single again but he doesn't want to lose his source of affection and pussy. He just wants to be able to have you on his terms while he grows the balls necessary to move on.
OP when a guy loves you something like the location of your house is not going to be a major factor in his decision making, and if it's that bad then why is both of you moving not an option? I'd live under a bridge for my girlfriend and eats rats bollocks for dinner if that's what I had to do. Isn't that what you'd want from a partner?
OP there are too many flaws to his logic aren't there? What he says does not match what he's doing. I bet all the other issues he lists as reasons for this are equally flawed and are things that could be worked out together but he's decided he wants to be alone.
If you ask me he has fucked you over big time, not because he wants to move on or that he doesn't want to be with you anymore that happens, but this guy is lying through his teeth and being wishy washy about everything here.
He wants you to continue on trying to win him over, giving him free pussy and a company when he's in the mood, he wants you to relegate yourself back to a person he's only seeing.
Is that really the women you want to become? Or do you think it would be better to start over with a new guy after a cooling off/healing period?
He had his chance in my opinion, time to move on and give another guy that chance. Don't waste anymore time on a guy who doesn't even have the balls to be straight with you.
...............................
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (28 July 2012):
 Sounds like the sex is just far too good so he wants to convert you into his FWB.
Do not fall for it
The relationship will become soul destroying where he still tries to keep you on a string and interested,and gives you just enough attention to ensure that you meet his needs for his regular booty call when he needs it.
Let him grow his backbone somewhere else and not at your expense.
Move on. And develop your life without him. When he has finally realised what a terrible situation he has left you in then maybe he will come back trying to woo you again.
Many woman would show him the door and never open it to him again. He has really messed you around.
...............................
|
