A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i have been friends with this girl since i was 14 years old and i have been with her through everything and she has been with me through everything but so has her dad and i know i shouldn't be hurting her like this and neither should he and i know but honestly this may sound stupid but i love him and he loves me .. we have been dating for just over 2 years in secret and we are engaged and to be married next month should we tell her i mean i know we should tell her and sit her down and just explain and i don't blame her if she fly's off the handle but i am scared of what it is going to do to her i know i should have thought about it before i even had these feelings but i just need help now please someone tell me what to do!!He and his ex wife the mother to my best friend cheated on him when my best friend was 10 and she divorced my fiance to run off with her bit on the side and left the kids with him .. he is a great dad we started dating when i was 19 and he was 38 i know big age gap and my friend was 18 and now i am almost 22 and he is 40 i know their is a massive gap and i know not everyone will think this is right but i honestly love this man just please help !
View related questions:
best friend, divorce, engaged, ex-wife, fiance, his ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, PerhapsNot  +, writes (2 December 2012):
 You had 2 years to tell her, your family or anyone for that matter. The fact that you two have kept your relationship and engagement a secret should clue you in on something - there is something not right about your relationship. There is nothing wrong with privacy, but keeping it under the rug, feeling anxious and fearful of friend's and family's responses to your relationship makes it pretty clear that you two yourselves are aware that something is wrong here. The others will simply agree and pretty much no one will be happy for you two. They will simply wait for it to fail and for you two to open your eyes....particularly you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2012): Gee honey this is a tricky situation.. I don't think you have daddy issues as the other post implied but I do think you should wait..I'm raising two beautiful girls and a son whom I live totally and as a mother and I'm just nearing 40 please let me give my take on your situation..Now this could work, you and your fiancé but at 18teen if you were my daughter I would want you to go to college maybe uni, if that was the direction you were headed, I wouldn't undermine your relationship he would be very welcome to come for family dinners etc as long as he remember that at this minute and for the next few years . you have to live your life, You're young, you need to live life go out with your friends, travel see the world a little, and of course have your relationship.. If I was your mum I would say to him that he needs to wait.. That doesn't mean he can't see you or anything but marriage at the minute wouldn't be what I think would be the right way to go.. But you could be engaged for a while..Your friend needs time to adjust and if you and he sit her down and tell her you both love each other and that your looking at marrying later on . It gives her time to get her head around you two being engaged if you two get married I shall warn you, she will never forgive you and he for lying to her all this time.. Tell her you couldn't help it but you have fallen for each other, and that you want her to be happy with the situation ..it will be a shock but give her time.. To me my children happiness will always be paramount but I would not have them rushing in .. And if he makes you happy treats you good and is willing to wait .. Then to me as a mother he would be welcome in our house as long as he continued along those linesTake care, don't rush
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2012): "he is a great dad"
Is your own bio-dad in the picture?
If he isn't, then I strongly suspect you're not getting married so you'll have a husband of your own like you've always wanted but never had, you're getting married so you'll have a father of your own like you've always wanted but never had.
I suggest you seek counselling before you enter into a disastrous marriage for the wrong reasons while alienating your best friend. Neither will be worth it.
...............................
|
