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... Send *ystify a private message | | | *ystify's profile:i live in the uk , yep bad enough...but i seem to of had far too much misfortune than would be considered my fair share,well , "what dont kill you only makes you stronger" , and i want to share the strengh's i found. i will only ever advise from some sort of experience so will always be fronm the heart, i am married but my husband dosent like this site much, feels it is quite negative sometimes, i feel we need to look after our mental health, i have learnt alot through pschycology and being a mental health nusre, then training in law, i want to share with others.
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My life is a mess and I'm starting to cut myself. I need help!
Q. Hey I'm 14 years old, and my life is a mess seriously. I dunno what to do. My brother is 19. He lives with us and he's on drugs. He does heroin and other drugs most days. My family argue and it's like started to get to me. I've started cutting ...
A. 15 March 2006: hi missbunbury, i didnt misinterpret you message i wasnt assuming you were telling her to be ashamed of her scars , sorry if it came across that way .
i think your response was all good, just i was left a little concerned after reading it as she ... (read in full...)
My life is a mess and I'm starting to cut myself. I need help!
Q. Hey I'm 14 years old, and my life is a mess seriously. I dunno what to do. My brother is 19. He lives with us and he's on drugs. He does heroin and other drugs most days. My family argue and it's like started to get to me. I've started cutting ...
A. 14 March 2006: dont worry too much about your scars , people who think less of you for them are not worth the time of day, anyone who cares about you or is worth knowing at all will not think any less of you for your scars.
i dont know anyone yet who has chan... (read in full...)
Don't mind him look at porn so much as his lying about it (and the online dating)...
Q. Okay I just want to get some other imput from you guys here. My problem is the my husband looks at porn and lies about it. I do not have aproblem with him looking at the porn and have told him this. I just ask for him not to have porn downladed ...
A. 14 March 2006: hi ,after reading your follow up i am still a little worried, at the end of the day it is down to you as to wether you make a go of your marriage so i wont keep saying to leave him , but i did want to leave you withthis thought, if you are only ... (read in full...)
What can I do about my boyfriend and his porn?
Q. I recently found pornography on my fiance's computer. This is the 4th time I have found it. He knows how much it hurts me, only this time he admitted that it was his. I'm sick about it. I don't know what to do. Help?...
A. 14 March 2006: id just like to add to anons comment that even if a guy sees it as "less effort to jack off than to have sex" it does not mean that he has to look at porn to do it, and i can only assume that guys who do it for that reason would see the less effort ... (read in full...)
Am I masterbating wrong? HELP!
Q. hi ermm well ive tried masterbation for people at school talk about if your tight or slack and i waz wundering what am i?n people say two fingers is inbetween n over 3 iz slak under 2 iz tight n i can even fit i finger in my vagina!iz there somthing ...
A. 14 March 2006: agreed , dont listen to these people at school, it sounds like typical teen gossip but with nothing behind it, how "tight" you are depends on how turned on you are and there is definatly not a finger scale to judge it by.... (read in full...)
My life is a mess and I'm starting to cut myself. I need help!
Q. Hey I'm 14 years old, and my life is a mess seriously. I dunno what to do. My brother is 19. He lives with us and he's on drugs. He does heroin and other drugs most days. My family argue and it's like started to get to me. I've started cutting ...
A. 14 March 2006: dont worry you dont sound stupid for cutting yourself , it is a common problem and i wouldnt worry about killing yourself unless you ARE suicidal? people who cut themselves generally have no intention of killing themselves and definatly dont wont to ... (read in full...)
Can't make boyfriend cum by giving head. Why?
Q. Ok I have a problem. I have been with my bf for a long time now, and I have never ever been able to make him cum by giving him head. He tells me its awesome and that he love it when I go down on him, and his whole body shakes when Im doing it. He ...
A. 13 March 2006: i wouldnt worry , id just do it till it starts to wear thin then move onto something else, whether it be your turn or nibbling his neck ;)... (read in full...)
My masturbation habits are preventing me from having an orgasm with a partner!
Q. Hi. I am really worried about something. I've been masturbating since I was very young (I always remember doing it, although at the time I didn't know what it was, just that it felt good). Anyway, I did it by laying on my stomach and pushing on my ...
A. 13 March 2006: try lying on top of him with your leg along side his( not straddling or sitting, rather laying on him) this way you will be in control of things & get cliterol stimulation without it being too much and being at the right angle for this kind of ... (read in full...)
I peed when I came!
Q. last night me and my partner had sex. i felt like i was about to cum but something weird happened. Its very embarrassing to admit but instead of cuming massively i urinated... is this normal... I doubt it! someone advise me please!! i don't know how ...
A. 13 March 2006: this has happened to me a couple of times and i know that its completely normal, women can lose control over these muscles when orgasming , try a change of position if it makes either your or your partner uncomfortable. but i know that it dosent ... (read in full...)
My husband is spending time on dating sites!
Q. My husband of less than 1 year has signed up on a dating site under a fake name and picture. He has been asking women for their pictures and writing dirty things to women on that site(he could be on more but I have no way of knowing). I just fou...
A. 13 March 2006: i would consider this cheating , you dont have to have sex with someone to cheat, even so this is a form of sex , just like phone sex is, "just bored" is not an excuse or a reason, in answer to your question of how to deal with this betrayal,you ... (read in full...)
What can I do about my boyfriend and his porn?
Q. I recently found pornography on my fiance's computer. This is the 4th time I have found it. He knows how much it hurts me, only this time he admitted that it was his. I'm sick about it. I don't know what to do. Help?...
A. 13 March 2006: well said rebellious desire,
i am a woman and i would say i am probably more sexual than most men i have dated , and only a couple have been into porn!
lots of men find it just as disturbing and disrespectful as lots of women do.
SOME men look at ... (read in full...)
When I'm in a bad mood..I tend to think about her past way too much.
Q. hi, i've been seeing my girlfriend for about a year now, but need some help! im not sure if its just me...basically i love mine n my girlfrinds relationships, its gr8. but wen im in a bad mood i tend to think about her past n what i dont know...my ...
A. 13 March 2006: is knowing really going to make you feel any better?
i wouldnt saythat its none of your business, with regards to sex, when you are having sex with someone i feel you have a right to know what risks they have taken beofre regards to your own heal... (read in full...)
Don't mind him look at porn so much as his lying about it (and the online dating)...
Q. Okay I just want to get some other imput from you guys here. My problem is the my husband looks at porn and lies about it. I do not have aproblem with him looking at the porn and have told him this. I just ask for him not to have porn downladed ...
A. 13 March 2006: my god girl! leave him! dont let yourself be his doormat anymore, this isnt a happening relationship!
as regards to the honesty your after, i think you will only find with a differant man, sorry if this isnt what you want to hear , but i dont thin... (read in full...)
Is the fact that my husband "needs" time with his friends normal?
Q. Hello, I ve been married for 10 months. I love my husband and I know he loves me too. He has this habit of going to the cafe across the street and sit with his friends, talk , play cards and stuff. I made it clear that I am not really excited a...
A. 12 March 2006: heya,
i would say that it is normal for him to spend time with friends but it is also normal for you to both spend this time with each other . what i am trying to say "normal " is whatever you want it to be, there are couple who love to spend all ... (read in full...)
My cousin and I want to date!
Q. I hope you can help! Myself and my 2nd cousin are very attracted to each other but havn't yet taken things to the next level as we are unaware of the law in this situation. Please help as we would not like to break the law. We are aware that a lot ...
A. 12 March 2006: just to agree with rebecca, at least in the UK it is fine to marry your 2nd cousin and i believe your first aswel! although id take care as this may upset closer family members, example it may be legal for my child to marry my brothers kids but id ... (read in full...)
This is pretty confusing. He won't go "exclusive", despite holding me and making love!
Q. Hello everyone, My name is JD. I'm a 36 yrs old female and dating a 40 years old fireman, RA. We found each other on the on-line dating website. We have been seeing each other off-line since 12/1/2005. We see each other 1 time a week. Two...
A. 10 March 2006: you are a conveinience for him , he gets all the love and sex he wants from you then goes of and gets his casual sex and flirtations elsewhere, he may havefeelings for you but id say they were more about what you give to him and what he can take ... (read in full...)
Worried my carefully crafted platonic relationship may go critical, nuclear style!
Q. I have been struggling with inappropriate romantic feelings for a woman (I'll call her Jane) who is a classmate at university. The feelings are inappropriate because I love my wife and kid, are devoted to them, and have no desire to end my ...
A. 10 March 2006: i would say what your are doing is already an "emotional affair " you sayyou have romantic feelings for jane and you are thinking of being with her in the future, i dont think thatthat is wholey platonic and if your wife knew would she put up with ... (read in full...)
We've been married two months and I found nude pics of his ex-gf's. Should this bother me?
Q. I was married two months ago and have recently found among my husbands papers many pictures of ex-girlfriends including naked pictures. Is it normal for him to hold on to these? Should I be upset?...
A. 10 March 2006: if he knew they were still there id say yes you should be upset and no thats not normal...not when you have just married someone! especially not telling you before letting you marry him.
but if he just forgot they were there then id just ask him ... (read in full...)
My husband hides things from me! Little things...
Q. Okay this sounds silly but it really bothers me. My husband will keep things from me. For example he got off from work one day and went by an old friends work. (male friend) I really don't care that he went I do care how ever that he felt the need ...
A. 9 March 2006: its always a little unerving when a partners behaviour changes especially after so long together,
if hes always told you what he'l be doing that was good for both of you, and you wasnt left worrying about him.
if he seems to be pushing you out ... (read in full...)
I cheated in my mind, and my husband is angry and hurt...
Q. I cheated on my husband and brought him home in my mind and fucked my husband thinking of the other guy. He is extremely hurt and I destroyed his self confidence and dignity. He feels small and worthless in a sexual way. I don't want to lose him but ...
A. 9 March 2006: i dont understand why everyone is saying that its ok to think it, but it would hurt him like hell to know it so he shouldnt know, well i would imagine that if its something that would inevitably hurt your partner then its wrong, i for one would like ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's family hates me and I can't handle much longer!
Q. im so pissed off that my boyfriend's family hates me we did get on, now i can't even bring myself to even go to his house or even phone his house phone!!!! wot can i do???? i am only in my middle teens but i know that this boy is the one for me, i ...
A. 9 March 2006: i used to have a relationship like this, all i can say is , phone him , go round and hold your head high.
it dosent matter what theythink , you are there for your boyfriend,and unless they are outright rude to you id just be pleasant to them and ... (read in full...)
My hubby is getting nudie pics of women from a friend...
Q. my husband keeps recieving e-mails from a friend of naked woman in various poses,he hides this from me and it is making me feel insecure,we are in our late forties and he doesnt want to talk about anything with a sexual nature to me but has no ...
A. 9 March 2006: i am going to disagree with the other posters on this one, if these pics are upsetting you then he needs to stand up for you and tell his mates to back off with the pics, you are his wife for hecks sake! you come first ALWAYS!
he need to be a man ... (read in full...)
Thinking of getting a wax but worried I'll be too hair "back there" - am I a freak?
Q. I want to get a Brazilian wax. I would have no problem going if i didnt feel like im the only one with hair all the way "back there". Is this normal ? I dont want to look like a fool in front of the waxer....
A. 9 March 2006: when i was at school aged 14 my best friend had thick black hair all the way "back there" AND half way down her legs AND SHE WAS BLONDE!
now after 2 kids , ive noticed mine where id rathr it wasnt, its natural , all these thong wearing bikini clad... (read in full...)
Wanted: Your views on DearCupid.org
Q. Hi everyone Thought I would introduce myself. My name is Andrew and I'm the guy who runs this site... Yes, it is just a one-man-band! I'm looking for ideas on what new features to add to the site and want YOUR input. I am thinking of the ...
A. 8 March 2006: hi ,
i really like what your idea about fav aunts! :0).
but what i meant was that i was really proud to be a high rated aunt , and i made the mistake of taking on a subject dealing with paedophilia, and staturary rape, and afterwards i felt lik... (read in full...)
Wanted: Your views on DearCupid.org
Q. Hi everyone Thought I would introduce myself. My name is Andrew and I'm the guy who runs this site... Yes, it is just a one-man-band! I'm looking for ideas on what new features to add to the site and want YOUR input. I am thinking of the ...
A. 8 March 2006: hi , i would say get rid of the negative and average score ratings, it is such a negative thing that i dont think it flows with the nature of the site. i mean its a positive site with the ability to offer great help in peoples difficult times,people ... (read in full...)
We're married but he says his paycheck is HIS... Right or wrong?
Q. Hello. I was wondering what you think. If my husband of 6 years who I have dated for 13, is the sole provider of me and our two young children,besides me working part time nights, does he have the right to control all finances and claim that his ...
A. 8 March 2006: even if you wasnt working , he would be wrong , i am the mother of my husbands 2 children and i had to give up work and college altogether when i had my second to look after them full time, this is the most "full time" and demanding job ever! my ... (read in full...)
My first kiss with my boyfriend -- what do I do?
Q. I'm 13 and my bf's 17. I've been with him for just over 3 months but we don't see each other very much beacause he lives 20 mintues drive from me! Right, the problem is I've never really had a serious bf before and so I'm a bit shy around him and ...
A. 5 March 2006: i think he is more or less an adult and at 13 you need to be very careful , there is not much else i can say as at 13 i know that it will probably be ignored , but just be careful... (read in full...)
Have I bitten off more than I can chew with my older guy?
Q. I am 17, and my boyfriend is 23, almost 24. We are in a hushed hushed relationship because of the age difference and I know my parents would disapprove. He also has a 2 year old girl. (I'm slightly jelous of that, but nothing to be done...) I feel ...
A. 5 March 2006: this age gap isnt so bad, my husband was 16 /17 when we got together( it was his birthday) i was 24 and had a 1 year old son , now we are happily married with 2 kids.
of course he felt completely overwhelmed sometimes, but so did i , id go with the ... (read in full...)
Is it possible for a lady to be willing, wet, yet get no pleasure at all from sex?
Q. Ladies... A girfriend told me that she had sex but it did not feel good. Never; now I replied that that is rediculous because sex always feels good if the woman is a willing participant. Excuse me for my ignorance but I think that when ...
A. 5 March 2006: hi is the girlfriend that told you this a platonic friend, i ask as you say you have a wife and she is the only one you have been with , if this is the case , i would not listen to what this woman says, id listen to you wife and ask her the things ... (read in full...)
My female friend is getting it on with her own sister! How should I deal with this?
Q. One of my friends (who's 16) recently told me her and her sister are so close they even have sexualy contact. She told me they perform oral sex on each other and I find this very disturbing. Her sister is 14 and they have apparantly had this ...
A. 5 March 2006: i really think some action is required becuse personnally i dont think these girls would be doing this unless there was something deeply wrong in thier family!
get them to speak to a youth worker or a sexual help centre for youngsters , im not sure... (read in full...)
My partner wants to cum on my face but it makes me feel violated!
Q. I've been in a relationship for over four years, we love each other madly and have a child together. However, my partner wants to come on my face during sex and is unhappy (which I find unbearable to live with) when I refuse to let him. I feel vio...
A. 5 March 2006: if his happiness depends on where he comes prehaps its him that needs to look into finding more fulfilment in life generally, the problem is his not yours!
if things are down in the relationship look for ways to rekindle the romance , remind him ... (read in full...)
Is it possible for a lady to be willing, wet, yet get no pleasure at all from sex?
Q. Ladies... A girfriend told me that she had sex but it did not feel good. Never; now I replied that that is rediculous because sex always feels good if the woman is a willing participant. Excuse me for my ignorance but I think that when ...
A. 5 March 2006: i just wanted to add to bevs comment , lots of women are how is described in her comment but lots of women are not , i for onehave lots of feeling inside and can orgasm more more powerfully from inside than with cliterol stimulation , some call it ... (read in full...)
Feels like I'm competing with my best female friend for my boyfriend's attention...
Q. My best female friend is batting eyes for my guy...and I am paranoid! Especially when they are in the same room together. Sometimes being paranoid really gets to me, and I start crying when I'm alone. Oh, and my bf is not much help ether because ...
A. 5 March 2006: sorry i meant "damaging your relationship for her benefit"... (read in full...)
Feels like I'm competing with my best female friend for my boyfriend's attention...
Q. My best female friend is batting eyes for my guy...and I am paranoid! Especially when they are in the same room together. Sometimes being paranoid really gets to me, and I start crying when I'm alone. Oh, and my bf is not much help ether because ...
A. 5 March 2006: sometimes you just have to let friends go , i have left mant groups of friend and best friends behind when i realise they are not good for me any more , this girl is not good for you, she dosent care about you , she just cares about stealing all ... (read in full...)
Questions about the pill...
Q. Hi--I was wondering about the birth control pill. I had three main questions: Should I take ny pill early in the morning or later in the day? Should you take the pill with food? Should I anticipate a change in my diet with taking the p...
A. 5 March 2006: hi , take it at a time when you are already doing something that you do routinely everyday , like brushing your teeth if you do it at 8 every morning or at lunch time if lunch is always round mid day, just make sure yoyu always have it on you if ... (read in full...)
I love him as a friend and want more. He doesn't want us to go further, but gets jealous if I flirt with other guys!
Q. I have got really close to a new friend....we have got intimate and now he tells me he has fallen for me and I have with him. Now there is a big wall! He doesn't want us to go any further, but I would like us to. He wants us to stay as we are, ...
A. 5 March 2006: he dosent want you but he dosent want anyone else to have you , tell him you wont put up with it, and that you are entiltled to find happiness with someone else even if he dosent want you.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend *only* has female friends!
Q. My new boyfriend and I have been going out for about a month. Our relationship is great but there is one problem (it's my problem). He ONLY has female friends, which bugs me. I am the jealous type-so I asked him why he hasnt dated any of them ...
A. 4 March 2006: you are right it does seem odd the way he said it , but it also seems odd that he said it at all, you also make it sound like he is saying he would still date them given the chance, do you really want to be with a guy who would go for his female ... (read in full...)
Is it possible for a lady to be willing, wet, yet get no pleasure at all from sex?
Q. Ladies... A girfriend told me that she had sex but it did not feel good. Never; now I replied that that is rediculous because sex always feels good if the woman is a willing participant. Excuse me for my ignorance but I think that when ...
A. 4 March 2006: women are taught and told too much these days that sex is a "man" thing , when i was younger i was ignorant to the fact that it was for women to enjoy too and i didnt bother trying to find enjoyment in it for myself , instead just trying to please ... (read in full...)
My bf of 2yrs is joining the army.. will he cheat on me?
Q. my bf of 2yrs is joining the army will he cheat?...
A. 3 March 2006: you know him better than anyone here, so you are the best person to answer your question.
theres no denying alot of men in the army cheat as do alot of women who are left behind at home.
my main concern would be the peer pressure, like others s... (read in full...)
I'm pretty and nice..my friend is ugly. So how did she get a bf and I didn't?
Q. Not boasting, just being confident, but im dead pretty and nice, and my mate is dead ugly and can be really horrible, then how did she get a bf and i didnt? im lonely and i want a bf because now shes left me for her new guy. ...
A. 3 March 2006: you really dont sound very nice from what you wrote!
its not ok to call people ugly and to compare them to youin order to put them down!
i think you see things from a wierd perspective if you think you can say these things and be nice!
people ha... (read in full...)
We took time out last year, now a text message I snooped at on his phone makes me doubt him!
Q. i don't know what to think or do?!? my boyfriend and i have just celebrated our 6th yearly aniversay and i know he loves me very much. we run two businesses together and are renovating a flat together. we had some problems last year and he took ...
A. 3 March 2006: id leave him now before you convince yourself with his lies, my husband used to keep his mobile on him all the time the same as your boyfriend, and i mean he used to go to sleep with it under his pillow! then one day he went outside to answer his ... (read in full...)
My wife wants me to choose...her and the kids or my parents! What should I do?
Q. My wife told me today that I have to choose her and the kids or my parents. I feel that this is the most painful decison anyone ever has to make and definetly should not have to make. My wife and I have been married for 2 years we have a 4 mos old ...
A. 3 March 2006: you dont say exactly what was said by your parents about your wife, mostly this does sound unreasonable but there are some things that might of been said that could be really hard for your wife to forgive.
it sounds like a calm and thoughtful conv... (read in full...)
How does a 12 yr old boy gets famous and have girls running for him?
Q. How does a 12 year old boy gets famous,have girls running for him,and get a girlfriend.(Just asking because my friend asked me to)...
A. 3 March 2006: my best bet would be learn how to play the guitar, that gives a bit of street cred and can be a first step towards being in a band or forming a band, then work REALLY hard! there are alot of bands out there and alot dont make it, thats the famous ... (read in full...)
Is sex only meant to feel good for guys?
Q. I've had sex with my boyfriend about 6 times, the pains gone but im not getting any pleasure out of it, and im starting to think this is only for guys, i dont even cum, but he does...is there something wroung with me? it feals better when im ...
A. 3 March 2006: sex can feel good for both men and women , but unfortunatly some women never have an orgasm, the best thing is to experiment with what you like, what turns you on , where and how you like to be touched. ... (read in full...)
How do I ask my boyfriend if he wants a threesome?
Q. hello, i am a 23 year old girl who has been with my boyfriend for 1 year and a month. we get along amazingly and have a trustful relationship. the problem (which really isnt a problem exactly) is that i want to spice up our sex life, by having a ...
A. 3 March 2006: if he is shy and conservative then maybe this wouldnt be the best idea, not all men like the idea of thier woman with someone else regardless of the gender of the third person and even if you could get over the image of him having sex with another ... (read in full...)
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