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female
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anonymous
writes: Okay this sounds silly but it really bothers me. My husband will keep things from me. For example he got off from work one day and went by an old friends work. (male friend) I really don't care that he went I do care how ever that he felt the need to hide this from me. I don't think he is having an affair but he hides "little" things like this all the time.. When I asked him he just said "Oh, I just forgot" we have been married for 18 years and I think it is a little late in the relationship to start playing games
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2006): On one hand i agree with some of the replies about "reasserting independence etc". But do not dismiss your instincts. I have been married for 10 years and with him for 5 years before that. He would do those 'little things', that make you feel silly that you are worrying about them. You start to feel that you are the one with the problem and are over reacting. Well a few months ago I listened to my instincts and found out that he had been having an on-off affair with an old friend of ours for 6 years and had an affair with someone else he met on the internet. I am not saying that that is what your husband is doing or has done, each relationship is individual. I hope that you will both be able to talk about it and sort it, don't however dismiss your instincts, my belief is they are there for a reason.Good luck
A
female
reader, Hopeful +, writes (10 March 2006):
 Maybe he is just trying to gain a little bit of independence and doesn't realise that his behaviour may seem a bit strange or out of the ordinary to you.
My suggestion is maybe to try and find some good one on one time together, maybe a weekend away together just to keep the bond between you two strong.
Maybe find some new common interests - take a class together or start a new hobby.
But also, it is important that you do allow him some time to himself - it can be really hard but all people do need it in a relationship.
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A
female
reader, mags +, writes (10 March 2006):
These men are strange creatures, you think you understand them then they act all blinking weird. I would like to agree with 'Anon 10th Mar' Maybe he is trying to re-assert his independance, a very tricky subjuct for a couple who have been together for so long. Maybe you could not feel bad about it and play him up. 'So who you been seeing this week?!' Maybe he needs to feel that you find him mysterious. Yes these men are that sad. My opinion is that a certain amount of msytery needs to be kept and that keeps us interested in each other. All the excitement at the beginning of a relationship teaches us that. To give up is to lose. Maybe you should be a bit aloof too! 'Im off out for a while'Maybe its because of that? Maybe im wrong but its an avenue worth walkingxxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2006): he might be trying to reassert his independence - maybe smthg happened that made him feel like he had to 'answer' to you. anyone would hate that; he might just be trying to assert himself.Or he might be being passive agressive abt smthg else that's been going on with you. or he might be getting forgetful, or he might be trying to avoid a fight. If you've been on his case a lot lately abt how much time you spend together or something like that, he might just assume that you'll be irritated with what he was up to, and maybe he doesn't want to take the heat.
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A
female
reader, mystify +, writes (9 March 2006):
 its always a little unerving when a partners behaviour changes especially after so long together,
if hes always told you what he'l be doing that was good for both of you, and you wasnt left worrying about him.
if he seems to be pushing you out a bit then work on the relationship, find the things that draw your closeness back.
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A
female
reader, bridget +, writes (9 March 2006):
 Hey there..
I just wanted to share some advice with you, Hope it helps!!
I think your over reacting just a bit pet.. He doesnt need to tell you sily things like that, after 18 years Im sure he would honour and Love you enough not to be daft and stupid to loose you.. So you really shouldnt worry yourself with things like that.
If though, as you say it "bothers" you then make a point in asking him what he did that day.. Starts a reasonable conversation and also gets your knowledge going to!!
Hope this helps
Jacqueline
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