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male
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anonymous
writes: hi, i've been seeing my girlfriend for about a year now, but need some help! im not sure if its just me...basically i love mine n my girlfrinds relationships, its gr8. but wen im in a bad mood i tend to think about her past n what i dont know...my girlfiriend seems to keep alot of her history from me and it makes me feel relly insecure! Should i speak to her or just leave it....help!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2006): does your past mean anything to you.. chances are it dosent so the same would be said for your girl dont fix it if its not broken enjoy what you have.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2006): Don't ask. Don't ask. Don't ask. You will be better off not knowing any of it. But if you must know, because it already seems like it has creeped its way into your mind, you will probably ask anyway. It is definately an "open can of worms" once you know and you will experience a long run of suffering. Or you may not. It varies from person to person. If you find out and it is not to your liking then I suggest trying to humble yourself. Find out why you are so angry or hurt. Is it that you feel superior to her in a way or is that you have a bad case of the "I have gotten damaged goods" syndrome? Just try to remember that she is a sexual being with choices. She chose to do whatever it is she did. Try not to exert your moral superiority on her because she just might make a decision to leave you.
But if you find yourself still bothered by images and off handed remarks about her past I suggest you find some mind numbing activities to alleviate your torment. Like video games or myspace accounts.
Try to be open.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2006): Dont ask!! You probably dont want to know.I wrestled with this same topic until I heard more than I need or wanted to know.Besides I can also say that you would be much better off focusing your attention to what you two have now,maybe shes all youll ever need.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2006): Don't wonder, and don't ask. Your going to scar yourself. It used to consume me, until I finally asked. And it got a lot worse. Because I even started asking for details, which now haunt me, and make me miserable sometimes. What is in the past, is in the past, what matters is that she loves you and you love her. Don't scar yourself. I did, and I'll probably need therapy to get over it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2006): Why are you torturing yourself about her past, what happened in the past stays in the past. My advice is to be more concern about the present and the future. Stop wasting your energies and time thinking about her past, and focus on the relationship (what good does it makes you anyways). Besides, it is not of your business .If you really love her and want to be with her stop thinking about her past or else you may loose her. Now, is up to you if you want to tell her or not. If it really bothers you to the point that it may compromised your relationship with her; I think she deserves an explanation. Don’t leave her wondering what’s going on your mind.Good luck, and I hope it helps
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A
female
reader, mystify +, writes (13 March 2006):
 is knowing really going to make you feel any better?
i wouldnt saythat its none of your business, with regards to sex, when you are having sex with someone i feel you have a right to know what risks they have taken beofre regards to your own health also to know they havent done things that go so strongly against your grain, enough that you wouldnt be with them if they knew , if these are your issues then ask her specifically want you want to know,
but if its jealously then be careful what you say, in an open relationship ,both partners should be able to feel like there is no hiding stuff from each otherbut i think reasurrance that you are the only one for her and those in the past are nothing to her will go much further than graphic details towards giving you peace of mind.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (13 March 2006):
 Since it's none of your business, leave it. What are you going to do if you here something you don't like, scold her? Find out why you feel threatened. It comes from inside you.
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