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female
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anonymous
writes: Hey I'm 14 years old, and my life is a mess seriously. I dunno what to do. My brother is 19. He lives with us and he's on drugs. He does heroin and other drugs most days. My family argue and it's like started to get to me. I've started cutting myself to take the pain away. I know it sounds stupid but that's how I deal with it... I don't wanna go to the nurse at schooll because she knows my parents and most of the teachers. I don't know what to do. My mates are getting scared. They think I'm goin to end up killing myself through cutting and I dunno what to do......do you?
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2009): honey i wish i had an answer ive been doing it for 20 years i dont want to kill myself it just help i dont know why just like with you you do it because it makes you feel better no matter if anyone ever understands its just the way it is im not proud of it i hope you will be able to move on soon just like i will some day p s i know you think im full of shit thats what i think of most people but all i can say is i relate and i wish you all the best and dont be like me im 35 20yrs a lot of lost time
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2008): hi i can understand ur problem and wot ur going through, i did the same thing when i was ur age and the thing that stopped me self harming then was when i ended up in hospital because i had taken an overdose and i nearly died.i stopped self harming for a while then it started again, i am now 20 and i still self harm. i am now gettin myself sorted through my doctor.My advise to u is to go to ur dctor and let them help u because u cant do it alone, dont be ashamed of wot uv done its not ur fault it was just a way of coping but u need to get help b4 it gets any worse, if u dont want ur mum to no speak to some1 else ur close to and explane how ur feeling and get them to support u, but please get it sorted b4 its to late
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2007): I had the same problem, but for a different reason. I never told my friends and they never found out. That was stupid on my part. Just think of it this way. If your friends are scared, they love you. That is reason to stop right there. And if you are worried about your parents finding out, then maybe deep-down, you don't want to do it anymore.
When I did it, it was simply a cry for help. You got your point across. You should stop before it gets too bad. Heres how I did it:
1. Stay away from sharp objects (put them away)
2. Find a hobby to keep you busy (Videogames, writing)
3. Stay away from whatever makes you cut for a while (Try staying the weekend at a friends house)
4. Slowly build up a stronger tolerance to arguing
5. Try getting your sharp objects back out, once you think you're ready. That should do it. Hopefully you aren't tempted.
Hope this helped.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2006): i know how hard it is for you, but you can make it through this. if you ever need to talk i'm here for you.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2006): Hi i'm 35 and i have been feeling like you most of my life.i've cut myself, burn myself, broken my bones, and tried to kill myself. It has took most of my life to realise that there are people outthere for me, and there are people outthere for you alot closer than you think. Hang in there please, talk to your teachers if you cant talk to your parents get the right help, make the breaks, you can do it. Take care Liam
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female
reader, mystify +, writes (15 March 2006):
 hi missbunbury, i didnt misinterpret you message i wasnt assuming you were telling her to be ashamed of her scars , sorry if it came across that way .
i think your response was all good, just i was left a little concerned after reading it as she will already have scars stopping now will not change that fact, and as i have been there if someone told me i was going to be considered a mental case for something i cant change about my body it would make me all the more depressed, i just wanted to point out to her that she dosent have to worry about that as the people who matter wont see her any differant, afterall some amazing number of people (i forget the figure now) but its something like 1 in 3 people suffer with some form of mental illness ranging from 1 off mild depression to schizophrenia and beyond.
i didnt mean to offen you and was certainly not dissmissing what you wrote.
but if you read my post i am saying to stop, i am offering alternative outlets for the pain, but the fact of the matter is we cant decide for her , and i would like to point out the important things i did just incase she does do it again even just once off, and also helping her to understand why she does it and to know that others understand afterall her question is in wonder of whether or not she will kill herslf doing it.
i am not being non confrontational , i am being understanding, and informative we are all individual and if someone had just told me to stop i probably couldnt, but i would listen to ideas on how to take the pain out another way, just as you would of stopped if you were asked.
btw, to the girl who posted. with the ice cube i meant really grip hold of it and dont let go
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female
reader, missbunbury  +, writes (15 March 2006):
 mystify - I'm worried you've misinterpreted my point in my earlier post. I wasn't trying to tell this girl she needs to be ashamed of her scars. I was speaking from my own experience, trying to make her understand that if she lets herself slide into this destructive behaviour she is in danger of having to put up with the consequences for her whole life. I worry a lot about the number of girls who seem to be getting caught up in the whole self-harm thing, and I suspect that conventional non-confrontational approaches don't really help - certainly in my case, I was seeing a psychiatrist for a year whilst still cutting, and he never once told me I ought to stop; I was left to come to that conclusion myself. I wish now that someone had explained to me how destructive and long-reaching the consequences can be. I feel that while the underlying problems clearly need to be addressed, it's also very important for these kids to understand that cutting yourself isn't a lifestyle choice or a valid coping mechanism, it's an extremely negative and unhelpful behaviour choice, and one that really just needs to stop - this girl is hurting herself and everyone around her, and she's the only one who can take control and decide to find a better way of working on her problems. For me, the day I took control was an important one - I realised that whatever other problems I had, I was really only making them worse by doing that to myself, and the second I took the decision to stop, I felt a huge weight had been lifted from me. I hope I may be able to help this girl find the same sort of empowerment.
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female
reader, mystify +, writes (14 March 2006):
dont worry too much about your scars , people who think less of you for them are not worth the time of day, anyone who cares about you or is worth knowing at all will not think any less of you for your scars.
i dont know anyone yet who has changed thier opinion of me after seeing them. x
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female
reader, missbunbury +, writes (14 March 2006):
I agree with everyone else - it would be a good idea to confide in an adult about this. But I also have some other advice.
It sounds as if all the trouble with your brother is really getting on top of you, especially the conflict he causes in your family. I wonder whether it all makes you feel a bit left out? It must be hard to see him getting so much attention, even though it's negative attention, and I can't help thinking that if I was in your situation, I'd feel like "Why does he get all mum and dad's time, when he's a total screw-up? Why don't they notice how well I'M doing here?" Then I might think "Well, maybe if I start screwing up too, they'll start noticing me?"
I'm not trying to call you a screw-up here, I don't think you are one at all - but I do think you're a very sad young lady who doesn't know how to cope with the grown-up problems around her, and it's no wonder you have ended up so upset that you're taking it out on yourself.
The trouble with cutting though (and I used to do it, for years) is that whilst it does make people pay attention to you, it also causes a lot of trouble. When I did it, it was definitely an attention-seeking thing - I had a younger sister who was the world's prettiest child, and I was a real ugly duckling - but it turned out that the sort of attention you get from cutting sucks. It really does suck. My mum found out about it when I was sixteen (by that point I'd been doing it for three years) and she was devastated. Seriously, I have never seen her so upset, and it made me feel like crap. It was that that helped me stop - I realised that I was causing pain to the person I loved more than anyone else, and it was worse than any physical pain I ever felt.
Think about your family, and how much they have to deal with right now. They've maybe let things get to them too, and you're suffering as a result, but I promise you, cutting yourself is not the way to deal with this. Yes, it feels better - for about ten minutes, and then it all comes rushing back in, but this time it's worse because now you're stressing about the cutting as well as everything else. I'm sure you know what I mean. The only thing you can do is to be strong, and stop this behaviour. Get help from your doctor or the school nurse - they won't tell anyone unless you agree to it. But above all, don't let yourself slide into the mindset of "I am a self-harmer" - keep reminding yourself that this is something you DO, not something you ARE, and that you can stop the cutting even before you solve all the deeper problems.
Honestly, stop now, just do it. I'm sitting here typing, looking at the scars on my arms. I'm twenty-four now, and haven't cut for eight years - but people see the scars every and immediately know what they are, so I get classified in their heads as weird, and I hate it. I'm so much better now, but because of this I often find people treat me like some sort of mental case. Don't let the same happen to you. Think about it - you know it doesn't really take the pain away, you know it only adds new and scary layers to the pain. Please, get whatever help you need, and just stop this now. You're worth so much more than this.
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female
reader, mystify +, writes (14 March 2006):
dont worry you dont sound stupid for cutting yourself , it is a common problem and i wouldnt worry about killing yourself unless you ARE suicidal? people who cut themselves generally have no intention of killing themselves and definatly dont wont to die, cutting yourself is differant , it is a release of all the negative feelings inside, its helps you to really FEEL the pain built up inside of you and FEEL it pouring out also it helps you to feel better when you clean up afterwards like you are looking after yourself and tidying up the mess inside, i did this for years and have read many many articles on it and watched many programmes.
reasurre your friends that you have no intention of sucide.
recently there was a really cool tip on tv that i wish i found when i was younger and was going through this, they said when you want to cut yourself get an ice cube wrap it in a small hanky then hold it in the palm of your hand , the pain caused is similar to that of cutting yourself and gives the same kind of release, try this instead and it will be less dangerous and less scarring (i still have scars now, and its been 7 years!)
if you feel you are going to do it anyway make sure its a safe place not where you are going to bleed bad, and remember you dont have to go deep to feel the pain you crave just a scratch could do it ( personnally i dont recommend at all but its best to say these things just incase)
anons suggestion of writing a diary is good , although it dosent have to be a diary i used to just get peices of paper and just write words down that sum up how i feel or mean something , write them big and loud, maybe even write a poem that you can go back to to read and maybe cry it all out (there is no shame in this)
id also suggest getting help maybe through school or docters some sort of counselling or support for teens.
lastly id say get to theroot of the problem and talk to your parents tell them how the argueing is making you feel and that you want things to change as you are feeling seriously depressed.
i hope things get better soon x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2006): i used to cut myself. i did it for a few months untill i realised that its not helping my problems. i did it cos i was so depressed and i needed to know i still had feelings! but pain isnt the only feeling you can bring on yourself! cutting yourself is not helping your situation. your brother should know about you sufering and maybe he'll cut down. Or tell your parents that your feeling like you are but you dont have to tell them that your cutting your self! i know its hard to talk but just think what ever happens wont stay the same for ever! em xxxx good luck!!
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female
reader, gems +, writes (14 March 2006):
ive just one through this my younger sister, she cuts her self as she said it makes herself fell better, but it doesnt it makes it worst. you need to talk to someone that you can trust and go to when you need to talk. if you need more info go to http://www.beyondblue.org.au/. there are people you can contact and can give you help. I know it hard but the first step is always the hardest
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male
reader, myownworstenemy +, writes (14 March 2006):
hey man, I know exactly how it feels to want to cut, im 23 i just lost the love of my life, i just got layed off, and i have no money to pay my bills, but im gonna tell you what my lil brother told me. When you cut you not only hurt yourself, but you also hurt the ones around you by cutting, and i know that its a hard habit to break. i know from experience, but recently after the talk with my brother, ive decided to find other ways to release the pain, so far ive found that skateboarding is a very good way to release the stress, ive also taken a 2 and a half hour walk, even just talking to someone that your close too whether it be family or your best friend they can help you if you want the help. And like the anonymous female said you might have to talk to the school nurse, the worst that could happen is that they send you to someone to talk to and you get put on anti depressants (they help alot trust me) it may seem bad a first but after awhile youll notice a change in the way you deal with the stress.
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female
reader, Hopeful +, writes (14 March 2006):
 Anonymously puts up some really good suggestions. You need to talk to someone about this, I know that is a really hard decision to make, but you really do.
Cutting yourself is serious but there is help available. Local councils and other local government authorities run services and there are help lines available all across the world that can help you out to.
I would also consider getting along to seeing your local GP and talking with him/her. There are privacy laws in place to protect people who you don't want to know from being told stuff.
It is really important you talk to someone, the problem will not go away by itself so it is important that you find someone to confide in, - doctor, counsellor, friend, cousin, aunt, teacher etc and start talking to them!
Please take care of yourself.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2006): Cutting is dangerous; it can really mess you up.
Being 14 is a real pain in the ass - ask anyone over 20, and I guarantee you they'll say the same thing. So believe me, it's normal and okay for you to feel like you don't know what to do, like life sucks, like nothing is right and there's no one to turn to. Everyone feels that way, to some extent, at 14.
The good news is, you're smart - you wrote in and asked for help. There are several things you can do.
1. Go to a church (or synagogue or whatever) and talk to someone there. The nice thing about talking to a priest is that he can listen and give you advice, and the things you say to him will be completely confidential. Church leaders are trained in helping people, and they really, really want to be able to do so. All you have to do is ask for it. They won't betray your confidence.
2. Get a diary and try writing about how you're feeling. It's not always 100% effective, but sometimes it helps.
3. Buy a pair of running shoes. The reason cutting makes you feel better is that it releases endorphins. The same chemical reaction happens when you run (or exercise in any way). Plus, the exercise is good for you in its own right. Try it.
4. Suck it up and talk to the school nurse. She'll respect your privacy unless it's really, really important that someone else know - like because you get very sick and someone needs to know what might be causing it.
5. Call a teen hotline. If you're in the US, try 1-800-TLC-TEEN. They can give more suggestions.
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