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female
,
anonymous
writes: Hello. I was wondering what you think. If my husband of 6 years who I have dated for 13, is the sole provider of me and our two young children,besides me working part time nights, does he have the right to control all finances and claim that his check is his and that I need to ask him if I need anything at all? He thinks that it isn't really my money.
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female
reader, mystify +, writes (8 March 2006):
 even if you wasnt working , he would be wrong , i am the mother of my husbands 2 children and i had to give up work and college altogether when i had my second to look after them full time, this is the most "full time" and demanding job ever! my husband works and he "brings home the bread" for all the family! we all work together to provide and care for the family . lets put it this way what would he do if i died (morbid i know , but anyway) , he would have to either A) leave work and look after the kids himself, or B) pay someone else to look after the kids!
this is because even if your main work is looking after the kids it is still a valuble and essential contribution to the family and the abilty for your husband to earn that money.
but you are even goping out and earning the money yourself anyway so i would insist on a joint account and you have your own card.
i think this is just a way of him controling you, a few years ago i went out with a guy that kept all my money from me , it took 10 months for me to work out it was because he was terrified i was gonna go out and spend it on something too sexy to wear or go out with my friends.
i think your husband has these issues and you need to talk to him about why it is that he feels the need to behave this way
A
female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (4 March 2006):
 WRONG!!
You are a married team - for better or for worse an all that!
So tell him he is out of order and totally WRONG!
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A
female
reader, smeedle +, writes (3 March 2006):
 Wake up, you work, you do nights and do the house stuff and the kid stuff all he has to do is go to work and come home, your job is more hours, more labour intensive and more diverse and demanding.
Sort him out, you need to ask for a joint account which is fair or get an account in your own name and have you wages from your night job paid into that and then not touch it unless it is for something nice for you.
This will soon get him thinking, you could also look at how many hours you actually work in a day and I mean from waking to going to bed, how much do you do and if it is say a 10 hour day and he does an 8 hour day you stop working when you have done the 8 hours and when he asks for his tea say that your shift is over and if he wants tea he can get it himself or he can pay you £10 and hour plus overtime.
Sort him out once and for all!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2006): Wrong! It is half your money and you both should be working together as a team, to making this family work. I resent his attitude. And you are working for no pay! There is not enough money in the world to 'pay' a woman for the love, care and hard, hard work she does, in raising a family. (And you work part-time, so he isn't the sole provide, financially) Your have a man who uses money/finances to control you. He loves power and he's treating you with such disregard...it boggles my mind. Why do you tolerate such bad behaviours? He has to understand that your salaries will never be equal (at least for now), because you are undertaking the love and care of his children. In many cases, when wives stay at home to raise the family, her husband takes pride in working to provide a home and put food on the table. In fact, I know many families, where the husband comes home from work and shares the child rearing/household chores. Marriage is a union of two people's lives-everything is equal..everything is shared. In a loving, solid marriage this should 'not' even be an issue. The money issue is not the real problem, here -his attitudes are symptoms of lack of trust, lack of respect and communication problems right within your marriage. I suggest you get to a marriage counselor and get this issue taken care of before this tears your marriage apart.
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A
female
reader, Sexybum +, writes (2 March 2006):
 I'm not married myself and have not been in a relationship for nowhere near as long as this, but I'll give my view on it, thats all I can do....You two are married TOGETHER and have children TOGETHER you live TOGHETHER I take it you eat TOGETHER....... do you get where I'm going? I don't see why you shouldn't work out your finances TOGETHER and make money desisions TOGETHER. In my opinion he is being a quite out of order and too controlling. Tell him that you find the fact that he is demanding that you ask him permission for money as if he is your dad is not very appealing and that you are not prepared to do it. Therefore he will have to cut down his hours and help with the kids more, in order to allow you to go out and earn your own 'pocket money'!!I don't really know how to advise you on this situation, but I'm sure there will be more experienced people that answer your question, but I can say that I disagree with him. He's putting you in an almost impossible situation, not very nice!
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