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A devastating break-up with a bi-polar woman sparked my current fascination with psychology, mind-games, intentions and everything the quirky fandango that is "relationships" entails. I'm a bit of an over-thinker, enjoy playful disagreements just for interesting conversation and will speak my mind on this site whether you like what I have to say or not.
I don't offer advice, just my opinion and right, wrong or deluded, I'll give you my opinion whether you're 13 or 70...
I know all too well that love can blind you, but the agony aunts can help you see things clearly, however there's no guarantee that you'll like what you see...
So will you take the red pill or the blue pill...?
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| Latest articles: An opportunity to say hello to all the long term Aunts and Uncles and an update
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
13 April 2016: Its been a long time since logging in here, regrettably I do so now to procrastinate an assignment... But hey! lets not let that small detail belittle the moment ;) I'd like to say a big thank you to anyone who is still here from back in the day....
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What would you do if you were told you only have 8 years left?
Q. If you're single, what would you do about your current love life if the doctor told you, you have a deadly disease and that you only have 8 years of life? Would you look for someone? and why? ...
A. 10 February 2011: Well first off I'd ignore what the doctor said to be honest. Doctors aren't gods, they don't know when you'll die. My mother was told she wouldn't last the night, then that she wouldn't last the year... and so on and so forth for eleven years with ... (read in full...)
Tired of having sex on her terms. What can I do?
Q. Here's my dilemma: I've moved in with my girlfriend of 14 months. She's had numerous (unknown number) lovers in the past, and she has been my first and only sexual partner. I DON'T want this to be a retroactive jealousy post, but what ...
A. 10 February 2011: Don't be ashamed to express to her that you want to try something. If shes done something before and refuses to do it with you then that's her choice, but if you express curiosity in something (within reason) and she's not interested in pleasing ... (read in full...)
I think slowing everything down will be a good idea for us. What do you think?
Q. Hey All, I am a mess right now, took a week off from work to really deal with this. Here’s the situation, I have been dating my GF for almost 3 years now. We have been through a lot and we became quite comfortable. She still calls me her b...
A. 10 February 2011: Three words sprang to mind reading this...
She
Needs
Space
Yet you don't seem to be giving it to her... The more she pulls away, the tighter you seem to grasp. That's not the right way to deal with someone who needs space.
Bu... (read in full...)
Is my LDR playing games? Should I let it go?
Q. Need some help regarding a long distance situation. Long story short and il try explain it as detailed but as short as possible so you get an understanding of the situation. ok i met a girl ONLINE one year ago, she is not a complete stranger, she is ...
A. 10 February 2011: You're gonna have to talk to her to know exactly whats going on dude, but I think if she's changed her facebook status that its definitely to let you know specifically...
I doubt she's lying about being back with her ex just to mess with you... (read in full...)
I'm widowed and slept with a married man. For once in my life I want to be selfish and just do what I want!
Q. I have been widowed for a year and have 2 children. This doesn't leave me a lot of time to date or even meet someone. I do miss having sex but I am not ready for a relationship and may never be, given the circumstances of my previous marriage and ...
A. 10 February 2011: I'm not seeing a question here... if you don't care, then why are you posting this? ... (read in full...)
I've got the French maid costume, but what do I do after I put it on?
Q. My boyfriend has told me before that one of his fantasies is for me to dress up as a french maid. As we are at different universities we hardly see each other at all any more, so I thought I'd surprise him when I go to visit him next. The thing is...
A. 7 February 2011: I'm with fi the tree...
Let the feather duster guide you.... (read in full...)
Should I be concerned after a bad proposal?
Q. My bf and I have been dating for 20months. I have a long history with him. We were friends before we dated for about 8yrs. I love him very much and have been wanting him to ask me to marry him. He actually proposed to me two days ago. It definite...
A. 7 February 2011: "I think when a man loves a woman he bites his tongue until he is ready, nice place, ring and all."
Rubbish! You've got both your sister's engagements in your mind and you're comparing them to yours as to how good of a story they make... ... (read in full...)
Should I be aiming higher? IS the grass always greener?
Q. Hi everyone, I'm wondering... do any of you suffer from the Grass Is Always Greener Syndrome, like I do? I have a typical office job, where I work 8-9 hours a day, five days a week. I don't HATE what I do, but I'm not exactly passionate about...
A. 7 February 2011: If you ask me, the point of life is simply to be happy, to do whatever makes you happy and to ignore what anyone else expects you to amount to...
The people with the highest IQ's on the planet are FAR from the happiest and often don't fulfill ... (read in full...)
Ex betrayed me, why did everyone take his side?
Q. I've posted here before about my ex who dumped me out of the blue, by phone. Then insulted me by text. I never heard from him again. He poisoned everyone and probably told lies to everyone. Why did everyone take his side? I'm the one that got ...
A. 7 February 2011: There's two sides to every story... I don't know that you're telling (or even aware) of the true story of what happened between you two any more than he or his friends do...
You may think he's telling out-right lies, but maybe he's just telling ... (read in full...)
Why is it that every time I'm with a guy, they tell me they like me and the second I start to really like them back they decide that they just want to be friends?
Q. Why is it that every time I'm with a guy, they tell me they like me and the second I start to really like them back they decide that they just want to be friends? This has happened to me with the last couple guys I've gone out with....
A. 7 February 2011: You may not notice it instantly, but as soon as you recognize that you really like a guy- does your behavior towards him change? Do you become needy? Call more? Expect more? Does the dynamic of your interactions change?? ... (read in full...)
I am going to confront him... right?
Q. I have been seeing this man since Nov and I have been thinking for a while now he is a player and that things are not adding up. I only seem him on the weekdays after 8 pm. We never go out on any dates. We sit at his place and watch movies etc. ...
A. 7 February 2011: (But enough is enough I woke up yest and sent him a text that said " just wanted to let you know I am all done with the hanging out scene and I hope you find what you want" He replied "OK")
He replied "OK"... this is not the reply of somebody... (read in full...)
I feel he's emotionally blackmailing me to stay with him and I don't know what to do... Please help!
Q. Ive posted a question here before about a possessive, controlling boyfriend. good news i said i needed time out - thats lasted a week. He found out his friend dies yesterday and i went to comfort him as i do still love him and care for him. Lo...
A. 7 February 2011: You are not responsible for his actions... if he chooses to harm himself then that's his own fault. The fact that he's trying to blackmail you with his own life is pathetic.
"If you don't do this then I'll kill myself"
What a f***ing loser.... (read in full...)
How can I get him to comfrot me when I feel sad?
Q. Last night I started to cry because I had a bad dream about my boyfriend but he wouldn't comfort me when I was crying. He wouldn't even talk to me. How can I get him to comfort me when I feel sad?...
A. 7 February 2011: You ask him to comfort you...
We don't generally have much experience dealing with people who cry... I'm still not entirely sure that I know what to do other than to say "there there..." and dole out a standard 3 second hug...... (read in full...)
My girlfriend doesn't trust me... I can't even go for a beer with friends!
Q. Hey guys i need some advice. I have been with my gf for about 3 years now. We have a 2 year old together. Life is tough. We used to fight ALOT! I used to have to call my mom and dad and tell them to come over to our place and referee it it got so b...
A. 7 February 2011: Good grief... I understand roughly what you're going through, but you need to fight for your rights here. NOBODY should be able to tell you who you can and can't be friends with...
If a girlfriend tried to tell me I couldn't be friends with som... (read in full...)
I think I could have counselled him better
Q. Hi all, Ok, I work in education (not a teacher) anyway, one of the students was being teased by his classmates and I pulled him to one side and said to him "do they always tease you, do you want me to do something about it?" he replied ...
A. 5 February 2011: There's a line between how much of your personal life you should expose to school life. I think you handled it well. ... (read in full...)
I'm 23 and I feel like I wasted my life!
Q. I know this is going to sound stupid, but I just turned 23 and I feel old. I remember being a pre-teen, looking up to all the twenty-somethings and wishing for time to speed up so I could move out, and do all the things adults are allowed to do. Now ...
A. 5 February 2011: Seriously... what do you think you can't do at 23 that you could do when you were 18?? If anything, you can do more!
If you feel you're in a rut then stop whinging about it and flippin' do something about it! Do something you haven't done bef... (read in full...)
Am I being too paranoid? Do I have good reasons to be paranoid?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship for about a year now. We meet every so often in real life, but are now working on saving money to move in together as soon as his papers are done (long story). He lives in the US and I ...
A. 5 February 2011: Hah, that's kinda funny... but kinda disappointing.
Are you still paranoid though? Is your relationship good otherwise? Are you enjoying the game even if he's not playing?? :)... (read in full...)
Is watching porn while your in a relationship a form of cheating?
Q. Is watching porn while your in a relationship a form of cheating? I've found out my boyfriend has watched porn a few times and confronted him about it. I told him that I feel degraded when he looks at that stuff because he has ME, so why should he ...
A. 4 February 2011: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-is-he-looking-at-porn-when-he.html... (read in full...)
Just lost the woman I truly love... please help...
Q. hi, My name is Gerard, first off, me and my girlfriend broke up a few weeks ago, she;s dating this other guy now and we've been through this all before, over the past 6 years of being with her i've had to wait for her while she was with other guys ...
A. 3 February 2011: I can remember a time when I thought exactly as you are thinking right now. You're stubbornly idealistic. You think that this girls a saint and the only one you can ever be with.
Reality check!
She isn't and she ain't.
You've lost her... (read in full...)
Wondering about cigarettes....
Q. Im 15 and love the smell of second hand smoke, so just wobdering wat they taste like and is it strange to get aroused by the thought of smoking? Abd dont give me rubbish like they bad for you plz!...
A. 3 February 2011: Ergh... I still can't put them down, not cos they taste good, but because my body craves them. I've had many a dream about smoking a cigarette- only to wake up at midnight BECAUSE of that craving... sad really.
It starts as bumming just one, the... (read in full...)
Who is this mysterious pen writer?
Q. A few days ago someone started mysteriously signing my name in on the attendance sheet for a lecture at college before it reaches me. I'm also 100% sure it's a girl because the handwriting is girly and my name is followed by a love heart. It's...
A. 3 February 2011: Hah, that's pretty sneaky, but cute :)
C'mon dude, that's about a clear of a hint as you can get from a girl, its literally spelled out for you...... (read in full...)
I dumped her, yet I'm turning into a wuss over her. What's a good action plan to get me coping again?
Q. What is wrong with me? I broke up with a woman 16 months back but I'm obsessed with keeping tabs on what she doing. My obsession is taking over my life. I hardly eat, my condo's filthy, I don't go out. I feel like I'm married to my laptop and b...
A. 2 February 2011: Brilliant post abella! Bookmarked :D... (read in full...)
Is he afraid of his feelings and the direction we were headed in or was I being toyed with?
Q. I've been dating this guy for three months and changes his mind on what he wants every two weeks it seems like. When we started seeing eachother, he was excited yet hesitant to meet my daughter. He met Jess and told me he was unsure of the situation ...
A. 2 February 2011: "He told me he couldn't do it because he still can't wrap his head around the fact that my daughter isn't his even thought he thinks she's a great kid and he is worried that the feeling will never go away so he ended it."
I'm inclined to believe ... (read in full...)
What things do guys say that they don't actually mean?
Q. dear readers this is a question sort of...for men to answer. (or possibly highly opiniated women) im kind of asking this for all the female population that randomly stmble upon this article. what things DO YOU guys say that you dont actually ...
A. 2 February 2011: What kc 100 said.
We're pretty simple folk.... (read in full...)
Need tips, advice, etc. from those experienced with threesomes. Planning one soon with my girlfriend and her former sex partner.
Q. Ok let me try this again. My other questions wasn't worded like it should have been. I'm having a threesome with my girlfriend and have given her approval to have a former friend/lover (not as in love, but as in having had sex with him before ...
A. 1 February 2011: Maybe I'm just biased cos I had a threesome go horribly wrong, but I compare threesomes to taking a leaky row boat out to sea for a bit of fishing... It's raw unpredictable fun, but the more you ride the leaky ship, the more risk you've got of ... (read in full...)
Am I being unreasonable? My girlfriend is being so clingy.....
Q. Ok sorry but this sorta has to be a bit long winded :) I am 21, almost 22, and my girlfriend of a year and a half has just turned 20. When we first got together she was working at a bakery so early starts and all that, she had something to f...
A. 1 February 2011: Have you thought about making two nights of EVERY week as set "time apart" nights? Say monday and thursday every week...
You're talking about having 4 nights of space, but I'm not sure if you mean just for this week or as a regular thing. ... (read in full...)
Why swallow? whats the pleasure?
Q. dear readers, i would like to ask the men out there and possibly the women why men like a girl to swallow their semen? why is it attractive to men to see there girlfriend swalllowing the product of their energy? some women say it tastes awfu...
A. 1 February 2011: No man likes to see his potential babies slowly dying on the floor...
We need to be shielded from witnessing such horror. ... (read in full...)
He lies about everything.....how do I find the strength to move on?
Q. I have known my partner for two and a half years and living at his home for the last year. He has a apartment in Florida and told me that a friend and her two daughters needed a place to live and moved her in. He came back to the u.k and basically ...
A. 1 February 2011: Commitment issues?? Commitment issues?!?! That's what you're choosing to focus on here?? With all due respect, you've become a doormat for this pathetic excuse of a man. The last thing you should be doing is almost rationalizing his lying and ... (read in full...)
I don't understand how it has gone from being so lovely and perfect to this?
Q. I have been with my bf for nearly 4 years and have been living together for nearly 3. Our realtionship to me was amazing, we had so much in common up for a laugh go out with our friends, eveything around the house was split 50/50 we was a good ...
A. 1 February 2011: Honest opinion... and forgive me for being very speculative with what little info there is to go on...
I think he doesn't love you anymore.
Think about it, he left unprovoked and told you that he didn't love you anymore. Then a day later... (read in full...)
Gf is angry because I didn't insist that we lv event so she could study, what now??
Q. Short version: My gf is mad at me because I didn’t ask her if she wanted to go home early so that she can study for her exam even though it was an event that she wanted and chose to go to. Long version: 1. Background: Gf had to study for ...
A. 1 February 2011: I think merawder's on the ball... Seems like a high maintenance girl playing games and refusing to take responsibility for her own actions. Could be wrong though, maybe she was just in a bad mood? I have to ask, has she acted like this to you ... (read in full...)
Why would a guy move slower, sexually, with a girl?
Q. I'm 24F and I've been dating a 26M for a little over a month now and things are going great! We see each other a few times a week and we seem to be content with the amount of time we spend with each other since we both work and I go to school ful...
A. 1 February 2011: Why would a guy move slower sexually with a girl?
For the same reasons a girl might move slower with a guy I imagine...
Maybe he's been hurt before, maybe he likes going slow and getting to know a girl? Maybe he's after a decent relations... (read in full...)
He went awol!
Q. Hi guys, This is a bit of a complicated story, but i was hoping someone could help see things from an objective point of view 'cause it's driving me crazy. Here goes: I have a friend who recently told me he's attracted to me and i said i'm a...
A. 1 February 2011: We can only really speculate, but maybe he just likes a bit of space once in a while? Maybe he's playing hot and cold intentionally to keep you intrigued? Maybe he's just not into you? Maybe he ran out of credit? Maybe he's busy during the day? ... (read in full...)
How can I tell my mistress to get an abortion... NOW!
Q. Hi. Just seeking some advice. I have been married for 7 yrs been with wife for almost 15. she's older than me by a couple of years (I am 37 my wife is 43 and my lover is 35). , but I think she is my soul mate. I cheated on her before this time, but ...
A. 29 January 2011: "How can I tell her to go get an abortion and not make her feel bad"
You can't. Can't say I really feel sorry for you in this situation as it was completely constructed by you and your wandering penis.
I gotta ask dude.. seriously.. when... (read in full...)
He is definitely not giving me what I need!
Q. My boyfriend of 6 years off and on says he loves me so much, and wants a future with me, but he lives in another state by choice (not because of his job), and i haven't seen him for 6 months-he is coming on monday to stay at one of the four houses ...
A. 28 January 2011: Sounds more like a pen-pal than a partner.... (read in full...)
Am I now the best friend that she can cry her shoulder on?
Q. I was just wondering, my ex girlfriend is missing her now ex boyfriend. Well she basically told me she is not interested in dating me after I had brought her out for some fun one day, she is not willing to lose me if the relationship fails (again). ...
A. 28 January 2011: "Or am I the best friend now that gets to have her cry on my shoulder?"
I'd put my chips on that being the case. Nothing wrong with that though, provided you're happy just being friends.
But who knows what might happen down the track as you... (read in full...)
Why are man always so concerned about there performance and not about what porn actually can do to their brains and judgement?
Q. Porn is a big topic in a lot of relationships. For my own opinion, it is quite sad to see so many guys using porn to get satisfaction,despite having willing and loving partners. The argument is often just to have a quick gratification and not to ...
A. 28 January 2011: "The individual conscience of each human being fuels their choices. Some give up eating meat because they cannot stand the cruelty. Some give up wearing furs. Some won't go near a can of tuna.
Each is held to their personal truth."
That's ... (read in full...)
Help me save my relationship please
Q. I really hope someone can give me advice before its too late....i am an 18 yr old female my partner is 23 i have known him for four years now and been with him for 12 months, everything was absolutely great when we first got together he was sweet ...
A. 28 January 2011: Wise move I think. It's generally much easier to change and grow as people when you're not in a relationship- tends to be more time to focus on just yourself and more incentive to change.
Who knows what the future holds, but at least you've b... (read in full...)
Why are man always so concerned about there performance and not about what porn actually can do to their brains and judgement?
Q. Porn is a big topic in a lot of relationships. For my own opinion, it is quite sad to see so many guys using porn to get satisfaction,despite having willing and loving partners. The argument is often just to have a quick gratification and not to ...
A. 27 January 2011: Are you suggesting that watching porn is adding to the destruction of another human being and porn watchers should be ashamed?... (read in full...)
Does talking about a relationship a lot help or hurt it?
Q. Hi All, This girl I had something of a relationship with and I used to talk about our relationship every so often near the end. Really, she had no interest; it was basically me initiating the conversations. I felt at the time it was helpful to t...
A. 27 January 2011: I think it can definitely help, at least that's my experience, but I think you both have to be on the same page for it to do much good. It's not for everyone though and it certainly shouldn't be one-sided. ... (read in full...)
Does attitude really matter?
Q. Does attitude really matter??? Everybody keeps telling me to "be positive". ...
A. 27 January 2011: Absolutely!! After all, its not what happens to us in life, its how we react to it that matters...
Nobody likes being around a person who's negative all the time, wet blankets are good for fires and not a lot else. Having negative and positive... (read in full...)
Why are man always so concerned about there performance and not about what porn actually can do to their brains and judgement?
Q. Porn is a big topic in a lot of relationships. For my own opinion, it is quite sad to see so many guys using porn to get satisfaction,despite having willing and loving partners. The argument is often just to have a quick gratification and not to ...
A. 27 January 2011: There's a million studies on a million different things all saying different things. Support the ones you want and you can believe anything, but when I see the amazon rainforest or mount everest on the TV I don't get tricked into believing that I'm ... (read in full...)
Why are man always so concerned about there performance and not about what porn actually can do to their brains and judgement?
Q. Porn is a big topic in a lot of relationships. For my own opinion, it is quite sad to see so many guys using porn to get satisfaction,despite having willing and loving partners. The argument is often just to have a quick gratification and not to ...
A. 27 January 2011: True... but the brain also recognizes a difference between reality and fantasy. It knows the difference between seeing a flower on a computer screen that you can't touch, smell, love or fully appreciate in all its complexity with all your senses ... (read in full...)
Help me save my relationship please
Q. I really hope someone can give me advice before its too late....i am an 18 yr old female my partner is 23 i have known him for four years now and been with him for 12 months, everything was absolutely great when we first got together he was sweet ...
A. 26 January 2011: Nobody likes to admit to themselves when a relationship has run its course, especially when it used to be a good relationship, but clinging to the hope that it'll all change back to the way it was is not realistic... I think you need to admit to ... (read in full...)
Am I being too paranoid? Do I have good reasons to be paranoid?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship for about a year now. We meet every so often in real life, but are now working on saving money to move in together as soon as his papers are done (long story). He lives in the US and I ...
A. 3 December 2010: Try to be involved in the decision process about what game you end up playing. I'm sure he won't mind giving you a run down on what each game is supposedly like.
No point playing a game that he likes and you think is stupid.
:) Good-luck ... (read in full...)
Am I being too paranoid? Do I have good reasons to be paranoid?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship for about a year now. We meet every so often in real life, but are now working on saving money to move in together as soon as his papers are done (long story). He lives in the US and I ...
A. 1 December 2010: Yeh, can't hurt to try it.
Plus in addition to being able to talk to him for hours, (buy a cheap head-set), you can also jump, dance and should you feel the need... kill each other. :D... (read in full...)
Am I being too paranoid? Do I have good reasons to be paranoid?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship for about a year now. We meet every so often in real life, but are now working on saving money to move in together as soon as his papers are done (long story). He lives in the US and I ...
A. 1 December 2010: You're worried he's going to meet another girl on world of warcraft??
*blink* :|
Give the game a shot, its a chance to bond with your boyfriend- he'll love you for it and you may even find it fun yourself...
How to make sure it doesn't go ... (read in full...)
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