A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Last night I started to cry because I had a bad dream about my boyfriend but he wouldn't comfort me when I was crying. He wouldn't even talk to me. How can I get him to comfort me when I feel sad? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI've known him for 2 years. I asked him to put his arm around me but he didn't do it .
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2011): So you had a bad dream involving your boyfriend and you woke up crying? I'm guessing that dream didn't show your boyfriend in a very good light or perhaps he was hurting you in the dream?
Did you tell him about your dream?
He may have been reacting to hearing that you had a nightmare about him. I would probably feel kind of paralzyed if I watched someone cry over a perceived pain I was inflicting. I might even wonder if I was the right person to comfort then if "I" just made them cry in their sleep. I would feel badly.
Is he generally an insensitive guy? Does he tend to not comfort you at all? If it bothers you, talk to him about it. If he's just generally not an empathetic guy, maybe revaluate why you're dating him.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (7 February 2011):
 You ask him to comfort you...
We don't generally have much experience dealing with people who cry... I'm still not entirely sure that I know what to do other than to say "there there..." and dole out a standard 3 second hug...
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A
male
reader, Wheeler +, writes (7 February 2011):
 How long have you known this guy?
I am gonna go out on a limb and suggest that maybe this guy is not the type to show physical affection outside of the times when physical affection is part of sexual intimacy. If he doesn't tend to hold your hand often, put his arms around you when he walks in the room, or otherwise show much public affection, then he may not be the type to be comfortable with that form of caretaking.
Otherwise, if he is usually affectionate, then maybe you have been more needy of his affection at times? Did he not take your sadness seriously?
Because of your age, I am going to also point out that sometimes people end up being attracted towards a type of person who only dishes out the kind of love they want in small portions.
In other words, if I really like it when someone compliments me, and I become interested in a girl but she doesn't ever compliment me, then there is a good chance I might begin to try harder and harder to get her to notice or want me.
Because you haven't really explained the situation between you and your boyfriend, and to be honest I would guess you two haven't been seriously dating for long, it could be any number of things. If you have a chance to update and provide a few more details we may be able to help figure it out.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (7 February 2011):
 He probably doesn't know what to do. Did you ask him to comfort you and he said no?
When you're sad, or in need of comfort, what do you want him to do? Hold you? Give you a shoulder to cry on? Guys need clear messages. "I need you to comfort me" isn't intuitive to some men. "I really need you to hold me for a while because I'm sad," is a much better alternative.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2011): Little kids need comfort from bad dreams from parents. Your boyfriend is not ready for fatherhood and wants a girlfriend at this point in time. Self soothing exercises are drinking heated milk, taking bath, and deep breaths to fall back to sleep and not have to request parental assistance.
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