A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been widowed for a year and have 2 children. This doesn't leave me a lot of time to date or even meet someone. I do miss having sex but I am not ready for a relationship and may never be, given the circumstances of my previous marriage and the circumstances of my husbands death. I met someone by chance and found that for the first time in a very long time, I was attracted to him sexually. The issue is he is married (no children). I say no children because to me right now that seems to make a difference. He is a good guy who has never had an affair and according to his friend "never will". What his friend doesn't know is that he propositioned me. I at first was against it because I didn't want to be the reason this guy strayed-- I didn't want to be that person because it is also not in my nature. But I did end up alone with him that evening and we did have sex. I thought it was a one time thing. I told him up front I wanted "no strings attached sex" and that was it. Now he has contacted me and asked if we could continue this set-up--the no strings attached sex. Part of me is ok with it because selfishly that is what I want. I can't feel emotionally anyway right now and I have no time for a relationship. I know many will judge me harshly for this, but after the years of hell I went through, I don't care--for once in my life I want to be selfish and just do what I want.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2011): You do realize that you are putting yourself in a position that will be hated by many. If you don't care and still want to be selfish about that, I have no respect for you because you are a grown woman. A grown woman that allows her feelings to lead her into a situation that will turn ugly. It is also his fault (but mostly your fault because you influence him to do such thing) for stepping out of the boundaries and is going to break his vows. Whether you will carry this guilt or not, just remember that no past can be unwind.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2011): What pain you are going through similarly his wife will go through if she come to know about your past incident & relationship but good if you find someone who lost his wife or single person that would be better for you as well as other side
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2011): I completely understand what your feeling. Been there done that. Problem is its wrong, and trust me karma's a bitch.
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female
reader, JGSM  +, writes (11 February 2011):
 I'm not saying that it is ok to go after someone else's husband - but then again... It's his choice - his decision! And if he is capable of cheating.. if someone even thinks about cheating on their partner.. then there are something wrong in their relationship. Its not you that create the problem - when it is already there. So don't judge yourself to much because honestly you're right.
I wish you the best of luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2011): "for once in my life I want to be selfish and just do what I want."Then do it with a single man, not someone's husband or bf. No children- makes no difference. You are still trying to steal someone's partner and or to do some damage. If you weren't you would find someone who is truly available for no strings sex.What you've been through is really irrelevant to his wife isn't it? You've already slept with him once, so you've already helped to do damage to someone's life- does it feel good?The fact that he is stepping out of his marriage does not relieve you of your part in this. You took part in this too. This is a lie that single people who like to mess around with other people's lives tell themselves so that they can do whatever they want to without guilt.A no strings sex relationship is probably the last thing you need at the moment considering what you have been through.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2011): "I don't care--for once in my life I want to be selfish and just do what I want."
Well, you did that, and the other woman will pay for it and it will hurt like Hell for her more likely than not, and usually they do find out.
I've been there, had it done to me, and my wife regrets it still long after it happened. She regrets what she did to the other woman, she regrets what she did to me, she regrets what she did to our family.
"and have 2 children"
What are you going to do when/if they find out?
Maybe they are young, probably won't know, that may be what you are thinking. But, you can't control that knowledge, there is the other guy, his wife, and any other person who finds out...my wife learned that the hard way.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2011): You are sick of being miserable and living a life of 'hell' as you put it... so you jump into a relationship that will end up the same way for all concerned?
It's alright now, but when it's discovered, and it WILL be, no affair ever remains a secret and a family is torn apart and you are made to be a social pariah, the hell will surround you even more.
Just because you are hurt, it does not give any rights to hurt others and by having an affair you are doing just that. Taking your pain and inflicting it on others.
Grow up. Both of you.
Flynn 24
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2011): I am not going to do it. I realize there is much more that I am dealing with. If you ask, I will tell you-- I was in a marriage with a man who suffered from severe bipolar disorder. He was mentally and sometimes physically abusive. He committed suicide. There is a lot that had gone on in the last few years-- I am not looking for sympathy-- just explaining why my emotions are numb--so yes, it is hard to think about how his wife would feel-- because I don't feel at this time in my life-- I am sorry if you don't understand but thanks for the advice
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2011): You have serious emotional issues. No question, and you think sex without emotion is ok - you don't seem to care what affect you have on this mans wife. So you're either very naive or just plain selfish. We all like and enjoy sex, but we don't have to use others to fulfill that need, without emotion, it's nothing more than glorified prostitution.
STOP being so pre-occupied with yourself, especially as this man is married. Grow up and get some standards. Losing your husband doesn't excuse you for sleeping with another womans husband, until that point, you had some sympathy!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2011): yes it makes a difference that he has no children, it makes his infidelity not as bad.
Cheating is always worse when there's children involved because the children are innocent (betrayed spouses are not always innocent or blameless). And infidelity often leads to marriage break up and divorce, which is harder on children than on adults.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2011): I think the fact that your posting this indicates that you are unhappy about sleeping with a married man. You don't agree with what you're doing, even while you're doing it. Cognititve dissonance.
I think you are asking this question at heart because you want us to give you permission for what you're doing. Deep down you don't agree with what you're doing, but you hope people over the internet will and apologize for you in some way.
Just because he doesn't have kids doesn't mean that you aren't ruining peoples lives. Consider his wife's for instance.
I'm not trying to be harsh. It can't be easy that the person you loved is gone. I don't know what that feels like personally, but I suspect if you planned and believe in a future with someone and they are now gone, it must be incredibly disillusioning. It must feel like you aren't whole. I could imagine why you would be afraid to have a serious relationship.
But I think you might be attracting the same sort of person at this point: A guy who cheats on his wife? He also suffers from cognitive dissonance. Everytime he is with you, it means he has to lie to the person he lives with and has agreed to love and respect.
I understand you are lonely and you are having a really hard time, but do what makes you proud of yourself, your children, and the memory of your husband. I think you already regret what you're doing.
I wish you the best of luck.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2011): So you want to be friends with benefits with this guy. Since he's the one who started it, and you're OK with it, I say why not. His marriage is his own responsibility, not yours. He had already betrayed his wife by propositioning you, the betrayal already occurred before you ever slept with him. It's his marriage, his business.
Just to let you know though, that FWB relationships usually are complicated because it's near impossible to not have feelings or emotions get involved. Thus if you are wanting to be FWB because you think it's no strings attached, think again. If you do it, probably at some point there will be strings attached. If you're not ready for a real relationship, a FWB one may be even more complicated.
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female
reader, FloridaCatGirl +, writes (10 February 2011):
 I’ll be honest with you… I read a lot of posts on here, and this is one of the most disturbing. Don’t get me wrong, people write questions everyday pertaining to infidelity, so it’s hardly a new subject. The problem I have is with your attitude toward the whole thing.
Before I give you my advice, I would like to ask you a few questions. I, sincerely, hope you will respond to them. First of all, you made reference to “the years of hell I went through.” Yes, I understand losing a spouse is devastating, but what else happened?
You also stated, “The issue is he is married (no children). I say no children because to me right now that seems to make a difference.” Why would this have any bearing on his relationship? I don’t have children, but that does not mean my relationship is any less special then those who do. Please explain your logic.
If you experienced years of hell, why would you want to be a part of something that would be potentially devastating for another human being, that being his wife? Think about it. If you wouldn’t want it to happen to you, don’t do it to someone else.
Finally, you didn’t ask a question anywhere in your statement. What kind of advice are you looking for?
I look forward to hearing your responses.
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reader, Danielepew  +, writes (10 February 2011):
 I beg to differ with Strontiumdog. Yes, the husband is choosing to cheat. But the poster is choosing to sleep with the wife's man, knowing full well that this would bring serious consequences to the woman. It is not as if the poster has no responsibility here.
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male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (10 February 2011):
 I'm not seeing a question here... if you don't care, then why are you posting this?
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (10 February 2011):
And when his wife is broken hearted? Will you care that someone else is hurt, or jump for joy? And when your kids found out (which they will) that you're not the great mother/woman they want you to be?
Yes, we'll judge you - but those that count will judge you even more. No one wants to know their mother has set her standards so low that she'll take a married man and hurt another woman. You're just going to wind up hated by those around you, and your kids will be mortified.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (10 February 2011):
 Well I can guarentee that his wife is emotionally involved and has plenty of time for her relationship. Keep your mitts off and act like a class act.
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (10 February 2011):
 So because YOU lost YOUR husband it's ok for you to do this to another woman? Because you are hurting some other woman should hurt with you?
I don't understand your reasoning at all.
Finding a FWB (friends with benefits) single guy can't be that hard.
You will regret this when you come out of your grief, specially if this is not something your "normally" would find OK. Screwing a married man will not make you feel better any time soon.
I'm sorry I think you are shooting yourself in the foot here, lady.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2011): i dont fault you, but really man?, someone will be burned at the sake of you having nsa sex. you went thru hell now your dishing it out. doesnt sound fair. what scares me is your lack of empathy. maybe you need to get some counseling for the hell you went thru to best sort out your residual anger and apathy.
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reader, Danielepew +, writes (10 February 2011):
What about the wife?
I know this is not the case here, but, if you want sex with no strings attached, you can go to a singles bar and will find lots of "no strings attached" men willing to do just that. You can be selfish and have your relief without taking some other woman's man.
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